How Should I Deal with My Crazy Neighbor?

[doggyfizzle]

I'd go buy a huge jug of Roundup, wait until night, and spray it all over his lawn.

[Cpa Cat]

Build a fence. It's the only cure for intrusive neighbors. Build it as high was city code allows. Do full privacy - no gaps that he can spray through or spy through.

Make sure you get a survey.

Our neighbors were like this. There was no fence between our yards, and their yard was full of stuff - kids toys, giant trampoline, swingset, etc. So there was nowhere for their kids to do things like play catch, or run around. There was nowhere for their dogs to run. Oh wait - there was a place - our yard, which had neither kids nor dogs.

Their dogs would run over and dig up my garden. Their kids would leave garbage and toys everywhere. The neighbors were always real careful to pick up dog poop in their own yard, but they didn't care if it was in my yard. One day I went out to garden and my neighbors on both sides had their dogs - five of them - in my yard to play. Some kind of doggy playdate. In my yard. Another day, I went outside to find one of their kids swinging upside-down from my tree.

When I tried to politely discuss the issues, they made it seem like I was the bad guy - rather than the person whose homeowner's insurance takes the hit when some kid falls on their head, or a dog bites someone. I was spoiling the fun of kids and dogs everywhere. The wife actually said, "It's not like you're doing anything with your yard. You don't even have a dog." W T F.

When they found out we were putting a fence in, they kept coming over with sections of city code printed out, trying to change what we could do. They even questioned our property survey and demanded to speak to the surveyor directly. They were angry because they felt fences were ugly and "blocked their view." Whatever. The fence has been up for 7 blessed years. They still spray my lawn weeds in the front yard, where there is no fence.

Don't half-ass it. No little boxwoods or trees. No brick boundary. A real privacy fence. Right on the property line.

[SKL-HOU]

If you are going to get the fence, make sure it is a little more into your yard (don't put it right on the survey line) so if he destroys the other side, you can make a claim against him. Maybe even install a camera somewhere to monitor the house/fence.

[bobechs]

And razor tape.

Nothing says stay-the-fuck-off-my-property like razor tape does...

Well, suveillance cameras, motion-detectors and HESCO bastions do too, but there is a piquant je nais se quoi to peering out through old-school concertina razor tape gleaming in the moonlight.

[Mr. Green]

And razor tape.

Nothing says stay-the-fuck-off-my-property like razor tape does...

Well, suveillance cameras, motion-detectors and HESCO bastions do too, but there is a piquant je nais se quoi to peering out through old-school concertina razor tape gleaming in the moonlight.

Don't forget to add the salute and a "Heil, Hitler!" when you go outside either.

[HipGnosis]

Put up a fake security camera facing your property line and mailbox.
Spray paint your property line (they have temporary paint for this, but I don't know what it's called).
Every time you see him out, go out where he can see you with a notepad and paper.  Look at your watch repeatedly - look at your wrist even if you're not wearing a watch. 
If he comes toward you, look at your watch and duck inside.

[TheInsuranceMan]

My fiance and I just moved into our first house last November. We love everything about it (location, school district, etc.), except for our neighbor.

My mom says it's like I'm living in a sitcom where writers are trying to make the worst neighbor imaginable just for everyone else's comic enjoyment. While sometimes it is actually funny, it's becoming incredibly annoying. His presence is oppressive and I need to do *something* about it to keep my sanity.

Let's list some things this guy does on a regular basis:

(1) Rakes snow from his lawn into the street, and then hoses down the snow in the street; Weird, but why does this bother you, or your property?

(2) Washes mailbox with a bucket and rag right at dusk, and pretty much peers into other houses for 10 minutes while he pretends to wash this mailbox; Again, a bit strange, but maybe he doesn't like a dusty mailbox and takes pride in his stuff?

(3) Mows his lawn, then blows it with a leafblower, then weedwacks it (the entire yard, not just the edges); What is wrong with this?  Seems awfully common.  Do you use sheep instead of mowing?  Leave your grass on the sidewalks?  Let your weeds and grass grow where your mower doesn't reach?

(4) Mows and fertilizes up to my driveway (a good 10 feet onto my property)...I asked him to stop and he said "I've been doing this since 1978;" What's wrong with fertilizer, or the overreaching fert that lands on your property?  Not sure how this negatively impacts you.

