Author Topic: How do people with families DO it....?  (Read 18703 times)

EconDiva

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How do people with families DO it....?
« on: May 08, 2017, 05:33:30 PM »
By 'do' I mean...find time for absolutely anything besides work.

I am seriously wanting to know this because this was my day today:

7:30 - Wake up..check work emails on phone to see if anything urgent.  Brush teeth/wash face/shower
8:00 - Start working...I work from home
3:00 - Oh crap...haven't eaten yet...warm something up in microwave, go back to room and eat it while working (20 minutes)
7:30 pm - Oh crap...If I don't leave now I won't get to the gym in enough time for my 1.2 hour workout.  Close a few emails out, get gym shoes, etc together, head out to gym
8:00 - 9:30 work out (not a full hour and a half but one hour of cardio and maybe 15 minutes of weights...trying to lose weight)
9:30 - Oh crap...what am I gonna eat tonight?  Grab a Panera soup/salad
10:15 - Arrive home.  Shower.  Check a few emails, maybe answer a few or take care of a few minor work things.
11:00 - Oh crap...it sure is late to be eating.  Let me have some me time now and eat.
11:30-12:30 - Try to get in some more work but brain is dead.  Get a few last things done in between surfing the net and falling asleep at my laptop.

Ok so this isn't EXACTLY my day every day BUT...it's close.  I mean, I can't afford to buy Panera every day obviously. 

But my point is, I'm working from home now and still don't get how some families can fit in a commute, picking up the kids, cooking, cleaning, taking out the dog, helping the kids with homework, getting a workout in to stay healthy *and actually have a job*. 

SKL-HOU

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #1 on: May 08, 2017, 05:47:18 PM »
Single mom to a 5 year old boy here.

5:30-5:45 get up, shower, prepare breakfast for kid, prepare his snacks (he eats lunch at school). Let the 2 dogs out one at a time as they no longer get along (in fact one passed away today breaking my heart)
6:50 wake up kid and feed him (dry my hair, etc while he is eating).
7:25-7:30 leave house (he needs to be at school by 7:45)
8:15ish get to work
4:30 leave work (i leave half an hour early due to a company relocation but it will change soon)
5ish pick up kid
5:15 get home (if no need to go grocery shopping)
5:15 let the dogs out
5:30 start cooking dinner
6-6:30 eat dinner
6:30-7:30 watch tv with son then he drinks his milk
7:30 bath time for son (every other day)
8 his bed time
8:30 i start dozing off
9:30-10 i go to bed

I usually do chores on the weekend. It is very tiring but i make it work. As my son gets older, he will be able to help more making it easier.

englishteacheralex

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #2 on: May 08, 2017, 06:01:55 PM »
It looks like you spent 8:00 am to 7:30 pm working?

That is almost 12 solid hours of work.

I work a traditional 8.5 hour day. 7:30-3:00. I have two children under 3. No pets. One husband. We cook most of our meals.

There are many chore shortcuts to keep us functional but not pinterest-worthy. We don't sleep as much as we'd like. And while the baby is under 6 months old, working out kind of doesn't happen (although we go for long walks almost every day before dinner).

My commute takes about 30 minutes/direction. Annoying waste of time, but it could be worse. You don't even have a commute!

Pigeon

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #3 on: May 08, 2017, 06:21:51 PM »
My day starts at 5:00.  I have a half hour-45 min commute.  It used to include daycare drop off (dh did pick-up).  I work an 8 hour day.  There is no "me" time, period.  Cleaning and errands get done on weekends, including batch cooking for the upcoming week and keeping the freezer stocked.

Paul der Krake

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #4 on: May 08, 2017, 07:25:06 PM »
Your problem is obviously that you work too much. Stick to a normal workload and watch your life come back.

human

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #5 on: May 08, 2017, 07:35:45 PM »
You need to be more efficient with workouts. One day weights one day cardio or smoething like that. 1.5 hours for working out make no sense if the goal is weight loss and some strength building. Maybe your intensity is way to low.

Laura33

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #6 on: May 08, 2017, 07:41:13 PM »
Umm, I don't work 12 hrs/day?

My fairly standard day for the past @12 yrs:

Up at 5:30-6.  DH deals with kids in morning.
Workout days used to be drive to office @6:30, run, shower (at work), eat (brownbag), ready by 8ish.  Now crossfit near home 6-7, commute, shower, eat, still ready by 8ish.  Non-workout days: leave by 7, eat at office, again ready to go by 8ish.
Work 8ish until 4-4:30, leave for daycare pickup.  (1-2 days/week my mom does pickup and I can work until 6-7).
Home by 5-5:30.  Make dinner, kids do homework.  Eat sometime between 6-7 when DH gets home.
7:00:  supervise any remaining homework, requisite nags, dinner cleanup, etc.  Do any necessary follow-up work (rare).
8:00:  chill.  Bed by 10-10:30.

Some weekend work, again rare.  Standard workweek 40-45 hrs, sometimes 50.  Less when kids were young and I was 80%.

Other things that help:
- Low standards. I prioritize fun over chores/cleaning/"shoulds."
- Paid help so we don't spend all weekend cleaning/mowing
- One kid activity at a time (harder now that they are older and baseball = 3 nights/week)
- Planning/cooking/all errands on weekends.

Mika M

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #7 on: May 08, 2017, 07:50:48 PM »
Hah, well I have a 15-minute commute (including stopping at daycare) but definitely wouldn't dream of 1.5 hour workouts! Although even pre-kid I could never spend more than a half hour on exercising (unless I was off hiking)...

