In what world is it proper etiquette to have a list with ridiculous, unnecessary appliances, but not etiquette to have a honeymoon fund? I just don't see a difference between the two.
Good question.
First, strict sticklers for etiquette will actually politely explain (better than I) that today's modern Dear Santa List of a registry is not, in fact, very proper. That back in the day, women would select a china pattern at an early age (e.g. 12) and register with a store, and those wishing to gift her on her wedding day were permitted to peek into her relationship with the store and would choose to send on a gift unasked. See below, I've copied in a post from a wedding board by a well-respected authority on the subject.
Second, many others will argue that asking for "stuff" is different than asking for money to fund your lifestyle, whether it be pay for a wedding or the honeymoon afterwards. That there is indeed a distinction between stuff used to set up your household (and perhaps host the giver), and money which you may spend on rent, food, alcohol, drugs etc. - or as is often the case I've seen, a lavish honeymoon the couple cannot afford (without your help).
"....You are also quite right, as long as you are talking about the modern "gift" registry -- which I like to refer to as the "letter-to-the-wedding-Santa" type of registry. It really is self-serving, mercenary, and undermining to your self-reliance and self-respect, to name a list of valuables for which you think you would be the appropriate charity-recipient.
But such registries are only faking respectability, by stealing the name from the more traditional "household" (NOT "gift") registry. Traditional household-goods registries are acceptable because they are a private service offered by a department store to a housewife. They are intended to help her keep track of all the heirloom-quality goods she needs to set up a gracious traditional home in order to fulfil her traditional duties as mother, wife and hostess: linen sheets for making up the guestroom bed for overnight guests, bone china for serving birthday and Christmas dinners, crystal for toasting the future of hoped-for children at their baptisms or graduations. The registry is a place where she can list all her patterns and needs, and then acquire them over the years as her household expands.
Even in more gracious times, guests did indeed use a bride's household registry as a guide to choosing gifts for her. Once guests know her china pattern or linen-sizes, they can make their own choice of open-stock pieces in the same pattern, or linens in the same size, or they can choose something from her own long-term plans to help her complete that part of her household equipage sooner, knowing that she would have bought it for herself sooner or later. There's also a guilty pleasure for the guest to doing this, in that they are getting to "snoop" in an almost-socially-acceptable manner, into a private arrangement between the bride and her supplier. And they didn't feel that they were being dictated to, because they had to take the initiative to do the snooping.
Household registries are acceptable, because you put them together for your own convenience, not for your own material gain. Gift registries are, really, quite vulgar. Unfortunately few department stores will maintain an old-fashioned household registry any more, though there are still a few who will, and in this age of cloud computing and good database software, there are also good alternatives to managing your household planning that do not rely on department stores' defunct participation in good etiquette."