A prenup is not a contingency plan. It's planning a failure. It is disincentive to spend effort to work on your marriage and provides confidence that you don't have to marry the right person.
I think it is obvious that those against the pre-nup would not marry someone who asked them to sign one..
Like buying insurance, it's all in the sales pitch.
This is probably the wrong way to do it:
"Sweetie, will you marry me?"
"YES!!"
"Kewl, let's talk prenup!"
Like everything else that goes into a marriage, it's better to discuss it before the engagement. Watch for opinions or even have a casual chat about prenups to see if you're on the same page. If the two of you are diametrically opposed (like financial savers vs spendthrifts, or childless vs six kids) then you move on. If you agree with each other then you're probably ready to start discussing terms.
60+ posts ago the OP said:
I'm starting to get nervous about not having a prenup. I'm planning to be married in April and am entering the marriage with the same amount of savings as my SO has debt (student loans only, but a high rate). We currently operate with combined finances and make about the same amount of money each. We're getting married in California.
Should I push for a prenup? I'm more likely to out earn her if we both stick with slow and steady salary + bonus jobs, but she's in startups and always has the 1:1,000,000 shot of hitting it big. I don't want any money from her; I just don't want her to initiate a divorce and take my money for the rest of my life.
If yes, which I think is the right answer, how do I approach this bad boy?
The way he states the issue gives the impression that the two of them agreed to get married before they'd explored their feelings on prenups. Now the OP is using the "I" word to describe what he wants to get out of a "we" relationship. I could see how his fiancée might feel a bit of disenchantment at this potential renegotiation of the terms. It certainly would not enhance one's emotional security.
So in this case it seems like a bad situation. However if both sides of the happy couple happen to share the same opinion on prenups, and they've had that conversation before the engagement (or whatever ceremony marks their commitment) then I think a prenup will work. Who knows, TurboLTFiancée might be posting on TRUU Confessions right now that she'd really like to find a way to tell her spouse-to-be that she wants to shield her startup options with a prenup.
That's the financial advice I'd give my daughter. She's already decided (with all her life experience of 20 years) that she wants a prenup in her marriage. I see no reason to encourage her to lower her
seduction selection criteria to encourage an even larger pool of gold-diggers...