These days I mostly don't (exercise). I do still care about watching my figure so I've gradually adjusted my diet and calorie intake correspondingly as I've gotten older. I also have an evening alarm to squeeze in a bite-sized workout usually consisting of a few quick sets of light toning... and half the time I ignore it due to fatigue.

But, no matter what job I've been doing in life I've always made time for meals and mental breaks if not physical ones...

With kids it is harder to find time for other diversions I'm interested in like long hikes, tinkering in art and music, occasional concerts and restaurants, but when you have kids it's inevitable that some things will fall by the way side, at least for a few years.

When I was pregnant my sister told me, "yeah parenthood is this big tiring, life altering thing, but you kinda just do it"

MsPeacock

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #8 on: May 08, 2017, 07:57:28 PM »
I do it by getting up really really early. Single mom, two kids.

0445 up and put the door by 0500. Workout for 60-90 minutes at work (20 minute drive). Most work days are 10 hours - but two of those days I have a couple hours of telework. On telework days I get a second workout in on my way home. I work four days per week and volunteer on the fifth day at my kids school and for a wounded warriors adaptive cyclist program.

Kids are home around four. Dinner, homework, telework, cleaning, etc. I make dinner from scratch most night. I'm pooped out by ten. Kids are settled before that. I sometimes order groceries online and I have a cleaner no lady come weekly to keep the house in order.

MayDay

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #9 on: May 08, 2017, 07:58:16 PM »
Working 8-7:30 + extra emails before and after?

Yuck.

Do you make tons of money? If so, hire out things for convenience.  Including lots of childcare. People who work super long hours, either their spouse stays home and handles everything, or if they both work that much they have both daycare and a nanny to cover all the hours.

If you don't make tons of money, I'd be looking for a different job.

kpd905

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #10 on: May 08, 2017, 07:58:38 PM »
12+ hours of work, plus answering emails at a few other times during the day?  Most people don't do that.  I work 8.5 hours a day and don't think about work at all once I leave.

Case

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #11 on: May 08, 2017, 08:04:59 PM »
By 'do' I mean...find time for absolutely anything besides work.

I am seriously wanting to know this because this was my day today:

7:30 - Wake up..check work emails on phone to see if anything urgent.  Brush teeth/wash face/shower
8:00 - Start working...I work from home
3:00 - Oh crap...haven't eaten yet...warm something up in microwave, go back to room and eat it while working (20 minutes)
7:30 pm - Oh crap...If I don't leave now I won't get to the gym in enough time for my 1.2 hour workout.  Close a few emails out, get gym shoes, etc together, head out to gym
8:00 - 9:30 work out (not a full hour and a half but one hour of cardio and maybe 15 minutes of weights...trying to lose weight)
9:30 - Oh crap...what am I gonna eat tonight?  Grab a Panera soup/salad
10:15 - Arrive home.  Shower.  Check a few emails, maybe answer a few or take care of a few minor work things.
11:00 - Oh crap...it sure is late to be eating.  Let me have some me time now and eat.
11:30-12:30 - Try to get in some more work but brain is dead.  Get a few last things done in between surfing the net and falling asleep at my laptop.

Ok so this isn't EXACTLY my day every day BUT...it's close.  I mean, I can't afford to buy Panera every day obviously. 

But my point is, I'm working from home now and still don't get how some families can fit in a commute, picking up the kids, cooking, cleaning, taking out the dog, helping the kids with homework, getting a workout in to stay healthy *and actually have a job*.

If you can work a 12 hour day and make efficient use of those 12 hours day after day, more power to you.   I couldn't do that on any prolonged basis.  So I am going to speculate it is due to spending too much time goofing off at work when you could be working a shorter day.  But if you say otherwise i'll take your work for it.


NorCal

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #12 on: May 08, 2017, 08:15:28 PM »
I have a 3.5 year old and a 3 week old.  I have the modern more-than-40 hours job, and my wife works significantly more than I do.  We're still working on the routine for the 3 week old, but we had a pretty good routine for the eldest.

First off, I've become much better at setting boundaries at work than I used to.  When I accepted my current job, I was up-front with my need to leave work at 4:30 every day.  That doesn't mean I don't go back online later at night, or I don't ask my wife to cover daycare pickup when things get super busy.  I do the same for her.

Interestingly, I'm actually better at my job after setting boundaries.  I'm much better at saying "no" to the unimportant requests, which leaves me more time for things that are real priorities.  My reviews over the last few years reflect this as well.

startingsmall

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #13 on: May 08, 2017, 08:18:12 PM »
I currently work 4 days/wk at my FT job. I also do one day on my side hustle (freelance writing/editing), but that's an easy day without much schedule.

Work days look like this:
7:15 am - Alarm goes off. Shower, get dressed, get kiddo up and dressed, pack my lunch, kiddo & I eat breakfast together
8:20 am - Leave for work
9:00am - 7:00 pm (with an hour for lunch most days) - Work.
7:45ish pm - Home from work. Eat dinner (husband cooks), spend time with kiddo, do one load of laundry,  pay bills, do kiddo's bath/bedtime.
9:30 pm - Sit down on couch, talk to husband, check email, surface Facebook & MMM, etc.
10-11pm - Get ready for bed, put out clothes for next day, etc. (I aim for 10 but it ends up being 11.) 

I really need to be exercising, but it isn't happening right now. I have a lot of excuses, but realistically I just need to be getting up at 6:30am to do the Beachbody workouts that a friend suckered me into buying.

CloserToFree

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #14 on: May 08, 2017, 09:17:47 PM »
If I had to guess, your work is expanding to fill the available space.  I was the same way pre-kid (we have a 2yo son).  It's easy for that to happen when you don't feel urgency to clear space for other stuff- which often happens once a baby (or other compelling personal life demand) comes along. 

