How do you teach kids to bike independently?

[La Bibliotecaria Feroz]

... especially kids who are not naturally strong riders?

Middle school is 2 miles away. There are bike lanes and/or bike-safe roads. My 13yo has always been a strong rider- earlier this year he was adding on flag football practice to the trip back and forth to school (7 miles round trip total).

My 11 1/2 yo, not so much. As many of you know, he was hit by a car while sidewalk biking (I mean, while crossing the intersection- and fortunately he was not seriously injured, didn't hit his head) back in October and we tried to do a bunch of remedial bike education.

Then we found out, he's still biking on the sidewalk! I biked with him this morning and he missed his turn. I called him back and instead of crossing the street to make a left-hand turn into the bike lane, he got on the sidewalk! Which he knows he is not supposed to do and he knew I was watching him!

Which is all to say- I think is problem is paying attention to his surroundings. How do you teach this? Can you even teach it? Should I be driving him instead* until he is older and more mature?

*We do not qualify for bus service and we do not routinely drive to work, so this would be a pain.

[getsorted]

I have no advice, but posting to follow. My 10-year-old's situational awareness while biking is not what I wish it to be.

[Cranky]

How does he honestly feel about biking to school? If he’s choosing to use the sidewalk, my guess is that he’s not really comfortable riding in the street, and I get that. How does he feel about walking? If you dropped him off in the morning would he walk home in the afternoon? ( I chose to walk home 2 miles rather than ride the bus once I got to junior high.)

[Chaplin]

I'm very sympathetic to this challenge. Different levels of bike infrastructure are suitable for different ages, and the worst part of a route sets the level for the entire route. Some bike situations are just not suitable for someone who doesn't have the level of maturity and awareness required to get a drivers license. That's incredibly unfair for anyone younger than that level. The radius in which kids can explore, be autonomous, and develop their independence has shrunk enormously since the 1950's.

[sonofsven]

I was not able to do it. I live rural so any biking around my place was pretty car free, except for the highway where nobody local would ever ride.
My ex lives in the small town nearby but DD was not interested in biking there so I didn't push it, partly because I didn't live there so it was harder to help, so I just let it slip through the cracks, and also because the notoriously crap weather at the coast means biking is a difficult all year endeavor.
When she went off to college in a bike friendly town (Eugene, OR)  I built her a bike, an early 2000's comfort mt bike that I converted to a single speed for ease of town use.
She swore up and down that she wouldn't use it, mostly she was intimidated by riding around cars. She had been driving since age 16 and took her car with her to college
And, that first year, she didn't ride it once. Or the second year.
But her third year, lo and behold,  I found out that she was riding from her apartment to school every day. It was so difficult to park a car on or near campus that biking became a viable option. Also, sometimes it's best for people to just figure things out on their own. She is still not comfortable riding around a lot of cars and I can't see her going on any big rides, but who knows.
So sorry, I don't have any real advice for you, just a delayed success story.

[Mountainbug]

If you have tried and been unsuccessful, at this age my advice would be to outsource. Is there a class or group bike ride your son can participate in? A coach he could ride with over summer break?  Sometimes doing it without mom is better when they hit the teen/tween age, and could even become a “cool” activity with the right coach. Of course, you know your kid best so disregard if this doesn’t apply :)

[Freedomin5]

My 9 yo and I bike to and from school every day. We’ve been biking to school since she was 6. I ride behind her and call out instructions to her. That way she doesn’t miss any turns or ride into an intersection on a red light (both of which have almost happened in the past). Having me be her “attention and executive functioning control center” for the past four years has helped her internalize many of the rules of riding. I don’t have to call out instructions very often unless we are going somewhere new and she doesn’t know the way, or we are entering a large intersection on a new route where there is a lot to keep track of.

Usually I’ll call out things like “Check the traffic light! What color is it?” Or “Make sure no one is turning before you cross the street” or “You can go around the slow bike now since you have enough space to pass them.” Stuff like that. Eventually, after I’ve said the same thing hundreds of times, she internalized many of the rules.

