Author Topic: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian  (Read 12441 times)

Retireme32

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Hello All. 

I have been on the blog before regarding my struggle to pursue FI alone with hopes that my husband will join me later.  We keep our money separate and just "meet up" to pay bills.  I'm trying real hard to live the mantra of "be the change you want to see" and focusing on all the lifestyle changes that I can do and I can control.  I made sure that we bought a house for $150k less than he originally wanted.  And I made sure said house was extremely close to my job and closer to his job than our last apartment. And I won the "no cable" battle (for now).   So, I got the big things taken care of and now I'm trying to focus on behavioral changes that I can make by myself.  I was wondering - do you think there is any point to me hanging my clothes to dry in an effort to save money on electricity with the dryer if he is not going to do that?  I mean, if the dryer runs half full -then it's using the same amount of electricity so what's the point of me hanging my clothes?  I thought about maybe just hanging towels b/c they take up a lot of room in the dryer so that would reduce the loads per week and I might have a fighting chance at my husband at least letting me attempt that to see if he can handle the "degradation of the fabric" since it will be only on towels.  Ahh, marriage.  :)  So, suggestions, thoughts?  On the subject of dryers or anything else in the house you think I can control?

CommonCents

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #1 on: August 07, 2014, 02:20:22 PM »
Continue to pick the big areas.  Dryer may not be one of those.  But if is:
- Hang his clothes too, not just yours
- Take shorter showers yourself
- Buy fewer clothes and thrift shop for yourself.  Hunt for coupons for him
- Work on the grocery bill
etc.

Doing what you can doesn't mean just doing "your" stuff MMM style essentially.  It means things like sucking it up and cooking all of the meals if your husband's preference on his nights for cooking is to always go out (like my husband).

bako_frugal

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #2 on: August 07, 2014, 02:41:38 PM »
Hey there.

I'm in the same boat.  But me and my SO's don't conflict on it.  The main thing IMO is that as long as you keep separate accounts like you say you are doing, and you agree on shared costs, there is no issue.  Just keep your head down and keep working at it.

And the main thing to focus on if you're looking at how to shorting the time to FI, keep working at the income side of the ledger.  Income adds up more than worrying about line-dry vrs dryer.  Small expenses to keep the peace are not worth fretting over. 

fallstoclimb

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #3 on: August 07, 2014, 02:42:44 PM »
I hang dry my clothes even though my husband runs his through the dryer.  Honestly I find it easier to hang them, since they dry mostly wrinkle-free, and figure he's the one who will have to deal with clothes wearing out faster than they should.  Don't sweat the small stuff in your spouse. 

The Resilent Dame

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #4 on: August 07, 2014, 03:30:49 PM »
You are not alone! My husband won't give up on cable, either. I could go with zero TV and be fine (and I was while I lived on my own). My husband is horrible about going out to eat, etc. and often I get drawn into it because of our busy lives (business owners).

However, I found that you definitely CAN make a big difference just keeping your own stash. However, because of it being a marriage, sometimes you may have to jointly contribute or contribute MORE on your end to some sort of emergency.

I am learning how to keep my emotions out of it as best as I can. It is still a learning process, and I'd love to hear of others' experiences!

For example, my husband still has some stupid, idiotic CC debt. It was mostly to furnish a home we bought in AZ a few years ago. Now,  could be angry about this; however, this particular home was bought for $94K in 2011. Now it is worth about $190K (pretty accurate as the exact homes/exact floorplans in our immediate street are selling for this). It is only about $7k in CC debt. I transferred it to my discover (has a 0% transfer fee & 4.25% APR). He's paying me $500/month to pay it off.   I could pay it off immediately, but I keep my stash separate.

He's more of a gambler/risk taker. We've had huge ups & downs but overall his risk taking has been beneficial. However, by flexing my frugal muscles, it is vastly improving our financial situation as a couple over only the last 6 months or so.

