Author Topic: Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass  (Read 9617 times)

maxpower

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Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass
« on: May 06, 2016, 12:09:04 PM »
Alright my badass kin-folk, let’s see if you are any better working through this bind than I am! I’m having a massive conflict with my inner badass, and my fearful little pragmatic self.

Recently, my wife and I bought 6.5 acres of land on the edge of my hometown. The plan was to build our own small home there. To the north of our land there was a strip of land 100’ wide that had been sitting vacant for as long as I can remember, and sometime during the last 5 years the owner had started digging out several hundred yards of black dirt. I called the owner prior to purchasing our land inquiring about whether or not he’d be interested to sell it. It sounded like he was interested, as the city had shut down his dirt mining activity. So far, so good.

Upon the initial survey of our land, however, it was discovered that he had also dug about 250 yards of black dirt out of the property that we had bought. To me, I thought this was an excellent turn of events since now I had a bargaining chip!

From the county records I discovered that he bought the land for $5,200 in 2011. He had dug out probably 500 yards of black dirt, earning himself a hefty profit of about $10,000. I figured that since the land was now full of holes and was in need of restoration and re-seeding, I would offer him $4,000, maybe $6,000, if he did the restoration first. “Nope," he said. That was out of the question. He then informs me that he’d always wanted to build a spec house, and he’d not be able to buy land in the city for anywhere near that price.

After doing more research, I learn that he’d have to spend between $15,000 and $20,000 just to extend the city services to even be in reach of his land. So if it’s a spec home he wants, he’d really have to leverage himself to get one going. In addition to this there are four (albeit smaller) lots just down the road (overlooking a lake!) with full city hookups going for $10,000 apiece.

So a spec home, I think, is a dumb move and probably just bluff talk. But if not a spec home, that what is his land good for? It's zoned R-1, which means the ONLY thing he can do with that property is build a single family dwelling. He can’t even build a pole barn in that zoning. Which brings up another wrinkle...

R-1 prohibits extraction of material (i.e., black dirt). That’s why his dirt mining was shut down in the first place. Not only that, but there is a letter on file with the city demanding that he restore the land to a useable condition. So now he has a strip of land that he can’t get dirt out of, that he has to repair, AND that would be expensive as hell to build a spec-home on… which is really the only thing he could do with it.

Armed with this information, but also really wanting to just buy the land and be done with it, I write up a full purchase agreement for $6,500 complete with a $500 earnest money check and we meet to have a conversation about what we’re going to do about this encroachment. I tell him we can talk about the encroachment, or that I have an offer ready for him in which he can just walk away from the mess he’s made and let me to handle the restoration.

He looks it over and tells me it’s still too low. His wife want’s at least $10,000, he tells me. I give him the paper work and tell him to talk it over. After a week or so goes by we get together on the phone. We dicker around again, and he finally says that he’d walk away for $8,500. I try to go for $8,000, feeling like a total fool that it’s come to this and kicking myself for “needing” this land so bad that I’d allow myself to be worked over so brutally. He said he needs to talk to his wife and that he’ll call me at noon.

He calls at noon and tells me his wife wants to talk it over on the weekend. It’s Tuesday. “Is she gone?”, I ask? "Nah, I’m just busy with some things”, he answers. I’m livid. We’re within $500, I’m trying to get my home building plans in order for yet this spring, and he’s going to make me wait 5 effing days before he gets back to me??? On Tuesday he finally calls. He tells me that before he can move on the land, he has some things that he needs to get sorted out. He should be ready to talk by Friday. Friday comes and he says basically the same thing. Later the next week, he’s finally ready to meet.

That day, I needed to call the city about an unrelated matter, and the water and drainage guy that I talked to greets me on the phone by saying, “well, it’s funny that you should call today.” “And why is that?”, I ask. “There was a big meeting yesterday about this land that you’ve been trying to make a deal on.” “Oh?”, I say, “What’s up?” It turns out that the “things” that the landowner needed to “sort out” involved organizing a meeting with the city to try to extract another 300 yards of black dirt from the land prior to selling it to me. Apparently, he produced his original permit (from a former employee who is now deceased) which allowed him to engage in the activities in the first place. I was told that this permit was issued in error, but that the city attorney recommended that they just let him take out another 300 yards to avoid litigation. Super.

