I need advice on how to make work suck less. My situation - I have a professional job where I really like the work, and I used to be (mostly) fine with being the only woman in my team. However, the team has been growing, and between certain new additions and my boss' attitude shift, the dynamic has become very difficult to take.
Today was a pretty typical day - at a meeting first thing my same level colleague and I were jointly interacting with a subconsultant, until boss turned up. From then on, I was not allowed to finish a sentence, everything I said was shut down and dismissed. Later, I found out that a different same level colleague and a grad were being sent on training I'd asked to do 6 months ago. I asked him about it and he hadn't even asked to do it, he'd just been told he was going. Asked the slightly senior person who organised it and he told me he'd put me forward for the training but boss shut it down and said the other two were going instead. End of the day - Friday arvo lots of people go out for a drink - same level colleague invites the others of my level and up out for a drink, pointedly ignores me.
My boss has not always behaved like this to me. At one stage he told me he wanted to train me up to take over his role in the company, which would have been huge. I would have been thrilled except that I couldn't do it. Unfortunately, that was when I was 11 weeks pregnant, and obviously I had to tell him I couldn't take on that responsibility.
I took 6 months mat leave, then came back part time. I'm still working 4 days*, and admit to being a bit erratic with being late and sick days**, but I generally get my work done on time and work at least my required hours. I've also had a marriage break down in the last year, so massive stresses and upheaval, plus I'm less reliable because I can't just work late and get DH to pick up DD - if it's my day, it's my responsibility.
I know the simple answer is to find a new job, but a) the market here atm is not good, we're in the early stage of a recession which is hitting my field very hard b) even in good times, no one wants to hire someone part time, c) my company are better at what I do than our competitors, and I'd find it hard to do the cheap and nasty work that some of them churn out and d) in spite of the arrogance, boss is extremely knowledgeable (there might be 2 or 3 people in the country who know more about what we do than he does) and I really like learning from him.
So my strategy is to instead make myself a better employee / colleague, until the rest of the team can't help but see that I am in fact not incompetent and start to appreciate me. If I fail to convince them, I might at least convince myself and be better placed for the job hunt anyway, so even if I lose I win.
The challenge is, what steps can I take? We have performance appraisals coming up soon, and I want to take strategies to my manager and get his help to make a self improvement plan, and I want to start making changes immediately.
What I've done so far
- Started working towards accreditation. This is not really required in my field, just a nice to have, but my boss thinks its important. I've written 11.5 / 16 sections, then I have to give a presentation and have an assessment.
- Took an online MOOC course (free!) in my field to get a difference perspective and also top up by CPD hours
- Made sure my boss was aware that I worked a public holiday, and on my day off, and from home to get a report done on time.
What I'm working on
- Boss mentioned something specific he thinks I'm not good at. Have found online course for it that I can take in my own time and planning to start that this weekend.
- write down every specific criticism so I can look at it later when I'm no longer upset and try to address it
- Find other courses to increase my expertise and knowledge
- My attitude. Aiming for more positive and friendly, yet also focused and working hard. Less excuses, more getting things done
- Trying to perfect the friendly-banter-but-not-wasting-time-chatting balance
- Trying to avoid pissing off the lead of the other group we work with (who seems to detest me with a passion. He frequently swears at me / at the work I have to ask him to do. This is tolerated in my workplace. I have to deal with him, there is no alternative. Trying to get out of it would make me seem incompetent. He won't be disciplined for his behaviour, he is too valuable to the company)
- Work out how to add a half day to my hours. Raise this proposal with manager at appraisal.
Additional things to start / do
- read "crucial conversations" and implement strategies
- upgrade computer software so I can work from home more efficiently when sick / if overtime required
In summary - Of the people at my level in my group, I am the least valued by far. My boss puts me down in front of everyone. Some of my colleagues have made it clear they don't like me. However, the work is mostly interesting, and I'm unlikely to find a better position in the current market, so I need to change the social aspects that are currently sucking. Because I work with INTJ personalities, I think the best way to be more liked is to be better at my job.
Please comment and add helpful suggestions. But be nice, I'm getting (emotionally) beat up on enough already.
* edited to add - "baby" is now 3, but we are very happy with her schedule of 2 days with GPs and 2 days at kindergarten, she hated day care when she had to go, and a third day of school is not an option. To go back to full time I would have to send her to daycare, which would be very hard on her.
**lateness is not as big an issue in our workplace as it may be in some. We use timesheets and as long as we complete our required hours, we aren't required to be at our desks at a certain time. I'm not late to meetings, and I'm usually there before the boss except one day a week when I have school drop off and can't realistically manage that. Sick days - I have a chronic illness which lowers my immune system, so I catch every cold and flu going. Add a toddler and that is compounded. If I can make it though the day with a few pseudoephedrine tablets, I'll go in, it's only when I cannot get out of bed that I don't - I just have more of those days than most people.