Author Topic: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans  (Read 25963 times)

ak907

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #50 on: August 23, 2018, 01:16:20 PM »
Am I the only one who is disturbed by the idea that she has given OP a deadline to decide whether or not to break up over this?  Like, you have three days to get over it or not, sort out whether you are more perturbed by the breech of trust or touched by the current opening up. Three days to completely rethink your priorities for at least the next 10 years... I kept this from you for two years, now you have three days to decide what to do with the information.
To be fair she told me on Sunday, I only decided to post today. Her concern is being 30 and wanting to have children if we break up she does not have much time to get into and feel out a serious relationship left before she wants to have kids.

Retire-Canada

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #51 on: August 23, 2018, 01:16:30 PM »
However, when it became his potential business, she provided full disclosure. There's nothing at all wrong with her not giving him an exact figure until now.

It was his business as soon as he asked about and not after they were picking out rings. She admitted she was hiding it to avoid having him break up with her. It was not just deceitful it was well planned out.

simonsez

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #52 on: August 23, 2018, 01:19:56 PM »
Yeah, debt like that would turn a person toxic to me immediately, unless they had some sort of logical system in place to wipe it out rapidly (that didn't require me to pay for it). It's similar to people who pretend their kids don't exist when they're dating. Not cool. Tells you two things that are really not flattering:

1. She has a propensity towards making bad financial decisions and sticking her head in the sand
2. She has questionable morals and is untrustworthy (re: hiding it for two years)

Neither of those make me think "Wow, this person would make a great life partner!"
That's a reasonable thought process but what can this woman do moving forward?  Is she forever condemned to be single since she is expected to have '211k loan debt' tattooed on her forehead?

What's done is done.  Maybe the bad financial decisions are in the past.  I'm not sure how much of it was hidden if the OP already suspected it was low six figures  In fact, maybe she had mentioned "low six figures" two years ago and the OP took that to mean perhaps a hair over 100k and the other thought they told (enough of) the truth at that stage of the relationship.  If I was single now I certainly wouldn't be spouting off about my 401k on a first date.

OP, think about your future.  If this person is right for you, get married (eventually)!  If not, get out!  Note that a ring or expensive ceremony is not required up front or at all.  Also, many ways to treat finances in a relationship.  If the pomp and circumstance is important, you could do court nuptials in the near term and then after the debt is repaid, celebrate however you want.

mrsnamemustache

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #53 on: August 23, 2018, 01:22:39 PM »
Although there are a lot of details missing, something about this post makes me think that I would dump OP if I was his dear GF.

charis

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #54 on: August 23, 2018, 01:30:07 PM »
OP casually mentioned "other issues".  Maybe those are "she leaves dirty dishes in the sink and towels on the floor". Maybe those are "she's addicted to opioids and won't stop cheating on me"

Hard for us to speculate, all relationships have "issues", some breakup worthy, some not

There's also the element of cold feet

I've never known anybody that went through the engagement/marriage process without a lot of stress and panic and thoughts of "OMG I'm making a huge mistake but I'm already committed"

What?  Is this a joke?  The only people I know about having such thoughts before getting married are now divorced or close to it.

It's the OP's decision whether the issues that he stated were causing him to be conflicted about the relationship are worth breaking up over.  Finding out that your partner was hiding a 200+K debt while you were talking about marriage and looking at rings raises several big red flags, not just one, to most people.  He said previously asked, and she hid it. 

She's not necessarily condemned forever, but the OP is not a bad person to be reconsidering whether this is the person he should really spend the rest of his life with.

L2

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #55 on: August 23, 2018, 01:32:41 PM »
I'm not gonna tell you what to do in regards of keeping her, but what I do think is if you do decide to keep her, PSLF is far and away the best bet. 60k isn't bad money. 60k is really good money for a marketing major where I live in a L to M COL area. I don't think she will be limiting herself to the tune of nearly 250k+ in the next decade, and there are NFP options that can pay well, such as hospitals. Get all of them PSLF eligible ASAP though, and make sure your i's are dotted and t's crossed because the paperwork/qualifications isn't something you want to mess up.

There are the pessimists out there who believe it's going to go away and those currently in the program won't be allowed to complete it, but I don't buy it for one second. Political suicide if that happens if you ask me.