You're so massively lucky that you work from home, assuming you're considering having kids.  That's already a huge advantage for designing your lifestyle in a way that's family friendly.  I'd guess that the trips to the gym, and 1.5+ hour workouts, will fall by the wayside if a baby is in the picture.  Have you thought about a standing/ treadmill desk? Do you own home exercise equipment?  Working out during my son's nap time (home elliptical, yoga, workout videos) was key for my sanity during my maternity leave.

aetheldrea

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #15 on: May 08, 2017, 09:31:54 PM »
As one of my friends with 8 kids likes to say, same way as everybody else, we just do it more often

EconDiva

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #16 on: May 09, 2017, 05:21:09 AM »
Working 8-7:30 + extra emails before and after?

Yuck.

Do you make tons of money? If so, hire out things for convenience.  Including lots of childcare. People who work super long hours, either their spouse stays home and handles everything, or if they both work that much they have both daycare and a nanny to cover all the hours.

If you don't make tons of money, I'd be looking for a different job.

I make 90k a year.

I don't have kids or a spouse. But this question had come up amongst myself and another friend recently who works a lot as well and is also single. We were wondering how families do it all...

EconDiva

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #17 on: May 09, 2017, 05:22:12 AM »
Your problem is obviously that you work too much. Stick to a normal workload and watch your life come back.

I guess I'm waiting for those that work similar jobs to chime in....?

Surely everyone here doesn't have a 9-5...

EconDiva

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #18 on: May 09, 2017, 05:30:33 AM »
It looks like you spent 8:00 am to 7:30 pm working?

That is almost 12 solid hours of work.

I work a traditional 8.5 hour day. 7:30-3:00. I have two children under 3. No pets. One husband. We cook most of our meals.

There are many chore shortcuts to keep us functional but not pinterest-worthy. We don't sleep as much as we'd like. And while the baby is under 6 months old, working out kind of doesn't happen (although we go for long walks almost every day before dinner).

My commute takes about 30 minutes/direction. Annoying waste of time, but it could be worse. You don't even have a commute!

Yeah I know....

I don't think I can do this forever. I just don't know how much longer to hold on. It's just the type of job where you're always 'on'. For instance I have an 8:00 pm meeting tomorrow. I have to host the meeting so I can't do other things during that time. Which means no evening workout or dinner with a friend or whatever.  I host evening meetings 1-2 times a week.

Of course "hypothetically" I could work out earlier and have the flexibility to do something like go to lunch in the middle of the day if I liked since I work from home. My boss has mentioned I can be flexible with these sorts of things. The 'issue' is in real life, it's not that easy.  My company is global and my work/emails don't ever stop as once the US starts shutting down, the people I work with on the other side of the world start waking up. 

EconDiva

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #19 on: May 09, 2017, 05:32:24 AM »
Your problem is obviously that you work too much. Stick to a normal workload and watch your life come back.

What is 'normal' these days?

I would think a 40 hour work week was for people in certain jobs like nursing where you can 'turn off' once you leave work (I consider it a job where you're only 'on' while at work). 

EconDiva

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #20 on: May 09, 2017, 05:34:38 AM »
You need to be more efficient with workouts. One day weights one day cardio or smoething like that. 1.5 hours for working out make no sense if the goal is weight loss and some strength building. Maybe your intensity is way to low.

As I mentioned it's not a full hour and a half.

For instance last night was 50 minutes cardio plus 15 minutes lifting. I did have to wait on one machine though. I'm probably eating too much. I get so hungry after workouts now after doing all that cardio.

I do agree my workouts aren't efficient enough. But I just feel less stressed after a long cardio session.

EconDiva

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #21 on: May 09, 2017, 05:35:32 AM »
My day starts at 5:00.  I have a half hour-45 min commute.  It used to include daycare drop off (dh did pick-up).  I work an 8 hour day.  There is no "me" time, period.  Cleaning and errands get done on weekends, including batch cooking for the upcoming week and keeping the freezer stocked.

When does your day end?

Also you have to get in 'some' me time...right?

EconDiva

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #22 on: May 09, 2017, 05:41:40 AM »
Agreed with others - you're working yourself to death.  That is the source of your other issues and needs to change asap.

Cardio workouts made me hungry and I end up eating more.  Made it hard to lose weight, never mind the ridiculous length of workouts.  I lost a lot by building up muscle with push-ups and pull-ups.  Total workout time is about 5 min per day.  Workout at home so you don't waste time commuting.

Even more important than the workouts is what and how much you eat.  Try eating at set times and plan your meals in advance, even snacks.

I do know all of this in regards to the workouts...I think something about zoning out on cardio is therapeutic for me. Anyways as a 5 foot tall female without any other girlfriends who want to buddy up at the gym I get bogged down on cardio machines as it's what I'm used to. I'd love to do more free weights but I'm inexperienced. I mean, I went to the "men's section" to do squats last week and it was like the entire section stopped to watch. O.O I don't know if they thought I was gonna hurt myself or were just shocked to see a woman lifting or just a bit creepy but trust in that section of my gym as a female someone if not multiple people will just watch you lift. It creeps me out.

Little Aussie Battler

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #23 on: May 09, 2017, 05:49:18 AM »
The short answer is that most people compromise, and exercise is often the part that is given up. Other people work fewer hours (and sometimes realise that their output is the same) or work just as hard and rarely see their family. It's all about prioritisation.

What job do you have? Very few people genuinely need to be sending work emails at midnight.

Get up earlier. Lift the intensity of your workout and reduce the duration. Do it before work or at lunchtime. Find a closer gym or, even better, workout from home. That's just saved you a chunk of time each day.