And this is a kid who’s off in lalaland half the time.

[Dee18]

I rode with my daughter most Sunday mornings (around 8:00) because that was the one time of the week that there was little traffic. We rode the same routes over and over ---first with me in front modeling hand signals and calling out turns, then with her in front doing the same.  (For anyone reading who has younger children I add that we first rode together on a trail-a-bike, starting when she was about 4.) And on vacations I rented a tandem for us when it was available.   In your case having a parent ride with LB several times in a row to practice the exact route would help create automatic turns, etc.  But I know you have a wonderfully busy life with three children, a husband and a job...so just practice whenever you get a chance.  Having grown up as a 2 years younger sibling I wonder if LB is in part not wanting to focus on riding because BB is so competent at it. And probably he feels even less confident because of the accident, especially given the fact that he was given a ridiculous ticket.  I remember starting piano two years after my older sister and never enjoying it because I had to sit through my sister's much better performance every week when we went for lessons.

[cchrissyy]

i wouldn't push him to bike given that he's not comfortable and lacks situational awareness

how would he like a skateboard on the sidewalk?  a scooter?

i hear there is no school bus but is there a city bus that he could do in combination with walking?

[La Bibliotecaria Feroz]

How does he honestly feel about biking to school? If he’s choosing to use the sidewalk, my guess is that he’s not really comfortable riding in the street, and I get that. How does he feel about walking? If you dropped him off in the morning would he walk home in the afternoon? ( I chose to walk home 2 miles rather than ride the bus once I got to junior high.)

He says he just needs more help learning the route. He might prefer to walk TO school and be picked up in the afternoon, but loading the baby in the van at a certain time in the PM is kind of a big lift. (When we do pick up in the PM, we have them start walking and pick them up on the side of the road instead of trying to fight our way through the maze.

i wouldn't push him to bike given that he's not comfortable and lacks situational awareness

how would he like a skateboard on the sidewalk?  a scooter?

i hear there is no school bus but is there a city bus that he could do in combination with walking?

Oooh, I REALLY don't think he's old enough to ride the bus alone inside Denver!

The main reason I am pushing biking is he has Little League season coming up. To get him to the games on time, either he needs to bike home, or we have to park at the school and pick him up that way- which is at least a 40 minute project for parent and baby.

...I wonder if LB is in part not wanting to focus on riding because BB is so competent at it. And probably he feels even less confident because of the accident, especially given the fact that he was given a ridiculous ticket.  I remember starting piano two years after my older sister and never enjoying it because I had to sit through my sister's much better performance every week when we went for lessons.

That's an interesting thought! We are actually probably going to let him change middle schools for next year, which would give him more space from BB. And we WOULD get bus service for that school for complicated Reasons. He would just have to walk to his old elementary school (half a mile) to catch the bus.

If you have tried and been unsuccessful, at this age my advice would be to outsource. Is there a class or group bike ride your son can participate in? A coach he could ride with over summer break?  Sometimes doing it without mom is better when they hit the teen/tween age, and could even become a “cool” activity with the right coach. Of course, you know your kid best so disregard if this doesn’t apply :)

I looked after his accident but didn't find anything- maybe they have some in spring/summer, but that doesn't help now! (And really not at all, if I do let him change schools- he prob. won't be biking next year.)

I'm very sympathetic to this challenge. Different levels of bike infrastructure are suitable for different ages, and the worst part of a route sets the level for the entire route. Some bike situations are just not suitable for someone who doesn't have the level of maturity and awareness required to get a drivers license. That's incredibly unfair for anyone younger than that level. The radius in which kids can explore, be autonomous, and develop their independence has shrunk enormously since the 1950's.