Zikoris

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #56 on: August 23, 2018, 01:37:49 PM »
Yeah, debt like that would turn a person toxic to me immediately, unless they had some sort of logical system in place to wipe it out rapidly (that didn't require me to pay for it). It's similar to people who pretend their kids don't exist when they're dating. Not cool. Tells you two things that are really not flattering:

1. She has a propensity towards making bad financial decisions and sticking her head in the sand
2. She has questionable morals and is untrustworthy (re: hiding it for two years)

Neither of those make me think "Wow, this person would make a great life partner!"
That's a reasonable thought process but what can this woman do moving forward?  Is she forever condemned to be single since she is expected to have '211k loan debt' tattooed on her forehead?

What's done is done.  Maybe the bad financial decisions are in the past.  I'm not sure how much of it was hidden if the OP already suspected it was low six figures  In fact, maybe she had mentioned "low six figures" two years ago and the OP took that to mean perhaps a hair over 100k and the other thought they told (enough of) the truth at that stage of the relationship.  If I was single now I certainly wouldn't be spouting off about my 401k on a first date.

OP, think about your future.  If this person is right for you, get married (eventually)!  If not, get out!  Note that a ring or expensive ceremony is not required up front or at all.  Also, many ways to treat finances in a relationship.  If the pomp and circumstance is important, you could do court nuptials in the near term and then after the debt is repaid, celebrate however you want.

I think she should come up with a system to pay it off, and work hard on that. I bet the debt conversation would have gone very differently if she'd said something like "I've been paying down these loans with 50% of my income, have paid off X amount so far, and will be completely finished in X time according to my calculations." As far as I can see, she's made zero progress in what, 10 years?

There are also lots of guys who don't care a huge amount about financial stuff. She just probably won't end up dating a financially super-savvy mustachian, but that hardly eliminates anyone since we're such a rarity.

Slee_stack

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #57 on: August 23, 2018, 01:39:33 PM »
Although there are a lot of details missing, something about this post makes me think that I would dump OP if I was his dear GF.
More OP shaming...nice.   smh.

Schaefer Light

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #58 on: August 23, 2018, 01:44:31 PM »
I would advise you to consider not only the implications to your savings rate, but also think about what would happen in the event of divorce.  If I was going to marry someone with that kind of debt, I would want to protect myself against helping to pay it off and then getting nothing in return if she decided she wanted a divorce.
« Last Edit: August 23, 2018, 01:50:11 PM by Schaefer Light »

Yankuba

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #59 on: August 23, 2018, 01:44:37 PM »
OP casually mentioned "other issues".  Maybe those are "she leaves dirty dishes in the sink and towels on the floor". Maybe those are "she's addicted to opioids and won't stop cheating on me"

Hard for us to speculate, all relationships have "issues", some breakup worthy, some not

There's also the element of cold feet

I've never known anybody that went through the engagement/marriage process without a lot of stress and panic and thoughts of "OMG I'm making a huge mistake but I'm already committed"

Yes, we need to know more. Aside from the debt is she someone you want to spend the rest of your life with? Would you have difficulty attracting a quality partner if you do decide to move on? If you're a catch, then feel free to break up and move on to someone with better finances. You're only 30 - you can date for ten years before settling down. 

My wife has always earned very little and at first I didn't mind paying for everything and doing all the saving/investing. But fast forward 14 years and it has become a large tension in our marriage because I hate my job and want to get out but I can't because my wife has very little earnings potential and we have small kids. I would recommend that people marry people with similar wealth/income. One person shouldn't pay for everything.

So you regret marrying your wife because you wish she made more money?

75% yes, 25% other reasons

Yankuba

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #60 on: August 23, 2018, 01:49:37 PM »
Am I the only one who is disturbed by the idea that she has given OP a deadline to decide whether or not to break up over this?  Like, you have three days to get over it or not, sort out whether you are more perturbed by the breech of trust or touched by the current opening up. Three days to completely rethink your priorities for at least the next 10 years... I kept this from you for two years, now you have three days to decide what to do with the information.
To be fair she told me on Sunday, I only decided to post today. Her concern is being 30 and wanting to have children if we break up she does not have much time to get into and feel out a serious relationship left before she wants to have kids.