Eat dinner at a more reasonable time, and then only log back in if absolutely necessary.

As a single person this really isn't that hard.

Laura33

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #24 on: May 09, 2017, 06:07:23 AM »
I would think a 40 hour work week was for people in certain jobs like nursing where you can 'turn off' once you leave work.

I'm a lawyer.  There's no "off" -- you just have to make your own "off."  I block off @4-7 every day to get the kids, get dinner going, and eat dinner as a family (except when activities intervene); obviously, that doesn't happen every day, and I have backups, and backups for my backups, but my baseline is I do.not.work. during those three hours. 

The secret is all in how you approach it.  I have worked with people whose natural approach is "I will ask the client when they want to do something and adjust my own schedule to accommodate their convenience."  My approach, OTOH, is to start with what works for me, and adjust only as necessary -- e.g., "I have a slot between 2-4 tomorrow, is that convenient for you?"  The other key:  you have "meetings" and "commitments" at those inconvenient times.  No one needs to know what your "meeting" is.  Yes, I do have clients and coworkers to whom I can say, hey, I have daycare pickup, can we do it before 5 or after 6?  But with other people, the answer is just "I'm sorry, I have another meeting at 5, can we do it before then or after 6?"

Oh:  and when I go to bed, the phone stays downstairs.

Tl;dr: If you think your job requires you to be "on" 24-7, your bosses and coworkers will be happy to oblige.  Find a way to set boundaries and protect time to do what you value.  No one can work 12-hr days endlessly without getting burned out.  Kids or no.

EconDiva

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #25 on: May 09, 2017, 06:09:07 AM »
The short answer is that most people compromise, and exercise is often the part that is given up. Other people work fewer hours (and sometimes realise that their output is the same) or work just as hard and rarely see their family. It's all about prioritisation.

What job do you have? Very few people genuinely need to be sending work emails at midnight.

Get up earlier. Lift the intensity of your workout and reduce the duration. Do it before work or at lunchtime. Find a closer gym or, even better, workout from home. That's just saved you a chunk of time each day.

Eat dinner at a more reasonable time, and then only log back in if absolutely necessary.

As a single person this really isn't that hard.

I work in pharma. I 'manage' people by region but for some reason I've been assigned regions in 'and' outside of my time zones. For instance, I'm assigned management of US but also have Asia. So sometimes when I'm ready to start winding down Asia comes online with requests.

When I was newer to all this I had a cut off time and wouldn't respond to much after say 7 pm. But I noticed there were a few times when my boss would chime in late in the evening and say, "Since I see EconDiva hasn't addressed this with you yet, I will respond..." I felt it was a passive aggressive way of saying as long as I'm up I should be responding to emails.

Anyways, you're right. I need to make some adjustments. But I do think the job is still a bit too much 'on' and not enough 'off' for me.

2Birds1Stone

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #26 on: May 09, 2017, 06:19:12 AM »
I get to the office at 5:30 AM 3 X a week to get a nice lift in before starting my day.

I tend to work from 8 AM - 5 PM and get home at 5:30......then I have ~5 hours every night to do whatever I want.

On the weekend I hit the gym either Saturday or Sunday morning, if I don't have anything fun planned that requires the whole weekend (travel, events, short day trips etc).

You have to set your own boundaries. If you chose to work 60-70 hours a week, then yes you won't have as much time to do other things.

MayDay

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #27 on: May 09, 2017, 06:25:01 AM »
If you are expected to work a few hours in the evening, then why can't you take a two-three hour lunch break, exercise, and eat. Or take off from 4-7, then work again 7-10.

Your boss says you can take time during the day. So why don't you take it? Also the gym will be empty at 2 pm. Bonus!

notactiveanymore

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #28 on: May 09, 2017, 06:26:59 AM »
I work 8-5 and I am paid hourly, so the amount of times I work over that (not allowed to work overtime) is very limited. I make 47 plus 100% health for whole family and for me the work-life balance is a big factor in jobs I would consider. I highly value never having to check my email at home or worry overmuch on days off.

I wanted to chime in and point out that losing weight is overwhelmingly about your diet and not your exercise. Exercise is fantastic for health and can help with metabolism, but what you eat will always have more of an effect on net calories. I think what you need in life is more scheduling. You can still work 12 hours a day and feel better than you do now. Wake up at 6:30, do some bodyweight exercises and make yourself a healthy breakfast before showering or even looking at email. Work 7:30-12:30, then make lunch. Then work 1-6, workout and make dinner in a 2 hour break.  Work 8-10, then take an hour to yourself with no phone before going to bed. And the longest anyone is going before getting a response is 2 hours/overnight.

I mean it's still not the work-life balance I would want, but it would give you time to prepare and eat healthier meals and still work the hours you need. I think you might want to look into books by some CEOs because you might be able to increase your efficiency, especially with emails.
« Last Edit: May 09, 2017, 06:28:55 AM by theotherelise »

Heroes821

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #29 on: May 09, 2017, 06:30:44 AM »
When I worked from home I simply set a timer every hour and took a 5 minute break.  (shorter than most smokers I know).  I could run laundry, make food to eat, or do some workouts like pull ups or push ups or w/e.  I definitely could of started at 8 and lost myself till 3, but getting up to stretch and reset is shown to be good for getting back to tasks.  The military even did research into how long people can sit and hone in on a lecture which is why they only do roughly 45 minutes before taking a 15 minute break.  If you work from home and a boss messages or calls you because you stepped away for a minute, it's no different than a bathroom break.

