So much good insight, I'm glad I posted this. Thanks for all the help, everyone!
Align your spending with your values, and then you can avoid frugality exhaustion.
Thinking through your response, I think I didn't understand my values fully. I understood my goals for long term independence, but I didn't understand my values for the present term. I'm going to take some time to reflect on this. I may have been discrediting how much I valued some convenience items I considered superfluous.
We also plan to FI based on the broke budget + Dream jobs. As opposed to retiring. A "Hobby" that turns into making money would be what we call a Dream job.
This is a really good way to think through things. This "crisis" was spawned by the idea that I was calculating FI off currently spending levels, when it would costs so much in time (very valuable to me) if I was able to drop my spending post FI back down. But I don't really plan to retire, I just plan on spending more time on my hobbies. And almost all of my hobbies, I've ended up earning money on in the end accidentally. My dream job may be hucking peanuts at a baseball stadium for a summer, or teaching kids at a YMCA, or trading equipment/items in a hobby I pick up later. But thing is, I'll probably make money at it. I've considered picking up jobs at a mechanic shop for a year or two post FI just to learn as a sort of apprentice. I don't know what interests I'll have in 10 years, but it's good to remember that with additional time, I should be able to work that into my financial plan much easier.
I'd guess that we have a similar personality type. Anything I do is done at 100% capacity. I really can't help it.
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I'd suggest you find ways to "reset" right now, whether it involves spending a little more or not.
You nailed it. I've described myself before as someone who's either 100% or 0% at all times. I think I'm going to delete the budget spreadsheet for a few months. I'll still think of value when I'm deciding on spending, but I won't worry about it's impact to FI. I'll still review at the end of every month. If I go way off track, I'll adjust back. Combining with what another response said, I think I'm struggling understanding the value tradeoffs between my short term wants and long term wants. If when I relax a little in the short term, it doesn't have a great impact for the long term, I think that is the way I should continue on. If I find it adjusts it too much, it'll be time to really try to understand the balance of those values for me.
To me it sounds like money, frugality, and FIRE, have been at the top of your priorities for a long time, at the expense of mental energy put into other activities. ... Have you tried a new hobby or a new skill?
In the past few months, I've taken a hobby I've had for the past year (Ultimate Frisbee) to the next level by coaching a high school team and am preparing to play for a high level club team in the summer. I've also been described as a bit of a serial hobbist by some of my friends. Every 6~12 months, I've got a new hobby I'm 100% in on. Some I stay with for years, but for the most part, I get most of my enjoyment from going from the beginner stages to near advanced.
But I think you hit the point, FIRE has been my top priority at the expense of understanding my short term values. I'm going to be doing a bunch of reflecting on this over the next couple months.
We went on a bit of a hedonic binge a few years ago, then pulled back when I got serious about knocking out FI.
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With severe burnout (possibly depression) running in your family and being single, it might not hurt to ask a trusted friend to help keep an eye on you and raise the alarm if things start to look shaky.
I've always been a "long distance runner" type guy. Slow and steady progress. I kind of like the analogy of a "Fartlek" workout here as a way to adjust. Rather than just concentrate on going the distance, I can alternate periods of intense activity (high earning work, low spending) with lower (more hobby time, more home improvements, etc).
I asked my sister to do exactly this. She recently moved out of town, and I shared my family history with a good friend who is a doctor. I asked him to call timeout on me if he ever notices something weird. I trust him fully if he ever does this. I'm debating adding a third person to this trusted circle. I have a friend in mind already, its just a heavy topic to bring up.
Initially when I caught the FIRE bug, one of the main aspects that appealed to me was the whole anti-consumption awakening. I finally realized that buying newer, shinier, bigger widgets won't lead to happiness.
However, I also have come to learn that simply amassing more money doesn't lead to happiness either. Boosting savings rate from 50 to 60, or having $100k vs $200k really has no impact on your life enjoyment.
This is the story I didn't share in my initial piece. Before I learned about investing and FI, with my high savings rate, I quickly saved a large sum of money (~$30k) within a year or two out of college. At the time, I knew I didn't want a house, or a car, or fancy clothes. I had all the electronics I really wanted, and I was very happy with my consumption levels. My big hobby at the time was poker and I was earning more playing cards on the weekends than I was for my regular job. So I started searching for things to spend the money on. My family had a heirloom that was stolen from my parents before I was born, an gun owned by my great great uncle (by marriage) that was given to my parents in his estate. He was a relatively famous person, but no one that anyone besides historians would probably recognize the name. I thought about trying to find another gun he owned to buy, and the only one I could find cost over $20k. It took me about a day of debating the purchase to realize I needed to find a better purpose for my money. Within a couple of months, I had found FI and was ecstatic.
You are 100% right that a larger account won't add to my satisfaction levels. I kept saying, "but this means you'll be able to buy your time sooner and be more satisfied then." Well, looking at my life, I have everything in place to be 100% satisfied. I have a great group of friends, and really good hobby (between coaching great kids and playing on a really fun team), and if I had to pick any job, I really enjoy mine (but not enough to do it if money didn't matter). I've been thinking way too much in the long term, and need to shift some of my focus back into the now. That'll mean relaxing a little when the team goes out for beers after a long weekend tournament, and other things like that. I need to be more in the now.
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I seriously can't thank you all enough for the time you put into your responses. You've given me a bunch to think about and ponder. As I'm in my kinda of holding period here, you can be sure I'll be rereading these a few times to make sure I understand all the wisdom you are passing on.