That's another issue. If you have kids, what happens then? Will she be a SAHM and then you will have to support the family and pay off the debt? Or does she earn enough that you would pay for daycare and she could hammer away at the debt and contribute to family finances?

Slee_stack

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #61 on: August 23, 2018, 01:51:38 PM »
Am I the only one who is disturbed by the idea that she has given OP a deadline to decide whether or not to break up over this?  Like, you have three days to get over it or not, sort out whether you are more perturbed by the breech of trust or touched by the current opening up. Three days to completely rethink your priorities for at least the next 10 years... I kept this from you for two years, now you have three days to decide what to do with the information.
To be fair she told me on Sunday, I only decided to post today. Her concern is being 30 and wanting to have children if we break up she does not have much time to get into and feel out a serious relationship left before she wants to have kids.
Do you share the goal of having children relatively quickly?  Or is that another point of concern (kids or timing for kids)?

Its a tough situation.  A financial bomb is dropped along with an expectation of potentially 'kids....now'.  That adds to the challenge of cleaning up the debt if you do stay together.

ak907

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #62 on: August 23, 2018, 01:53:58 PM »
OP casually mentioned "other issues".  Maybe those are "she leaves dirty dishes in the sink and towels on the floor". Maybe those are "she's addicted to opioids and won't stop cheating on me"

Hard for us to speculate, all relationships have "issues", some breakup worthy, some not

There's also the element of cold feet

I've never known anybody that went through the engagement/marriage process without a lot of stress and panic and thoughts of "OMG I'm making a huge mistake but I'm already committed"

Other issues
:) pretty accurate. Nothing as major as this. Cleanliness is part of it, I was raised by a very tidy woman and have perhaps higher expectations/preferences of cleanliness than most (like not having visible dirt, no dirty dishes on counter/sink, no dirty clothes on floor/around house). It is much easier to keep and have things stay clean on my own than it is with her. But on the flip side she provides many things like the delicious dinners she cooks when she make the kitchen into a Pollock painting (obvious exaggeration).
The one other issue that really bothers me is that she has persistently difficult time achieving what would be defined as a healthy weight. To be honest this currently probably bothers more from an appearance standpoint but I also worry about long term health and activity capability (particularly after giving birth which frequently makes things much more difficult for women from what I have seen/been told).

v8rx7guy

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #63 on: August 23, 2018, 01:55:22 PM »
« Last Edit: August 23, 2018, 01:58:54 PM by v8rx7guy »

Padonak

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #64 on: August 23, 2018, 02:00:05 PM »
Run!

ak907

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #65 on: August 23, 2018, 02:03:26 PM »
I am also in the camp of not automatically dumping her over this alone, though I also would not rush to buy a ring or get married.  While I did not have significant student loan debt, I can think of a lot of stupid stuff I spent money on in my 20s.  I also spent probably 2 years longer in grad school/low paying jobs than I really "needed" to, which easily has an opportunity cost on the order of $100k+, so between my stupid spending and having spent too long in school, I have cost our household quite a bit in NW.  My frugal husband married me anyway.

I would take a look at her behavior now and going forwards--sounds like she is open to changing her ways quite a bit, and if she is really getting on board the frugality train, that could be very good for your finances over the next 30+ years.  I would rather be married to someone who has a debt from the past but has drastically changed their spending habits vs. someone who hasn't carried debt but also sees no value in frugality and spends most of what they earn.  As mentioned above, I probably could have brought another $100k into my marriage if I was more motivated career-wise or had been smarter about spending in my early 20s, but on the other hand, I do a lot to keep our household spending down now and going forwards (my husband does too, obviously).  I feel pretty comfortable guessing that our annual spending is at least $10-20k below what many of our financially responsible but not extreme frugal peers are likely spending, and a good chunk of that is definitely due to my valuing frugal living NOW, even if I wasn't as cognizant about it at age 18 or 22.

