Well here's the update. I'll start with the progress made. We cooked a meal which turned out well, and Dad did most of the cooking. I handled the instructions and planning, and just focused on teaching him some basics. After we cooked he said "Its great that we cooked, but I don't think I could make that again on my own." To which I replied "maybe not, but you learned what size things should be when diced, how to peel a clove of garlic, and how to brown some beef. Do you remember those things?" He thought for a few seconds and then agreed that he could. He asked me to come back and cook again next week, so I'm taking that as a good sign. Mom made some pound cake to go with fresh strawberries from her garden so that was for dessert. After eating I said something about it being a feast and dad kinda paused and went "yeah I guess it was". You kinda had to be there, but I think he said it with a bit of surprise and maybe a little pride.
He also set up an account with Mint, and we looked through some of his and Mom's spending from the last month. They were still a little over the budget I asked them to target, but I expected them to take a few months to dial back the spending. They had two charges at target, one for 377$ and one for 127$. I asked what they bought and neither could recall what they spent almost 400$ on in a single shopping trip. Mom seemed shocked that they had spent so much. I suggested they stay away from target for a month and see how they feel.
We also briefly went over their financial plan again, and it seemed like he started feeling better about their situation. Honestly, between the money they have saved and SS income in a few years, they would really have to try to screw their money situation up. He agreed that they don't need to sell the house, yay. The bad part is that he's still looking for a job similar to his previous one. I tried the questions about whether he might rather enjoy a less stressful job that didn't pay as much since they don't need a higher paying one, but he still insists on trying to find the manager job. His reasons were that he wants to give mom the life she deserves and make sure she doesn't feel like she married a loser. How chivalrous. I lost it a tiny bit and told him that he was being selfish. I said I've never heard Mom say she wants more money, but instead is all for the budget cuts. I said Mom doesn't care what kind of job you have, Mom knows what makes her happy, and it doesn't cost a lot of money. He keeps saying he's doing it for Mom, but its really for himself. He wants others to know he can "take care of" Mom and spend money on her, and it embarrasses him to imagine anyone thinking otherwise. The only reason he wants a high paying job is for himself.
I feel like a curtain has been lifted and I'm seeing my Dad clearly now. I used to think he was so logical and sure of himself, but now he seems like a highschool kid who was just shunned from the popular kid group for not having the most expensive car or clothes. I will stop rambling now and end with a final note. I plan on keeping up with the cooking lessons, keep an eye on their spending in Mint, and I have also suggested he sign up to be an Uber drive while he looks for his manager job. I think the situation has at least calmed down a lot, but hopefully over time his stress levels will continue to lower. I still think he's got a ways to go on the happiness front, but that might take a long time and isn't really in my control. For now things seem ok, so thanks everyone for reading and for all the helpful advice.