Moonwaves

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #5 on: August 07, 2014, 03:52:16 PM »
I thought about maybe just hanging towels b/c they take up a lot of room in the dryer so that would reduce the loads per week and I might have a fighting chance at my husband at least letting me attempt that to see if he can handle the "degradation of the fabric" since it will be only on towels.
Don't understand this bit. Does your husband (do you) think that hanging clothes to dry naturally somehow degrades the fabric and using the dryer magically maintains the fabric in better condition? Because the opposite is actually what happens. Using the dryer will cause more wear on your clothes and they will "degrade" far faster than with ordinary drying. All that lint that you need to clear out of the dryer filter is basically the bits of your clothes that came off during the wash.
One thing you might think about doing is making behavourial changes not (or at least not just) because they'll save you money. Cycling places because it's a great way to keep fit, rather than just because it saves money. Cooking and eating at home because you want to learn a new cuisine/can make meals exactly the way you want them, rather than just because it saves money. Borrowing books from the library because it cuts down on clutter, rather than just because it saves money. Not buying decorative stuff because a more minimalist space at home means less dusting, rather than just not wanting to spend money. If being happier is your primary focus perhaps you'll be able to show your husband that changing some things has made you (and could make him) happier. You just need to decouple the idea of happiness from spending and focus on doing happy stuff that doesn't cost as much.

4alpacas

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #6 on: August 07, 2014, 03:56:04 PM »
I thought about maybe just hanging towels b/c they take up a lot of room in the dryer so that would reduce the loads per week and I might have a fighting chance at my husband at least letting me attempt that to see if he can handle the "degradation of the fabric" since it will be only on towels.
Don't understand this bit. Does your husband (do you) think that hanging clothes to dry naturally somehow degrades the fabric and using the dryer magically maintains the fabric in better condition? Because the opposite is actually what happens. Using the dryer will cause more wear on your clothes and they will "degrade" far faster than with ordinary drying. All that lint that you need to clear out of the dryer filter is basically the bits of your clothes that came off during the wash.
One thing you might think about doing is making behavourial changes not (or at least not just) because they'll save you money. Cycling places because it's a great way to keep fit, rather than just because it saves money. Cooking and eating at home because you want to learn a new cuisine/can make meals exactly the way you want them, rather than just because it saves money. Borrowing books from the library because it cuts down on clutter, rather than just because it saves money. Not buying decorative stuff because a more minimalist space at home means less dusting, rather than just not wanting to spend money. If being happier is your primary focus perhaps you'll be able to show your husband that changing some things has made you (and could make him) happier. You just need to decouple the idea of happiness from spending and focus on doing happy stuff that doesn't cost as much.

This really resonates with me. 

Also, if the dryer is half full, it will cut down on the dry time (so you'll still save money).

Eric

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #7 on: August 07, 2014, 04:45:07 PM »
Also, if the dryer is half full, it will cut down on the dry time (so you'll still save money).

There's that MMM optimism gun in action.  Most "regular" people view the dryer as half empty. :)

Retireme32

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #8 on: August 08, 2014, 05:22:02 AM »
I thought about maybe just hanging towels b/c they take up a lot of room in the dryer so that would reduce the loads per week and I might have a fighting chance at my husband at least letting me attempt that to see if he can handle the "degradation of the fabric" since it will be only on towels.
Don't understand this bit. Does your husband (do you) think that hanging clothes to dry naturally somehow degrades the fabric and using the dryer magically maintains the fabric in better condition? Because the opposite is actually what happens. Using the dryer will cause more wear on your clothes and they will "degrade" far faster than with ordinary drying. All that lint that you need to clear out of the dryer filter is basically the bits of your clothes that came off during the wash.
One thing you might think about doing is making behavourial changes not (or at least not just) because they'll save you money. Cycling places because it's a great way to keep fit, rather than just because it saves money. Cooking and eating at home because you want to learn a new cuisine/can make meals exactly the way you want them, rather than just because it saves money. Borrowing books from the library because it cuts down on clutter, rather than just because it saves money. Not buying decorative stuff because a more minimalist space at home means less dusting, rather than just not wanting to spend money. If being happier is your primary focus perhaps you'll be able to show your husband that changing some things has made you (and could make him) happier. You just need to decouple the idea of happiness from spending and focus on doing happy stuff that doesn't cost as much.


4alpacas - he thinks that it will make the clothes feel weird - he says he's experienced it before and he doesn't like how they feel plus now with this new house - we're on well water and he says it will be even worse but he started buying fabric softener for that so I'm not sure that argument holds up.  But - back to changing myself - I like your mentality a lot and I think there's a lot of work I can do to get more to that side of things - making myself happier and looking at the non-monetary benefits of Mustachianism and focusing on it that way.  I think we'll end up having less fights that way as well.  Thank you for your thoughts.

And to all - yes - I was using the dryer as one example but I was mainly asking for tips in general so thanks!