Assuming this is the ONLY thing you have doubts about, I would tell her that you still love her and are thinking of marriage, but that you also want to make sure you two have this debt cloud cleared up before you move further along.  That doesn't necessarily mean the debt is all paid off, but that she needs to be on a path to paying it off herself (maybe you eventually do pay it some of it off, but I think it's likely important for her own feeling of self-worth to feel that she CAN get out of this hole on her own).  Do what you can to help her navigate the process, increase her earnings, or save money.  And, make sure you guys talk a lot about what sort of future you want and what sort of spending and savings habits you will need to develop to make it a reality.

Just wanted to say I like this response a lot. Its very nice and understanding of both sides, and does not come off as stridently judging (surely unintentional) as many. Reminds me of frugalwoods.

You are right she has made huge strides growing and learning about finance and has made sacrifices that make me very proud. She has also taught me a lot and brought skills (like proper delicious cooking/food prep), and risk tolerance and encouragement that has improved my life and happiness.

I fear she would not necessarily be accepting of a delay in marriage, but its not a bad idea, I will try discussing it. When we first started talking about marriage at the beginning of this year she had requested that I propose not to far out in the future ~6-8mo. Her concern with having turned 30 is that she wants to have kids and if we break up this does not leave much time for her to date, develop a serious relationship and get married before she wants to have kids.

This quote particularly stuck home for me:
I would rather be married to someone who has a debt from the past but has drastically changed their spending habits vs. someone who hasn't carried debt but also sees no value in frugality and spends most of what they earn.
Neither of us are perfect. But we work together well, love each-other, and envision compatibly adventurous lives and that is worth a whole lot.

I have addressed the other issues here: https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/ask-a-mustachian/gf-has-$211-000-in-student-loans/msg2113975/#msg2113975

magnet18

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #66 on: August 23, 2018, 02:06:15 PM »
OP casually mentioned "other issues".  Maybe those are "she leaves dirty dishes in the sink and towels on the floor". Maybe those are "she's addicted to opioids and won't stop cheating on me"

Hard for us to speculate, all relationships have "issues", some breakup worthy, some not

There's also the element of cold feet

I've never known anybody that went through the engagement/marriage process without a lot of stress and panic and thoughts of "OMG I'm making a huge mistake but I'm already committed"

What?  Is this a joke?  The only people I know about having such thoughts before getting married are now divorced or close to it.

It's the OP's decision whether the issues that he stated were causing him to be conflicted about the relationship are worth breaking up over.  Finding out that your partner was hiding a 200+K debt while you were talking about marriage and looking at rings raises several big red flags, not just one, to most people.  He said previously asked, and she hid it. 

She's not necessarily condemned forever, but the OP is not a bad person to be reconsidering whether this is the person he should really spend the rest of his life with.

Not at all a Joke
Like before any major life commitment, job change, geographical move,  etc. people get nervous when things get serious.  When the wheels start turning you wonder if you should jump off before the train really gets underway.  DW and I both had massive amounts of stress and doubts, all for reasons that were unfounded, every little molehill can seem like a mountain when you're stressed about a massive life changing event

EDIT

Not to say OP has a molehill! OP definitely has a 200000 mountian to consider! Don't flame me!
« Last Edit: August 23, 2018, 02:09:08 PM by magnet18 »

ak907

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #67 on: August 23, 2018, 02:09:44 PM »
I'm not gonna tell you what to do in regards of keeping her, but what I do think is if you do decide to keep her, PSLF is far and away the best bet. 60k isn't bad money. 60k is really good money for a marketing major where I live in a L to M COL area. I don't think she will be limiting herself to the tune of nearly 250k+ in the next decade, and there are NFP options that can pay well, such as hospitals. Get all of them PSLF eligible ASAP though, and make sure your i's are dotted and t's crossed because the paperwork/qualifications isn't something you want to mess up.

There are the pessimists out there who believe it's going to go away and those currently in the program won't be allowed to complete it, but I don't buy it for one second. Political suicide if that happens if you ask me.

Good to thanks :)

DreamFIRE

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #68 on: August 23, 2018, 02:21:56 PM »
I think this is something that is going to bother the OP for many years if he stays in this relationship.

It might be time to get out why the gettin's good.  Trade in on a new model, kick the tires, hope you don't run into the same problem.