LadyStache in Baja

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #30 on: May 09, 2017, 06:39:50 AM »
Do HIIT workouts from home. (High intensity interval training, short duration) I do benderfitness.com. But there's a ton out there. Definitely make healthy meals your priority.

I agree with setting alarms and honoring them. Yes you can be "on" all the time, but if you are taking a short break (15 minutes), that's still a prompt response, right? Or does it need to be really prompt? Can you set an autoresponder during your breaks that says "Thanks for your question, I'll get back to you at x:00"

EconDiva

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #31 on: May 09, 2017, 06:41:26 AM »
If you are expected to work a few hours in the evening, then why can't you take a two-three hour lunch break, exercise, and eat. Or take off from 4-7, then work again 7-10.

Your boss says you can take time during the day. So why don't you take it? Also the gym will be empty at 2 pm. Bonus!

Because it's busy during the day.

So this works in theory but the vast majority of the time there are other meetings and work to be done.

BeanCounter

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #32 on: May 09, 2017, 06:49:26 AM »
+1 to everything Laura33 said.
You need to work on setting boundaries being more efficient with everything. Get up earlier. Get your workout out of the way first. Take breaks during your work day. If you have to have a late meeting or answer emails after hours then make up that time during the day. Set a time when you will no longer look or respond to email. If your boss expects you to be on 24/7, then it's time to start looking for a new boss because that is unreasonable.
I have a director level job making mid six figures. I could let my job take over my life if I didn't set boundaries and be extremely efficient when I am working. Married with two little kids, this is my typical day-

4:45 get up, put workout clothes on and pack lunches
5:30-6am- drink coffee and read, catch up on emails or have me time
6am-6:45- workout
6:45- 7:15 shower get ready
7:15-8am- drive 4 year old to preschool and commute to my office
8am-12- work
12-12:30- take walk on treadmill in office gym
12:30-4:45- work
4:45-6pm- pick up children at two different schools and commute home- working to find nanny for our house from 3-6 so that I can stop doing this
6-7pm- heat up dinner that I cooked on the weekend and eat, or some nights we have sports or boy scouts during this time
7pm-8:30- family time- NO SCREENS FOR ANYONE, then baths for children
8:30- tuck in children- SNUGGLES
8:30-9pm- try to have conversation with husband before passing out. maybe watch a show or read. or if it has been a horrid week, I'll log back on and do some work, but I try to keep this to an absolute minimum.
9-930ish asleep

Rinse and repeat. Someone once told me that this would be the "lost years". I believe they might be right.
I often work a couple hours really early on weekend mornings instead of working out. This is to clean up any loose ends, especially during budget time. I feel that if my job can't be done in say, 45 hours a week then there is a problem. Either I have to be more efficient or I need to work with my boss and team to adjust my work load. Sometimes it's as simple as negotiating a reasonable deadline for something or stopping work that isn't necessary.

BeanCounter

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #33 on: May 09, 2017, 06:52:44 AM »
If you are expected to work a few hours in the evening, then why can't you take a two-three hour lunch break, exercise, and eat. Or take off from 4-7, then work again 7-10.

Your boss says you can take time during the day. So why don't you take it? Also the gym will be empty at 2 pm. Bonus!

Because it's busy during the day.

So this works in theory but the vast majority of the time there are other meetings and work to be done.
Can you evaluate the necessity of all the meetings. I work with one team that likes to meet about everything. I find them incredibly inefficient. I've stopped accepting many of their meeting requests for that reason.

boarder42

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #34 on: May 09, 2017, 06:55:02 AM »
If you are expected to work a few hours in the evening, then why can't you take a two-three hour lunch break, exercise, and eat. Or take off from 4-7, then work again 7-10.

Your boss says you can take time during the day. So why don't you take it? Also the gym will be empty at 2 pm. Bonus!

Because it's busy during the day.

So this works in theory but the vast majority of the time there are other meetings and work to be done.

i think you have your answer in this thread plainly laid out... you're working too much.  so you should get to the root cause of that.

1. is your work asking too much of you -
2. are you getting OT - if so great - i assume not - if so have them hire someone else b/c you're overloaded
3. are you inefficient at what is being asked of you? <- this more than anything is what i see in my field ... the people who are overworked are much less effiicient. 

so the answer would be to work less - and i'd start figuring out how to do that sooner vs. later.  whether its a new job or figuring out how to make your time more efficient or reducing your responsiblities.  your life will get infinitely better regardless of having children or not.

catccc

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #35 on: May 09, 2017, 07:06:49 AM »
Look for a new job.  You don't need to be working 12+ hour days for that kind of money.

My office has a standard 37.5 hour workweek.  I rarely work more than 37.5 hours, and I'm good at my job so it gets done quickly.  For a lot of jobs, if you can't fit the work into a 40 hour workweek, the company either needs to hire another head, or you aren't doing the job right.  (For a lot of jobs... not all!)  I do have a 45 minute (one way) commute, but it is worth it for the job and the pay ($92K).  DH works part time and we have 2 kids.  It can get hectic, and unlike feeding yourself, which you can put off and usually not affect anyone else, kids demand food at regular intervals.

If you aren't willing to get a new job, find ways to combine exercise and work time.  You might be able to work from your laptop on a stationary bicycle, for instance.

