I have a DS25, DS20, and DD18. DS25 is in his last semester at an in state public university getting a degree in Supply Chain and IT Management. DS20 is on a break but is approximately a sophomore at an out of state private university getting a degree in Mechanical Engineering. DD18 is in their first semester at an in state public university getting a degree in Music Education.
After scholarships and financial aid, I pay for 100% of required expenses, which include tuition, room, board, fees, books, supplies (computers, musical instruments), and travel to and from school. They're responsible for all optional expenses (pizza, alcohol, dates) and all personal expenses (clothes, cell phone, car expenses).
They are generally required to have a plan to get a marketable degree that leads to a first job - plans are worthless, planning is essential, so the plan can change but there must be one. As you can see, they're all doing that.
I can require that they make reasonable efforts to reduce the cost of college. For example, I can require that the fill out the FAFSA, or make sure their AP scores are sent to the university, etc.
If their grades are not decent, that indicates to me that there is a problem that needs to be addressed, and my support for them remaining in college may be suspended while the problem gets resolved.
I discourage loans and will not help my kids obtain them, which includes not cosigning loans.
If they go to school nearby, they can live and eat at home for free.
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My expectation is that my kids are self sufficient. I am agnostic as to whether this meant going into the military and/or military academy, going to college, getting a job, or starting a business. Although in the case of my kids, they all rejected the military and getting a job; all three chose the college route, although one may yet start a business at some point.
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Currently there appears to be a surplus of money in their college accounts. I plan to distribute this to them as they graduate, in proportions that are inverted from the amount that I spent out of pocket on their education.
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It's really hard to predict how kids' college situations will work out. It'd be nice if they all picked the right school the first time, go through in 4 years, never change majors, etc. But that rarely, if ever, happens. Personally, I changed majors four times, transferred schools, took a year and a half off to work, spent an extra semester (mostly due to transferring), and got married. My oldest has lost a full ride scholarship at his first school, changed schools, stopped out to work, and has changed majors four times. My middle has stopped out due to COVID, and may take some classes at a second local school to keep up with his classmates at his primary school. My youngest is not 100% certain on their major and is already considering changing schools. All three got AP or IB credit and scholarships and financial aid.
My point is even with them all of college age, I continuously am having to remain flexible and update my plan every few months as things change. Fortunately, the 529s and ESAs are there and will provide most if not all of the costs. Also, as they go through, the amount of uncertainty narrows. I'm trying to drain the college accounts at the right speed, but if I'm off one way or the other I have workable contingency plans.