Author Topic: Have you ever removed someone from your will because of their behavior?  (Read 4827 times)

joonifloofeefloo

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Re: Have you ever removed someone from your will because of their behavior?
« Reply #50 on: December 04, 2018, 06:19:35 PM »
Off hand, I donít even recall anyone saying they would try to prevent others from even making their own choices about anything.

There's a whole forum thread devoted to stories about inheritance drama, including some dirty manipulative dead relatives.  It seems to be a common problem.

Yes, some people have done gross things, for sure. But this thread is (happily) only asking about removing, not threatening, holding over, using to control, etc.

frugaldrummer

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Re: Have you ever removed someone from your will because of their behavior?
« Reply #51 on: December 07, 2018, 10:59:44 AM »
With all this discussion of addicts and inheritance - addiction is a disease. Some can escape it, some can't. Newer approaches like buprenorphine for heroin addicts are saving lives. Underlying mental illness like depression, anxiety or bipolar illness are often the trigger.

I agree it would be irresponsible and dangerous to just give money to an addict. But establishing a trust that could be used to pay for treatment or healthcare or housing, just like you might do for a schizophrenic relative, could be lifesaving.

sol

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Re: Have you ever removed someone from your will because of their behavior?
« Reply #52 on: December 07, 2018, 11:51:47 AM »
establishing a trust that could be used to pay for treatment or healthcare or housing, just like you might do for a schizophrenic relative, could be lifesaving.

I agree, it certainly can.  The problem is that addict relatives are typically really shitty people.  It's hard to set aside money to save a person who has stolen from you, or physically harmed your loved ones, or burned their bridges in some other way.  I think most people have a much easier time forgiving shitty behavior that they think is the result of a diagnosable illness like schizophrenia than they do forgiving shitty behavior that they think is the result of "bad life choices" like drug addiction.

My family has seen all of the above, sometimes in the same person.  Eventually you don't have any option besides total exclusion, but that just makes the person the state's problem instead of your problem so I'm not sure it really helps.  I have one relative who has been cut out of their inheritance, not only because it would be wasted on drugs, but because the state would garnish virtually all of it anyway to "repay debts" incurred by that person's tragic life history.  It's one of the dirty little secrets of our drug war, that our government will sometimes enforce poverty on someone in order to keep them from killing themselves.

Villanelle

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Re: Have you ever removed someone from your will because of their behavior?
« Reply #53 on: December 07, 2018, 11:56:59 PM »
I'm curious for those who seem to thing it's wrong to write out an addict, what are you thoughts on writing out a profligate spender?  Let's say this person burns through ever penny of their own money, and is thousands in debt.  They certainly beg, borrow, and maybe eventually steal from family.  Clearly giving them money will almost certainly be just enabling that bad behavior and will make no meaningful difference in their lives. 

(I suppose an argument could be made that anyone who spends at that level has an addiction of sorts, but I'm not sure that's entirely true.) 

To me, I could give that person money, know it will be utterly wasted, or I could give it to someone else who might use it to send a kid to college or push them the final bit toward FIRE, or to a charity that does amazing work.  That seems like a pretty easy choice, although it might not be quite so easy if I was choosing to leave money to 2 of 3 kids and the resulting emotional pain that would cause. 

Imma

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Re: Have you ever removed someone from your will because of their behavior?
« Reply #54 on: December 08, 2018, 01:39:30 AM »
I'm curious for those who seem to thing it's wrong to write out an addict, what are you thoughts on writing out a profligate spender?  Let's say this person burns through ever penny of their own money, and is thousands in debt.  They certainly beg, borrow, and maybe eventually steal from family.  Clearly giving them money will almost certainly be just enabling that bad behavior and will make no meaningful difference in their lives. 

(I suppose an argument could be made that anyone who spends at that level has an addiction of sorts, but I'm not sure that's entirely true.) 

To me, I could give that person money, know it will be utterly wasted, or I could give it to someone else who might use it to send a kid to college or push them the final bit toward FIRE, or to a charity that does amazing work.  That seems like a pretty easy choice, although it might not be quite so easy if I was choosing to leave money to 2 of 3 kids and the resulting emotional pain that would cause.

I'm not one of those who thinks it's wrong to write out an addict, but I do think that in most cases you should not write out your children. I have not heard of families remaining intact after this. I myself am one of those kids that has been told a million times I've been written out of a will (my childless, well-off godmother's, not my parent's) and while I'm happy enough about that - my siblings still have to visit her for Christmas to and I do not have to see her ever again -  I do think it's really mean that she's trying to drive a wedge between them and me (all the time, not just through the will). It's a sign of a bad character.

Unless you explain the reason for your choices really well (and I think addiction is a very good reason) I can almost guarantee leaving out one sibling will cause a lot of emotional pain and hurt the relationships between the siblings.

AccidentalMiser

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Re: Have you ever removed someone from your will because of their behavior?
« Reply #55 on: December 08, 2018, 07:27:18 PM »
If I had to base inclusion in the will on behavior I liked all the time, nobody would be in it.
Awwww, god I love ya!

We have divided our estate up into 10 - 12 equal parcels. Were
I to do it over again I would just give assets to the handful of charitable organizations we named and forget about the people. But I WOULD urge the Executors to take whatever salary the state allows them to earn, that way I dont feel guilty at saddling them with the job.

I'll make the rash assumption that you're not already dead and suggest to you that you can change your will to do this very thing. 

Cassie

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Re: Have you ever removed someone from your will because of their behavior?
« Reply #56 on: December 09, 2018, 10:08:04 AM »
Itís not cheap to write a new will which is why I am guessing she hasnít done it.

joonifloofeefloo

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Re: Have you ever removed someone from your will because of their behavior?
« Reply #57 on: December 09, 2018, 10:38:36 AM »
This is something I spend on every few years, as our circumstances change (e.g. child's age, recognition of child's disability, updated financial approaches per child disability, availability and suitability of guardian, etc). One of the areas I think is worth spending on. I have a relatively complex set up, and I've been quoted $600-$1800 per round of changes (all other things being equal, I go with the lower-cost quote). That includes everything (my own POA, medical representation, etc).