How much time to accept a job offer?

[Villanelle]

DH is retiring from the military and job hunting.  Neither of us have every really done higher level job hunting so we are clueless.

Typically, how long from when you get the call saying, "We'd like to hire you as Assistant Director of Mustachianism, with $5m salary and these other details," do you have to accept or reject?  Do you need to negotiate right away?  Like, do you say you want $6m, they come back at $5.5, and then you say, "Give me X days?"

Part of what is driving the question is several of the potential jobs are in places we've never been, and places are are absolutely not sure about.  We are happy to relocate, and in fact don't really want to stay where we are.  But we'd like to at least be able to squeeze in a 3-4 day trip to a city we've never been, before accepting.  But that takes some time to plan (booking dogsitters is an expensive nightmare!). Is it reasonable to ask for 2 weeks?  More?  Less? 

(In once case, even if the interview isn't Zoom, it would likely be where we are now, which is where most of the company is located, not in job city. So we'd have to plan our own trip there to check it out, at some point  In the other case, if it isn't virtual, it would probably be in the city.  But is it worth it for me to go along for the interview, pay for a ticket and dog sitter, plus maybe a couple days in the hotel if we extend our stay beyond whatever they pay for for him for the interview, if he's only at the interview stage and might not get an offer?)

[curious_george]

Typically I get the offer, then negotiate the offer, then after I accept the start date is very flexible. I would say around 2-4 weeks is normal wait for a start date in my field (Software dev). Time to negotiate and accept the offer is usually much shorter - probably 2-5 days in my experience - and I have 'lost' positions because I spent over a week thinking about it (I had multiple offers on the table so no big deal, and probably was not going to accept their offer anyway so it all worked out in the end).

Companies have to fill positions and some of them are not willing to wait for someone to accept an offer. It all sort of depends on the company and hiring manager, etc. I'm not sure if there is any sort of standard or universally accepted answer, and the willingness of a company to wait for someone to accept an offer probably changes as the job market changes as well and is different from industry to industry.

In your shoes I would probably just choose a few cities that seem interesting, and go visit them, then move, then find a job in the new city. But as you might guess I'm an incredible optimist when it comes to finding jobs, which is all based on my own experience in life and not on any sort of empirical data. So I have always chosen the location I want first, then just assumed there will be jobs there that meet my needs.

Good luck. :)

[Villanelle]

Typically I get the offer, then negotiate the offer, then after I accept the start date is very flexible. I would say around 2-4 weeks is normal wait for a start date in my field (Software dev). Time to negotiate and accept the offer is usually much shorter - probably 2-5 days in my experience - and I have 'lost' positions because I spent over a week thinking about it (I had multiple offers on the table so no big deal, and probably was not going to accept their offer anyway so it all worked out in the end).

Companies have to fill positions and some of them are not willing to wait for someone to accept an offer. It all sort of depends on the company and hiring manager, etc. I'm not sure if there is any sort of standard or universally accepted answer, and the willingness of a company to wait for someone to accept an offer probably changes as the job market changes as well and is different from industry to industry.

In your shoes I would probably just choose a few cities that seem interesting, and go visit them, then move, then find a job in the new city. But as you might guess I'm an incredible optimist when it comes to finding jobs, which is all based on my own experience in life and not on any sort of empirical data. So I have always chosen the location I want first, then just assumed there will be jobs there that meet my needs.

Good luck. :)

Thanks.

DH wants to work in a pretty specific industry, so "move and get a job" becomes less ideal.  If we had to pick a place where he'd be most likely to find a job, it would be DC, which is where we are now.  I'm open to staying, but it wouldn't be my first choice.

[curious_george]

Typically I get the offer, then negotiate the offer, then after I accept the start date is very flexible. I would say around 2-4 weeks is normal wait for a start date in my field (Software dev). Time to negotiate and accept the offer is usually much shorter - probably 2-5 days in my experience - and I have 'lost' positions because I spent over a week thinking about it (I had multiple offers on the table so no big deal, and probably was not going to accept their offer anyway so it all worked out in the end).

Companies have to fill positions and some of them are not willing to wait for someone to accept an offer. It all sort of depends on the company and hiring manager, etc. I'm not sure if there is any sort of standard or universally accepted answer, and the willingness of a company to wait for someone to accept an offer probably changes as the job market changes as well and is different from industry to industry.