So I go meet with the land owner basically already knowing what’s coming. I so want this to be over with. It’s become a total rat screw. He tells me of his meeting with the city and proposes that he remove another 300 yards of black dirt, then sell the land to me for $8,000 and I would then be responsible for meeting the city’s requirements for restoration. I agree to this on the condition that I get clarity from the city about the necessary requirements. There is to be a letter sent from the city detailing the requirements.

By this time I’m in full-blown house planning mode and it’s becoming clear that we’d really like our driveway to exit onto the highway through his land rather than through the neighborhood to our south. Time is now a factor, for I need a driveway to build. After a week, the letter finally arrives and it is now clear that he has the rest of the calendar year to get his dirt. Being a landscaper, and being that its now his busy time of the year, he tells me that he’s not going to be able to get to it any time soon. So since we need to build this year, we’ll not be getting the driveway where we want it.

In the meantime I ask the city to see the original permit that stimulated this whole reengagement of black dirt extraction, and this is where things REALLY get weird. The permit was a “remodeling” permit for a “residential repair” that was to total $500 in value. However, there was no home to remodel, no residence to repair, and instead of investing $500 in the project, he removed several hundred yards of black dirt and sold it!

At the end of the day I feel trapped. I really want him to be gone and for our property to include that strip of land as it flows so naturally with the topography of our land. But to get that land, it seems that I have to humiliate myself, enrich this guy, and let him call all the shots. I want to tell him to just screw off and fix where he’s encroached on my land, but then I’ll end up with a neighbor that I don’t want.

The very best option that I can come up with is to tell him that the driveway is the key thing for us, and that if we can’t close on this deal in a few weeks, I’ll no longer be in any hurry to purchase his land and that we should instead have a conversation about repairing the encroachment. At least that way, he’d risk having to do all the restoration work himself and lose the guarantee of the funds I’m offering.

Thoreau once said that "my greatest skill has been to want but little". It would seem that this is exactly where my badassity is lacking... for I want this land too much to act without fear.

What would you do? -----UPDATED below on reply #25---------
« Last Edit: July 20, 2016, 09:51:03 PM by maxpower »

jayholden

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Re: Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass
« Reply #1 on: May 06, 2016, 12:25:33 PM »
Can you not make the driveway 1-2 years after building?

Fishindude

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Re: Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass
« Reply #2 on: May 06, 2016, 12:38:56 PM »
The long and the short of it is ..... It is his land and he can do as he pleases, sell or not sell.
Why don't you just give him $10,000, tell him to forget about the dirt and restoration and be done with it.  If you're building a new house, $10,000 is pretty small change in the grand scheme of things.
Here in farm country, the common thought is, you will probably only get one shot in your lifetime to buy your neighbors land, so you'd better be willing to pay whatever it takes to get it when the opportunity arises.

Cannot Wait!

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Re: Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass
« Reply #3 on: May 06, 2016, 12:44:26 PM »
Talk to the city's attorney.  I can see the city trying to avoid litigation if they thought nobody cared about a vacant lot but tell him/her how this is going to affect you.  Hopefully that will reopen the case?

ShoulderThingThatGoesUp

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Re: Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass
« Reply #4 on: May 06, 2016, 12:44:47 PM »
Ask a real estate attorney what you can do about the encroachment?

bobechs

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Re: Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass
« Reply #5 on: May 06, 2016, 12:48:58 PM »
I get the sense that he has more friends and pull in the city administration than you do.

If that is correct, I would hesitate about taking the advice to up the legal game and go to the mat with the guy. 

What would work well on a level playing field can turn ugly for you in an eye-blink, because it all happened behind your back.

Axecleaver

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Re: Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass
« Reply #6 on: May 06, 2016, 01:00:47 PM »
Your bargaining chip is that he stole dirt from your land, not that he violated zoning ordinances with the city. You can prove economic harm. You don't need to deal with the city, you'll be suing him personally. Find someone who will draw up an estimate to repair your land that's obscenely high - like $20-30k. Maybe there are rare sand-dwelling horned swallows whose nesting environments were disrupted, I dunno. There's always something. Hire a lawyer to send him a letter with this estimate demanding that the repairs be complete within a certain date - say, two weeks, or you will be filing a civil suit. Then, wait. He should call you to offer to sell you his land for a reasonable price, because that's what you asked for previously.