It's actually ideal! There is one awkward creek crossing that they do not seem to mind, then a neighborhood street with no cars that time of day, then a bike lane on a road that's not scarily busy. I think urban kiddos do sometimes get a bigger radius than their suburban peers. When I was a kid in the 80s, there was no direction from my house in which I could walk 2 miles safely- definitely not and get anywhere! I mean, I could get to a friend's house, but not school/Girl Scouts/etc.

@Freedomin5, thanks for the suggestions! It is hard to ride with him because it has to be me (husband doesn't have a bike) and the timing is awkward for baby, but I do think riding with him more and more is going to be the best solution. Even if I don't go all the way with him (he likes to bid me farewell at the turn onto the bike lane). It sounds like no one has a magic bullet suggestion, it's just going to be a question of practice!

[MaybeBabyMustache]

What are the rules about riding on a sidewalk by age? In our area, you actually can ride on a sidewalk until a certain age. My son was also hit by a car biking to middle school, and was in a crosswalk. The woman didn't stop, and it was a huge thing. I spent a lot of time with multiple agencies working on the safety of that particular intersection.

That said, we had various friends & family who do a ton of road biking, and they road with him a few times after that until he felt okay. I'd suggest you or your husband (or, someone else who is very comfortable road biking) bike with him until he gets comfortable with that.

Our are is 100% not set up for safe biking for kids, yet we also have no bus service or other transportation for students. It's a hot, hot mess.

[AnotherEngineer]

We had a kid who refused all biking for 6 months after an unfortunate over-ambitious ride with Grandma that didn't start well and ended soon after. It took a lot of encouragement to get her on a bike again.

It sounds like he is pretty close all things considered. As others have said, perhaps just bike the route with him at a low traffic time, talking through each turn, what to look out for, etc. Perhaps go deeper into the "why" about what drivers expect and the mistakes they are likely to make? It sounds like unfortunately he has had a lesson in that already.

Maybe have him pick out some blinky lights or a hi viz vest if he would feel better on the street and he was into it. (I'm not saying these are necessary for urban daylight riding.)

[La Bibliotecaria Feroz]

@MaybeBabyMustache - The way I know it's illegal for people of ANY age to ride on the sidewalk in Denver is that they wrote him a ticket before I could take him to the pediatric trauma center. And it was the kind of ticket that can carry a $999 fine and jail time(!) but we only had to pay $76.

[MaybeBabyMustache]

@La Bibliotecaria Feroz - that is really intense! I just did research for my area, and it turns out it's left up to local towns, and indeed, one of the THREE towns my kids had to bike to get to middle school (which was, of course, part of the problem, as towns don't particularly collaborate well on things like bike lanes) have that rule that you can ride on the side walk, as can a parent accompanying a minor.

Very glad you didn't get jail time (?!) and had a greatly reduced fine, as well as I hope your son was okay!

[Log]

Seconding the idea of walking, scheduling permitting. I had negative experiences color my attitude towards riding when I was young, but I would gladly walk miles across town. Also nice that it's generally safe to wear headphones and listen to music while walking, but not while biking.

[AnotherEngineer]

@MaybeBabyMustache - The way I know it's illegal for people of ANY age to ride on the sidewalk in Denver is that they wrote him a ticket before I could take him to the pediatric trauma center. And it was the kind of ticket that can carry a $999 fine and jail time(!) but we only had to pay $76.

Wow, I work in this space and this sort of citywide law (downtowns make sense as do adult riders) and the steepness of the fine is completely counterproductive without a robust all-ages citywide network. Sidwalks aren't great at driveways and intersections, clearly, but are often better than a busy road without facilities. My middleschooler bike via sidewalks the mile to her school.

[Hadilly]

Can your husband rent/borrow a bike for a month and bike with him? Tough situation. We have a lot of school bike education here and the kids end up gathering into biking groups on their own. Sounds like your biking culture isn’t as robust, but if you can find another kid on the same route, that might help too.

[La Bibliotecaria Feroz]

Can your husband rent/borrow a bike for a month and bike with him? Tough situation. We have a lot of school bike education here and the kids end up gathering into biking groups on their own. Sounds like your biking culture isn’t as robust, but if you can find another kid on the same route, that might help too.

