Author Topic: how did you come to feel satiated with less?  (Read 4627 times)

scrubbyfish

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how did you come to feel satiated with less?
« on: October 18, 2016, 12:36:06 PM »
Jumping off a conversation about touch...  And having learned in it that some people can receive five minutes of human touch in a day and feel satisfied for the day, while another can receive seven hours of touch (multiple lovers, massage, etc) and not feel satisfied.

Thinking about how this seems also so with: verbal praise, new physical items, whatever.

So, some people will work work work work work to receive more money, more verbal praise.
Some will shop shop shop shop shop shop, and feel a need to shop again upon waking tomorrow.

Some will hold hands with a beloved on the walk to work in the morning and feel all set for the day.
Others will receive one gift per year and feel completely filled for another 364 days.

This is something I've noticed, and been trying to have conversations about, for several years, when I first noticed the strong difference in what it takes for one child vs another to feel satiated...and how long each will.

It's something I've seen in adults too.

I definitely fall on the "easily satiated" end of the spectrum, and my guess is that most people who find Mustachianism "easy" do also. And that folks that find it hard, land on the other?

Are you a person that was once never satiated, who became satiated? How did that come?

scrubbyfish

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Re: how did you come to feel satiated with less?
« Reply #1 on: October 18, 2016, 12:45:29 PM »
One of my examples: food.

For a long time, I had a really weird appetite. I could eat anyone under the table. Just plates and plates of food at any one sitting. I had several brothers who were bigger than me, very athletic...and I was a homebody bookworm. I ate more volume than them. I could not feel full, I just never had a physical sensation of "full." I always felt physically empty (or, after a lot of food, sick for some minutes, but then right back to empty). I was tested for worms!

In the end, two things changed this:

1. SSRI medication. I started an extremely low dose and for the first time in my life felt satiated in terms of food.
2. Later, off the SSRI, I changed what I eat. Instant satiation. This has held true for the many years since.

This is one of my experiences of struggling for years with "inability to be satiated" to becoming easily satiated, to knowing what "satisfied" or "full" feels like, and to living happily with that for a moderate amount of time.

swick

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Re: how did you come to feel satiated with less?
« Reply #2 on: October 18, 2016, 01:12:46 PM »
Very interesting question, Scrubbyfish!

I don't mean to derail your post, but I think that you can't really have a discussion on satiety difference without touching on addiction(whether chemical, emotional, physiological etc.) I think it plays a huge role in general on how satisfied/happy people are.

I think a few medical issues aside, the people who are most satisfied with less are people who do not rely on external things/people/benchmarks to fill them up.

Or they have found a way, like you mention, to identify what isn't work for them and actively find a solution that allows them to meet their needs. 

I think physical/brain chemistry issues aside, a lot of it comes down to early life experiences and how children are raised, what kind of behaviours they see being modeled by the people around them. How they are taught to interact with and get their needs met from the world.

I think for me a lot of going from "never satisfied" to "satisfied" all involved me looking straight into the eye of whatever belief/pattern I had picked up over the years, examining where they came from and making a mental decision to go "nope, this doesn't serve me" The big ones I'm thinking are food/diet/body image.

asiljoy

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Re: how did you come to feel satiated with less?
« Reply #3 on: October 18, 2016, 01:17:00 PM »
I'm struggling with this now as I look to downgrade a lifestyle that got over-inflated when I wasn't looking. Looking forward to seeing what people have done!

scrubbyfish

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Re: how did you come to feel satiated with less?
« Reply #4 on: October 18, 2016, 01:18:49 PM »
...I think that you can't really have a discussion on satiety difference without touching on addiction(whether chemical, emotional, physiological etc.)

Yeah, I almost included a note on addiction in my opening post. Definitely an overlap, I believe. So, if some people's examples of shift include addiction, that totally works!

I think for me a lot of going from "never satisfied" to "satisfied" all involved me looking straight into the eye of whatever belief/pattern I had picked up over the years, examining where they came from and making a mental decision to go "nope, this doesn't serve me"

Excellent, thanks :)

swick

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Re: how did you come to feel satiated with less?
« Reply #5 on: October 18, 2016, 01:29:45 PM »
Oh also, as far as a single thing that made the biggest difference for me - having a regular, daily gratitude practice.

