Hm. I read your journal too.
I see you were conflicted with you being a hard-charger, more serious, more time dependent job, and him being more laid back.
Well, I totally understand that feeling. I've had the same feeling from time to time. I've always been "Type A" and my husband more like a "B+", which means I'd totally work my butt off and get stressed out and do everything to make up missed time and...
Then something happened - I had a second kid, but past that - I got a new boss shortly thereafter. And things went downhill. I could go on and on about the glass ceiling women hit in tech. But in my experience, it really was just this one guy (okay, maybe 2 guys).
So I tend to be risk averse when it comes to money, and I see your income at $320k and think holy CRAP (I'm also in CA, but south). And rent at $2700 (less than our mortgage), and I would be hard pressed to walk away from that so quickly, at least not until I hit a higher savings number. Especially if it's a job you like.
On the other hand, that commute of your husband...that really sucks. Are you finding yourself picking up all the slack at home? Is your company open to a part time arrangement? While my career has completely stagnated with the new boss (he's not my boss anymore, but my career is still stagnated), I've used the opportunity to dial it back at work. I was part time for awhile. I'm full time now, but I'm in a fairly "easy" job, so I can work my easy hours, pick up the kids early, etc.
But that means I pick up the slack at home most of the time. My husband works a harder job (he's not climbing the ladder either, but it's more hours). He gets paid more. He goes on business travel several times a year (which means I pick up even more slack at home). When the kids are sick, we usually split, but there is inevitably that time when they are sick on 2 different days when the husband is out of town.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this...my own personal method would be to figure out how to "dial back" where I am currently, with fewer hours/ more flexibility (instead of a huge change). But if that wasn't possible, I'd consider moving. Time with the kids is priceless (for you AND your husband). But if your husband makes less and isn't really interested in "growing up" and "getting more serious", you have to consider this. It might not be that he's not "grown up" yet, it just might be his personality. My husband would make a GREAT company VP, but he's not interested in that AND when he took his current job, he knew it wouldn't happen (the company already has 5 VPs all his age, nobody is moving out).