Author Topic: How do you deal with missed opportunities and FOMO?  (Read 1022 times)

Goldy

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How do you deal with missed opportunities and FOMO?
« on: January 30, 2019, 09:26:32 AM »
A couple years ago we got relocated from an up and coming city to a rural lake cottage area (read low appreciation).  My old city is booming and out of curiosity I checked what my old house is worth.  Turns out it has gone from 450k to 650k in just over two years and the city is still growing.  Finding this out actually put me in a pretty foul mood even though we are pretty happy in our new place (closer to friends/family) and we cleared 100k in the sale that has been invested in the market.

It got me thinking that this will not be the last time that I will miss out on a large opportunity due to choices we make so I should learn to deal with it.  How do you folks deal with the financial could have been's?

Lulee

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Re: How do you deal with missed opportunities and FOMO?
« Reply #1 on: January 30, 2019, 09:42:12 AM »
If there's no lesson to be learned in looking backwards, don't do it.  You'll just entangle yourself in a web of could-have-beens which likely aren't entirely true and yet make you miserable.  You chose a new life, one you enjoy, so focus on enjoying it.

If there is a lesson (like how to pick a better realtor), take that and leave behind the regrets that give you no wisdom or knowledge like the trash they are.

Mr. Green

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Re: How do you deal with missed opportunities and FOMO?
« Reply #2 on: January 30, 2019, 09:45:55 AM »
Would that be like regretting not having stayed with and marrying the highschool girlfriend/boyfriend that a decade later has turned into a model? Seems kinda silly. Life has a million diverging paths. I'm sure somewhere in there was/is one that makes me the next Jeff Bezos. No point in lamenting the unknown.

walkwalkwalk

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Re: How do you deal with missed opportunities and FOMO?
« Reply #3 on: January 30, 2019, 09:54:43 AM »
Would that be like regretting not having stayed with and marrying the highschool girlfriend/boyfriend that a decade later has turned into a model? Seems kinda silly. Life has a million diverging paths. I'm sure somewhere in there was/is one that makes me the next Jeff Bezos. No point in lamenting the unknown.
I bet even Jeff Bezos has regrets. Like all that money being taken in the divorce with his soon to be ex-wife...

Mr. Green

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Re: How do you deal with missed opportunities and FOMO?
« Reply #4 on: January 30, 2019, 10:00:54 AM »
Would that be like regretting not having stayed with and marrying the highschool girlfriend/boyfriend that a decade later has turned into a model? Seems kinda silly. Life has a million diverging paths. I'm sure somewhere in there was/is one that makes me the next Jeff Bezos. No point in lamenting the unknown.
I bet even Jeff Bezos has regrets. Like all that money being taken in the divorce with his soon to be ex-wife...
You really think so? I feel like going from 130 Billion to 65 Billion probably doesn't change his life much.

chasesfish

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Re: How do you deal with missed opportunities and FOMO?
« Reply #5 on: January 30, 2019, 10:15:56 AM »
I remember staring at Amazon's stock quote in 2002 and not being able to pull the buy trigger on a company not making money.

You gain wisdom as you get older.  You have to choose to only gain wisdom and not let regret fester.

Malkynn

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Re: How do you deal with missed opportunities and FOMO?
« Reply #6 on: January 30, 2019, 10:20:18 AM »
OMG, who cares what your old house is worth?

This is a much bigger warning sign that you aren't totally happy with your current life, because if you are living your best life FOMO doesn't exist and choices you didn't make are irrelevant.

If I were you, I would be wondering why the hell I'm looking backwards instead of forward???

six-car-habit

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Re: How do you deal with missed opportunities and FOMO?
« Reply #7 on: January 30, 2019, 11:09:39 AM »
 There were reasons you decided to leave the old city -  instead of giving up the employer / carreer track you have followed.   Do the reasons you left still seem like valid ones ?  Would you go back and buy a home in your old city today for $200K more than when you left ?

 Practically no homeowner gets a big windfall until they cash out and sell, unless they are in the habit of getting home equity loans.

