Author Topic: Help me process my crazy new bling  (Read 852 times)

slb59

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Help me process my crazy new bling
« on: May 09, 2019, 01:15:57 PM »
My grandmother just gave me a ring she had made about 20 years ago - it combined her engagement ring, her wedding band, her mother's engagement ring, and her mother's wedding band. It represents two incredibly happy lifelong marriages, and is a reminder of two women I love(d) dearly.

On the one hand I am absolutely floored by her gift and treasure all of the love and memories it represents. I can see myself wearing it every day, just like she did. On the other hand, this ring extends to my knuckle and has about two carats worth of diamonds. It's pretty, and it's not nearly as flashy as it might have been (my grandma's tastes were simple, too), but I just feel weird wearing this much money on my finger and having something so out of proportion to my usual style. I'm worried it'll make people see me differently, or that I'll be constantly worried about losing it.

I guess I'll just file this under mustachian people problems and carry on with my life, but I'd love to hear if anyone else has run into a similar inheritance. Plus, this is probably the only forum on the internet where people might empathize with me feeling a little lost after inheriting something this valuable.

Noodle

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Re: Help me process my crazy new bling
« Reply #1 on: May 09, 2019, 01:47:21 PM »
I guess it would depend how important to you that specific ring is as a memento, or how much it would bother your grandmother if you changed it, but you could also consider taking it to a custom jeweler and having the metal/diamonds redesigned into something you like. When my grandmother died, my aunt who inherited her engagement ring was single and did not have children who might someday want it so she had the ring remade into a very pretty pendant that she enjoyed wearing in her mother's memory. (Interestingly, she did later marry and have two girls who will probably prefer the pendant over a traditional engagement ring anyway!)

Aside from insuring it, what I always think about valuable/sentimental things is that objects come and go from our lives, and it's better to enjoy something until the universe decides to move it along than to keep it locked away in storage. YMMV (If you decide to have it remade, I also think there are types of jewelry that are harder to lose--rings seem to be more vulnerable because people often take them off during the day for various reasons.)

slb59

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Re: Help me process my crazy new bling
« Reply #2 on: May 10, 2019, 05:28:07 AM »
Thank you! I love that philosophy. Thinking of myself as the caretaker of this ring for now until the universe throws up some change is a lot easier to wrap my head around than being the new owner of $10k+ worth of gold and diamonds.

When I called my grandmother to thank her, she was almost in tears with relief that I didn't need to have it resized. So, I'll definitely be leaving it as-is, at least for the next several years. But it's good to hear that others have been able to change the original object without losing its sentimental value.

lizzzi

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Re: Help me process my crazy new bling
« Reply #3 on: May 10, 2019, 05:34:37 AM »
Can you display it somehow at home so it is always "with you" in some way (i.e. not locked up in a box), but so you don't have to wear it all the time? Maybe keep it on top of your dresser on a pretty ring holder or in a little, clear display case.

My daughter has a treasured bracelet from her grandparents that she simply cannot get on and off because of a delicate, fiddly clasp. She also has a figurine of an angel in her home--so she hangs the bracelet on the outstretched arm of the angel. Looks surprisingly nice, and means a lot to her.

zygote

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Re: Help me process my crazy new bling
« Reply #4 on: May 10, 2019, 10:04:18 AM »
My advice is just to start wearing it and see how it feels!

The diamond in my engagement ring originally belonged to my great great grandmother, who passed it down to my grandmother. She had it reset, and then gave it to my mother, who gave it to me. I've always loved it and knew I wanted it to be my engagement ring, but I'm not really a diamond person and thought I'd switch to a plain band for daily wear.

Well, I got so used to wearing the diamond ring while I was engaged that I decided I wanted to keep wearing it indefinitely. I ended up getting a wedding band custom made that fit with the somewhat unusual ring.

Now I smile every day when I see it on my hand and think of how far it's come, and also what it represents for my present and future.

So, you never know. You may surprise yourself and like wearing it every day, even if it isn't your usual style or something you would have bought for yourself. And if you still feel like it's too much, then you can find a nice place to display it in your home and just wear it once in a while.

(Then again, my ring is closer to $1k than $10k, haha.)

AMandM

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Re: Help me process my crazy new bling
« Reply #5 on: May 10, 2019, 10:27:13 AM »
What a lovely gift!  It sounds like you would really like to wear this treasure, but

I just feel weird wearing this much money on my finger and having something so out of proportion to my usual style. I'm worried it'll make people see me differently, or that I'll be constantly worried about losing it.

Can I encourage you? I doubt it will make people see you differently. For one thing, most people are too busy with their own problems to pay a lot of attention to your finger. For another, you say it's simple for the amount of diamonds, so I bet a lot of people won't realize how valuable it is.

As for losing it, can you give it its own dedicated place, like a certain box on your dresser, and then make yourself an ironclad rule that you *never* take the ring off except to put it in its place? If you'll be going somewhere that would require removing it, you leave the ring home in its place that day. If you want to dig in the dirt, you go to your room to put the ring away first. Etc.

sol

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Re: Help me process my crazy new bling
« Reply #6 on: May 10, 2019, 10:49:06 AM »
The value in the ring is sentimental, in its family history.  If you're a typical mustachian then in a few short years you're going to have a million dollars and another $10,000 will be a rounding error, an afternoon's worth of market fluctuations.  You'll be able to buy a ring just like it and barely notice the cost, but it would never mean as much as this particular ring.

So I would treat it like any other treasured family heirloom, rather than an expensive piece of jewelry.  Like a photo album of your grandparent's wedding, maybe, or the journals an ancestor wrote during the war.  I'd keep it safe, have a plan to pass it on some day to another caretaker, and not worry so much about how often you physically interact with it.  You can certainly wear it any time you like, but personally I wouldn't bother.  You don't need to touch something daily in order to value it for sentimental reasons.

We are all caretakers of the things we own.  During our tenure as such, we either consume and destroy those things, or we preserve them until such time as they can become someone else's burden.  To my ears your story sounds like your mother is finally free of a crushingly weighty obligation, and you're now on the hook to not let her down by losing or damaging it.  The best outcome you can hope for is the status quo, and you have a significant chance of ruining it forever before you can be rid of it someday, when you give it away to one of your own relatives.  Sounds like a curse, in a way. 

So wear it, or don't wear it, I don't think it really matters.  The important thing is that you prioritize it's safe keeping forever and forever.  Is wearing it daily likely to increase or decrease the chances that you'll lose or damage it somehow?  Seems to me like it might be safer locked up in a display at home.  Have you considered framing it with pictures of your mother and grandmother, and then bolting that frame to a wall?