Retireme32

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #9 on: August 08, 2014, 05:22:52 AM »
I thought about maybe just hanging towels b/c they take up a lot of room in the dryer so that would reduce the loads per week and I might have a fighting chance at my husband at least letting me attempt that to see if he can handle the "degradation of the fabric" since it will be only on towels.
Don't understand this bit. Does your husband (do you) think that hanging clothes to dry naturally somehow degrades the fabric and using the dryer magically maintains the fabric in better condition? Because the opposite is actually what happens. Using the dryer will cause more wear on your clothes and they will "degrade" far faster than with ordinary drying. All that lint that you need to clear out of the dryer filter is basically the bits of your clothes that came off during the wash.
One thing you might think about doing is making behavourial changes not (or at least not just) because they'll save you money. Cycling places because it's a great way to keep fit, rather than just because it saves money. Cooking and eating at home because you want to learn a new cuisine/can make meals exactly the way you want them, rather than just because it saves money. Borrowing books from the library because it cuts down on clutter, rather than just because it saves money. Not buying decorative stuff because a more minimalist space at home means less dusting, rather than just not wanting to spend money. If being happier is your primary focus perhaps you'll be able to show your husband that changing some things has made you (and could make him) happier. You just need to decouple the idea of happiness from spending and focus on doing happy stuff that doesn't cost as much.

This really resonates with me. 

Also, if the dryer is half full, it will cut down on the dry time (so you'll still save money).

That's true - we often hit the dryer to run again b/c the clothes didn't all get dry. So you're right about that.  Good point.

fallstoclimb

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #10 on: August 08, 2014, 07:53:16 AM »
4alpacas - he thinks that it will make the clothes feel weird - he says he's experienced it before and he doesn't like how they feel plus now with this new house - we're on well water and he says it will be even worse but he started buying fabric softener for that so I'm not sure that argument holds up.  But - back to changing myself - I like your mentality a lot and I think there's a lot of work I can do to get more to that side of things - making myself happier and looking at the non-monetary benefits of Mustachianism and focusing on it that way.  I think we'll end up having less fights that way as well.  Thank you for your thoughts.

And to all - yes - I was using the dryer as one example but I was mainly asking for tips in general so thanks!

Not to harp on the dryer too much, but if you add some vinegar to the wash it also helps. 

JoyBlogette

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #11 on: August 08, 2014, 08:09:42 AM »
My husband is partly on board so I have some similar issues.  The dryer is not likely to be a big win in terms of savings.  I'd focus more on groceries if you're looking to save more.  This is likely a big budget line item for most people.  Others have mentioned some more changes you can make for yourself: shorter showers, thrift store for clothes, etc

In terms of changes he won't "notice" I'd work on these:
-switch out your lightbulbs for CFLs (bonus: switch to LEDs)
-adjust thermostat down/up 1 degree depending on season (bonus: also install an adjustible thermostat)
-cook meals at home (bonus: use slowcooker to save on energy vs. stove)

bogart

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #12 on: August 08, 2014, 08:19:10 AM »
Erm, can you just do your laundry, and he does his, and you each wait 'til you have a full load to wash?  Or is that one separate account to many?

We throw all ours in together and DH uses dryer and I don't.  In our case, whoever gets to it first, decides.  I marginally try to stay ahead of him (notice when the hamper's close to full) to ensure we don't use dryer, but I don't lose sleep over it.

Cpa Cat

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #13 on: August 08, 2014, 08:22:55 AM »
It sounds like you've gotten him to compromise a lot already - and on some pretty big items. If the guy wants his underpants softened by the heat of the dryer and fabric softener, then maybe you should let him win this small battle.

I think JoyBlogette has some good suggestions on where to go next:
My husband is partly on board so I have some similar issues.  The dryer is not likely to be a big win in terms of savings.  I'd focus more on groceries if you're looking to save more.  This is likely a big budget line item for most people.  Others have mentioned some more changes you can make for yourself: shorter showers, thrift store for clothes, etc

In terms of changes he won't "notice" I'd work on these:
-switch out your lightbulbs for CFLs (bonus: switch to LEDs)
-adjust thermostat down/up 1 degree depending on season (bonus: also install an adjustible thermostat)
-cook meals at home (bonus: use slowcooker to save on energy vs. stove)

forestbound

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #14 on: August 08, 2014, 10:51:57 AM »
I LOVE this thread. I am in the same boat. I am on the frugal side of the scale and the SO is on the spendy side. We divy-ed up the bills early on and keep completely separate savings, checking and investment accounts, it is the only way I stay sane. I try to "suggest" cheaper options when I can, but they fall on deaf ears.