I agree with bobechs that he probably has a low level hookup at the city planning dept - that's why he was able to strip-mine the topsoil off this property with an interior building permit for a building that didn't exist. You won't get anywhere dealing with the city.

When negotiating, the trick is to offer your opponent two choices, and you don't care which they pick. He can sell you his land for 8500, or he can get sued for 20k. You probably do not care which one he does.

maxpower

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Re: Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass
« Reply #7 on: May 06, 2016, 01:07:26 PM »
Thanks for all the responses so far. A few further notes:

@Axecleaver, I might need to think more about that. I've never dealt with the legal system before. Based on the brief conversation I had with an attorney yesterday, it sounded like it would end up costing me as much as I'd end up getting from him, even if I won... but there may be more to it than that.

@Bobechs, The folks at city hall have a very poor opinion of this guy. They've had similar dealings with him on other properties he's owned. The guy he got the permit from killed himself by driving into a police barricade at full speed last year, so...

@ShoulderthingThatGoesUp, I've done that. I'd likely have a case, but (depending on how he responed), it could run me anywhere from $1,500 to $30,000. Not exactly a win, even were I to win.

@I had already spoken to the city attorney about the encroachment prior to the big city meeting. Didn't seem to influence things much. :(

@Fishindude, It's partially my ego (I don't think he deserves that much!), and partially that I'm building my home with cash... which is limited. So I'm worried about over-extending. You're probably right to consider the value of the opportunity, however...

@jayholden, It might be possible. I have another phone call to make on that point.

Jon Bon

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Re: Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass
« Reply #8 on: May 06, 2016, 01:11:31 PM »
Yeah this guy sounds like a grade A asshole, turns out the world  is full of them.

If the only way your getting the land is by him looting it before you buy it, yes i would pursue legal action. Sounds like this guy would steal the copper pipes out of a house before he would sell it to you.

So he wants to damage the land further before he sells it to you, and he stole from you in the first place.

Yeah I would not let it slide.

AZDude

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Re: Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass
« Reply #9 on: May 06, 2016, 01:15:26 PM »
You have lost all your leverage with your willingness to keep upping the price and your eagerness to buy the land. The guy clearly does not need or care about the $4K to $10K the land is worth. Draw up your plans with the idea of using that land in the future, but make everything fine as is.

Wait the guy out, be patient. Chances are, after he strip mines the land, it will be useless to him and he will sell it to you super cheap. Its not like a small strip of land is going to have a bunch of buyers lined up. You are probably his only potential buyer.

Tell him you are drawing up the plans, and if he will not sell by X date for $X dollars, then you will build your home without the land and he will have to find another buyer. Right now he wants to get the dirt and then sell. Make it clear that is not an option *for you*. Be friendly, since a year from now you might be able to grab some messed up dirt farm for a couple thousand dollars.

Shor

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Re: Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass
« Reply #10 on: May 06, 2016, 01:33:19 PM »
You have lost all your leverage with your willingness to keep upping the price and your eagerness to buy the land. The guy clearly does not need or care about the $4K to $10K the land is worth. Draw up your plans with the idea of using that land in the future, but make everything fine as is.

Wait the guy out, be patient. Chances are, after he strip mines the land, it will be useless to him and he will sell it to you super cheap. Its not like a small strip of land is going to have a bunch of buyers lined up. You are probably his only potential buyer.

Tell him you are drawing up the plans, and if he will not sell by X date for $X dollars, then you will build your home without the land and he will have to find another buyer. Right now he wants to get the dirt and then sell. Make it clear that is not an option *for you*. Be friendly, since a year from now you might be able to grab some messed up dirt farm for a couple thousand dollars.
You've already shown your hand by raising your price and caving at every step. You want to be a badass? Walk away from this deal and let him squander on the land. Now what do you have: Your land was still encroached and missing dirt (does that affect his permit?), your driveway is coming out on some other side (not ideal, but you can live with it), and you can live just fine without this tiny strip of land that is worth even less with the dirt now missing from it.