In your shoes I would probably just choose a few cities that seem interesting, and go visit them, then move, then find a job in the new city. But as you might guess I'm an incredible optimist when it comes to finding jobs, which is all based on my own experience in life and not on any sort of empirical data. So I have always chosen the location I want first, then just assumed there will be jobs there that meet my needs.

Good luck. :)

Thanks.

DH wants to work in a pretty specific industry, so "move and get a job" becomes less ideal.  If we had to pick a place where he'd be most likely to find a job, it would be DC, which is where we are now.  I'm open to staying, but it wouldn't be my first choice.

Hmmm...

Would it be possible to make a list of where you want to live, like say 5 locations with top choice first, then second choice, and so on, then rent an apartment for one month at the first choice, look for jobs there and go sightseeing. If no jobs are found or you don't like it there, go to second choice for a month and so on?

If nothing works out then you can think of it as a long slow travelling vacation and move back to the DC area.

If DH finds a job at one of the locations and you both like it there you can settle down for a while.

ETA: Just some food for thought.
ETA2: It might be useful to know what job DH is looking for but I feel like that may be too personal to ask.

[Villanelle]

Typically I get the offer, then negotiate the offer, then after I accept the start date is very flexible. I would say around 2-4 weeks is normal wait for a start date in my field (Software dev). Time to negotiate and accept the offer is usually much shorter - probably 2-5 days in my experience - and I have 'lost' positions because I spent over a week thinking about it (I had multiple offers on the table so no big deal, and probably was not going to accept their offer anyway so it all worked out in the end).

Companies have to fill positions and some of them are not willing to wait for someone to accept an offer. It all sort of depends on the company and hiring manager, etc. I'm not sure if there is any sort of standard or universally accepted answer, and the willingness of a company to wait for someone to accept an offer probably changes as the job market changes as well and is different from industry to industry.

In your shoes I would probably just choose a few cities that seem interesting, and go visit them, then move, then find a job in the new city. But as you might guess I'm an incredible optimist when it comes to finding jobs, which is all based on my own experience in life and not on any sort of empirical data. So I have always chosen the location I want first, then just assumed there will be jobs there that meet my needs.

Good luck. :)

Thanks.

DH wants to work in a pretty specific industry, so "move and get a job" becomes less ideal.  If we had to pick a place where he'd be most likely to find a job, it would be DC, which is where we are now.  I'm open to staying, but it wouldn't be my first choice.

Hmmm...

Would it be possible to make a list of where you want to live, like say 5 locations with top choice first, then second choice, and so on, then rent an apartment for one month at the first choice, look for jobs there and go sightseeing. If no jobs are found or you don't like it there, go to second choice for a month and so on?

If nothing works out then you can think of it as a long slow travelling vacation and move back to the DC area.

If DH finds a job at one of the locations and you both like it there you can settle down for a while.

ETA: Just some food for thought.
ETA2: It might be useful to know what job DH is looking for but I feel like that may be too personal to ask.

He still has a job, and hopes to find another one while he still has this one, so being nomadic for a while won't work.  Tht does sound lovely though!  (I'd rather not post specifics, but it's not so much that the job has specific location, as it is the industry.  Like if someone wanted to be an accountant for medical insurance companies. Not quite a parallel example,  but hopefully gives the gist of it. 

He actually hadn't intended to start the job search quite so early, but he was doing informational interviews and word spread, and people reached out to him.  One company wants to create a roll specifically for him, though there's a few reasons it might not happen.  (And of course the terms might not be what he wants.  We do have FU money, after all!)   

[curious_george]

Hmm..

What are you looking for in a new city?

I can see a value on visiting a city first and trying it out, as you suggest, but I think there is also some value to spending a lot of time really thinking about what you and DH want in a city and why.

What will your lifestyle look like? What outdoor activities do you enjoy? Do you want peace and quiet, a low crime rate, etc? Do you enjoy eating out or shopping at certain places? A certain kind of scenery or weather? Parks and libraries? What do you value in a city?

I feel like a lot of things can be talked about and researched and imagined before moving to a place.

I also know plenty of people who accept jobs then never show up, or show up to a job the resign two months later.

Sometimes it seems like people on these forums seem a lot of things as rigid and black and white and not able to be changed e.g. once FIRE never going back to work, and sometimes it can be beneficial to remember that we always have options in life, literally all of the time.

