Author Topic: How involved should I be in wife's job decision?  (Read 1991 times)

By the River

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How involved should I be in wife's job decision?
« on: August 05, 2016, 09:56:43 AM »
My wife’s manager is moving to another job and the company will post the job for employees to apply.  Her current position is stressful (but relatively high-paying) but at most she should only be working for four more years.   DW doesn’t want to apply for the manager's job but is concerned that a couple of people in the department, who would not be good managers, may apply and she could be stuck working for one of them.   

There is no relocation or travel differences in the positions.  She currently works ~52 hours/week which may increase to ~55 in the manager's role.   The manager’s position would probably result in a 15-20% pay and bonus increase which would help the stache and may cut a couple of months work.     

I know she would be a good manager but would be dealing with even more stress.  Should I “push” her or suggest to her to apply for the job?  Should I stay out of this decision?   

Philociraptor

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Re: How involved should I be in wife's job decision?
« Reply #1 on: August 05, 2016, 09:58:44 AM »
You should ask her what she wants to do. Maybe help her work through her options, like a verbal decision tree. Only give your opinion if asked.

brute

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Re: How involved should I be in wife's job decision?
« Reply #2 on: August 05, 2016, 10:01:29 AM »
No reason not to tell her that you think she could do a great job as the manager, but pushing, no way.

Playing with Fire UK

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Re: How involved should I be in wife's job decision?
« Reply #3 on: August 05, 2016, 10:38:57 AM »
Unhelpful stereotypes aside:

There are some people who have less confidence in their abilities than they should. These people often make fantastic managers when they give it a go.

There are some people who have more confidence in themselves than they should. These people often make terrible managers.

Sometimes the first group need a bit of a nudge. Like Brute says: don't push; but let her know that you know she can do it.

Of course she may know that she can do it but not want to deal with the hassle.

elaine amj

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Re: How involved should I be in wife's job decision?
« Reply #4 on: August 05, 2016, 10:46:28 AM »
My husband helps me by taking a strong interest and discussing endlessly the pros and cons. He's very involved - but would never "make" me take a job I didn't want. At the end of the day, we both view our job choices as a joint decision. It affects the both of us and our family and neither one of us would make such a big decision without the other's full involvement.

Axecleaver

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Re: How involved should I be in wife's job decision?
« Reply #5 on: August 05, 2016, 02:11:17 PM »
You be supportive and help her talk through her own thought process, like a therapist. Then you support whatever decision she makes. Managing a team is different work than being a member of the team: you end up dealing with people and feelings with most of your time. You also have to hold people accountable and enforce unpopular policies that her boss implements.

But reluctant leaders are often the very best. Suggest she consider how much value she could bring to the rest of the team with her service.

Choices

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Re: How involved should I be in wife's job decision?
« Reply #6 on: August 05, 2016, 02:20:37 PM »
What is it that makes her not want to apply? The extra hours? Fear of the unknown? She really likes what she does now and doesn't like managing people?
Some reasons are more valid than others. You can listen supportively as she talks it out.

If she gets the job and hates it, what's plan B? Could she go back to her current job? Could she move to a new company? Could she retire sooner? Could she transfer to a different department?

If she applies and doesn't get the job, how will she feel? What will she do if she ends up with a terrible manager, whether she applies or not?

Sometimes thinking through all the options shows you don't have as much to lose as you think. It seems the security and comfortable situation are already lost, so there's not as much downside to giving a new position a try.