In my bullet journal at the beginning of each month, I write the day and dots (each on their own line) Every single day I write down three things I am greatfull for. They can be big or little. It is hard to be in a scarcity mindset when you have just spent some time contemplating what you are greatfull for.

The other cool thing about writing it down is you tend to see patterns show up over time. Most of the things on my list are about simple pleasures, connection, nature. Being able to identify what things satisfy me allows me to bring more of it into my life. And makes me realize that it usually isn't things that cost a lot of money.

redbird

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Re: how did you come to feel satiated with less?
« Reply #6 on: October 18, 2016, 01:36:10 PM »
I'm mainly posting to follow. I'm curious to hear from others in this question.

For me personally, I've never been a big shopper type. I grew up in a poor family and decided I wanted more for myself in my own life - not in the "stuff" aspect, but I wanted to be financially independent so I didn't have to worry like my parents had whenever some expense cropped up.

I actually hate shopping in that if I'm out at stores for too long, I'll actually get a headache and feel physically exhausted. Online shopping does not cause that issue, but I'm enough of a frugal person that I sometimes can take weeks or even months to finally pull the trigger and buy something, even if I actually really need it. I just don't like spending money. :)

Guesl982374

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Re: how did you come to feel satiated with less?
« Reply #7 on: October 18, 2016, 01:58:23 PM »
Throughout my 20's, I thought that would never be satisfied with anything. That I would never be content. That I would always want more: money, power, etc.

I did a lot of reading around happiness and realized that happiness is in the moment and not some achievement. The two biggest changes have been 1) finding MMM and realizing that there is something to build to financially and 2) the past 2 years I've kept a happiness journal where each day I write down what made me smile. It's drastically improved my outlook & happiness and I have since realized what makes me happy.

http://zenpencils.com/comic/80-henry-david-thoreau-on-happiness/

BDWW

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Re: how did you come to feel satiated with less?
« Reply #8 on: October 18, 2016, 02:02:08 PM »
My perspective on it is sort of the inverse. Stuff stresses me out. I think it has to do with maintenance workload. More things are more things to break, more things to clean, more things to organize.

So not sure it's helpful, but my perspective is thinking about how much of a burden "more" is, whether it's things, obligations, friends, etc. Of course that is probably an introvert perspective, and I'd imagine extroverts might not see things the same way.

scrubbyfish

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Re: how did you come to feel satiated with less?
« Reply #9 on: October 18, 2016, 02:10:26 PM »
...And makes me realize that it usually isn't things that cost a lot of money.

If you will play along here with me... Let's say even the unsatiated aspects don't cost money. So, Joe works at a brewery so the beer is free, Sally lives in a cuddle party so the touch is free, and Joanne plays pro football so she actually makes money getting her primary sensory need met... So, there is no financial cost, but Joe is still jonesing for more beer and Sally is pressuring her beloved for more sex, and Joann is tossing the ball in the middle of the night...  How are these folks moving from unsatiated to satiated?

Hmmm... This inspires me to read In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts (Mate).

scrubbyfish

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Re: how did you come to feel satiated with less?
« Reply #10 on: October 18, 2016, 02:19:23 PM »
So, for people that once felt unsatiated and now feel satiated, things that have made the difference include:
  • change to biochemistry (medication, food elimination and addition, hypernutrition)
  • active examination of what habits serves or doesn't serve onself, deleting those that don't
  • daily gratitude list
  • conscious acknowledgement re: the burdensome aspects of "more"
  • shifting goals from "consumption" to "saving"
I will also add sleep and rest! I know many others find the same, that when we sleep and rest enough, we feel well and balanced and fine, and when we don't, all sorts of cravings kick in: junk food, coffee, pretty things, shiny new objects...    An hour of downtime is my fastest way to feel like I have everything I need.

swick

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Re: how did you come to feel satiated with less?
« Reply #11 on: October 18, 2016, 02:43:34 PM »
...And makes me realize that it usually isn't things that cost a lot of money.

