Author Topic: Got the advice ./ Should I use my F/U money?///  (Read 12713 times)

sheepstache

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Re: Should I use my F/U money?
« Reply #50 on: October 11, 2015, 11:29:25 AM »
Thoughts from a grumpy, old, retired HR manager:

You have an irritating co-worker you don't get along with.  You hoped/expected that your boss would ride in on a white horse and save you.  Didn't work.  Going to HR won't do any good.  We have no magic dust that makes people get along.  It's exactly the kind of situation that isn't really fixable - how do you make people like and respect each other?  I'm sure the co-worker has a slightly different version of events that's just a believable as yours which makes you the villain.

If you want to keep the job for awhile longer, tell the co-worker to fuck off and then otherwise ignore her.  Try to work shifts she's not on.  Suck it up.    If you can't ignore her, then quit (with or without shitting on her desk) and put management and HR out of their misery.


I heartily agree with the emboldened portion above. By leaving, you give the asshole coworker the satisfaction of having run you off the job.  Fuck her -- stay and continue to do a good job and let her be her miserable self. I also think you have an irrationally rosey view of management - they really don't give a fuck and are going to take the path of least resistance, which is probably why you've seen them act (and not) as they have. Best of luck, whichever way you decide to go.

This is a thing I think a lot of people get confused about, not just the OP. In most situations in life, there is no true authority that can provide definitive answers. There is no "adult" who can settle things once and for all. Solomon himself wouldn't have power to enforce his judgements except that everyone likes and accepts those judgements.

I say your FU money gives you the ability to give your co-worker as good as you get. Be calm and civil but stand up to her. Tell her to stop talking politics because it's unprofessional and when she turns the light off turn it the fuck back on. If she wants to keep flapping her gums, just smile, a little too long and staring right at her, and go back to your work. Repeat as necessary. Trust me, I have a lifetime's experience of being charmingly disrespectful.

The best part of FU money is that you don't care if you lose your job, not actually quitting. The quitting stories just make the FU Money thread because they're easier to tell.

Although I agree with James that having another job lined up would really be what puts you in a good position.

So you have already left and then come back to this work place, and it looks like now you are ready to leave again. There's not much management is going to be willing to do for you since you've already made it clear you are probably going to leave in December anyways. That gives them every incentive to not resolve the situation because you have already offered the resolution for them - voluntarily leaving, which costs them nothing. Intervening too much would alienate your co-worker, which would mean they have to replace two people instead of one.
Good point.
« Last Edit: October 11, 2015, 11:34:09 AM by sheepstache »

Goldielocks

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Re: Should I use my F/U money?
« Reply #51 on: October 11, 2015, 11:56:27 AM »
Stay.  Make lots of money.  Put up planned parenthood posters, fly the pride flag on your desktop, and put a 100 w bulb in your new lamp and aim it a bit to her area,  so you "don't trip while crossing the floor", of course.

Eat foods that makes you fart loudly.  Eat reheated fish at your desk for lunch.  Take off your hot sneakers and put on sandals to air out your ' foot condition'.

Trim or file your nails at your desk.  Make weird nose clearing sounds a lot.

Pull her competed to do list out of recycling and stick it back on her desk.  (DH did this, the target used 50 post its a day to track to dos...)

Acknowledge that she is not a nice person, to yourself, but that you are strong enough to give some back.

HR won't fire you in two months for such subtle things. It could even be fun.

Yes, this may only stay a fantasy, but it could get you through I'd you visualize enough.

Mesmoiselle

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Re: Should I use my F/U money?
« Reply #52 on: October 11, 2015, 12:21:36 PM »
Stay.  Make lots of money.  Put up planned parenthood posters, fly the pride flag on your desktop, and put a 100 w bulb in your new lamp and aim it a bit to her area,  so you "don't trip while crossing the floor", of course.

Eat foods that makes you fart loudly.  Eat reheated fish at your desk for lunch.  Take off your hot sneakers and put on sandals to air out your ' foot condition'.

Trim or file your nails at your desk.  Make weird nose clearing sounds a lot.

Pull her competed to do list out of recycling and stick it back on her desk.  (DH did this, the target used 50 post its a day to track to dos...)

Acknowledge that she is not a nice person, to yourself, but that you are strong enough to give some back.

HR won't fire you in two months for such subtle things. It could even be fun.

Yes, this may only stay a fantasy, but it could get you through I'd you visualize enough.

This put a smile on my face. I did request a light that could point with a very bright bulb  for me to accommodate her preference for a dark office.  And this morning I was thinking of just aiming it just a little further than needed to the left. Also, switching out all her full gel bottles for empty ones. Taking the linen out, and not replacing the liner. Hiding the liners. And leaving her room half stocked. Telling people over the phone that I'm her and approving things.... That last one might be too far not to get caught, though.

