So I do what is needed when we have a crisis. Working in tech, if you have a data center down and you had dinner plans with your family, you call your wife and let her know you'll get back to her letting her know when you're heading out. Given that however, other than my first year out of college when I took my first job at a Fortune 500 firm and worked 70-80+ hours per week (typical day was 7 AM- 11 PM) I would say I averaged in the low 40 hours. I currently make more than twice who OP does and still have that. As said, there are times on project my teams get involved in when I need to do more, but most cases I'm here 7-5 but if I need to leave early or come in later because of a doctor or something I need to do for the kids, I just do what I need to. I have always been very focused on doing what I say and I've found that builds a trust level that gets you a lot of slack over the average joe, who wants the same treatment but is always missing deadlines or making excuses. I guess it's the actual application of "work smarter, not harder".
I've been blessed to be able to get most tasks done much faster than most, so almost every job I've had through the years has a lot of slack time. I think all organizations really have no idea how much time a task should take and so people are given more than enough time. I think a lot of people develop terrible habits and work inefficiently and therefore may need to plow extra hours in. Much more frequently however, I see people just parking their butt in a seat to be seen and get known as the first to arrive and the last to leave. I have worked for a few "clock watchers" over the years and so you end up present when they want you there, because that's the gig, but a lot of that time is spent passing time because there is not enough work to fill that time.
In my experience the hours you need to work have a lot to do with the company culture and how they operate. Most long hour places have a crap ton of meetings, which are giant time wasters. If you have six hours of meetings a day, you're not going to only work 40 hours. I attended meetings I had to, but have always been vocal about letting people know if they can't give me a reason for why I either provide value in the meeting or will get value from it, then I don't need to be there. As I moved into leadership roles (which happened pretty fast, in my late 20s) I controlled much more of if a meeting was even called and so I was able to influence this a lot more. I'm in the middle of a major ERP implementation. I've had one meeting with senior management so far six months into the project. The rest is handled with written communication. I get people together when talking will speed up the result. That one meeting lasted 15 minutes and we made three decisions. We'll meet again in a month. I also am willing to have the hard conversation with bosses about time in the seat, and have been my whole career. I'll be here whenever I need to be, but with that comes the expectation that I will not be when I do not need to be just to make it seem like I'm here. If I need to attend an important doctor's visit for one of my kids in the middle of the day, I'm not going to be made to feel guilty about leaving the office. Maybe I've just had a decades long streak of luck in finding good bosses, or maybe your managers are less hung up about you putting in a set number of extra hours than you think. I've found being respectful of the organization and doing what is needed buys you the freedom to do what you need.