To Many Wedding Bells!

[BriArrange]

I would like some advice on what Mustachians do when it comes to being a guest at multiple weddings.

This next year, I will be in 3 different weddings (bridesmaid and personal attendant) as well as attending two others. This includes engagement parties, bridal showers, bachlorette parties, etc. What do you guys do to cut cost when it comes to gift giving and being a part of your family or friends day?

Any help is greatly appreciated! :)

[4alpacas]

My recommendation is from hindsight.  Prioritize the events and the relationships!  Don't feel like you need to go to every event. 

In general, I've found that bachelorette parties can get very expensive very quickly.  Hotel rooms, drinks, dinner, lingerie gift, etc.  Bridal showers and weddings are usually low-key if you don't have to travel. 

In order to minimize costs,
*Do your own hair and make-up (check out youtube videos for help with cute updos)  This is my go-to style http://www.thesmallthingsblog.com/2013/02/low-chignon-hair-tutorial/
*AirBnB instead of hotels (or crash with friends).  The most fun I had at a wedding was when I shared a hotel room with 4 of my friends from college (yes, 5 of us in one hotel room).  The bride's dad gave us a lot of leftover sparkling wine, so we had an after reception party in our room with no cost to us. 
*For gifts, a check in a card (purchased at TJ's or the Dollar Store) is easy. 

[GoldenStache]

I had three weddings this year that were all over the country so I feel your pain.  I signed up for 4 different credit cards, got the free rooms, free flights reducing the out of pocket costs and canceled all of them before the annual fee kicked in.   

[dbunny]

Don't feel obligated to do buy a fancy gift or any other extra activities that cost you money, especially if you have to travel to the event. I know some brides expect the bridesmaids to host the bachelorette party and/or the bridal shower and that can get really expensive. Just remember, if they are good friends, they shouldn't expect anything more than you to be there and be supportive.

[minimustache1985]

Don't feel like you need to go to every event associated with a wedding- especially if they're out of town for you.  Bachelorettes tend to be the priciest event but if you have a hand in the planning you may be able to help with that (hotels are not necessary!), and engagement parties are a pretty new thing where generally gifts aren't involved (if you feel like you need to bring something a bottle of bubbly should do the trick).  I tend to give a physical gift at the shower that is ~$50 full price but purchased on sale, and a check at the wedding that's based on a combination of what I can afford and how close we are, packaged in a dollar store card.

As a bridesmaid (WTF is a "personal attendant"?) do your own hair and makeup.  If the bride tries to insist simply tell her it isn't in your budget and remind her everyone will be focused on her and the groom, not your hairdo.  If you have to travel a lot look into card churning/travel hacking if it interests you.

[BriArrange]

Thanks everyone for all these great tips!

minimustache1985: a personal attendant is basically the brides right hand man for the day. Whatever she needs/forgets to do herself, you do it for her. They make sure the bride doesn’t have to do anything but enjoy her day. She (or he) stays at the bride’s side all day and isn’t relieved of her duty until the reception. It can be a very stressful job haha.

[CommonCents]

So personal attendant is essentially an unpaid slave for the day?  She should be thanking you for doing it.  (I've never heard of it, beyond I've heard rumors people who are Coordinators will be Day of Coordinators for their friends as a wedding gift.)

I agree to decline up front or tell people you'd love to be a bridesmaid, but you have budget constraints, and find out the expectations before accepting.  Then, make them stick to it.  (Not object over $15, but if they said the dress would be about $150, I'd feel 100% ok bringing it up if the bride suggested a $300 dress.)

As a guest: I would attend the wedding and give a gift.  Attend local showers and give a gift.  Attend a local engagement party (no gift - but it's not really the thing to hold these or expect gifts if you do, maybe a card) if I wanted to, but I would not feel obligated to attend an expensive event.

As a bridesmaid: I would expect a lot higher expenses - attire added to the others.  I'd attend all local events and give gifts the same as above.  It would depend on the bride whether I'd feel obligated to fly out for a non-local party (I'd hope not but some are unreasonable.  Neither of my long-distance bridesmaids flew out for my shower, and my bachelorette was just dinner/drinks just before the wedding to make it easier for one of the two to come.  I'd make more of an effort for a sister than anyone else.)  If I couldn't attend an expensive bachelorette, I'd send on a bottle of bubbly.  I did that for my SIL-to-be who planned a trip to Cabo.

Share hotels.  Hunt for cheaper priced hotels.  Ask the bride about a hotel block at a cheap place.  Stay with friends when possible.
Deal hunt for wedding gifts, using all codes I can (hint: buy around major holidays).  If you find cheaper elsewhere, buy and call registry place to get it checked off.  Think handmade as well.
YOU (well the bridesmaids) plan the bachelorette, not the bride.  So that's an easy way to rein in costs by not planning something elaborate.  (These have really gotten out of hand.)  Worst case, have the balls to say "I'm really sorry, but this event is out of my budget.  I love you, hope you have a great time and I'll be there in spirit - I just can't attend in person.")  You just need to make sure there aren't any crazy planners on the bridesmaid team, and talk them down if so.

[mm1970]

I've got a few young coworkers getting married next year.  Boy have times changed.  Apparently there are destination weddings, destination bridal showers/ bachelor parties, etc.

Don't feel like you have to attend them all.
It's okay to be IN a wedding, and not attend a bachelor party, esp if it's a trip.

[MrsCoolCat]

I agree about prioritizing your relationships and that you should bring your best thought worthy gift and not necessarily the most expensive. Just don't behave like a leech like this one family that attended mine! LOL My good friend is having a destination wedding and invited me to her bachelorette party which is also destination. I will try to come but if it's too expensive I will decline and actually tell her. She will understand. We're friends and communication is important, too!