He would need a ton of practice before he could bike with the baby and so far he has not shown interest- I keep suggesting he try out my ebike.

LOL, another kid like his actual brother? They ride home together but LB likes to get there earlier and this becomes our problem!

@MaybeBabyMustache - The way I know it's illegal for people of ANY age to ride on the sidewalk in Denver is that they wrote him a ticket before I could take him to the pediatric trauma center. And it was the kind of ticket that can carry a $999 fine and jail time(!) but we only had to pay $76.

Wow, I work in this space and this sort of citywide law (downtowns make sense as do adult riders) and the steepness of the fine is completely counterproductive without a robust all-ages citywide network. Sidwalks aren't great at driveways and intersections, clearly, but are often better than a busy road without facilities. My middleschooler bike via sidewalks the mile to her school.

Well, LB's accident was specific to sidewalk biking! If you haven't yet, maybe talk with your girl and make sure she is biking on the right-hand sidewalk at least. It was a driver turning right (so facing left) who struck LB when the latter was coming up on his blind side.

[Freedomin5]

Can your husband rent/borrow a bike for a month and bike with him? Tough situation. We have a lot of school bike education here and the kids end up gathering into biking groups on their own. Sounds like your biking culture isn’t as robust, but if you can find another kid on the same route, that might help too.

He would need a ton of practice before he could bike with the baby and so far he has not shown interest- I keep suggesting he try out my ebike.

LOL, another kid like his actual brother? They ride home together but LB likes to get there earlier and this becomes our problem!

I think I missed something. Why does your husband need to bike with the baby? If he’s taking LB to school, couldn’t you stay home with the baby?

[Fru-Gal]

Oh man that is SOOOO MESSED up that he got a ticket for riding on the sidewalk. Because the first thing I was going to suggest was that he ride on the sidewalk. I have been bike commuting in my area all my life and the streets in my immediate area are a disaster. The ONLY safe route is on the sidewalk for some of the  route that I do. It actually took me a few years to figure that out. I do it with impunity. But no one is out here ticketing sidewalk riders.

Geez that makes me angry that they would even do that to a kid about to go to the hospital.

Also consider lots of cool high powered lights on the bike. Maybe other kinds of accessories like a flag on a flexible pole on the back axle (like what is put on child trailers).

Final thought is he is definitely old enough for the bus system. Taking the bus is a lot like riding a bike, a skill that will serve you life long all around the world.

[La Bibliotecaria Feroz]

Well, LB's accident was specific to sidewalk biking! If you haven't yet, maybe talk with your girl and make sure she is biking on the right-hand sidewalk at least. It was a driver turning right (so facing left) who struck LB when the latter was coming up on his blind side.

I’m sensitized to this topic since we are dealing with an accident of our own and a police response that incorrectly resorted to shaming the rider. But here’s the thing: Was the driver turning right not looking *both ways* before turning?! How would a pedestrian or a jogger have fared?

Oh no, I'm sorry you are also dealing with this! I will say the guy who ticketed LB seemed kind of apologetic about it- he's a civilian crash inspector and I suspect he's required to ticket somebody.

The thing is, bikes move at a weird speed- I suspect that a pedestrian wouldn't have been hit for that reason. Like, probably the guy checked the sidewalk but then LB was going faster than his brain expected? But yeah, also he really shouldn't have hit a kid! I mean, you gotta look better than that. At least he felt bad about it. He was kind of hyperventilating- I actually suggested he let the paramedics check him out but he said he was OK.

 It's not that I don't think he can follow a bus route, it's that I don't think he is equipped to engage in a confined space with someone who's escalated or altered. Maybe working in the library has given me a skewed perspective of how often that happens? I think he will take the city bus to high school and I'll feel better about it when he's a little bigger. He's a pretty little dude and also kind of gender-nonconforming in his presentation.