My schedule can be irregular, because sometimes I get the kids ready for school, and sometimes DH does, but one of my days where I get a workout in looks like this:
6:15 wake up
6:30 drive to gym (which is halfway+ to work)
7:00 cycle class
8:15 drive to work
8:30-4:15 work
4:15-5 drive home
5-8 dinner and family time (kids are 5 & 8 and get essentially zero screen time)
8-11 clean up the house, prep for the next day, and relaxing time (dishes, pick up messes, lunches, school forms, some TV, reading, chatting with DH)

We are lucky in that our schedules allow for one of us to be home when the kids are home.  We have done the daycare thing before and the day was gone by the time we got home with kids.  That was hard.

notactiveanymore

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #36 on: May 09, 2017, 07:30:21 AM »
Something else to consider here is that although 90k sounds like an awesome income for a single person with no kids, your hourly rate right now very reflective of that. If you're working just M-F the way you described (so 60 hours) then you're making 28.8/hr. If you work 5 more hours on the weekend your'e making 26.6/hr and if you work 10 hours on the weekend you're making 24.7/hr.

My 47.5k over 40 hours is 22.8/hr. I could have seen myself working a job like yours while single, but I would have wanted to know an end date where I could transition to better hours, even if it meant taking a small salary cut.

Are there any more measured jobs in your field that you could plan to move into once you hit a certain saving threshold?

You just have to decide how much your time is worth to you.

SachaFiscal

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #37 on: May 09, 2017, 07:31:31 AM »
I got an app on my phone for a 7 minute workout. The full body workout is free but you have to purchase the other workouts on iPhone (android has more free options). I do three rounds twice a week at home but you could probably take small breaks during the day and spread it out through your workday. It's simple exercises like jumping jacks, squats, push-ups, crunches, etc.  I can feel myself getting stronger and if I do several rounds, it gets my heart rate up too.

firelight

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #38 on: May 09, 2017, 07:59:56 AM »
+1 to what Laura33 said. You need to put boundaries between work and home. 90k for 60+ hours of work is not a very good hourly rate. I used to work a lot when single (I'm a computer engineer so I always have some coding or tinkering to do - it was also my hobby so I was happy with it) but once spouse and kids came into picture, I moved to a more reasonable work time.  And I find that my efficiency is way better now than when I was working 50+ hours. Either get a huge raise to justify your working so long and hard or work on having systems in place when you are out. For example, what happens if you are out on vacation or out sick for a few weeks? Does your company stop operating or do they find others to get their queries resolved?

Also if your boss answers because you haven't or because you are not available post 7 pm, that's his/her call. He can do it and screw his work life balance. It doesn't mean you need to as well. Think about it.

Smokystache

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #39 on: May 09, 2017, 08:03:24 AM »
I don't doubt that you work hard and long hours, but I don't know anyone who works from home in front of a computer who doesn't spend some part of their day doing a little surfin. Heck, I'm at work right now and I've checked the boards twice today and it ain't 10am in my time zone yet.

If you can really work 8am to 3pm without taking enough time to grab a sandwich from your kitchen, then I admire your ability to focus exclusively on work. I know I'm not capable of that. Is it possible that you're taking a few side breaks to look around online (check MMM forums, cough cough ... ) perhaps even enough of these breaks throughout the day that when you add these up it is a sizeable amount of time? Honestly, I would be shocked if you didn't take some number of breaks.

When I do big writing projects, I use some apps/software that blocks the internet for X hours so I don't write a paragraph and then think "I sure deserve a break! I wonder if there is an update on my favorite MMM journal?" It also made me very aware of how often I take a 5 (or more!) minute break during the day to surf around a little. Perhaps it would be worth it to keep track of any breaks OR see if how long you can work without taking a break. I'd be surprised if you didn't find some leisure time in there.

Aunt Petunia

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #40 on: May 09, 2017, 08:05:20 AM »
I work 12 hours, 3 days a week. DH stays home with the kiddo on those days, and I pretty much do nothing but work and sleep. On good days I get in a workout by biking to work. When I am on the early shifts the whole schedule is shifted 2 hours earlier. I used to do rotating nights so this is much better. The schedule is something like:

0530: wake up, drink coffee, pack lunch, get ready for work, maybe journal or do some light chores
0630: leave for work (leave at 0620 if biking)
0650: arrive at work
I get 2 30 minute breaks at around 0900 and 1400, I usually squeeze in a short walk after I eat
1900: leave work
1930: shower and eat (usually leftovers or frozen pizza)
2030: play with kiddo a little or watch TV
2200:bed

DH is great with the kiddo but not so good about house chores, so if I work 3 days in a row the whole place is a disaster. All chores, errands, cooking, and "me time " happen on my days off. Workouts usually consist of going running with my son in the stroller, or maybe a yoga video or some yard work while he naps.  During the school year I work an additional 9 hours/ week at my side gig, plus time at home grading papers. I make about 90k/ year between both jobs.

Paul der Krake

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #41 on: May 09, 2017, 08:42:45 AM »
Is this your first professional job?

Either your boss is a jerk, or you are reading too much into his words. Email is an asynchronous medium. There should be no expectation of immediate response, and certainly no expectation of always-on at this paygrade.

Try working 9 to 5, then set aside 15 minutes every two hours to respond to emails until you go to bed, which gives you a more than reasonable SLA. And definitely incorporate some of your household tasks during your 9 to 5.


MayDay

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #42 on: May 09, 2017, 09:00:18 AM »
If you are expected to work a few hours in the evening, then why can't you take a two-three hour lunch break, exercise, and eat. Or take off from 4-7, then work again 7-10.

Your boss says you can take time during the day. So why don't you take it? Also the gym will be empty at 2 pm. Bonus!

Because it's busy during the day.

So this works in theory but the vast majority of the time there are other meetings and work to be done.

Block it off on your calendar.

Figure out how to be more efficient.

Whatever. It's your life. If you like working 13 hours days, you do you. But it's really easy to change. You say no. You block time. Less important stuff either doesn't get done or gets passed on to others.  The end.