What does he have? Land he can't do anything with, still has to pay land tax on, and now wants to get rid of asap. It's still worthless to you. offer to buy it for way way less than you're asking now, if he doesn't want the offer, laugh in his face every year until he's starts to sweat. The way to beat the A* is to remove all of their leverage. If you don't want what they're selling, they have no power over you.

ShoulderThingThatGoesUp

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Re: Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass
« Reply #11 on: May 06, 2016, 01:40:34 PM »
I think the city has permitted themselves into the fool's corner here. I think you want to be dealing with the Minnesota Pollution Control Agency or something similar at a state level. I am certain this guy has violated all sorts of stormwater regulations. Does his lot drain to the pond on your property? That might help.

Edit: typo made first sentence nonsensical
« Last Edit: May 09, 2016, 11:52:40 AM by ShoulderThingThatGoesUp »

Tester

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Re: Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass
« Reply #12 on: May 06, 2016, 01:43:34 PM »


The very best option that I can come up with is to tell him that the driveway is the key thing for us, and that if we can’t close on this deal in a few weeks, I’ll no longer be in any hurry to purchase his land and that we should instead have a conversation about repairing the encroachment. At least that way, he’d risk having to do all the restoration work himself and lose the guarantee of the funds I’m offering.


What would you do?


If you really want the land now offer more and make him leave the dirt there. That will prevent someone else buying that land and creating other problems for you...

If you want to have it your way make him repair your land and forget about buying from him.
I think that is what you want to do.
In fact I would even forget about it right now and make the plans with the driveway to the other road.
And start building while demanding him to repair the damage to my property in x days.
And then if he wants to sell it to you propose 2000 because you lost money by starting the building the other way, he mined the dirt you have to replace...
« Last Edit: May 06, 2016, 01:46:44 PM by Tester »

Mr. Green

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Re: Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass
« Reply #13 on: May 06, 2016, 03:09:43 PM »
If he strip mines it further the land is worthless to build on. You can't build a house in a pit. If you just let him take the dirt he'd probably sell it for a pittance when he's done. If your case is clear, civil action doesn't have to be expensive because you don't need a lawyer. You can represent yourself if all the documentation backs you up and it costs peanuts to file suit.

Cannot Wait!

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Re: Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass
« Reply #14 on: May 06, 2016, 03:16:31 PM »
One badass move would be to go back and offer him $4,000 with a short close date and smile like you know something he doesn't.


RetiredAt63

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Re: Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass
« Reply #15 on: May 06, 2016, 04:53:13 PM »
As a gardener I am screaming inside.  He has basically strip-mined the land.  He needs to restore your land, he has done major damage.  You are looking at erosion, loss of vegetation cover, problems with ground-water, etc.  Make a super low offer, or just tell him you don't want it because he has made it worthless, and you also want your property restored with black earth, vegetation restored, etc., whatever the municipality wants done for his land should be done on yours - by him at his cost, he trespassed, he stole, he did wrong.  With whatever legal paperwork is suitable.  Assholes greedy self-serving jerks will continue to be assholes greedy self-serving jerks until it costs more than it benefits.


ender

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Re: Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass
« Reply #16 on: May 06, 2016, 05:09:43 PM »
This is why you should always have a full plan for land when you buy it.

DO NOT buy land without it being in one purchase everything you need. The "oh I can buy land X later!" is a great way to cause problems like this.

I know some folks where someone ended up buying land someone foolishly bought without realizing they had no road access (except through their land). They refused to give them any access through their land or sell it. The people who bought that land were incredibly naive and ended up selling the land later.


Tuskalusa

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Re: Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass
« Reply #17 on: May 06, 2016, 05:15:01 PM »
Turn around and walk away. You can save yourself a boatload of money and hassle by just pointing you driveway in the other direction. Even if you reach an agreement with this guy, you will still need to go thriugh escrow. Seems like he might just decide to do more to the property, and you'll be stuck with the bill. I think he's using your desire to renovate on a timeline as leverage to get more and more from you. Seems like a bad deal. I'd walk away can concentrate on what I can control.

I had a deal go south with my neighbor a couple years ago, we were in contract and she started altering her understanding of the deal at the last minute. People are unpredictable.  And when their your neighbors, it can get worse. Run!