[Dee]

I have no knowledge or expertise but a bit similarly to what TreeLeaf is saying, when your DH gets a job offer he'd like to accept from an employment perspective, but doesn't already know whether the location will be suitable to both of you, at that point could he either give a conditional acceptance (i.e. yes, I accept the job, but I'm going to be checking out the city and if that doesn't work out, then forget it) or an acceptance with a further-off start date so that he is basically still doing the conditional acceptance but without telling the new employer that? Then you scope out the location and decide whether to go ahead or not. Finally, maybe the option of going along at the initial interview stage and extending the stay in these locations is actually a great idea, even if you are doing it on your own dime. Then it would give you an opportunity to see what works/doesn't work in a city and have some idea if your predictions about how much you will like a place based on various criteria you can assess in advance are accurate. And, finally, as I'm sure you know, "auditioning" the new locaation as a visitor for a few days will give you a lot of info but it's possible you'll feel differently as a resident. I like TreeLeaf's reminder that you can always decide the new job/location wasn't actually as suitable as you initially thought and trying again rather than sticking with it is the better option.

[Metalcat]

It's not a question of how long is acceptable, it's a question of how long will they wait for your DH specifically.

He can make them wait as long as he wants if they're willing to wait. I have an employer waiting months for me to accept a position because I've made it clear that life circumstances make it impossible for me to know if I'll accept.

She's fine with it, she's willing to wait, there's no "warm body" pressure to fill the role.

A "warm body" role is where someone, anyone must fill the role for the company to function, and there are clear timelines for that. The more of a warm body element there is to a role, the less patient the hiring manager will be.

There is no warm body element to the role I'm considering, the employer could never hire anyone and be just fine. She would like to expand, but needs an ideal candidate to do so. I'm ideal, and rare, so she'll wait.

How valuable is your DH and how much do they need a warm body in the role?

If it's a low warm body role and your DH is highly valuable, they'll wait quite awhile.

[lhamo]

I think what I would do if I were in your position, if I am remembering correctly that you do not have a job schedule to work around, is to have YOU book an initial scouting trip to check out locations when the SO knows he is interviewing.  Then, if you don't absolutely hate the place/reject it as your next landing spot, if he gets an offer let them know that you would not feel comfortable without both of you visiting, and that the earliest you would be able to do that (based largely on availability of dog sitters) is XX date.  Ideally that would be within a couple of weeks of the offer date. 

You could also potentially book your preferred sitters in advance, and then do local trips for fun if you didn't have a potential job site to check out.  Or even plan trips together to cities where you think it might be likely that he would get offers (like the one you were asking about awhile back).  If you would NOT want to visit a location for fun absent a job offer I would think that might tell you something about how happy you would be if you moved there.  Is taking a bunch of short trips going to cost some money?  Yes, but it is probably a good use of it (and your time) as you gear up for the next stage of your life.

And FWIW any company that is not willing to accommodate your desire to see a place before you move there and only gives you a few days to accept an offer is probably not one where I would be happy with the culture.  YMMV.

But also, remember -- it is ok if he accepts a job and you move somewhere and you don't like it.  You don't have to ace the landing on this next stage of his career/your life.  Give yourself some wiggle room and consider trying things out without having everything planned down to the last square inch of the moving van.  Let yourselves have some adventures.  Take some risks.  YOu might be surprised what you learn about yourselves, and how things turn out even if they don't go according to plan.

[kenner]

DH is retiring from the military and job hunting.  Neither of us have every really done higher level job hunting so we are clueless.

Typically, how long from when you get the call saying, "We'd like to hire you as Assistant Director of Mustachianism, with $5m salary and these other details," do you have to accept or reject?  Do you need to negotiate right away?  Like, do you say you want $6m, they come back at $5.5, and then you say, "Give me X days?"

Part of what is driving the question is several of the potential jobs are in places we've never been, and places are are absolutely not sure about.  We are happy to relocate, and in fact don't really want to stay where we are.  But we'd like to at least be able to squeeze in a 3-4 day trip to a city we've never been, before accepting.  But that takes some time to plan (booking dogsitters is an expensive nightmare!). Is it reasonable to ask for 2 weeks?  More?  Less? 

(In once case, even if the interview isn't Zoom, it would likely be where we are now, which is where most of the company is located, not in job city. So we'd have to plan our own trip there to check it out, at some point  In the other case, if it isn't virtual, it would probably be in the city.  But is it worth it for me to go along for the interview, pay for a ticket and dog sitter, plus maybe a couple days in the hotel if we extend our stay beyond whatever they pay for for him for the interview, if he's only at the interview stage and might not get an offer?)