Lady SA

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #43 on: May 09, 2017, 09:12:56 AM »
I work a fulltime job for $76k, but I have full autonomy and my workplace trusts me to get my work done no matter where or what time I do it. This translates into a lot of flexibility, ability to work from home a few times a week, leave the office early if work is done, leave office early and finish up work at home, etc.
I and DH have no children or pets, so it makes things easier.

7:30am - wake up
8:00 - catch bus to work
8:45 - get into office, start working
12:15 - realize I'm hungry, eat my brownbag lunch for 20 minutes, get bored and go back to work
12:45 - answer some emails
3:45 - catch a bus back home to avoid most of the traffic
4:10 - get home and usually answer 1 or 2 emails, then shut off the laptop and not think about work the rest of the night. Other nights I will do an hour or two of more work if needed at home, depends entirely on my workload. Usually its pretty chill though.
5:00 - DH and I do a workout (body weight exercise, running, etc)
6:00 - 3 days a week make bulk dinner, other nights this time is used for tinkering on personal projects, larger chores (laundry, cleaning kitchen, etc), or reading
7:00 - eat dinner
7:30 - clean up, then rest of the night is hanging out together, reading, etc
10:00 - start thinking about going to bed, do another quick sweep of the house and neaten things

So... I have like a 7 hour workday, so I essentially am working a 40 hr/wk job with just 35 hours per week, meaning my hourly pay is over $40. If I had a more intense job I would be completely wiped out and have no energy for things that I actually want to do. I have no interest in working more than 7 hours a day lol
I like to have a lot of relaxation time in the evening, and we make this work by having a "No TV on weeknights" rule, which we found sucked up a lot of our evening time. Now we have more time for hobbies and projects that interest us.
For chores, a lot of it is taken care of by another rule, "Go to bed with a neat house". So both DH and I pick things off the floor and put things away each night, meaning things don't have a chance to pile up. "Neat" doesn't mean "clean", the actual deep cleaning and scrubbing usually happens on the weekends.

I also work at a 24/7 international company and was worried about being pulled into meetings on my "off" hours. I got around this by keeping a lower rung on the hierarchy scale (but not on the pay scale, software companies are great like that) so I'm not a decision-maker, and I also physically put recurring "busy" meetings on my calendar after hours so no one reasonably tries to schedule stuff with me at that time. After 3 years of doing this everyone I work with knows my schedule so things have leveled out and no one even tries a late meeting with me, and this lack of "give a damn" hasn't translated to less responsibility given to me or my employer having less confidence in my work; just the opposite. I've been given higher pay raises and responsibility increases than expected, but I can still get it done in 35 hours. I love my job because it recognizes that I am a human with a life and I can organize my job around my life instead of my life around my job.
« Last Edit: May 09, 2017, 09:18:26 AM by LadyLB »

mm1970

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #44 on: May 09, 2017, 09:45:06 AM »
My day is pretty scheduled.  You make me laugh.  And here's why:
1.  I remember my best friend (when she was single), telling me she didn't have time to do laundry, much less cook.
2.  I remember my good friend in DC's schedule, much like yours.  Started with getting to work at 6:30 am to get parking, ended with eating dinner at 9 pm (takeout) in front of the TV
3.  I remember my schedule when I was single.  It involved:
- working 9 hours a day
- working out 1-2 hours a day
- playing in volleyball leagues 2-4 days a week
- taking classes 2 days a week

No wonder.

So, how do we do it?
1.  It is extremely rare for me to work >40 hours a week.  My husband does, but he gets a lot less sleep
2.  Food prep on the weekend. I  cook 2 big meals on the weekend, and in addition, spend a couple of hours washing and prepping fruit and veg.
3.  Kids pretty much demand your attention, and they like to eat 3 meals, so you can't just ignore your hunger.
4.  My workouts are short, and not every day.  I probably swim or run 30-40 min 2x a week, do a long run (2 hours) once a week, and lift for 15 minutes once or twice a week.  I walk 30 minutes on my lunch break.

Typical day:
4:40 am: alarm goes off.  Wake up, do my morning stuff.
5:10 am: at the gym, waiting for it to open
5:30 am: gym open, go to pool, get my favorite lane.  Swim 30-45 minutes.
6:30 am: back home.  Spend 20 minutes packing 3 lunches.  (Kid: fruit, raw veg, string cheese, sliced turkey.  Me: salad, fruit salad, pasta.  Hubs: salad, fruit salad, sandwich.  He makes his own sandwich).  Drink coffee, make toast and egg for breakfast.  Eat.
7:20 am: leave for work
7:30 am until 3:15 or 4:30 pm (depends on if kid activity): work
3:15 pm: leave work.  Go to school.  Pick up kid.  Go home, get him in uniform.  Drop off at baseball at 4 pm.  Go to preschool.  Pick up younger kid.  Back to baseball game.
5:00 pm - 6:40 pm.  Take turns watching baseball and playing on playground with hubby.
6:40 pm: go home, make dinner so as to avoid takeout.  Baseball not over yet.  But I can prep and microwave a vegetable and cook up chicken or fish or quesadillas before hubby and big kid get home.
7:30 pm dinner done, do dishes.
8:00 pm, chill with kids
8:30 pm start bedtime for little kid (hubby does this)
9:00 pm my bedtime and big kids'.

If it is not a sports day, then I leave work at 4:30 pm, get home at 5:15 pm, chill a few minutes, prep dinner (usually a fresh veg and whatever leftovers from the weekend).  Dinner at 6:15 pm, dishes at 6:45 pm, then more time to play with the kids, do some crocheting, whatever.