(5) Any time I go outside he comes and talks to me about how much he hates the other neighbors, how things used to be different, etc. All of these conversations do not end unless/until my fiance comes and asks me for help (he talks 95% of the time); People are grumpy, deal with it.

(6) Edges/trims my mailbox; He's probably sick of your property bringing down his property value because you don't keep it up and look like slob.  Why not take the time to edge and trim around your own mailbox so he doesn't have to?

(7) Puts dirt and the debris from the curb and sweeps it into my yard. Only valid beef here, and I bet you are over playing it.


Honestly I could go on forever. Like I said earlier, my fiance and I feel like we need to do something about it. Talking to him and telling him to stop over and over has been fruitless, so I need to do something physically.

The problem with that, though, is that it costs a decent amount of money. Which brings me to MMM.

Option 1--Fence Entire Side of Yard: I could build a fence all the way down his property line. With current zoning laws, I can have a 6' fence all the way to the frontage of my house, then I would need a variance to have a more than 3' fence in the front. I called zoning and they said applying for a variance would be $150 and they obviously can't guarantee this would be granted. My estimated cost for this would be $1,300.

Option 2--Fence Back Yard and Natural Fence Front: Given the above described zoning law, I could just do a "natural fence" in the front yard and have the fence go through the back yard. This would be a little cheaper at $1,100 (the trees I would get are on sale for $20/each this weekend) and I think would actually look a lot better.

But here's the issue: the neighbors behind my evil neighbor put up big pine trees that are about 20 feet off of his property. Evil neighbor went and cut all the branches from about six feet down (to the point I could completely walk under the tree), thus making this natural privacy fence worthless.

Option 3: You tell me. I might not be considering something here. Maybe I can build a wall and make him pay for it?

What would you do?

[little_brown_dog]

I think you are overthinking this. Quirky and annoying neighbors are just part of living in a community. He’s a bit annoying and intrusive, but no one is getting hurt, and no one’s property is being destroyed or seriously impacted. But if you want a fence, I'd go with the natural treeline, just make sure it is slightly behind your property line so he can't hack at them and claim they were on his side.

One of my neighbors always parks in the street right behind our driveway (for no apparent reason), making it tough to back the car out. Another definitely thinks some of our property is his (he mows and fertilizes there) but it’s great because it means less lawn care for us (the law doesn’t care who mows the grass, just where the property lines are). One of our old neighbors hated leaves and would actively complain about our trees every fall, as if the trees (and us by default) were dropping leaves on purpose. She actually cut down almost all of the trees on her own property and was obviously frustrated we didn’t want to do the same (we love our trees and natural landscape). This lady literally moved into a house next to a mini forest and surrounded by trees, but hated them and wanted to cut them all down. It was silly…we just laughed at her secretly behind her back and listened sympathetically about the evil trees once a year.

[MsPeacock]

Boundary survey and fence.

I have bad neighbors of somewhat similar ilk (lawsuits against other neighbors, calling the city because the smoke from our firepit  "got in their yard," constant monitoring of everyone around them, not respecting physical or emotional boundaries, etc. Basically nasty people who need hobbies.)

As they say, good fences make good neighbors. Expect that you might have a struggle on your hands over the fence, which is why I recommend a boundary survey. Based on past experience i would also arrange that the install be done in one day without advanced notice to the neighbor.

ETA: My neighbors went ape shit when I replaced the existing 50 year old falling down fence *on my property*. It took 5 months to resolve because of problems they created - entirely on my property. Lawyers had to be involved, etc. Police called. It was fun. The fence guys, as it turned out, were quite familiar with "crazy neighbor" problems. Apparently a lot of people have fences put in for similar problems.

[LeRainDrop]

There's a reason why "good fences make good neighbors" is such a well-known saying.  I would go with option 1 here.

Also, find out when his birthday is between now and the fence. He would probably tell you every event in his life-very lonely dude.  Mail him a birthday card.  I know, sounds counter- intuitive, but would not hurt.

That's actually a pretty neat idea.  Since your neighbor seems to like you, I would continue to let him talk at you for awhile when it's not too inconvenient for you.  Hopefully that may go some way towards pacifying him and relieving a bit of whatever craziness he would direct at your property.

[justajane]

If you are going to get the fence, make sure it is a little more into your yard (don't put it right on the survey line) so if he destroys the other side, you can make a claim against him. Maybe even install a camera somewhere to monitor the house/fence.