  Your old house must have also had an increase in property taxes over the last few years.  Our house has gone up in value since we bought it, per market comps, and county tax assessments -  but that does us no good until we are ready to relocate. In the meantime the extra $ 2000 in taxes each year we are now liable for - compared to when we bought , are a real bottom line annual expense that doesn't go away !!   At this point i would welcome the situation you are in , where home valuations are relatively stable....

frugalfoothills

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Re: How do you deal with missed opportunities and FOMO?
« Reply #8 on: January 30, 2019, 12:07:10 PM »
Gratitude. By feeling truly thankful for everything that my life is vs. angry or upset about everything it is not. By your own admission you are happier in your new location, closer to your family, AND you raked in a six figure profit when upgraded your life to this. There is so much there to be thankful for... dwelling in the ways that you could have somehow come out with more than that serves nothing and no one.

thesis

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Re: How do you deal with missed opportunities and FOMO?
« Reply #9 on: January 30, 2019, 12:30:11 PM »
There is such a thing as making the right decision but getting the wrong outcome. We tend to assume that right outcomes are indicative of right decisions, and wrong outcomes are indicative of wrong decisions, but this isn't necessarily true. You can make the very best of decisions given your understanding of a situation and still be wrong in the end.

The danger of looking at the past like this fails to account for the good that still came. If you bought bitcoin at $5k, then sold bitcoin at $15k, do you choose to hate yourself when it peaked at $19k? It could just as easily have dropped to $2k. You would still have made money. Move along. (JUST an example, please let's not going into crypto :) )

You can never predict the highs and lows (unless you are Thorstach, of course). The old guys in my office do this all the time with stocks and penny stocks. It's ridiculous. "Oh, if only I'd had some skin in the game on that one!" Oh my goodness, get over it! That's not how intelligent people invest, and that's not how intelligent people live, either

Goldy

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Re: How do you deal with missed opportunities and FOMO?
« Reply #10 on: January 30, 2019, 01:31:49 PM »
Thanks for the advice everyone! 

There is such a thing as making the right decision but getting the wrong outcome. We tend to assume that right outcomes are indicative of right decisions, and wrong outcomes are indicative of wrong decisions, but this isn't necessarily true. You can make the very best of decisions given your understanding of a situation and still be wrong in the end.

The danger of looking at the past like this fails to account for the good that still came. If you bought bitcoin at $5k, then sold bitcoin at $15k, do you choose to hate yourself when it peaked at $19k? It could just as easily have dropped to $2k. You would still have made money. Move along. (JUST an example, please let's not going into crypto :) )

You can never predict the highs and lows (unless you are Thorstach, of course). The old guys in my office do this all the time with stocks and penny stocks. It's ridiculous. "Oh, if only I'd had some skin in the game on that one!" Oh my goodness, get over it! That's not how intelligent people invest, and that's not how intelligent people live, either

This is a big reason I could never be a day trader even if it did somehow beat the average.  Too much second guessing and rear view mirror heartburn.  You make some good points about not accounting for future benefits with a decision.  Same could be said for the old house, maybe an earthquake levels it and I got out just in time.



Cool Friend

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Re: How do you deal with missed opportunities and FOMO?
« Reply #11 on: January 31, 2019, 08:00:17 AM »
There is such a thing as making the right decision but getting the wrong outcome. We tend to assume that right outcomes are indicative of right decisions, and wrong outcomes are indicative of wrong decisions, but this isn't necessarily true. You can make the very best of decisions given your understanding of a situation and still be wrong in the end.

Very true, and very easy to forget.

thesis

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Re: How do you deal with missed opportunities and FOMO?
« Reply #12 on: January 31, 2019, 10:00:24 AM »
This is a big reason I could never be a day trader even if it did somehow beat the average.  Too much second guessing and rear view mirror heartburn.  You make some good points about not accounting for future benefits with a decision.  Same could be said for the old house, maybe an earthquake levels it and I got out just in time.

Exactly. Or a major employer in the area shuts down or lays people off and property values melt. I don't know. Could be anything.