The hard part with kids is sick days, dr's appts, these make it literally impossible for me to work a full 40 hour week.  My spouse can swing it, because he either does not exercise or gets a lot less sleep.

mm1970

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #45 on: May 09, 2017, 09:49:31 AM »
It looks like you spent 8:00 am to 7:30 pm working?

That is almost 12 solid hours of work.

I work a traditional 8.5 hour day. 7:30-3:00. I have two children under 3. No pets. One husband. We cook most of our meals.

There are many chore shortcuts to keep us functional but not pinterest-worthy. We don't sleep as much as we'd like. And while the baby is under 6 months old, working out kind of doesn't happen (although we go for long walks almost every day before dinner).

My commute takes about 30 minutes/direction. Annoying waste of time, but it could be worse. You don't even have a commute!

Yeah I know....

I don't think I can do this forever. I just don't know how much longer to hold on. It's just the type of job where you're always 'on'. For instance I have an 8:00 pm meeting tomorrow. I have to host the meeting so I can't do other things during that time. Which means no evening workout or dinner with a friend or whatever.  I host evening meetings 1-2 times a week.

Of course "hypothetically" I could work out earlier and have the flexibility to do something like go to lunch in the middle of the day if I liked since I work from home. My boss has mentioned I can be flexible with these sorts of things. The 'issue' is in real life, it's not that easy.  My company is global and my work/emails don't ever stop as once the US starts shutting down, the people I work with on the other side of the world start waking up.
Here's the thing.  If you left at 3 pm to go workout for 1.5 hours, and you don't have your laptop, it doesn't matter if people are sending you emails!

I worked 30 hrs/ week for awhile, and when my first kid was born, I adjusted my work hours to be 7 to 3:30.  It was VERY VERY hard to leave that early, even though I'd already worked a full day.  It takes discipline.  It feels "weird".  But you get used to it.  (I trained the rest of my group to ask for things by 1 pm).

zarfus

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #46 on: May 09, 2017, 09:50:36 AM »
It looks like you suck at feeding yourself. I find last minute carry out to be more of a time suck than cooking most meals. Do your entire meal plan on the weekend and stick to the schedule.

We have 3 under 3. The hours of 6am to 8pm are pretty kid-centric. I'm FT and my wife is PT. She does a great job of doing most house chores during her "days off", and weekends are for family time and projects. 8pm-6am is our time, we keep it sacred.

We make errands like grocery shopping fun (yay Costco!) No more gym workouts, we make exercise family friendly (yay bike trailers!)

As others said, you work too much, or too inefficiently?

mm1970

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #47 on: May 09, 2017, 09:54:50 AM »
If you are expected to work a few hours in the evening, then why can't you take a two-three hour lunch break, exercise, and eat. Or take off from 4-7, then work again 7-10.

Your boss says you can take time during the day. So why don't you take it? Also the gym will be empty at 2 pm. Bonus!

Because it's busy during the day.

So this works in theory but the vast majority of the time there are other meetings and work to be done.
Work will always expand to fill the time you allow it to fill.

You *have* to set boundaries.

People with families usually learn this because kids are vocal, needy little buggers.

But plenty of single, kid-free people learn this too, at an early age.  I've worked with plenty of people who pencil in days for a lunch time run, swim, volleyball game, lifting session.  When training for a triathlon, I left for 2 hours once a week to swim in the ocean. I came in at 6 am on those days (you learn a lot about which shift workers are pulling their weight by doing that.)

If you worked less, and were maybe less stressed out, you might not need 50 minutes of cardio to de-stress.

tweezers

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #48 on: May 09, 2017, 10:15:10 AM »
I make more than you but work a lot less.  Wake up 6am, at work by 7:30am and home between 4 and 5.  I usually eat lunch at my desk, but also do banking/online reading at that time too (and during conference calls too).  I occasionally answer emails outside of my in-office time because I'm on the west coast and have a lot of east coast contacts.  I work a mile from the office so I functionally have no commute (walk or ride my bike).  I cook at home every night, but do most of the cleaning/laundry on the weekends.  My husband stays home and home schools our kids, and I put them to bed every night. 

Others have said this but the key thing that seems to be missing for you is setting boundaries.  I think its very easy to fall into the trap that one must respond instantly, and if you set that benchmark as the norm then you can really pigeonhole yourself into feeling like you need to work constantly to meet those expectations.  I'm successful in my job, and my underlying mantra is to under-promise and over-deliver.  Sometimes urgent issues come up and I work longer/differently, but for the most part people know that they will get something from me ASAP and that's good enough.

If your employers expect you to work 12 hour days you need to be paid more.

EconDiva

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Re: How do people with families DO it....?
« Reply #49 on: May 09, 2017, 10:40:10 AM »
If you are expected to work a few hours in the evening, then why can't you take a two-three hour lunch break, exercise, and eat. Or take off from 4-7, then work again 7-10.

Your boss says you can take time during the day. So why don't you take it? Also the gym will be empty at 2 pm. Bonus!

Because it's busy during the day.

So this works in theory but the vast majority of the time there are other meetings and work to be done.
Can you evaluate the necessity of all the meetings. I work with one team that likes to meet about everything. I find them incredibly inefficient. I've stopped accepting many of their meeting requests for that reason.

No. 

It's the culture.  For instance, I've been doing the same 2 hour meeting every Monday for the past 3 years.  Every.Single.Monday.  At most I talk 10 minutes during these meetings. 

When I was working on site, I couldn't work during those meetings as I'd be physically in the room with my boss and would get called out if I tried to multi-task; it obviously would come off as not paying attention although I was. It's part of the reason I went remote...so I could work during some of these meetings.  Many of the meetings I am responsible to hold/run though.