Industry specific, but if he's in demand there's the possibility that a company would be willing to cover some if not all of the costs for you to come out with him for the interview/interview+a couple extra days to see an area, especially if he's already one of their top picks at that point.  For my industry that's a pretty common thing to do, particularly for senior positions that are both harder to fill and also more likely to turn up older candidates with families who want to check out specifics (schools in particular) before committing to a move. Is that confirmed not to be the case here, or does he know someone already in the industry he could ask?  Either way you should have some time after an offer is accepted since 'accept tomorrow or we'll move on' is a pretty bright red flag, but exactly how long will depend on how in-demand he is and what their candidate pool and timeline are.

[Villanelle]

Hmm..

What are you looking for in a new city?

I can see a value on visiting a city first and trying it out, as you suggest, but I think there is also some value to spending a lot of time really thinking about what you and DH want in a city and why.

What will your lifestyle look like? What outdoor activities do you enjoy? Do you want peace and quiet, a low crime rate, etc? Do you enjoy eating out or shopping at certain places? A certain kind of scenery or weather? Parks and libraries? What do you value in a city?

I feel like a lot of things can be talked about and researched and imagined before moving to a place.

I also know plenty of people who accept jobs then never show up, or show up to a job the resign two months later.

Sometimes it seems like people on these forums seem a lot of things as rigid and black and white and not able to be changed e.g. once FIRE never going back to work, and sometimes it can be beneficial to remember that we always have options in life, literally all of the time.

We spend hours every week talking about what we want, so we are pretty locked in on that.  It's just hard to know if a city really offers exactly our version of those things without visiting.

We are quite good at making the best of locations, given that we've had little choice in where we've lived the last couple decades.  And there are several, fairly different versions of "this would be fantastic for us" that we'd be happy with.  All our moving has been like trying on various lives and seeing what works best.

[Villanelle]

I think what I would do if I were in your position, if I am remembering correctly that you do not have a job schedule to work around, is to have YOU book an initial scouting trip to check out locations when the SO knows he is interviewing.  Then, if you don't absolutely hate the place/reject it as your next landing spot, if he gets an offer let them know that you would not feel comfortable without both of you visiting, and that the earliest you would be able to do that (based largely on availability of dog sitters) is XX date.  Ideally that would be within a couple of weeks of the offer date. 

You could also potentially book your preferred sitters in advance, and then do local trips for fun if you didn't have a potential job site to check out.  Or even plan trips together to cities where you think it might be likely that he would get offers (like the one you were asking about awhile back).  If you would NOT want to visit a location for fun absent a job offer I would think that might tell you something about how happy you would be if you moved there.  Is taking a bunch of short trips going to cost some money?  Yes, but it is probably a good use of it (and your time) as you gear up for the next stage of your life.

And FWIW any company that is not willing to accommodate your desire to see a place before you move there and only gives you a few days to accept an offer is probably not one where I would be happy with the culture.  YMMV.

But also, remember -- it is ok if he accepts a job and you move somewhere and you don't like it.  You don't have to ace the landing on this next stage of his career/your life.  Give yourself some wiggle room and consider trying things out without having everything planned down to the last square inch of the moving van.  Let yourselves have some adventures.  Take some risks.  YOu might be surprised what you learn about yourselves, and how things turn out even if they don't go according to plan

We have talked about just me going, so that's an option.  It would be easier to make that happen quickly. 

We are trying to keep in mind that he can always leave the job, or we can leave the place, if it's not a good fit.  But part of the motivation for leaving the military is that I am sick of moving and really crave roots and local friends, so we want "just move on" to be... not a last resort, but not a first one, if that makes sense.

DH is retiring from the military and job hunting.  Neither of us have every really done higher level job hunting so we are clueless.

Typically, how long from when you get the call saying, "We'd like to hire you as Assistant Director of Mustachianism, with $5m salary and these other details," do you have to accept or reject?  Do you need to negotiate right away?  Like, do you say you want $6m, they come back at $5.5, and then you say, "Give me X days?"

Part of what is driving the question is several of the potential jobs are in places we've never been, and places are are absolutely not sure about.  We are happy to relocate, and in fact don't really want to stay where we are.  But we'd like to at least be able to squeeze in a 3-4 day trip to a city we've never been, before accepting.  But that takes some time to plan (booking dogsitters is an expensive nightmare!). Is it reasonable to ask for 2 weeks?  More?  Less? 

