@little_brown_dog if you have more examples I'd love to hear them
Hmmm let’s see…
On romantic dating – Parents were always willing and interested to hear about our love interests. They encouraged us to talk about them without prying, and were genuinely friendly and hospitable when meeting the newcomers. However, if our chosen partner was less than stellar, they immediately spoke up and let us know that they did not like this relationship. They weren’t going to stand by and just pretend they didn’t see unhealthy patterns, but they always made us feel like we could still go to them to talk, complain, seek advice, etc. Occasionally they had to be really firm about their opinions on the subject. As women, we were never told to be ashamed of our bodies, and we were never told that sex was only for specific circumstances or specific people. It was described almost like any other bodily function - just as eating can be mundane and unimportant (take out to survive the day), or amazingly indulgent (chocolate cake on your birthday), or really meaningful (thanksgiving with family), sex could be the same way. They did not encourage promiscuity in any way, but they didn't act like sex was this huge deal either.
I think these attitudes really helped me as an older teen and young adult. I never felt like a slut if my boyfriend left me because I didn't view sex as this thing you can only do with one person. When I was assaulted, I never felt like damaged or used goods - again because why would I? Sex was just something that happened - sometimes it could be loving, other times boring, and yes occasionally violent and unwanted. But the act of sex was not a reflection of ME and who I was as a person. Maybe because I don't attach much morality to sex, it was easier for me to let it go. Sure it was scary and terrible and I felt like crap for a little while afterward, but I didn't experience a crisis of identity that many victims go through. I didn't feel damaged or scarred, I wasn't afraid to have sex, I never stopped enjoying sex, and I didn't become irrationally afraid of men. I was just someone who had a scary experience but who survived it. That's all.
On physical appearance – Here is where some people might say my parents screwed up a little bit. My parents were always willing to give us a compliment on our looks and routinely reminded us that we were attractive. But they did not blindly believe we were gorgeous. For example, my mother would never agree that I have the looks to win Miss America, and there definitely were times where she suggested no dessert or going to the gym if I complained about feeling fat. She would flat out tell me if a shirt was too tight or unflattering, but she would always follow up with a constructive remark “why don’t you try this shirt? I think it will work better with your body and the color will look so pretty with your eyes.” I think this was a decent approach, but many people nowadays might not agree. My parents do not believe every child/teenager is physically beautiful and deserving of a modelling contract– they believe every person is valuable in his or her own right. And they believed in teaching us about our physical strengths and how to handle/accommodate our shortcomings with clothes/accessories/lifestyle modifications so we could feel better about ourselves.
On talents and hobbies – Again, parents were very supportive and always willing to let us try whatever we wanted. T ball, to soccer, to tennis, to horseback riding, skiing, music, and theater. They praised our efforts when we weren’t so great at something, and spoke highly or even gushed when we obviously excelled at something. If we hated doing an activity, they would let us quit after we put in a decent amount of time. We had to show them we genuinely were not interested. They never forced us into playing a sport for years, or demanded that we engage in any specific hobby.