Author Topic: How to find a mentor?  (Read 6105 times)

Kroaler

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 781
  • Age: 28
  • Location: Greenville, South Carolina
How to find a mentor?
« on: September 15, 2015, 03:06:22 AM »
Okay maybe you guys can help.  A common theme among "success" literature is finding a mentor who is already successful.   Where are these people found and how is that relationship formed? 

mustachetom

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 3
Re: How to find a mentor?
« Reply #1 on: September 15, 2015, 04:45:21 AM »
Hmm.. I also find this interesting. Just posting to keep updated.

Andrew928

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 96
  • Age: 25
  • Location: SoCal
  • Life Is Good
Re: How to find a mentor?
« Reply #2 on: September 15, 2015, 05:47:33 AM »
School Alumni and work

2Birds1Stone

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5534
  • Age: 32
  • Location: Earth
  • K Thnx Bye
Re: How to find a mentor?
« Reply #3 on: September 15, 2015, 06:16:53 AM »
Okay maybe you guys can help.  A common theme among "success" literature is finding a mentor who is already successful.   Where are these people found and how is that relationship formed? 

I've been a mentor, haven't crossed paths with a mentor for myself however.

I've met my mentee's at work, and through a friend.

Gray Matter

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3633
  • Location: Midwest
Re: How to find a mentor?
« Reply #4 on: September 15, 2015, 06:36:50 AM »
Definitely tap into alumni networks, etc.  Though mentorships that evolve organically tend to be more effective than when someone else is the matchmaker.  If you work for a large enough company, you should be able to go to HR and tell them you're interested in a mentor (assuming you're looking for someone inside the company).  I have found it helpful to have a mentor inside the company who can help you navigate, understand personalities, how to get things done, etc.  I've also found it helpful to have a mentor outside the company who can give an outside perspective.

If you're looking for your own mentor, think of people ahead of you on the career path (or life) that you admire.  Tell them you admire what they've accomplished/how they live their life, and would they be willing to have coffee or a beer with you just to talk?  It may evolve into something more regular.

forummm

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7396
  • Senior Mustachian
Re: How to find a mentor?
« Reply #5 on: September 15, 2015, 09:37:33 AM »
Have a friend with a mentor? Ask them how they found theirs. See if their mentor wants to take you on. Etc.

Student loan stomper

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 35
  • Location: Texas
Re: How to find a mentor?
« Reply #6 on: September 15, 2015, 03:53:53 PM »
Are you looking for a mentor for professional or personal advancements/betterment? 

Kroaler

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 781
  • Age: 28
  • Location: Greenville, South Carolina
Re: How to find a mentor?
« Reply #7 on: September 15, 2015, 06:09:51 PM »
Was thinking personal / financial.   I think this forum will serve as my mentor lol.  Im sure there are successful business owners and investors around here.

SwordGuy

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5636
  • Location: Fayetteville, NC
Re: How to find a mentor?
« Reply #8 on: September 15, 2015, 06:28:52 PM »
How to find a mentor?

1) Become someone worth mentoring if you aren't already.  That means work hard, work smart, learn with the goal of becoming excellent at what you do, share and help others, be friendly, honest and ethical.

2) Go where folks who have the skills you want to have congregate.   That might be your local professional real estate investors group, or your local software user's group, or better business bureau, professional organization, etc.  Volunteer to help out and scrupulously keep your commitments.

3) Ask once you find the right person(s).   

In that order.


rafiki

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 38
    • SnappySix.com
Re: How to find a mentor?
« Reply #9 on: September 15, 2015, 06:58:19 PM »
How to find a mentor?

1) Become someone worth mentoring if you aren't already.  That means work hard, work smart, learn with the goal of becoming excellent at what you do, share and help others, be friendly, honest and ethical.

2) Go where folks who have the skills you want to have congregate.   That might be your local professional real estate investors group, or your local software user's group, or better business bureau, professional organization, etc.  Volunteer to help out and scrupulously keep your commitments.

3) Ask once you find the right person(s).   

In that order.

This. That is how I found my mentor in my career. If you are looking for a "general personal / financial" mentor I think you need to niche down. What kind of specific personal / financial mentorship are you looking for?

Kroaler

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 781
  • Age: 28
  • Location: Greenville, South Carolina
Re: How to find a mentor?
« Reply #10 on: September 15, 2015, 08:04:53 PM »
That is probably my problem,  looking for a one stop shopping mentor lol.     

swick

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2884
Re: How to find a mentor?
« Reply #11 on: September 15, 2015, 08:12:49 PM »
How to find a mentor?

1) Become someone worth mentoring if you aren't already.  That means work hard, work smart, learn with the goal of becoming excellent at what you do, share and help others, be friendly, honest and ethical.

2) Go where folks who have the skills you want to have congregate.   That might be your local professional real estate investors group, or your local software user's group, or better business bureau, professional organization, etc.  Volunteer to help out and scrupulously keep your commitments.

3) Ask once you find the right person(s).   

In that order.

Very good advice, I would add before Step 3 "ask"  I would "offer" and this has worked extremely well for me. I have gotten further ahead in every area of my life by "being of service" before asking for something I want, it is the best way to build relationships, partnerships, community.

 It opens doors and dialogue and naturally leads to offers of help/mentorship. Usually, it is just as easy as telling someone you admire them (try to be specific) and asking 'How can I support you (your work, mission etc)?"  This usually catches peoples so off guard they respond and open right up and they really notice you.