(In once case, even if the interview isn't Zoom, it would likely be where we are now, which is where most of the company is located, not in job city. So we'd have to plan our own trip there to check it out, at some point  In the other case, if it isn't virtual, it would probably be in the city.  But is it worth it for me to go along for the interview, pay for a ticket and dog sitter, plus maybe a couple days in the hotel if we extend our stay beyond whatever they pay for for him for the interview, if he's only at the interview stage and might not get an offer?)

Industry specific, but if he's in demand there's the possibility that a company would be willing to cover some if not all of the costs for you to come out with him for the interview/interview+a couple extra days to see an area, especially if he's already one of their top picks at that point.  For my industry that's a pretty common thing to do, particularly for senior positions that are both harder to fill and also more likely to turn up older candidates with families who want to check out specifics (schools in particular) before committing to a move. Is that confirmed not to be the case here, or does he know someone already in the industry he could ask?  Either way you should have some time after an offer is accepted since 'accept tomorrow or we'll move on' is a pretty bright red flag, but exactly how long will depend on how in-demand he is and what their candidate pool and timeline are.

It hadn't occurred to me this might be something they do.  Thanks.  We definitely don't know this isn't the case, so all this pre-planning might end up being for naught, in a good way.

It's not a question of how long is acceptable, it's a question of how long will they wait for your DH specifically.

He can make them wait as long as he wants if they're willing to wait. I have an employer waiting months for me to accept a position because I've made it clear that life circumstances make it impossible for me to know if I'll accept.

She's fine with it, she's willing to wait, there's no "warm body" pressure to fill the role.

A "warm body" role is where someone, anyone must fill the role for the company to function, and there are clear timelines for that. The more of a warm body element there is to a role, the less patient the hiring manager will be.

There is no warm body element to the role I'm considering, the employer could never hire anyone and be just fine. She would like to expand, but needs an ideal candidate to do so. I'm ideal, and rare, so she'll wait.

How valuable is your DH and how much do they need a warm body in the role?

If it's a low warm body role and your DH is highly valuable, they'll wait quite awhile.

For one job (in Albuequrque, which I've mentioned in the past), it seems they are creating a role with him in mind.  That does feel like, "I need a couple/few week so I can orchestrate a trip there to see if we like it," would work and not be received badly.  With some of these others, it's hard to say.  We are definitely months and months out from a start date (which they all know) so it seems like they aren't desperate to get a specific seat filled, which would presumably work in our favor. 

[use2betrix]

I personally would not plan a trip until we have settled on everything else (salary, vacation, relocation, etc.)

It’d be very reasonable to tell them prior to even negotiating that, “assuming I am offered a position and we can settle on the details, I would like a week to have a chance to come visit the city/company, prior to relocating.”

Some companies may even pay for the travel, some may not. As a manager, I would considerate it a very reasonable request.

[mistymoney]

DH is retiring from the military and job hunting.  Neither of us have every really done higher level job hunting so we are clueless.

Typically, how long from when you get the call saying, "We'd like to hire you as Assistant Director of Mustachianism, with $5m salary and these other details," do you have to accept or reject?  Do you need to negotiate right away?  Like, do you say you want $6m, they come back at $5.5, and then you say, "Give me X days?"

Part of what is driving the question is several of the potential jobs are in places we've never been, and places are are absolutely not sure about.  We are happy to relocate, and in fact don't really want to stay where we are.  But we'd like to at least be able to squeeze in a 3-4 day trip to a city we've never been, before accepting.  But that takes some time to plan (booking dogsitters is an expensive nightmare!). Is it reasonable to ask for 2 weeks?  More?  Less? 

(In once case, even if the interview isn't Zoom, it would likely be where we are now, which is where most of the company is located, not in job city. So we'd have to plan our own trip there to check it out, at some point  In the other case, if it isn't virtual, it would probably be in the city.  But is it worth it for me to go along for the interview, pay for a ticket and dog sitter, plus maybe a couple days in the hotel if we extend our stay beyond whatever they pay for for him for the interview, if he's only at the interview stage and might not get an offer?)

negotiate the salary and PTO and anything else all at the same time. Unless the figure they come back with is lower than what you want you could toss in the extra time off - but if they say 5, you say 6, and they say - ok, coming back with another ask is likely to put them off.

[Villanelle]

I personally would not plan a trip until we have settled on everything else (salary, vacation, relocation, etc.)