Villanelle

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Re: Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass
« Reply #18 on: May 06, 2016, 05:42:16 PM »
I'd walk.  I'd him that unfortunately, those terms don't work for me, so I wish him the best. And since there is no deal,  I'll need him to have my land fully restored by the end of June as well, so just let me know when you need access to my land in order to repair the damage.  Thanks!

Fishinshawn

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Re: Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass
« Reply #19 on: May 06, 2016, 06:05:32 PM »
Tell him to either sell the land now or you are walking away, then add if he doesn't sell you will be seeking legal remedy for his criminal trespass, theft, and criminal mischief. If he doesn't take the deal go on through the legal system and work him over right proper.

Tester

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Re: Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass
« Reply #20 on: May 06, 2016, 06:11:39 PM »
Tell him to either sell the land now or you are walking away, then add if he doesn't sell you will be seeking legal remedy for his criminal trespass, theft, and criminal mischief. If he doesn't take the deal go on through the legal system and work him over right proper.

I don't know if that is legal :).
You can't force him to sell so you don't sue him (at least this is what I think, I might be wrong).

So I would not tell him that if he does not sell I would do anything.
I would just let him know that: I am not interested in the land anymore in the current conditions; I expect you to repair the damage to my land in x days. All this in written.
Then just go ahead with the building plans with the road on the other side and if he comes to you to sell offer a lowball price because you will have to get the land back to usable condition plus you don't want the land in the situation it is now, you don't feel comfortable with the amount of work to make it usable again. Did you forget to mention to him that you DON'T WANT THE LAND ANYMORE :)?
« Last Edit: May 06, 2016, 06:14:41 PM by Tester »

Tjat

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Re: Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass
« Reply #21 on: May 06, 2016, 06:49:03 PM »

I don't know if that is legal :).
You can't force him to sell so you don't sue him (at least this is what I think, I might be wrong).


He's a private individual and isn't forcing anything. He's offering a choice to sell or face a  lawsuit, that's fine and just communicating his position.

DeltaBond

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Re: Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass
« Reply #22 on: May 09, 2016, 11:14:10 AM »
I'd personally not buy that land from him, that's how I'd be done with it.  Then pursue the case against him for stealing dirt from your land.

Slow&Steady

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Re: Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass
« Reply #23 on: May 09, 2016, 11:50:52 AM »
I think the city is permitted themselves into the fool's corner here. I think you want to be dealing with the Minnesota Pollution Control Agency or something similar at a state level. I am certain this guy has violated all sorts of stormwater regulations. Does his lot drain to the pond on your property? That might help.

See the bolded part above.  If he owns a landscaping business, he is using this land for commercial benefit.  In most states if you disturb more than 1 acre of land you are required to submit a Notice of Intent (NOI) for Stormwater Discharge.  Usually before that is approved you will have to also submit plans to re-vegetate the land and submit a Notice of Termination (NOT) for Stormwater Discharge when the re-vegetation has taken place.

https://www.pca.state.mn.us/water/construction-stormwater 

shotgunwilly

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Re: Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass
« Reply #24 on: May 09, 2016, 01:56:59 PM »
You gave the guy every chance to cooperate. I believe I would go the "sue his ass" route also, if he did in fact steal dirt from that land.

He doesn't live near your land does he?

maxpower

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Re: Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass
« Reply #25 on: May 25, 2016, 08:14:16 AM »
Thanks for all the replies here. You all really helped me think this thing through. Thought I'd give you all a little update.

It seems to me that the responses I've heard from people fall roughly into three categories:

1. The chill realist: "It's his land. Don't piss him off. These opportunities don't come around everyday."
2. The vindictive idealist: "Sue that sonvabitch!"
3. The Contemplative Zen Master: "Desire leads to suffering. Let go of your need and walk away."

In the end (and we're not QUITE to the end yet...) I was not able to muster a pure form of either of these three. Last I updated, the ball was in my court. I had received the letter from the city regarding further extraction activities and repair requirements. I didn't feel good about the deal as it stood (you may have noticed that). So I decided to work on category 3. I forced myself to remember how happy we were to buy the land that we DO have even before we started thinking about his strip to the north. I envisioned our life on the land that we have, and in doing so, I was able to let go of the NEED to have our driveway connecting with the highway. As the days went on, I was able to increasingly inhabit this head space. As such, I was no longer in any hurry to do anything. So I let it sit.