One popular example comes in the saying of "if only I'd bought Apple stock in the 80s", but absolutely nobody could have seen the future of what Apple would become, even the people who try to look like visionaries because they took a gamble and won. And those hypothetical ROI calculations on Apple stock are just that: hypothetical. It's highly unlikely that anybody bought at the bottom and decided to hold out for 30 or however many years. Most people who did well with that stock sold it at some point, made their money, and moved on with life. Technically, this is how it works with all shares: you sell them at some point and move on with life. Eventually you die, and maybe what's left goes to your kids or somebody else, who also sell them at some point and move on with life. Same could be said for houses: in 30 years, that house will be worth a whole lot more, but that doesn't mean the best decision would have been to live in it forever.

Besides, there's no guarantee that, given a higher return on that house, you wouldn't have just rolled in into an even larger house that became a money pit. You really never know. It's like some people who think winning the lottery will set them up for life, only to discover it was the worst thing that ever happened to them. Those stories tend to be over-hyped (some people are very successful with lottery winnings), but for those people, it somehow morphed into death and destruction.

And it is easy to forget! Sometimes I wish I could make even a small windfall playing stocks, but I'm still in it for index investing. The returns aren't super impressive, but my high savings rate is where it's really at. The people I know who are chasing high returns often get slapped with the realities of "high risk". Most of them are old and still working. You don't need high returns if your savings are outpacing those earnings in the first place. If you are handling your money wisely, you don't need to get lucky with some unusually high return.

I could go on, it's such an interesting subject. It is slightly unnatural for most people, so we tend to be our own worst enemies :)

dcozad999

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Re: How do you deal with missed opportunities and FOMO?
« Reply #13 on: January 31, 2019, 10:33:53 AM »
There is such a thing as making the right decision but getting the wrong outcome. We tend to assume that right outcomes are indicative of right decisions, and wrong outcomes are indicative of wrong decisions, but this isn't necessarily true. You can make the very best of decisions given your understanding of a situation and still be wrong in the end.

The danger of looking at the past like this fails to account for the good that still came. If you bought bitcoin at $5k, then sold bitcoin at $15k, do you choose to hate yourself when it peaked at $19k? It could just as easily have dropped to $2k. You would still have made money. Move along. (JUST an example, please let's not going into crypto :) )

You can never predict the highs and lows (unless you are Thorstach, of course). The old guys in my office do this all the time with stocks and penny stocks. It's ridiculous. "Oh, if only I'd had some skin in the game on that one!" Oh my goodness, get over it! That's not how intelligent people invest, and that's not how intelligent people live, either


I remember looking into buying bitcoin at around $300 many years ago, and when it went to $19k I thought about what might have been. But 2 seconds later I realized that, knowing me, I would have sold it at $600, or even $400. And even if I hadn't, it more than likely would have been stolen out from under me by hackers anyway

Goldy

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Re: How do you deal with missed opportunities and FOMO?
« Reply #14 on: January 31, 2019, 12:29:00 PM »
There is such a thing as making the right decision but getting the wrong outcome. We tend to assume that right outcomes are indicative of right decisions, and wrong outcomes are indicative of wrong decisions, but this isn't necessarily true. You can make the very best of decisions given your understanding of a situation and still be wrong in the end.

The danger of looking at the past like this fails to account for the good that still came. If you bought bitcoin at $5k, then sold bitcoin at $15k, do you choose to hate yourself when it peaked at $19k? It could just as easily have dropped to $2k. You would still have made money. Move along. (JUST an example, please let's not going into crypto :) )

You can never predict the highs and lows (unless you are Thorstach, of course). The old guys in my office do this all the time with stocks and penny stocks. It's ridiculous. "Oh, if only I'd had some skin in the game on that one!" Oh my goodness, get over it! That's not how intelligent people invest, and that's not how intelligent people live, either


I remember looking into buying bitcoin at around $300 many years ago, and when it went to $19k I thought about what might have been. But 2 seconds later I realized that, knowing me, I would have sold it at $600, or even $400. And even if I hadn't, it more than likely would have been stolen out from under me by hackers anyway

Same here, I was thinking about buying at $112 but waited for it to go back under $100 which never happened (yet).  That doesn’t bother me much because even if I did buy it and it somehow didn’t get stolen I probably would have doubled my money and sold it.  I did the same with physical palladium early in my career, bought at $175 and sold at $400, worth a bit more now but whatever.  Not sure why the house price got to me when I can separate from these other “missed opportunities”.