I buy used cars and drive them into the ground. He buys new and then has buyers remorse so he can't wait to trade in on the next one as soon as possible. He is 10 years older than me and has no plans for retirement. Good thing he loves what he does. He likes to say, "Retirement is for people who hate their jobs." My hand goes up everytime. He has no idea what I have saved, nor will he. My fear is when I retire he will expect me to fund his retirement and that is not in the plans for me.

Small wins. He has ditched Sirus radio, and just ditched our third business phone line which we used to use for faxes, who faxes any more?! I've been suggesting this for 5 years. Everytime he complains about his iPhone, I just pull out my cheapo phone and 3-year old iPad, and say, "I'm good"... "NUDGES"...

Retireme32

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #15 on: August 12, 2014, 04:28:15 AM »
My husband is partly on board so I have some similar issues.  The dryer is not likely to be a big win in terms of savings.  I'd focus more on groceries if you're looking to save more.  This is likely a big budget line item for most people.  Others have mentioned some more changes you can make for yourself: shorter showers, thrift store for clothes, etc

In terms of changes he won't "notice" I'd work on these:
-switch out your lightbulbs for CFLs (bonus: switch to LEDs)
-adjust thermostat down/up 1 degree depending on season (bonus: also install an adjustible thermostat)
-cook meals at home (bonus: use slowcooker to save on energy vs. stove)

JoyBlogette,

You are right - I have ignored the elephant in the room because I have failed miserably at it since day 1 of starting my road to FI - which is groceries. Our grocery bill looks like someone is selling us cocaine at the store or gold - seriously, it's criminal.  And there are only two of us.  God help us when we finally add a child to mix!  It's got to stop and I can definitely say that my husband is not the sole culprit. This is definitely an area where I could save huge just on my own if I could just figure it out. I am definitely getting duped by the grocery store.  And it happens every week!  Very frustrating.

Cpa Cat

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #16 on: August 12, 2014, 07:25:23 AM »
You are right - I have ignored the elephant in the room because I have failed miserably at it since day 1 of starting my road to FI - which is groceries. Our grocery bill looks like someone is selling us cocaine at the store or gold - seriously, it's criminal.  And there are only two of us.  God help us when we finally add a child to mix!  It's got to stop and I can definitely say that my husband is not the sole culprit. This is definitely an area where I could save huge just on my own if I could just figure it out. I am definitely getting duped by the grocery store.  And it happens every week!  Very frustrating.

Our grocery bill addressment went something like this:
Husband: "I was looking at our budget and OMG HOW ARE YOU SPENDING SO MUCH ON GROCERIES?!"
Me: "WTF - Did you think the food you shovel into your face is free?! If you don't like it, why don't you go to the store and buy the groceries!"

Then I pulled out a grocery receipt and waved it at him shouting something about inflation - I'm not sure.

Once the dust settled, we looked at it line by line and crossed out everything that wasn't a need. It was a good discussion and it basically eliminated junk food from our house. Once we both really understood how much each item cost, we made a decision about whether it was worth that dollar amount and discussed what cheaper options we could replace it with.
« Last Edit: August 12, 2014, 09:36:47 AM by Cpa Cat »

4alpacas

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #17 on: August 12, 2014, 09:33:01 AM »
You are right - I have ignored the elephant in the room because I have failed miserably at it since day 1 of starting my road to FI - which is groceries. Our grocery bill looks like someone is selling us cocaine at the store or gold - seriously, it's criminal.  And there are only two of us.  God help us when we finally add a child to mix!  It's got to stop and I can definitely say that my husband is not the sole culprit. This is definitely an area where I could save huge just on my own if I could just figure it out. I am definitely getting duped by the grocery store.  And it happens every week!  Very frustrating.

Our grocery bill addressment went something like this:
Husband: "I was looking at our budget and OMG HOW ARE YOU SPENDING SO MUCH ON GROCERIES?!"
Me: "WTF - Did you think the food you shovel into your face in free?! If you don't like it, why don't you go to the store and buy the groceries!"

Then I pulled out a grocery receipt and waved it at him shouting something about inflation - I'm not sure.