If you will play along here with me... Let's say even the unsatiated aspects don't cost money.


Sure, that is a small side example :) What it comes down to, I think, is people have different needs and "minimum required levels" for satiety for a variety of reasons.  It's about discovering what your needs are and how to fill them in a way that is not detrimental to yourself and others.

I think this is something everything struggles with.  Why does someone who identify as an extrovert need to be around people? Why do people who identify as introvert need space and alone time and the opportunity to go within as much as air itself?

There are two parts  - the "why" behind the need and the "how do you meet it" and a million reasons for each :)

scrubbyfish

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Re: how did you come to feel satiated with less?
« Reply #12 on: October 18, 2016, 02:59:53 PM »
It's about discovering what your needs are and how to fill them in a way that is not detrimental to yourself and others.

I think that's the ticket, yes!

swick

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Re: how did you come to feel satiated with less?
« Reply #13 on: October 18, 2016, 03:39:21 PM »
I'm going to share a link because I think it is really relevant to the conversation. Jonathan Fields from Good Life Project published a new book that came out today. Bonus, if you buy the book today, he will plant a tree. They did the math and a single tree can print about 60 books, so it is tree positive :)

*Full disclosure - I know this awesome human being and think his work is very important. I'm biased - I have read the book (and purchased several copies to give away for Christmas gifts)

http://amzn.to/2e5IKKO For more info, free sample chapter etc. - http://www.goodlifeproject.com/book/

EngineerYogi

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Re: how did you come to feel satiated with less?
« Reply #14 on: October 18, 2016, 03:56:53 PM »
This post makes me want to self-analyze. I'm an all or nothing kind of person, I'm good at putting my mind to something so much so that I burn myself out. I get the insatiable (is that really the word, autocorrect?) feelings periodically for all sorts of aspects of my life. But I expect a gratitude practice would help me tremendously. I've been focusing on practicing mindfulness more often and noticing my "habit energy" more.   (for example it's taken hold right now, I really shouldn't be on the forums at this moment...)

I think we are unable to feel satiated when there are other things going on in life. What the deeper thing is though requires more analysis.

Ebrat

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Re: how did you come to feel satiated with less?
« Reply #15 on: October 19, 2016, 07:57:38 AM »
For me, insatiability (for stuff, food, attention, affection, etc.) usually happens as a reaction to trying to ignore negative feelings. If I'm unhappy in life, I think that if I could only buy X or get X, I would be happy. But I'm really using those things as a diversion from the actual problem (bad relationship or job, dissatisfaction with where I am in life, etc.).

When I'm content within myself, that "more" switch gets shut off. Meditation and yoga have helped me be more aware and accepting of my emotions, which reduces the urge to mask them.

Tris Prior

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Re: how did you come to feel satiated with less?
« Reply #16 on: October 19, 2016, 09:01:15 AM »
I've thought about this and, for me, it comes down to one thing: exhaustion. Physical, mental, or both. If I am not getting my rest needs met, then I want other things to fill that void - food, sweets, booze (not excessively but definitely as an "I need a treat" thing), stuff. Especially stuff that is indulgent or pretty - bath goodies and Halloween decor have been my downfalls over the past month.

Huh. I wonder how much of this ties into my recent desire to hoard money, and my obsession with generating more income by any means necessary? I guess part of me feels like I'm in such a hurry to retire - though at the rate I'm going it's not going to happen - because once I retire, I'll finally get some rest?

I have a really hard time staying asleep - falling asleep is no problem, but I have terrible nightmares that wake me up and now I'm pretty sure I'm in perimenopause as I've started waking up with hot flashes in the middle of the night. :( And I have family members who are very emotionally draining to deal with, whom I cannot cut off entirely because Reasons. So I really have no idea how to get my rest needs met, in my present life. Something to work on, for sure.

swick

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Re: how did you come to feel satiated with less?
« Reply #17 on: October 19, 2016, 09:17:30 AM »
And I have family members who are very emotionally draining to deal with, whom I cannot cut off entirely because Reasons. So I really have no idea how to get my rest needs met, in my present life. Something to work on, for sure.