[use2betrix]

I’m surprised no one has mentioned the trauma of an 11 year old being hit by a car, something which kills around 1000 bikers each year.

My child is only two, but I feel like I couldn’t fathom pressuring a kid to get back on their bike to ride to school if they had been previously hit by a car, regardless of circumstance. I’d be pretty understanding if an adult decided to no longer bike after being hit by a car..

Is there a reason that no one can drive him, other than being inconvenienced?

[seattlecyclone]

This is a tough problem! For reference I live in a city (Seattle) where biking on the sidewalk is perfectly legal as long as you yield to pedestrians. My oldest is 8 (2nd grade) and his recent independence milestone was walking home three blocks from the school bus without a chaperone. I'd love if by the time he's 11 I could send him on his bike to different places in our neighborhood or nearby neighborhoods.

I also do a lot of bike/scooter riding around Seattle. While many bike lanes do exist I find that the amount of concentration and situational awareness I need to stay safe on two wheels is oftentimes more than what I need when driving. Since we don't trust an 11-year-old to get a driver's license, I wouldn't trust that same 11-year-old to bike alone on our arterial streets, even in a bike lane. The side streets are a different story—the traffic volumes and speeds tend to be low enough that it seems like a kid should be able to be pretty safe if they can find a route that avoids the arterials.

The prior collision is of course something that will be front and center in the kid's mind. You'll have to work with him to see where his hesitation remains there: is he afraid of biking right next to where he was hit (totally understandable!) or does biking in general bring some fear (also understandable!)?

The thing is, bikes move at a weird speed- I suspect that a pedestrian wouldn't have been hit for that reason.

This is a big one. I can think of one intersection in particular near my house where there's one car lane in each direction and a bike lane to the right in each direction. A lot of cars turn right at this intersection to get to the interstate onramp a few blocks north. They're supposed to yield to traffic in the bike lane going straight, but I can't tell you the number of times I've had to brake hard to avoid slamming into a right-turning car that failed to check their mirrors and wait for me in the bike lane. This intersection has a lot of pedestrian traffic too but I feel as though the cars tend to look out for pedestrians pretty well, much better than they look out for bikes. For this reason I think this street design is inherently flawed where bikes and cars have their own lane and have the green light at the same time. We can't trust the cars to look for bikes before turning. Collisions are inevitable unless the bikes get their own green light separate from cars.

[La Bibliotecaria Feroz]

I’m surprised no one has mentioned the trauma of an 11 year old being hit by a car, something which kills around 1000 bikers each year.

My child is only two, but I feel like I couldn’t fathom pressuring a kid to get back on their bike to ride to school if they had been previously hit by a car, regardless of circumstance. I’d be pretty understanding if an adult decided to no longer bike after being hit by a car..

Is there a reason that no one can drive him, other than being inconvenienced?

Wow, you sound like the suburbanite SAHPs who were judging me in a FB group I'm in!

1. Why do you assume I pressured him? My kid is 11. He can talk and he has never asked not to bike to school. If he really minded, I'm pretty sure he would find a way to tell us/manufacture reasons to get picked up. I promise you, tweens are not shy about telling you when they don't like something.
2. I am surprised to find such a pro-unnecessary-driving stance in the MMM forums, of all places!

This is why we don't drive him:
-He doesn't get out of school until 4:20 PM. Even if we pick him up, it's almost dark by the time he gets home. This is his only consistent exercise/outdoor time.
-We are a walking/biking family. My husband walks to work, I bike, I bike to the store with the baby, etc.  We literally bought our house to make it so that we would not need the cars on a daily basis.
-Doing our part for climate change/particulate pollution
-The route is safe and bike-friendly (I never should have sent him on the sidewalk- there is a much better route. When he first started biking to school we had a newborn)
-You say "inconvenience," I say, breaking up the afternoon and morning like that and having to go in the car is really tough on our toddler

[MayDay]

I think keeping practicing with him and navigating the thought process and decisions is the way to go. Or else a scooter on sidewalks.