 I reached out to my father as a bouncing board this morning, we're on friendly footing but hardly adoring daughter/father doting, so I figured his advice would also strike the right balance. It led me to the following thoughts.

I want to be in a better place financially so I can make life decisions based on wants instead of needs. I slashed my bills in half, kept roommates I couldn't stand, pushed husband to study hard and take actuary exams. I'm trying to destroy all my dribble money habits/addictions.  Paid off all CC debt, paid off a school loan, pushed myself out of the comfort zone and hopped on the high paid travel job wagon even though it pulled me away from loved ones.  It's been a lot of change in the last 14 months. I want results already.

Quitting a job I don't like would make me feel like I had the results and it's something I could do right now. Go me, right? Except it'd sort of be like cutting off my foot to lose weight.

Anyway, I want to thank people for all the constructive criticism. Till next time.

Kaikou

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Re: Got the advice ./ Should I use my F/U money?///
« Reply #53 on: October 11, 2015, 04:30:11 PM »
thank you for posting.

PaulMaxime

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Re: Got the advice ./ Should I use my F/U money?///
« Reply #54 on: October 11, 2015, 10:46:25 PM »
I'd treat the situation as a game.

See if you can press her buttons multiple times a day and then sit back and watch the reaction. When it's a game it will cease to bother you as much.


MissStache

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Re: Should I use my F/U money?
« Reply #55 on: October 12, 2015, 07:21:04 AM »
Stay.  Make lots of money.  Put up planned parenthood posters, fly the pride flag on your desktop, and put a 100 w bulb in your new lamp and aim it a bit to her area,  so you "don't trip while crossing the floor", of course.

Eat foods that makes you fart loudly.  Eat reheated fish at your desk for lunch.  Take off your hot sneakers and put on sandals to air out your ' foot condition'.

Trim or file your nails at your desk.  Make weird nose clearing sounds a lot.

Pull her competed to do list out of recycling and stick it back on her desk.  (DH did this, the target used 50 post its a day to track to dos...)

Acknowledge that she is not a nice person, to yourself, but that you are strong enough to give some back.

HR won't fire you in two months for such subtle things. It could even be fun.

Yes, this may only stay a fantasy, but it could get you through I'd you visualize enough.

This is 100% what I was going to recommend.  You have two months to pay her back for all of the misery she's caused you.  Have fun!

asauer

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Re: Got the advice ./ Should I use my F/U money?///
« Reply #56 on: October 12, 2015, 08:47:25 AM »
I'd go to HR.  Being in HR myself, I disagree with some other posters who say that we only look out for the risk to the company.  Well, if you're strictly looking at it that way, losing an employee b/c of this nonsense is a risk to the company.  It costs appx. 50% of an employee's salary to hire someone else- that's a risk.  Plus, according to the law, HR must take EVERY compliant seriously and follow through with solutions.  So...every HR person I've worked with does a very good job of balancing employer interest and employee interest (which really aren't that different most of the time).

ShoulderThingThatGoesUp

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Re: Got the advice ./ Should I use my F/U money?///
« Reply #57 on: October 12, 2015, 10:00:01 AM »
I think the suggestions to be unpleasant to this person are about as good advice as the plan to shit on her desk. That's not adult or professional.

James

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Re: Got the advice ./ Should I use my F/U money?///
« Reply #58 on: October 12, 2015, 11:41:12 AM »
I'd go to HR.  Being in HR myself, I disagree with some other posters who say that we only look out for the risk to the company.  Well, if you're strictly looking at it that way, losing an employee b/c of this nonsense is a risk to the company.  It costs appx. 50% of an employee's salary to hire someone else- that's a risk.  Plus, according to the law, HR must take EVERY compliant seriously and follow through with solutions.  So...every HR person I've worked with does a very good job of balancing employer interest and employee interest (which really aren't that different most of the time).


I agree. Going to HR and tossing out words like "hostile work environment" and "feeling intimidated and harrassed" should get alarm bells going off in their heads and get a response to help your situation. However, it comes at a cost of escalating the situation. You better make damn sure your nose is clean before you go calling for help from a higher power. If you have any part in the situation, such as responding in kind or responding inappropriately, it could ricochet back at you quick. Only you can know whether that is worth the risk, but if you are innocent and responding the right way, then it's the obvious and clear answer for your next step.

