Help for My Dad (80yo) With Organizing, Care, Etc.

[uneven_cyclist]

Hi All,

My family has appointed me to find someone to help with organization, cleaning, and upkeep at my Dad's apartment.  He recently turned 80 and is generally in good condition mentally and emotionally but is struggling with mobility and his apartment has become cluttered as a result.  My Mom lives close by but my parents are divorced and so my Dad is living on his own.

One good thing = my family all lives fairly close together in the same apartment complex in LA, and I am also close by as well.  My Mom and I go over fairly regularly and help out a bit when we're there, but we are not keeping pace.

Question for the forum = do folks have any recommendations for where I might start in searching for a person to help my Dad with tidying his apartment and potentially providing a bit of help with household tasks?  We are envisioning hiring a housekeeper for one or two days each week but also I wanted to reach out here to find out if others might have dealt with similar situations and how folks might have approached things. 

Other family members are engaged as well and would like to provide at least some support with paying for someone to help.

Open to any and all suggestions as I get started on this, thanks all!

[former player]

I think a lot of us have been or are still going through something similar.

The easiest place to start is to hire a cleaner.  If you can, get someone who is local and personally recommended: you need someone who is reliable and honest. Hiring someone to do more complex tasks than just cleaning is in my experience harder - many people who have the skills and desire to take on more responsibility than just cleaning have other, usually better paid, options - which is why so often family members end up taking on this responsibility.

I found that one of the most time-consuming elements of caring for family members was arranging trips to medical appointments and taking them back and forth.  Perhaps apps like Uber can make a difference there?  It's also helpful to remember that managing transport for your relative shouldn't just be about the essentials such as medical appointments but will ideally include social and cultural outings as well.

You do need to be sure that your father is on board with whatever you arrange and whoever you get to help.  Mobility problems don't take away his right to make his own decisions as to how he lives, and having a stranger coming in to your home as cleaner/housekeeper can be seen as intrusive and unwelcome.

[herbgeek]

I'd talk to my local senior center/council of aging to see what resources are available for free/reduced rate first.  You might need 2 separate people:  one for cleaning and one as a personal care assistant.

[kite]

I hired help for frail seniors through my personal network and through a local agency.  Same way you find a job by building your personal network and leveraging connections. The first of my Mom's aides had two other clients in my neighborhood.  One of her clients was a close friend of mine who went into hospice care last year and I already knew the quality of her caregiving when I asked her to help me with my Mom. It's a whole new world and an employment opportunity that will only increase as Boomers age. 

I've heard good things about getting people through Care.com.  You can sort within there for everything -- meals, transportation, light housework, Live-in, etc.  I've not hired caregivers through that site, however. 
Caregivers run the gamut from so amazing you can't believe they are even real to criminally negligent.  Once you have someone, you need to keep your eyes open. 

Two of the three people I was managing this for had Medicaid and qualified for Personal Care Aides that their insurance paid for through an agency.  The aides do meal prep and light housework in addition to assistance with bathing & toileting. Personal care aides risk their licenses by being tasked with management of medications or doing wound care.  Family or RN must do that. Something to keep in mind as your loved one's needs evolve.

As his mobility has declined, engage with his healthcare team as a referral may be needed to get the insurance funded in-home support. Maintaining mobility is crucial, and a decline may be indicative of other issues. Medicare/Medicaid both will fund PT & OT, too.   For my family members, those referrals were a package of sorts and included visiting nurse and social worker.  Insurers would rather keep a patient out of a facility and in their home and they are willing to pay for a significant amount of support to achieve that. The social worker ought to know what supports are available, have names of agencies, insight into qualifications for other supports, ie.. meal delivery, wellness checks, respite care, etc.

[stoaX]

I wish I had something to add but the responses above are really good.  This is a situation that many of us will face or have faced.  Best of luck in your efforts!

[LadyMuMu]

We found the local senior center very helpful. We were able to enroll my MIL into a day program to provide a social outlet (cards, chair exercise, etc.) and they also helped arrange transportation with our county's point-to-point van service. We worked with HomeInstead at first but found that they couldn't keep staff consistent which was a problem for MIL who was having dementia issues. Eventually, the clutter and home care got to be too much, and we had to place MIL in a residential senior center.

[kite]

We found the local senior center very helpful. We were able to enroll my MIL into a day program to provide a social outlet (cards, chair exercise, etc.) and they also helped arrange transportation with our county's point-to-point van service. We worked with HomeInstead at first but found that they couldn't keep staff consistent which was a problem for MIL who was having dementia issues. Eventually, the clutter and home care got to be too much, and we had to place MIL in a residential senior center.

This is a big issue with no easy answer as demand far exceeds supply.  Wages barely move, so the only recourse workers have is leave, hoping for better conditions in the next job.  And since there is always a next job, there is very high risk they will go and take it.

[Catbert]

Since you and your family live close, do any of you know a neighbor, church member or friend could use a part-time job?  Or maybe a younger member of the family?

My MIL was in a different living situation than your dad since she lived in a rural trailer park rather than an urban apartment building.  We were about ready to wrestle her drivers license away and had lined up a young SAHM who was a member of her church and lived nearby.  We planned to pay her to drive MIL on specified errands.  She was willing and happy to earn $10 an hour.  Unfortunately, MIL died before the plan was executed.

[uneven_cyclist]

Thanks everyone for your thoughtful and detailed responses. 

I will relay all of this info to my family so that we can come up with a game plan.  We do not attend church, but we do have a senior center in our neighborhood and I'll be sure to check out Care.com.

Thanks again for all of your ideas and insights here!

[Dee18]

This may not apply to your father, but my mother is a veteran so I spoke with a social worker at her city's Veterans' Affairs office.  She did not qualify for their services because of her income, but the social worker gave me some great contacts.

[elaine amj]

When my MIL lived with me, she was really nervous about being home alone from 9-3pm until the kids got back from school. But she didn’t want to spend that much either.

So we found a series of local unskilled ladies willing to work 2 hours a day cleaning house and cooking her lunch for minimum wage. They mostly weren’t rockstar cleaning ladies - but as long as they did an OK job (enough that MIL didn’t complain they were lazy) that was good enough for us. That worked for quite a few years until she finally felt with falls, etc she needed the 24/7 supervision of a nursing home.

Another idea is to look for someone on limited income who needs a place to live and is willing to exchange for providing some care.

We have a lady at my mom’s church right now who needs a place to live really soon. But she is on welfare and can’t even afford a room in a shared house (as rents have recently skyrocketed). She is capable of providing a certain amount of limited care and would be an ideal fit for someone in your father’s scenario. She’d be happy to do it for a free room or even reduced rent if he doesn’t need much care. So these types of folks are out there and could be suitable for your father.

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