Its frustrating but he'll pick it up eventually!

[cchrissyy]

LBF, I really hear you about him being too young for the kind of interactions that can happen on the city bus or with troubled people hanging around the bus stops.
it is the same in my area.
but my kids bussed home from school anyway, starting in elementary. it might have been 3rd and 4th grade? whenever we stopped doing the afterschol care programs or babysitter. like you, i had 2 kids who could stick together.
it was never any problem. they did learn confidence and independence navigating the city, including transferring lines downtown. and yes they've seen some rougher stuff, but frankly, it's not just the bus it's any time you're out around town. they learn how to manage it, and the bus driver is always there as a resource. you really might want to give it a try, by going with him a few times and/or having the brothers do it together.

[La Bibliotecaria Feroz]

Can your husband rent/borrow a bike for a month and bike with him? Tough situation. We have a lot of school bike education here and the kids end up gathering into biking groups on their own. Sounds like your biking culture isn’t as robust, but if you can find another kid on the same route, that might help too.

He would need a ton of practice before he could bike with the baby and so far he has not shown interest- I keep suggesting he try out my ebike.

LOL, another kid like his actual brother? They ride home together but LB likes to get there earlier and this becomes our problem!

I think I missed something. Why does your husband need to bike with the baby? If he’s taking LB to school, couldn’t you stay home with the baby?

Forgot to respond to this but you are correct! He leaves for work early enough that I would have to bring the baby with me because he's not home anymore, but I go in later. So the barriers are disruption to my getting-ready-for-work routine, and much more significantly, that the Boy hasn't ridden a bike in a looong time and isn't confident. He also doesn't own a bike so he would have to use my ebike, which is a different feel than a "regular" bike.

[Cranky]

Can your husband rent/borrow a bike for a month and bike with him? Tough situation. We have a lot of school bike education here and the kids end up gathering into biking groups on their own. Sounds like your biking culture isn’t as robust, but if you can find another kid on the same route, that might help too.

He would need a ton of practice before he could bike with the baby and so far he has not shown interest- I keep suggesting he try out my ebike.

LOL, another kid like his actual brother? They ride home together but LB likes to get there earlier and this becomes our problem!

I think I missed something. Why does your husband need to bike with the baby? If he’s taking LB to school, couldn’t you stay home with the baby?

Forgot to respond to this but you are correct! He leaves for work early enough that I would have to bring the baby with me because he's not home anymore, but I go in later. So the barriers are disruption to my getting-ready-for-work routine, and much more significantly, that the Boy hasn't ridden a bike in a looong time and isn't confident. He also doesn't own a bike so he would have to use my ebike, which is a different feel than a "regular" bike.

My dh hadn’t ridden a bike in probably 30 years, and mastered the ebike in a day. Lol

[La Bibliotecaria Feroz]

Can your husband rent/borrow a bike for a month and bike with him? Tough situation. We have a lot of school bike education here and the kids end up gathering into biking groups on their own. Sounds like your biking culture isn’t as robust, but if you can find another kid on the same route, that might help too.

He would need a ton of practice before he could bike with the baby and so far he has not shown interest- I keep suggesting he try out my ebike.

LOL, another kid like his actual brother? They ride home together but LB likes to get there earlier and this becomes our problem!

I think I missed something. Why does your husband need to bike with the baby? If he’s taking LB to school, couldn’t you stay home with the baby?

Forgot to respond to this but you are correct! He leaves for work early enough that I would have to bring the baby with me because he's not home anymore, but I go in later. So the barriers are disruption to my getting-ready-for-work routine, and much more significantly, that the Boy hasn't ridden a bike in a looong time and isn't confident. He also doesn't own a bike so he would have to use my ebike, which is a different feel than a "regular" bike.

My dh hadn’t ridden a bike in probably 30 years, and mastered the ebike in a day. Lol

I will make sure to tell him this story because I definitely think confidence is part of his problem!