It’d be very reasonable to tell them prior to even negotiating that, “assuming I am offered a position and we can settle on the details, I would like a week to have a chance to come visit the city/company, prior to relocating.”

Some companies may even pay for the travel, some may not. As a manager, I would considerate it a very reasonable request.

This seems like a super reasonable approach.  I like the way you worded it.  At what point do you think it would be appropriate to throw that into the convo?  During an interview? 

 Throwing together a trip in a week will be rough, but doable.  Worst case is that I go alone, which would be okay.  I have a pretty strong sense of what will work for both myself and DH.  DH is still working and time off is tough to orchestrate, so a solo trip might be our best option.

[Villanelle]

DH is retiring from the military and job hunting.  Neither of us have every really done higher level job hunting so we are clueless.

Typically, how long from when you get the call saying, "We'd like to hire you as Assistant Director of Mustachianism, with $5m salary and these other details," do you have to accept or reject?  Do you need to negotiate right away?  Like, do you say you want $6m, they come back at $5.5, and then you say, "Give me X days?"

Part of what is driving the question is several of the potential jobs are in places we've never been, and places are are absolutely not sure about.  We are happy to relocate, and in fact don't really want to stay where we are.  But we'd like to at least be able to squeeze in a 3-4 day trip to a city we've never been, before accepting.  But that takes some time to plan (booking dogsitters is an expensive nightmare!). Is it reasonable to ask for 2 weeks?  More?  Less? 

(In once case, even if the interview isn't Zoom, it would likely be where we are now, which is where most of the company is located, not in job city. So we'd have to plan our own trip there to check it out, at some point  In the other case, if it isn't virtual, it would probably be in the city.  But is it worth it for me to go along for the interview, pay for a ticket and dog sitter, plus maybe a couple days in the hotel if we extend our stay beyond whatever they pay for for him for the interview, if he's only at the interview stage and might not get an offer?)

negotiate the salary and PTO and anything else all at the same time. Unless the figure they come back with is lower than what you want you could toss in the extra time off - but if they say 5, you say 6, and they say - ok, coming back with another ask is likely to put them off.

Oh, I think my post was unclear.  When I said "give me extra days", I meant "time to wait before accepting the offer, so we can travel there and check it out, and then let you know my final decision in a week."  Not "more PTO".   He'd negotiate all the terms of the offer (salary, PTO, bonuses, relocation, whatever else) at the same time.  He's not looking for extra time off, just extra time between them offering him the job and him accepting, so we could plan a quick scouting trip. I was super unclear.  Sorry. 

[mistymoney]

DH is retiring from the military and job hunting.  Neither of us have every really done higher level job hunting so we are clueless.

Typically, how long from when you get the call saying, "We'd like to hire you as Assistant Director of Mustachianism, with $5m salary and these other details," do you have to accept or reject?  Do you need to negotiate right away?  Like, do you say you want $6m, they come back at $5.5, and then you say, "Give me X days?"

Part of what is driving the question is several of the potential jobs are in places we've never been, and places are are absolutely not sure about.  We are happy to relocate, and in fact don't really want to stay where we are.  But we'd like to at least be able to squeeze in a 3-4 day trip to a city we've never been, before accepting.  But that takes some time to plan (booking dogsitters is an expensive nightmare!). Is it reasonable to ask for 2 weeks?  More?  Less? 

(In once case, even if the interview isn't Zoom, it would likely be where we are now, which is where most of the company is located, not in job city. So we'd have to plan our own trip there to check it out, at some point  In the other case, if it isn't virtual, it would probably be in the city.  But is it worth it for me to go along for the interview, pay for a ticket and dog sitter, plus maybe a couple days in the hotel if we extend our stay beyond whatever they pay for for him for the interview, if he's only at the interview stage and might not get an offer?)

negotiate the salary and PTO and anything else all at the same time. Unless the figure they come back with is lower than what you want you could toss in the extra time off - but if they say 5, you say 6, and they say - ok, coming back with another ask is likely to put them off.

Oh, I think my post was unclear.  When I said "give me extra days", I meant "time to wait before accepting the offer, so we can travel there and check it out, and then let you know my final decision in a week."  Not "more PTO".   He'd negotiate all the terms of the offer (salary, PTO, bonuses, relocation, whatever else) at the same time.  He's not looking for extra time off, just extra time between them offering him the job and him accepting, so we could plan a quick scouting trip. I was super unclear.  Sorry.

Got it! Sounds like a good plan then.