Yes, you need complete ownership of the fence. Better to cede a small part of your property to him  (for practical reasons) then have him be able to either take it down or alter your investment.

1.5K for a fence is super cheap too. We paid 3K for only one side of a four foot cedar fence. Our yard is very deep though and this included two gates.

[Zamboni]

The last one on the list is weird and slightly annoying, but the rest have "just ignore" written all over them.

I love it when any of my neighbors does yard work in my yard. LOVE IT! One guy with a riding lawnmower sometimes mows 4 yards in a row (I am 4 houses over from him, but we all have pretty small yards.) I LOVE this guy. In fact, I wish the neighbor on other side of me who really cares about his lawn would just weed treat the 6 feet of what is technically my property between my driveway and the property, because when the dandelions pop up each spring I can tell it drives him crazy.

Truly crazy neighbors? Oh, I've had some of those in past residences. Just a few examples:

The thieves:
Routinely helped themselves to anything in our yard that was not nailed down or locked up. Besides the normal yard stuff like BBQ grill and snow tires from our shed, their children also pilfered more personally identifiable items from our home (jewelry, athletic equipment with our names written on in permanent marker.) One particularly unique necklace was spotted on their daughter's neck and eventually the children were banned from coming inside. My mom had a fit about the snow tires, but  we couldn't prove they were ours so nothing came of that. Then there was a small row over a baseball mitt, but last straw was theft of our basketball, which somehow pushed my very mild mannered but large and apparently quite-scary-when-he-is-angry father over the top . . . several items, including things we didn't even know they had, were returned to us that day. The thieves also decided to cover their entire lawn with rocks . . . not a rock garden or well planned xeroscaping, mind you, just rocks like they throw down on an unpaved road. Weeds then grew up anyway . . . beauty.

Much to our relief, the thieves were eventually evicted for nonpayment of rent and were replaced by:

The hillbillies:
Two words: pit bulls.
The wife and youngest child were sweet but extremely low IQ. The patriarch and grown sons were just plain scary. We were in the suburbs on quarter acre lots, but they talked of shooting any neighborhood cats who strayed onto their property (although I have no idea why they thought any cat would do this; see the two words.) Daughters were instructed to steer clear of their oldest son. Rocks were mostly scraped up and their yard became a hard dirt patch for the enjoyment of the pit pack. They also had several cars on blocks in their front and back yards, one of which (a VW van) was filled to the ceiling with bags of clothes. My mom mostly felt sorry for them and their dogs who were chained up outside year round, so she befriended the wife by inviting her over for coffee once in a while and it was mostly peaceful. The dogs were definitely not friendly and we had no doubt about their plan to kill us if they ever escaped while we were outside. We bribed them by periodically sneaking them milk bone dog biscuits with the hopes that they would remember our kindness when the fateful day of their escape came.

Psycho dad:
This was years later in a townhouse complex. Psycho dad was named by another neighbor, not me . . . . we had actually been calling him psycho neighbor. So you get the idea: two different household independently came up with the same adjective for him. Think drunk on the porch all day who would skulk around at night vandalizing the property and cars of neighbors and then decide to drunk dial everyone on the neighborhood directory 100 times. One morning I watched him use the same can of spray paint on the dumpster that he had used to spray all over a neighbors car one night the week before . . . . or maybe the exact type of paint was a coincidence? Let's just say it was a larger pattern, and the HOA began trying to foreclose on him (technically for nonpayment of HOA dues.) He moved a couple of months later.

[debbie does duncan]

Had crazy neighbours to the east, had encroaching neighbours to the west. Put up a fence post survey. Only wish I had done it sooner. Your crazy peeps may attack the fence, ours did not.

[ShoulderThingThatGoesUp]

I had "Biker Neighbors" and "Fireworks Neighbors". Biker neighbors left shortly after their bikes got repo-d. They called the cops on the repo guys, cops came by (not a lot going on here), saw the paperwork, and laughed in the bikers' faces. They were replaced with a very large family who now don't like me because I knocked on their door when I saw their 8-year-old on their metal roof. (Think "OKAY, thaaaaaaaaaanks" when I knocked and pointed that out, with a sarcastic head-tilt.)

Fireworks Neighbors are really only annoying in July and August.

[neo von retorch]

Fireworks Neighbors are really only annoying in July and August.

Why are Fireworks Neighbors annoying in July and August?