Once the dust settled, we looked at it line by line and crossed out everything that wasn't a need. It was a good discussion and it basically eliminated junk food from our house. Once we both really understood how much each item cost, we made a decision about whether it was worth that dollar amount and discussed what cheaper options we could replace it with.

We did something similar.  We cut our grocery bill in half very quickly.  I've been slowly cutting it back for about a year now.  I'm focusing on cooking in bulk and freezing in one meal servings (eat a meal, then replace it with something for the next night).  One of our biggest issues was food waste.  Sometimes we still screw up, but we've improved tremendously.  I use stale tortilla chips for migas, borderline fruit in smoothies, and cut back on items that we weren't using up.

Gimesalot

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #18 on: August 12, 2014, 09:44:03 AM »
I struggle with my husband and his spending some times.  Here are some things I have done:

I have started cooking way way more, while still allowing one (down from 4 or 5), night a week for us to go out to eat.  I researched happy hour deals, so our meals out are even less.
I ride my bike a lot more.  I even ride it in the summer (100+ deg 90% humidity).
I use the library.  We read more and watch less tv and we buy NO books.
I constantly look for free or cheap things to do.  This way, there is hardly the temptation to go to an expensive event
I analyze every purchase and explain why I don't make some of them.  This has changed my husband's mindset too.

JoyBlogette

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #19 on: August 12, 2014, 10:33:20 AM »
JoyBlogette,

You are right - I have ignored the elephant in the room because I have failed miserably at it since day 1 of starting my road to FI - which is groceries. Our grocery bill looks like someone is selling us cocaine at the store or gold - seriously, it's criminal.  And there are only two of us.  God help us when we finally add a child to mix!  It's got to stop and I can definitely say that my husband is not the sole culprit. This is definitely an area where I could save huge just on my own if I could just figure it out. I am definitely getting duped by the grocery store.  And it happens every week!  Very frustrating.

A fun challenge that people have done on here is to "eat all the food in your house".  This is a great way to discover the food you are buying and not eating.  We do a variation on this, "eat all the meat in the freezer".  Since I tend to buy the larger packages of meat and freeze some, we tend to stockpile a bit.  This clear out is a great way to save money on groceries.  You could also vary this to anything.  Like drink all the tea before buying any more or eat all the canned goods, etc.

partgypsy

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #20 on: August 12, 2014, 10:48:17 AM »
I think this is a good conversation and echos conversations I've had with my husband (cringe). And yes, go for the big wins and don't let the small things affect your relationship. We have an efficient washer, and that pulls more of the water out. I also don't like how stiff air dried stuff is. I will use it for some things, but if it's my clothes I will then spritz them with water and tumble them in the dryer to soften them and get the wrinkles out. I should invest in a steamer, which should do the same thing. The main thing is lead by example, and try to have reasonable conversations when the big things come up (new car, etc).  Every time we have done this exercise it is helpful but we don't often do it. And that is review the entire month what we spent, and say was that a good use of the money or not. We haven't broken down the grocery bills in a long time but we should save receipts for a month and do that again. It can be eye-opening.

Bob W

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #21 on: August 12, 2014, 11:17:07 AM »
You're in a boat many of us paddle.   

Focus on "your" income and "your" savings.   You may need to work twice as hard.

But when he says "Honey let's go out to eat, or on a weekend"  just smile and say no thanks honey I'm watching "my" budget.

Consider getting a part time job to increase your savings. 

Line drying - bad idea, one of many MMM has had.   Can't imagine trading 20 minutes of work for 20 cents in savings.  You can simply wash your clothes 1/3 of the time as they rarely need washing anyway.   My pants go nicely for 5 work days.   

Don't worry so much about your roommate, whoops I mean husband.

The other option is to actually have a conversation with him about shared long term goals and use the power point MMM had in his last post.   It could work and it may be worth a shot. 

So many people think that budgets are restrictive when they are really empowering.

If you can get him on your team (and this is a major preference)  You will be light years ahead if you can, so I think it is really worth the effort.

Without a shared financial plan your missing a key component of marriage.  I've been in that boat for a long time and I can tell you it is a sinking ship. 

4alpacas

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #22 on: August 12, 2014, 11:39:58 AM »

But when he says "Honey let's go out to eat, or on a weekend"  just smile and say no thanks honey I'm watching "my" budget.