A couple weeks later he calls me up to see where we stand. At this point, I still want the land, but I’ve let go of the majority of my feeling of “needing it.” I tell him that I’m not happy with the deal as it stands, that we really were hoping to get our driveway to the highway, and at this rate that will not be possible. In addition to that, I’m not interested in buying myself into several thousand dollars worth of additional site contouring and dirt work once he pulls out.

Long story shot, he’s now committed to finishing up his work pronto, and also taking care of the contouring work. We should be signing the purchase agreement as soon as the city gives him the go-ahead to get moving with his dirt work. So… I don’t feel like a total spineless twinkie anymore, but neither do I feel like one totally freed from temporal desires. Par for the course, I guess. :)

Dmy0013

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Re: Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass
« Reply #26 on: May 25, 2016, 08:28:47 AM »
How tight is your budget!?

I know the last thing you want to do is give into this guy and let him "win" but if you have the money maybe just give him what he wants...

I know that sounds anti mustachian, but sometimes its not worth the head ache...  Where is this land!? 10,000 a lot! thats awesome!

maxpower

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Re: Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass
« Reply #27 on: May 25, 2016, 08:40:44 AM »
@Dmy0013,
Just updated this narrative in reply #25.

Our land is in in a small-ish town in north west Minnesota. Those lots ARE cheap! Were I in a slightly different place in life, I might just build a spec home on one of them!

VaCPA

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Re: Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass
« Reply #28 on: May 25, 2016, 08:55:22 AM »
This guy sounds like such a dickhead. I'd want to just tell him to shove it and forget the land parcel. Suing him will be expensive though, potentially a lot moreso than just buying the land and making him disappear although you would get the satisfaction of maybe making him suffer. Tough spot man. Hope you work out the best possible outcome for yourself.

Bello_Marinaio

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Re: Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass
« Reply #29 on: May 27, 2016, 06:14:45 PM »
You should have initiated the law suit then started negotiations for purchase as an agreement to end the suit.

You better have his work THOROUGHLY inspected.  He sounds like the kind of psychopath that would backfill the lot with toxic waste to put a few hundred extra dollars in his pocket.  I doubt he will do the work properly and you should expect shoddy workmanship and severe corner cutting.

Choices

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Re: Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass
« Reply #30 on: June 26, 2016, 09:58:24 AM »
I know your heart is invested in building this house, but this guy does not make a good neighbor, and he's already ruined part of your land. An outside-the-box option is to sell your land and bulid elsewhere.

Yes, you're right in everything you've said and tried to do, but he's clearly unreasonable. I'd cut my losses and move on so I could spend my time and energy on something more positive. Is your peace of mind and peace at home worth a few thousand dollars and a lesson hard-earned?

Mother Fussbudget

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Re: Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass
« Reply #31 on: June 27, 2016, 01:49:46 PM »
Has this guy paid the taxes on his land?  In many areas, you can purchase a property on the courthouse steps if you show up, and pay off the back taxes. 

brokemom

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Re: Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass
« Reply #32 on: June 27, 2016, 06:54:26 PM »
Never, ever litigate if you can avoid it.   The cost is prohibitive, the outcome doubtful and the experience revolting.  It is always best to stay out of court

Fishindude

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Re: Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass
« Reply #33 on: June 28, 2016, 05:23:42 AM »
Good advice above ...... Stay the heck out of court whenever possible.
Even if you win the case, it's a shitty experience and it costs you a bunch of time & money.

DeltaBond

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Re: Help with the Humiliation of My Inner Badass
« Reply #34 on: June 28, 2016, 07:04:52 AM »
Maxpower, funny you list number 3, which was my advice... and I AM a Zen Buddhist, ha ha.

I'm glad you found some peace, that is about all anyone can hope for, really... and it sounds like you are getting a better deal in the end for just sitting with it, being patient, contemplating (all you need to do it contemplate) letting go of the need.  That alone can change the whole atmosphere of things.  Better deal or not, it helps you feel better about whatever the outcome is.

Forget all the "you should have" advice, you're on a good path.  "Should" is a guilt word anyway.