[ShoulderThingThatGoesUp]

Fireworks Neighbors are really only annoying in July and August.

Why are Fireworks Neighbors annoying in July and August?

They buy a crapton of fireworks for Independence Day and they don't run out until August. Their favorite time to set them off is 10pm.

[KittyFooFoo]

I must point out OP that post 1 and post 2 give *very* different impressions.

Post 1 you described a relatively harmless old kook who plays weird games with dirt.

Post 2 described actual, sinister acts of aggression, physical (smearing shit on children's toys) and legal (lawsuit against cancer dude, domestic abuse allegations). 

So you may have been surprised by the number people telling you to calm your anus, but I think post 1 just did not communicate your experience.

[Roadrunner53]

Curious if you ever put up the fence?

I have problem neighbors too. One has a 21 year old kid who has decided to tear apart junk cars to sell for parts. He is constantly making loud cutting noises, hammering noises and dragging metal noises. He has a diesel truck that he will let idle for hours on end in the driveway which is next to our living room. This kid is a menace and is junking up his fathers yard. Plus, it is illegal to do this crap in a residential neighborhood. Then I have another neighbor who has two dogs that patrol their yard all day long and anytime we go to get the mail they bark and bark. I let my dogs out and they start barking which gets my dogs barking. Then in the front of my house, across the street, there is this guy who moved in about 2 years ago and first had a small car, manual transmission. Every morning at 5:30 am he get in and revs it up the driveway and is so LOUD! It takes him forever to get to the top of the driveway and then he maxes out each gear to sound like he is in the Indy 500. Well, lucky us, that car must have blown up and he bought a SUV that was quiet. Now, the muffler is shot on it and it makes a racket. They just don't give a crap that they wake the whole neighbor hood up. The house in back of me leaves flood lights on all night long and they shine right into my bedroom. I have blinds or otherwise it would be lit up like daylight in there. I would prefer to live on about 50 acres right in the middle with no neighbors if I could.

[ReadySetMillionaire]

Curious if you ever put up the fence?

I have problem neighbors too. One has a 21 year old kid who has decided to tear apart junk cars to sell for parts. He is constantly making loud cutting noises, hammering noises and dragging metal noises. He has a diesel truck that he will let idle for hours on end in the driveway which is next to our living room. This kid is a menace and is junking up his fathers yard. Plus, it is illegal to do this crap in a residential neighborhood. Then I have another neighbor who has two dogs that patrol their yard all day long and anytime we go to get the mail they bark and bark. I let my dogs out and they start barking which gets my dogs barking. Then in the front of my house, across the street, there is this guy who moved in about 2 years ago and first had a small car, manual transmission. Every morning at 5:30 am he get in and revs it up the driveway and is so LOUD! It takes him forever to get to the top of the driveway and then he maxes out each gear to sound like he is in the Indy 500. Well, lucky us, that car must have blown up and he bought a SUV that was quiet. Now, the muffler is shot on it and it makes a racket. They just don't give a crap that they wake the whole neighbor hood up. The house in back of me leaves flood lights on all night long and they shine right into my bedroom. I have blinds or otherwise it would be lit up like daylight in there. I would prefer to live on about 50 acres right in the middle with no neighbors if I could.

I guess I feel guilty to report that my neighbor is suffering from some very strange gastrointestinal illness that has largely kept him indoors.  He's probably under 110 pounds at this point and I feel bad for the guy.  He's barely outside and now pays people to do all his landscaping.

He still does seem weird stuff, though.  He comes over with an empty gallon of water at like 9:00 AM on a Saturday morning asking us to fill it because he thinks his water is tampered.  He gave out handfuls of chocolate chips on Halloween.  He wanders over nearly every time I'm outside to tell me about his health issues, and I just politely deal with him.

I'm playing it by ear for now, but I don't wish poor health on anyone.  Hope he gets better.

[jim555]

The OP, I would drive in some wood stakes along the property line.  On my side I would plant in some hidden green metal rods.  If he tries to cut it it will ruin his blades.
If he gives you any grief shank him and throw his body in the woods.

[lbmustache]

Curious if you ever put up the fence?

