Thank you all for the support and advice :) It has just been the two of us making all these decisions with little guidance, we're struggling to know how to position ourselves in the best way. From all of your replies it seems like we should just stop making such a big deal out of it!
"Spend less than you earn, invest the difference" It doesn’t sound like there’s any need for you to be miserable. Get a better job!
Housing is your biggest concern but the only reason you are in that location is for job purposes and you hate your job...
I don't get it.
Why don't you take your excellent 'stache, move somewhere with much lower housing/lifestyle costs, work enough to cover expenses, possibly even part time, focus on raising kids, and let your 'stache grow by itself for a decade.
If you have a pile of money and you are contemplating plans that make you miserable, then you are doing it wrong.
Take some time to challenge the "givens" of your situation. You literally have endless options available to you because you have a solid financial situation.
I also don't get it! The first few years we're great and then I would have a good couple months a bad couple months and now I struggle every couple weeks. Sometimes I wonder if that's just life, we all have to work, maybe I just like working less than most? More of a rhetorical question, I know no one can answer that for me.
To explain my job a little bit. I make ~195K a year and work ~2100 hours. The shift is
14 days on, 14 days off,
14 nights on, 14 days off, 12 hour days. Some days we work so hard we don't stop for lunch, other days we may only put in 4 hours of work. It can be labour intensive but for the most part it's reasonable.
14 nights is really the killer, shift work will be the end of me.
I'm trying to move on but it's a case of me having no formal education (so I'll need retraining) and
golden handcuffs! We are
saving ~11K a month. We are currently stuck here at least until November due to my wife's job and then she's ready to leave.
Does your wife want to keep working?
If so, moving sounds like a no brainier. Move, she keeps making 5k, you find a job doing whatever and bring in, let's say 3k, and your expenses are way lower.
If she wants to quit too, I'd say you should both stick it out for a couple more years, then move and both quit.
If you can't/won't move then it sounds like you need to either keep working or figure out how to further reduce expenses, or delay baby.
She loves her job and thinks she will work at least in a part time capacity for the rest of her life. That makes our decision easier.
Do you think it's best to allow the stache to grow vs buying a house? The only Pro I see to buying a house is security. Once it's paid for in cash we will have a cheap place to live for the rest of our lives, if there is a suite we will have a small income as well.