The Money Mustache Community
Learning, Sharing, and Teaching => Ask a Mustachian => Topic started by: Mrs. Sloth on May 14, 2018, 08:41:45 PM
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Deleted post.
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You're not going to look like a flake for quitting your job. If you've only been doing the part time one for a few months, you can leave it off your resume completely and just say you quit your full time position to stay home with the kids, or it was a temporary family leave, and you now are looking for a new position (in the event that you do still want a job somewhere eventually in a year or two).
edited to add in a few relevant links:
http://www.askamanager.org/2013/02/job-searching-after-being-a-stay-at-home-mom.html
https://money.usnews.com/money/blogs/outside-voices-careers/articles/2016-01-18/8-tips-for-parents-returning-to-the-workforce
Sometimes jobs aren't a good fit, and you do not have to stay there just because you feel some sense of obligation towards someone. You are not a failure. Neither is your friend. It just isn't a good fit. And much like a jacket that you thought looked lovely in the store but got home and discovered it is is too tight in the sleeves, you take it back and part ways cleanly - the job/jacket was clearly not meant to be yours, and it's not anyone's fault or responsibility to keep it/wear it.
As far as the friend that referred you to this job...if they are your friend, then it shouldn't be that terrible to tell them that you're so grateful for their getting you on at the place, but you are unfortunately having issues with the isolation and giving presentations cause you anxiety, and you're going to be turning in your notice. When you give your notice, you could offer to stay on through project X or offer to stay a week or two extra (over the traditional 2 weeks).
It's serendipitous that this article just went up by Ask A Manager's Alison Green over on Slate:
https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/05/is-it-normal-to-get-incredibly-nervous-about-telling-your-boss-youre-quitting.html
The odd thing about all this anxiety is that quitting a job is not usually the bomb-throwing act people fear it will be. To state the obvious: In the vast majority of cases, quitting your job will be met with mild to moderate disappointment and a meeting or two to transition your projects. Then everyone will move forward and adjust to the idea that you’ll be gone (often more quickly than you might prefer).
I do hope you'll give yourself some time without work commitments to detox and just learn to be YOU for a while. If you were really burnt out from your full time position enough to quit, it likely felt quite disconcerting to suddenly be without employment. No matter how in touch/savvy we assume we are, suddenly not having a job to define who we are is confusing and downright anxiety provoking once you get through the first few days/weeks. You need time to just sit, read, piddle, stare at the walls, go to the library, the movies, shopping, volunteer, and play. Most of all, you need to find things that make you happy and content. If that means eventually, after many months or even years, you go back to (paid) work, then do it because you find the work itself fulfilling, not because of the money or any other obligation.
And there is nothing wrong with getting a part time job doing something you think you'd enjoy that isn't in your field of expertise if you don't want to be a full time stay at home mom (which is also completely fine too). Work in a bookstore? Volunteer at the local resale shop? Animal shelter? Local elementary school aide? YMCA? Get a PT job at your favorite store (so you get a discount)? I volunteer at my local library, teach a free yoga class weekly and do animal rehab for a wildlife rescue. I am currently debating about volunteering for a really cool charity resale shop that apparently offers a killer 25% off (!!) for volunteers. None of this has to go on a resume - it's for fun and for social interaction and for a sense of community and adult conversations. :D
Good luck!
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Thank you so much Frankies Girl. Your response was so intuitive in that you picked up on my anxiety of feeling like a failure if I don't continue with this PT gig as well as my anxiety to go from FT to not working despite our good financial standing. Part of me feels like I am going to disappoint my friend, my new employer and part of me feels like I am disappointing myself that I cannot handle/overcome my fear.
You are spot on about me needing to just take some time to find myself...I don't even know what I really want to do if I choose to go back to work. I didn't like what I did FT but the anxiety from this PT actually making me consider going back to what I did because it is all I know and I was good at what I did and it felt comfortable. Growing up poor and with my parents' constant emphasis about holding a good secure job over the years is causing me a lot of anxiety of letting a good secure job go and sit on the sidelines with the possibility of never going back.
The article is right...especially in my case, quitting will be just a minor inconvenience and I am likely making a bigger deal of it in my head.
Thanks again for taking the time to respond.
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I can relate to the social isolation about working from home. I enjoy the flexing working from home with flexible hours but did not do well when I worked from home for a few days. For me the solution was going to a co-working space. Even if I did not work the people at the space it felt like I was and the water cooler talks would be enough for me to get my daily social fix. I also put extra effort in keeping in touch with friends and colleagues after work or weekends.
As for the anxiety with public speaking I too have them especially to more senior members of my company. What helped for me was to prepare as best I could in terms of the material. The more confident I was in being able to present the material and answer questions the less anxiety I had. Also the most important was that I accepted that I would make mistakes and that I sucked at public speaking. I've gotten better but far from being a natural. However, my anxiety and nervousness is much lower since I stopped trying to be perfect and being up front if I could not answer something instead of rambling.