You have to be careful with this and only use it when you find someone you do genuinely want to support and learn from, but it is an amazing way to make an impression fast.

Astatine

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3623
  • Location: Australia
  • Pronouns: they/them
Re: How to find a mentor?
« Reply #12 on: September 15, 2015, 09:14:21 PM »
I have a mentee but have never had a longterm mentor myself. I would say an intrinsic high level of trust between the two people is an important part of mentoring. I'm not sure it would work well if you don't have a highish mutual trust from the start (sort of like good interpersonal chemistry).

BigBangWeary

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 117
    • The Great Canadian Housing Bubble Co.
Re: How to find a mentor?
« Reply #13 on: September 16, 2015, 01:45:09 AM »
How to find a mentor that has a Mustachian outlook.

How to find a mentor that can truly provide value when you have a higher networth and goals than 95% of the population. That is where I get stuck ..

Mentors for work and career are easy. But after that ...

Kroaler

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 781
  • Age: 28
  • Location: Greenville, South Carolina
Re: How to find a mentor?
« Reply #14 on: September 16, 2015, 02:32:41 AM »
You nailed it on the head. I dont need a career mentor.  I want an super awesome mustachian mentor. But they are pretty hard to find.    Luckily we have this awesome forum.

Axecleaver

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3375
  • Location: New York
Re: How to find a mentor?
« Reply #15 on: September 16, 2015, 02:34:01 PM »
Quote
Very good advice, I would add before Step 3 "ask"  I would "offer" and this has worked extremely well for me. I have gotten further ahead in every area of my life by "being of service" before asking for something I want, it is the best way to build relationships, partnerships, community.
This is called the "Rule of Obligation" and it's one of the first "hacks" you learn in sales. Offer someone something before you ask them for something. It's best if there's long periods between the offer and ask - days, weeks, or in some cases, years. It has to be sincere, and your offer must be completely independent of the later ask.

Here's a good article on why this works:
http://westsidetoastmasters.com/resources/laws_persuasion/chap4.html
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reciprocity_(social_psychology)

BigBangWeary

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 117
    • The Great Canadian Housing Bubble Co.
Re: How to find a mentor?
« Reply #16 on: September 17, 2015, 12:51:53 AM »
Axecleaver, that is great advice. So true.

The issue is still around finding Mustachian-mindset'd mentors who have been successful. Maybe we should start a service?

arebelspy

  • Administrator
  • Senior Mustachian
  • *****
  • Posts: 27958
  • Age: -999
  • Location: Seattle, WA
Re: How to find a mentor?
« Reply #17 on: November 07, 2015, 10:37:42 AM »
Lots of traditional advice in this thread, so let me offer a different perspective.

Every author of every thing I've ever read was my mentor.  Book, blog, forum post, whatever.  Their writings taught me.

MMM.  JLCollins.  Jacob from ERE.  Marcus Aurelius.  Harry Browne.  John Stuart Mill. Lao Tzu.  Sol.  grantmeaname.

And thousands more, from real estate investors to philosophers and far beyond.

Read the writings of those you want to learn from.  There's your free mentoring.  Choosing one mentor is so limiting.  Choose that mentor, read all their stuff, then choose another, and another.

(And for those that would heed this advice: There.  I just gave you a short mentoring session.  It worked for me; I hope you choose to use it as well.  :) )
We are two former teachers who accumulated a bunch of real estate, retired at 29, spent some time traveling the world full time and are now settled with two kids.
If you want to know more about us, or how we did that, or see lots of pictures, this Business Insider profile tells our story pretty well.
We (rarely) blog at AdventuringAlong.com. Check out our Now page to see what we're up to currently.

BigBangWeary

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 117
    • The Great Canadian Housing Bubble Co.
Re: How to find a mentor?
« Reply #18 on: November 07, 2015, 11:44:38 PM »
arebelspy that is great advice, and very true.

The benefit of mentors and mentor groups that I hear from people who use them is the accountability it offers. Think of AA. Some of us are super-self motivated and can ignore that little voice in our heads, or overcome doubt and criticism, but some people really benefit from the comradery, accountability and encouragement that come out of these networks.

Just something to think about. Books are great, but Mentoring can be very useful too.

undercover

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 924
Re: How to find a mentor?
« Reply #19 on: November 08, 2015, 06:30:05 AM »
It depends on the subject matter. For personal finance, it's pretty easy to digest and learn yourself through reading. It's black and white stuff. You see it, you process it, then it's up to you where you go with it.

For "arts" like woodworking, painting, negotiating, general life advice, running a business, etc, I think 1 on 1 interaction is much preferable. You can certainly learn a lot by reading and your own practice in these subjects, but the time given to you by another individual who is already highly skilled in these areas is invaluable, if not for solely their unique perspective.

So, finding a mentor I think is the easy part. Knowing exactly what you want to learn and being motivated to learn it is the hard part. There are plenty of people out there willing to talk and share what they know.

G-dog

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 13944
Re: How to find a mentor?
« Reply #20 on: November 08, 2015, 07:27:23 AM »
I've never had a mentor per se, but I ask a lot of questions. I would seek someone who has a different perspective than me, it is like they can see the dark side of the moon. I am more interested in their logic, how they define the issue, and thinking process than the 'answer', hopefully so I can learn more paths to examine issues myself.
There is a meetup section on the forum, maybe join or host an MMM meetup in your area and see if there are any folks with common interests.
If there is someone here whose posts intrigue you, PM them and see what happens next.