Sleep is so so so important. I'm not sure if it would work for you, Tris, and it can be a little more pricey - but there was a period of my life where I was living in a less than ideal situation (too many people, too small a space, in line with an international flight path that had jumbo jets going 24-7 that would shake the whole house) I'm a super light sleeper and turned into a zombie pretty quickly. When it got too much for me, I would rent a cheap hotel room and just go to sleep, spend a bit of me time, but mostly sleep. It made a big difference.

 Is there any way you can create an oasis of calm in your life? Shutting everyone out for a bit of time every day? Or taking yourself out of the situation for a bit?

Tris Prior

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Re: how did you come to feel satiated with less?
« Reply #18 on: October 19, 2016, 09:33:48 AM »
Hmmmm, well, my issue is not with anyone who's living with me. The family member in question is someone whom I deal with by phone long distance. It's mostly the nightmares and the perimenopausal symptoms that are giving me problems lately. And honestly, I sleep REALLY poorly if I'm in a strange bed.

I think my body clock is just not compatible with a 9-5 job, really. Nor is my mental health! :) Which is pretty much how I came to this site in the first place.

scrubbyfish

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Re: how did you come to feel satiated with less?
« Reply #19 on: October 19, 2016, 09:37:26 AM »
I think my body clock is just not compatible with a 9-5 job, really. Nor is my mental health! :)

That's great awareness. In my experience, identifying then resolving an incompatibility (schedule, job type, partner, food, whatever) is key.

And, while I can drink whatever amount of caffeine I want, my sleep, dreams, night sweats, etc, come and go according to what I'm eating.

swick

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Re: how did you come to feel satiated with less?
« Reply #20 on: October 19, 2016, 09:42:44 AM »
Tris - One thing you may want to try is dream-reentry, especially with nightmares. it falls under the "whoo whoo" category a bit - but it works well. Here's a bit about it: http://mossdreams.blogspot.ca/2016/02/claiming-gifts-of-nightmares.html

I dream super vividly and have been dealing with nightmares since I was a child. It's really been the only thing I have found that works for me.

Tris Prior

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Re: how did you come to feel satiated with less?
« Reply #21 on: October 19, 2016, 09:56:04 AM »
Scrubbyfish, that's interesting, I should try tracking food/drink consumption and see if there's any correlation. I have noticed much poorer sleep (and frequent nighttime peeing which certainly doesn't help with a good night's sleep) if I have any alcohol at all. But I certainly don't drink every night that I don't sleep well, so maybe there's a pattern related to food as well. I don't drink caffeine except for 1 cup of coffee in the morning.

swick, that dream reentry idea sounds REALLY interesting. I'll have to check that out for sure.

little_brown_dog

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Re: how did you come to feel satiated with less?
« Reply #22 on: October 19, 2016, 11:04:31 AM »
I think its all about perspective. I was much more high maintenance with a lot of needs and desires (for attention, for prestige, for degrees, etc) before I got really sick. I spent a few months in constant pain due to migraines, and also had miscarriages. All of a sudden a day without pain was a great thing, whereas before I just took feeling good for granted. When I finally got pregnant successfully, I wasn’t worried about my stretch marks and weight gain like so many other moms because I was just so, so thankful the baby was healthy. That year was a wakeup call for me, it was like blinders had been removed from my eyes. I no longer wanted to be important, or accomplished, I just wanted to be healthy and happy with my family.

Now I take genuine delight from small things like going on walks with the baby, drinking tea and reading a book, or having dinner with family and friends. It sounds so cliché, but it really is hard to appreciate the small stuff if you think you will always have it. For me, hardship was the best way to really figure out how to be grateful and appreciative in my life. If one were to try to recreate this experience sans actual pain/suffering, I think the only way to do it would be to really try to foster perspective in your own life through meditation, gratitude exercises, and purposefully exposing yourself to harsher scenarios than your own existence (ex: volunteering with the ill, disabled, impoverished; taking a moment to read about difficult situations in the world; watching educational documentaries and shows on societal issues, etc).