I take a different approach to Bob.  When my husband proposes going out to eat, I think about his motivations.  If he doesn't want to prepare food (most frequent), I offer to make something and stay in.  If he has a craving for something, I try to substitute it with something in the house (frozen pizzas are frequently the solution).  If he wants to get out, then I make dinner, text some friends and meet up for drinks later. 

I also try to highlight the healthier options we have at home. 

Retireme32

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #23 on: August 19, 2014, 05:21:38 AM »
That is all very helpful. Thank you. One thing that is also a part of the "get on board" problem is that he makes more money than me so his "regular" saving habits end up showing way more results than my newly acquired MMM skills do simply b/c the same % of his money is more than that % of my money so his savings is way better than mine so his arguments right now are stronger. But I think the advice of just doing my own thing to the best of my ability is the key and coming here for support.  And one day maybe he'll get on board. Maybe not.  As long as he's not in the way.  I hear you on the just wearing the clothes longer too.  4alpacas -  I like your approach in terms of "thinking of motivations" I will try that.  Thanks you guys!  SO helpful!

engineerjourney

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #24 on: August 19, 2014, 06:48:24 AM »
Hey Retireme32!  I have the same problem, posted a case study yesterday that might interest you.  My DH and I are joint accouters though and don't split up costs/income like you do but otherwise you will probably find a lot of similarities. 

One thing that has helped me is setting up the automatic savings.  My DH has very little financial literacy or interest so he actually doesn't know all the logins but I do.  I told him I was upping his 401K contribution % and now we are both maxing out our 401K.  Now there is less take home pay to spend.  I am hoping it will stop lifestyle inflation (we super inflated 1.5 years ago before I found MMM and I am trying to pull us back) so worst case we can maintain this lifestyle while continuing to make more money. 

As seen in my thread, yours, and a whole bunch recently, we are not alone in having a spouse who doesn't see the same things.  Some people have been able to convert their spouses, some have found the right compromise, and some can't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I have a feeling I will be one of those continuing to compromise as I am now, though I will keep trying different motivations and viewpoints to see what clicks with my DH.  Early retirement is not the right drive for everyone, which can even be seen in the posters on this forum dedication to FIRE!  Don't get frustrated!

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #25 on: August 19, 2014, 07:18:01 AM »
I'll echo focus on big things (cars, vacations etc). That will be much easier if you don't nag (which I've been know to do with my wife) over little things to save 15 cents (dryer, light bulbs, setting the AC to 85F, eating on once a week). Or even medium things like spending a few bucks on new clothes. And I try to do my best on my own. I order the cheaper dishes when we do eat out, and I often skip the wine. I insist on driving her smaller, more efficient car whenever we can. And I drive and try to hypermile.

Luckily my wife is pretty frugal already, most of the time.. Maybe I should make my own thread; but the biggest problem has been baby preparation shopping. "Everything" is so important. And of course it has to "look nice". I point out that this person won't see properly for months anyway, so why does the crib have to be nice? And the sheets have to be cute, why? Why can't all the clothes be plain gray, it doesn't matter! Not popular. I might just have to let this be a drain on the wallet for a while. 

Maybe this relates, if your spouse find one thing extremely important? How do you handle that? Any objections just breeds resentment so I try to keep my mouth shut.

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #26 on: August 19, 2014, 08:09:16 AM »
If your finances are separate, and that is working for you, make certain you have agreement on your goals and ongoing share of financial obligations.
Tell him your fi goals.

I.e., that when you save enough you will be quitting or working part time or something.  That you are only responsible for half the bills,

This only works if your FI goals do not involve major lifestyle changes.  Otherwise the split finances approach is not really going to work without converting him over too, a little at a time.

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #27 on: August 19, 2014, 10:56:02 AM »
I order the cheaper dishes when we do eat out, and I often skip the wine.
Not sure if this applies in the US but here one way to do this is by trying to choose vegetarian options - I do this more for ethical reasons than anything else but had gotten very lazy about just eating whatever meat the restaurant had on offer without thinking about or asking about how or where it's sourced. So for the last while I've been trying to make sure to opt more for veggie dishes (the people I most often go out with usually include a vegetarian or two so we mostly choose a veggie-friendly place anyway). Last night at book club, for example, I had a "Zucchinipfanne" - it was a huge portion of courgettes cooked with tomatoes and onions and a small portion of rice. Cost half of most of the meat-based main course dinners and was too much to finish. Shouldn't have let myself be talked into sharing the veggie appestiser platter first.

