OP. You are not alone in your situation, and venting here is far better than with your friends or in real life. I have a friend whose DH situation is similar to mine, (and yours) but DH does even less chores ( shevhired a nanny and a housekeeper while he was SAH), and yet is very happy with her marriage.
I have been going through this too, to various degrees with my DH.
When I was pushing DH for more, a few years ago, he actually said " I will work if I have to", when he knew how soul sucking work was for me at that time... His reality of our situation was so different from mine...
Unlike old fashioned roles, one parent as SAH with all the home chores, while the other works; this equal split of workload and effort rarely happens when genders are reversed. Instead one person becomes responsible for all, with the other pitching in as they can.
This means a highly imbalanced relationship, off and on, for the rest of your life.
You need to ask yourself deeply if you are okay with that possibility? It took me about three years myself to realize that my answer was 'yes'. Years that are more equal in effort are a bonus, but I am willing to be in my relationship regardless.
People do divorce over these things. You need to self reflect what you really need or want. There are many ways to invest energy in a relationship, and everyone of us wants it to be somewhat equal, a partnership, not just about money, but where are you if that is not the case?
I do suggest you step up to yourself and figure out if this is okay with you, or a deal breaker, before kids. After, there are only bad and worse choices if you decide no.
In my experience, there are great years and years like you describe... And even worse..( e.g. my DH had a year as semi invalid) AND It is indeed possible to have great marriage years ahead still without his really changing much.
For my situation, what helped: ( tactical)
, I had to say no to funding any future businesses or self employment. I can't do the $15k per year and no time for me anymore... I only agreed to school ( now at four years for a two year degree, argh) and traditional employment or nothing..We set up equal spending allowances which help a ton when he does not ignore them, but at least is a clearly defined conversation.
And I realized that I do not mind working hard, harder than he does, if I get verbal appreciation and acknowledgement for it. So simple. So hard to do.
He makes my life richer in so many ways... Just not financially or relating to chores, but is of great value to me, when I open my eyes to be grateful for it.
Learning to accept was not easy at first, but makes all the difference.
PS on a positive note, it is highly likely that your spouse will be a sah parent, given current incomes, if he is able/ capable. Would that make the difference?