Hi Everyone,
Long time reader, first time poster looking for advice on life and job situation. I have been reading MMM posts for a while now and I know that many of you give very sensible and well thought out advice. So despite my reticence to posting online, I am doing it!
I am an early 40s female married to a high earner. We have two young children (3 and 6) and live in a HCOL area. Have been in my current position 8 years. Negotiated a 4 day/week schedule after my first child was born. Very good benefits, lots of vacation, great health insurance, 401K 10% match, etc.
BUT (you knew it was coming!) the job itself is very boring and isolating. I am alone much of the time. My heart is just not in it anymore. The job requires a lot of self motivation, which I have almost completely lost. I spend a lot of time doing nothing while trying to motivate myself to do something. I also have a very long commute (1.25-1.5 hours each way by public transit). I leave early in the morning before the kids wake up. Husband works late twice a week. Husband is also required to take emergency call about 4 months out of the year which makes things precarious and stressful (for him especially). We do have grandparents nearby but recent health issues mean they may be unable to help at the same level for much longer. I do not have time for myself, except ironically, when I at at work!
I feel petty sometimes complaining about my job because it is relatively easy and I have a lot of autonomy, a 4 day schedule etc. but the commute... and just having to be present every day is the problem. I am always thinking about the kids and all the things I could be doing to make life easier if I were at home.
My husband is supportive of me leaving, we live well below our means and could afford it, but my job gives us health insurance as my husband is self employed. If I leave, we will have to pay around 2K per month (estimated) to cover health insurance for our family. The health insurance we purchase privately will be a step down from what I have now. We save my entire salary right now. Total loss from not working - about 20K cash savings, 25K retirement savings, and the cost of paying for health insurance (maybe another 20K after tax deductions?). Hard to swallow these numbers! Even if we can afford to.
I would have the option to work with my husband on administrative tasks which would potentially help bring in more income, but we have no way of telling how much before taking the plunge.
I earned a graduate degree for my profession. I doubt I will be able to get the same level position in the future but could probably get a part time job (no benefits) or perhaps a full time job down the road, but not at the same level. Not sure how much I really care about this! I don't believe my boss will allow me to reduce my hours any further, though of course I would ask if it got to the point of leaving.
Kindergarten has been a bit of a shock, the shorter hours of coverage, so many days off, figuring out summer coverage, many more events and things to keep track of, juggling afterschool programs for coverage, etc.
I am interested in hearing from people that have stepped away from a career when kids were in full day school. Questions I hope people will address:
Did you find enough fulfillment in your days without working and kids at school? Bored? Lonely? I don't get much too social stimulation at work.
Did you find your family's quality of life improved greatly? This is important to me.
Do you find that you are able to parent better with more time and patience for the kids? Possible that behavior of kids would improve? Very interested in hearing about how this would benefit the kids.
How did you feel about not generating your own income, even with a supportive spouse?
Do you worry at all about what the kids will think about your lack of a career as they get older?
Health insurance! Buying this ourselves vs getting it from an employer really worries me as there is no stability. But do I stay at my job just for the insurance??
What else should I be considering?
I am a planner (and usually pretty risk adverse) so thinking well in advance. Even if I decide to leave, I will probably stay for at least another 6-12 months, but I want to be sure about my decision beforehand, hence all the questions.
Thank you in advance for reading this long post and for any advice you can give! I know this a personal decision but it always helps to hear others' perspective and experiences.