... but the biggest problem has been baby preparation shopping. "Everything" is so important. And of course it has to "look nice". I point out that this person won't see properly for months anyway, so why does the crib have to be nice? And the sheets have to be cute, why? Why can't all the clothes be plain gray, it doesn't matter! Not popular. I might just have to let this be a drain on the wallet for a while. 
I read a while back about the way they do it in Finland and thought it sounded really cool. Article from the BBC about it: Why Finnish babies sleep in cardboard boxes. It looks like I'll probably never have kids (maybe I'll meet my Prince Charming on the walk home after work this evening but otherwise, it's looking unlikely) but if I did I would totally buy myself one of these and call it good!

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #28 on: August 19, 2014, 12:48:47 PM »
You're in a boat many of us paddle.   

Focus on "your" income and "your" savings.   You may need to work twice as hard.

But when he says "Honey let's go out to eat, or on a weekend"  just smile and say no thanks honey I'm watching "my" budget.

Consider getting a part time job to increase your savings. 

Line drying - bad idea, one of many MMM has had.   Can't imagine trading 20 minutes of work for 20 cents in savings.  You can simply wash your clothes 1/3 of the time as they rarely need washing anyway.   My pants go nicely for 5 work days.   

Don't worry so much about your roommate, whoops I mean husband.

The other option is to actually have a conversation with him about shared long term goals and use the power point MMM had in his last post.   It could work and it may be worth a shot. 

So many people think that budgets are restrictive when they are really empowering.

If you can get him on your team (and this is a major preference)  You will be light years ahead if you can, so I think it is really worth the effort.

Without a shared financial plan your missing a key component of marriage.  I've been in that boat for a long time and I can tell you it is a sinking ship.

Bob, can you explain a little more what you mean by the above bolded sentence?  Are you saying that you have separate finances with your SO and that it's a sinking ship?

Retireme32

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #29 on: August 20, 2014, 12:16:54 PM »
I think you guys should all remember that I am a new Mustachian -I have so much to do on my own that I am miles away from his actual savings efforts affecting mine and like I said - he makes more money than me so his savings right now is still way better. Sad but true.

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #30 on: August 20, 2014, 02:51:54 PM »
Where all you Mustachian women from? I haven't met one in my life.

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #31 on: August 20, 2014, 04:06:50 PM »
Quote
Where all you Mustachian women from? I haven't met one in my life.

You've probably met a bunch and don't even know it!

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #32 on: August 20, 2014, 04:18:12 PM »
Where all you Mustachian women from? I haven't met one in my life.

USA

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #33 on: August 20, 2014, 05:23:27 PM »
Where all you Mustachian women from? I haven't met one in my life.
Well, usually, We are either at home, working hard in often traditional spouse roles, saving a lot of money at home (cooking, foraging, canning, kids, patching clothes, hanging laundry,  etc). 

Or, we are so GD busy working, and still trying to complete chores at home that we don't have a dynamic social life.   

Sometimes, we only turn MMM when we realize how expensive a family / kids are, and realize that the family matters way more than stuff.

Therefore, most of us marry, and only then show our heavy hitting MMM side.  (although single MMM girls exist, they still need to "socialize" and such to meet potential partners,  MMM can be off putting to others, you know, so it may not be as obvious)

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #34 on: August 20, 2014, 06:32:48 PM »
I'm feeling so thankful that my husband and I are, for the most part, on the same page - especially with financial matters.  We are registered in different political parties but even on that score, we are both of similar minds (moderate). 

Where we differ most significantly is at dance parties.  I was brought up to dance with whoever asks for a dance, so I usually do.  He doesn't care for his wife dancing with other men.   This issue doesn't come up very often, unfortunately (I LOVE to DANCE!).

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #35 on: August 20, 2014, 08:19:01 PM »
I think you're doing an excellent job already!  I'm in the same boat, and we also keep our finances separate.  His income and mine are about equal. 

The only thing I'd add to what's already been posted here is to make the most of your husband's talents where they contribute to your own savings goals, because you both win.  Like, if he's good at and enjoys fixing things, or growing food, or cooking, or sewing, or painting, or whatever, ask him to do that stuff whenever the opportunity presents itself.  Then you reduce household expenses without having to talk about money at all.

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Re: Help with Ideas for Saving Money Alone - Husband not a Mustachian
« Reply #36 on: November 06, 2014, 12:53:00 PM »
Carolina on My Mind - Thank you!  Thanks for the support!