I tend to agree with Shoulder, lots of immature and poor suggestions for retaliation and escalation. I'm not totally against a response in kind, I'm not a stick in the mud, some of the minor suggestions appeal to me, but you need to look at what end result is best for you. If you want to just hunker down for a couple months then do that. If you want to fight fire with fire then fine, but realize the overall fire will get a hell of a lot bigger and you will more likely get burned. It's easy to act tough on the internet, but in an actual work place I would side toward caution and professionalism every time. Having come extremely close to being fired at one time for a poorly worded email (even though I was in the right), you just don't want to create more chaos for yourself.

smalllife

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Re: Got the advice ./ Should I use my F/U money?///
« Reply #59 on: October 13, 2015, 05:31:43 AM »
*only do the above if you have an ACTUAL HR person and not just a warm body doing the grunt work.  There are good HR people and there are people who get put there for lack of options, make sure its the former before asking for help.

Goldielocks

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Re: Got the advice ./ Should I use my F/U money?///
« Reply #60 on: October 14, 2015, 10:27:03 AM »
I think the suggestions to be unpleasant to this person are about as good advice as the plan to shit on her desk. That's not adult or professional.

LOL,

You need to think this through -- even people who stand up for themselves by giving a bit back (eg putting up a poster), usually feel pretty empowered with just one or two small actions, and it doesn't lead to anything substantial, other than the 'victim' feeling less like a victim.  That is why we have never seen literal shitting on a desk in an office environment. (and don't tell me if you have, please)

And.... I know many nice people who irritate me by filing nails or taking off stinky shoes and waggling them next to me (on an airplane).

ShoulderThingThatGoesUp

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Re: Got the advice ./ Should I use my F/U money?///
« Reply #61 on: October 14, 2015, 11:05:51 AM »
Putting up a politically charged poster in an office not whose work isn't related to the poster content is totally inappropriate and if done specifically to get back at somebody else is very childish. Maybe other people work differently from me but I think I would feel embarrassed to have done that, not empowered.

Goldielocks

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Re: Got the advice ./ Should I use my F/U money?///
« Reply #62 on: October 14, 2015, 04:30:50 PM »
Putting up a politically charged poster in an office not whose work isn't related to the poster content is totally inappropriate and if done specifically to get back at somebody else is very childish. Maybe other people work differently from me but I think I would feel embarrassed to have done that, not empowered.

Ha ha ha ha...  that is funny. 

I don't know how many "Snap-on" calendars i get to see when walking through a client's site helping them with workshop issues.   Most people (even me) are not bothered much by a poster and, really,to me, the idea that a guy is looking a girlie poster during work for eye candy purposes,  is much worse than the thought that the person sitting across from me may have different (but legal) political ideas.

Bring on the PETA poster!

ShoulderThingThatGoesUp

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Re: Got the advice ./ Should I use my F/U money?///
« Reply #63 on: October 14, 2015, 04:50:09 PM »
Girlie posters are a pretty constant example of "what not to do" at the places I've worked.

NoraLenderbee

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Re: Got the advice ./ Should I use my F/U money?///
« Reply #64 on: October 14, 2015, 05:23:09 PM »
Putting up a politically charged poster in an office not whose work isn't related to the poster content is totally inappropriate and if done specifically to get back at somebody else is very childish. Maybe other people work differently from me but I think I would feel embarrassed to have done that, not empowered.

I think you are taking the comments too seriously. They are blowing off steam. I'd never put up an offensive poster or  deliberately be obnoxious in the office (because I just can't stand conflict), but there have been times when just fantasizing about it put a smile on my face and made the workday more bearable.

shotgunwilly

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Re: Got the advice ./ Should I use my F/U money?///
« Reply #65 on: October 15, 2015, 12:20:58 PM »
You should just openly and clearly say "Fuck off." anytime she ever says anything to you.  If management says this is not acceptable tell them "neither is...."  If you get let go so what. If she gets mad, good. Fuck her. It would make me feel alot better anyways...

Guesl982374

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Re: Got the advice ./ Should I use my F/U money?///
« Reply #66 on: October 15, 2015, 12:57:29 PM »
You need to grow thicker skin. Toughen up. You have two months left, take it as an opportunity to be the bigger person and learn to deal with difficult people. Don't be petty/go down to her level.

My experience: I put up with a horrendous boss for 2.5 years, not months. Things like requiring 70+hr work weeks; blind siding me in meetings; after approving my 2 week honeymoon he berated me for going; breaking written promotion promises; demanding meaningless paperwork to be redone 10+ times, etc. I stuck it out for the experience of the role and ended up taking a job that was 40%+ higher in pay with better hours, commute, etc that I wouldn't have been qualified for before.

Learn to move past small people.