Thanks for all you responses, everyone. I know that I need to take a step back and let her figure some things out on her own before I can help her. I guess after talking to her and her really not respond to my advice, makes me wonder if I am not really in tune with how most people live? Maybe I truly don't understand how it's like to not have money? We have been blessed with good paying jobs. That coupled with careful spending allow us to be in the situation we are in. Maybe most people are not that lucky and just don't make enough? Just makes me feel guilty that we are ok financially, but my siblings and parents are not. Makes me wonder if we should be more willing to help and be more generous with our money.
N: I guess I should rephrase that I would like to "help" her rather than "make" her. I know the idea is the same though.
Happy Little Chipmunk: Thanks. It is definitely hard to be a big sis. It's a good approach to just show her love and support and not bring anything up until she is ready.
chasesfish: I agree with what you said. However, even when she brings up the idea of wanting to save, how do I help her see that her actions conflict with her goals when she feels she is already bare boning it?
starbuck: It's really difficult to bite my tongue, but I know that's what I should do. I tried that approach with my parents, not saying anything in the last few years. Well, now it has led to my dad owing $50-60k on a CC and only $80k in his 401k. I have already given them close to $10k this past year so that they can pay off some debts in hope that they can retire soon.
LadyStache: You're right. I need to take more of a sister role. I do feel that by talking to her like a parent, it has damaged our relationship somewhat. I guess I feel like I have done what you suggested in the past, by sharing things that I am doing that helps save us money. I don't think she is at the point though where she sees what she can gain from it. Also, she knows that we make a lot more than she does. She probably contributes our ability to pay for things in cash to that rather than the fact that we save for things before we buy them. Hopefully in the near future she can understand that she can turn her financial life around by herself.
TuxedoEagle: DH said the same that I should not feel guilty since she has had the same opportunity I've had. I have made good money choices in my life but at the same time, I can't help but feel extremely lucky to be where we are. I feel a little selfish having all that we do when my family members are struggling.
vawt: Hopefully my sister will realize she needs that change soon.
Breaker5@sbcglobal.net: We have not yet lent her any money, not recently anyway. I learned my lesson when I was a student and lent her a few hundred dollars. I waited a year before saying anything, after seeing her buy a ton of stuff. Well, she got really mad at me when I asked. Since then, I knew not to lend her money. She did owe me some money from Christmas. I had bought gifts for my kids in her name and was told I would be paid back. Well, I have not seen it yet. At this point, I am just going to let it go. My DH and I have discussed lending money to her and it would always be a "no". However, we are pretty generous to family... paying for dinner, outings and the likes. I am trying to be cautious in that aspect since I don't want it to become an expectation when we go out that we will always foot the bill (it's not often since we are in different states). A few days ago, I told I had just enough miles to pay for her trip out here to visit us since she's been wanting to come, but not the return trip. I was willing to pay for her bus ride home (difference in travel time of 3 hours when you consider time to airport, waiting for plane, etc), but not the flight back since there is $100 difference. She was already asking questions to see how far she can push to have that return flight partially paid for by us.
nereo: How do I get her to see those links?
surfhb: I did offer to help her with her budget, but she said "No. that's ok." I can only estimate what she makes since I roughly know how much she makes per hour and no clue what all her expenses are.
C. K.: I will definitely try hard to take more of a sibling role. It's difficult to not step into the problem-solving role when I feel like I can see what changes she can make to make things better. I guess a part of me wants to prevent the crisis mode for her, but maybe that is what it will take for her to make changes.
Diane C: Thanks for the advice. I know that she has to help herself first before I can help her. Sometimes it's difficult to sit in the sidelines and just watch.