I have problem neighbors too. One has a 21 year old kid who has decided to tear apart junk cars to sell for parts. He is constantly making loud cutting noises, hammering noises and dragging metal noises. He has a diesel truck that he will let idle for hours on end in the driveway which is next to our living room. This kid is a menace and is junking up his fathers yard. Plus, it is illegal to do this crap in a residential neighborhood. Then I have another neighbor who has two dogs that patrol their yard all day long and anytime we go to get the mail they bark and bark. I let my dogs out and they start barking which gets my dogs barking. Then in the front of my house, across the street, there is this guy who moved in about 2 years ago and first had a small car, manual transmission. Every morning at 5:30 am he get in and revs it up the driveway and is so LOUD! It takes him forever to get to the top of the driveway and then he maxes out each gear to sound like he is in the Indy 500. Well, lucky us, that car must have blown up and he bought a SUV that was quiet. Now, the muffler is shot on it and it makes a racket. They just don't give a crap that they wake the whole neighbor hood up. The house in back of me leaves flood lights on all night long and they shine right into my bedroom. I have blinds or otherwise it would be lit up like daylight in there. I would prefer to live on about 50 acres right in the middle with no neighbors if I could.

The first instance may be something that can be reported to the city - you can't really run a shop/garage type set-up in a neighborhood. The barking may also be something that can be reported to animal control, if it is constant enough.

I feel for you and all the others with annoying neighbor crap. I too have annoying neighbors. I live in a condo with a parking structure underneath and I have a guy with a modified car (cue intense motor and exhaust noises) who leaves for work at the crack of dawn. Before I replaced my windows (A GODSEND, do this if you haven't already), they would rattle and create even MORE noise in the morning. There are plenty of other annoying people but I'll save the stories for later.

I love living in the city, but crappy/annoying neighbors make me want to move someplace with no one around me for miles.

[Roadrunner53]

Curious if you ever put up the fence?

I have problem neighbors too. One has a 21 year old kid who has decided to tear apart junk cars to sell for parts. He is constantly making loud cutting noises, hammering noises and dragging metal noises. He has a diesel truck that he will let idle for hours on end in the driveway which is next to our living room. This kid is a menace and is junking up his fathers yard. Plus, it is illegal to do this crap in a residential neighborhood. Then I have another neighbor who has two dogs that patrol their yard all day long and anytime we go to get the mail they bark and bark. I let my dogs out and they start barking which gets my dogs barking. Then in the front of my house, across the street, there is this guy who moved in about 2 years ago and first had a small car, manual transmission. Every morning at 5:30 am he get in and revs it up the driveway and is so LOUD! It takes him forever to get to the top of the driveway and then he maxes out each gear to sound like he is in the Indy 500. Well, lucky us, that car must have blown up and he bought a SUV that was quiet. Now, the muffler is shot on it and it makes a racket. They just don't give a crap that they wake the whole neighbor hood up. The house in back of me leaves flood lights on all night long and they shine right into my bedroom. I have blinds or otherwise it would be lit up like daylight in there. I would prefer to live on about 50 acres right in the middle with no neighbors if I could.

The first instance may be something that can be reported to the city - you can't really run a shop/garage type set-up in a neighborhood. The barking may also be something that can be reported to animal control, if it is constant enough.

I feel for you and all the others with annoying neighbor crap. I too have annoying neighbors. I live in a condo with a parking structure underneath and I have a guy with a modified car (cue intense motor and exhaust noises) who leaves for work at the crack of dawn. Before I replaced my windows (A GODSEND, do this if you haven't already), they would rattle and create even MORE noise in the morning. There are plenty of other annoying people but I'll save the stories for later.

I love living in the city, but crappy/annoying neighbors make me want to move someplace with no one around me for miles.

Yes, I have thought about reporting this junk yard kid many times but spouse used to work with the kids father for years and years. So there is a friendship issue. I keep hoping the kid will move and in the event we try to sell our house, that is when the hammer will come down for them to clean up the mess. We have seen these kids from the time they were babies and now grown men. The dogs are definitely good guard dogs but annoying. I guess I just have to be happy they have a home. The guy with the loud car needs an ass kicking. I live on an acre lot but still too close to the neighbors. I have looked on line mostly at some new construction in other states and OMG, the houses are on top of each other. You could put your arm out the window and ask your neighbor for a cup of sugar! Not for me! Next home needs to be surrounded by lots of acres. The junkyard kid really irks me. Last night he left his diesel loud ass truck running for about 2 hours straight in the driveway and I can feel vibrations from it in my house. Why are people so inconsiderate? Horrors on the guy in your condo garage!