And for anyone trolling, this advice would apply to any partner, irrespective of gender.  "Debt" is certainly not gender specific.  It just means that you should do your due diligence up front to prevent yourself from getting into the same mess.
« Last Edit: August 23, 2018, 03:11:45 PM by DreamFIRE »

SimpleCycle

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #69 on: August 23, 2018, 02:31:26 PM »
Is there a risk that by staying together longer will make you de fecto married and you liable for her debts even if you do not get actually married?

If so, given you have already been together 2 years, this might be something of an urgent issue to consider...

No, this is not a risk in any U.S. jurisdiction.  Common law marriage only exists in 9 states and D.C., requires intent to be common law married, and is difficult to prove even when it legally exists.  Even if OP did find himself common law married somehow, he is not legally responsible for a debt in her name only that was obtained before the marriage.

haflander

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #70 on: August 23, 2018, 02:36:19 PM »

I think this is something that is going to bother the OP for many years if he stays in this relationship.

It might be time to get out why the gettin's good.  Trade in on a new model, kick the tires, hope you don't run into the same problem.

Dude...on the first page you mention getting a "better replacement." And here you double down with the words "new model" and the used car metaphor "kick the tires."

WTF? Your comments strongly suggest that you've had serious issues with women, only value them as you would a used car, and/or have a terrible sense of humor. Pleeeeease tell us that you're being sarcastic (you're not doing it well) or STFU with the misogyny.

L2

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #71 on: August 23, 2018, 02:36:53 PM »
I think its pretty rude to attack OP/other members of the forum because of financial concerns with SO. If you claim that you were married and all of the sudden your spouse wanted to be a stay at home parent without your buy-in and leave you on the hook for 250K + in student loan payments or you found out that your spouse had a gambling addiction and you were 200k in debt and you wouldn't have to seriously contemplate your marriage, you're a liar.

SillyPutty

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #72 on: August 23, 2018, 02:37:31 PM »

I think this is something that is going to bother the OP for many years if he stays in this relationship.

It might be time to get out why the gettin's good.  Trade in on a new model, kick the tires, hope you don't run into the same problem.

Dude...on the first page you mention getting a "better replacement." And here you double down with the words "new model" and the used car metaphor "kick the tires."

WTF? Your comments strongly suggest that you've had serious issues with women, only value them as you would a used car, and/or have a terrible sense of humor. Pleeeeease tell us that you're being sarcastic (you're not doing it well) or STFU with the misogyny.

WTF is right. So, so inappropriate.

Jrr85

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #73 on: August 23, 2018, 02:41:47 PM »
If she got sick after you got married and incurred $200k medical debt would you dump her? 2 years doesn't seem like too long to me before you have a deep financial picture conversation. Why would she be obligated to show you her financials, debt and interest payments if you are dating? Yes its something the MMM crowd obsesses over, but most other people don't. She came clean when you got serious and started to look at rings. Sounds ok to me.

Help her come up with a plan on how to deal with it. Making her ashamed or feel bad about it won't be healthy for your relationship. You are going to need to figure out how to deal with unexpected surprises if you want a long term relationship. Don't help with payments until you walked down the aisle.

Agreed. I don't think she did anything wrong. She shouldn't have told you ~$100,000, because she shouldn't have told you a number at all. That was her business. And when it looked like it might become your business (when you began talking about marriage), she was honest.

That said, if you're really on the fence about breaking up or getting married, I think I'd probably take that as a sign. If you can quantify the worth of the relationship, it's probably not enough. If my partner told me I wasn't worth $200,000, I would definitely leave.

If you are just casually dating and not exclusive, you don't owe anybody anything.  But if you are dating exclusively and seriously, you owe somebody honesty about your situation well before two years into a relationship, even if marriage hasn't come up.  Things like, I have kids from a previous relationship, I have an STD, I have a terminal illness, I have non-bankruptable debt that exceeds three times my income, I am a felon, etc. are all things you should bring up if you've been seriously dating somebody for any period of time.  Doesn't have to be in the first three to six months, but you owe it to yourself and your partner not to spend two years of each other's time, especially if the female would like to have kids and is approaching 30.   


ETBen

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #74 on: August 23, 2018, 02:50:47 PM »
Iím divorced, so I either know nothing or everything about marriage. But I have a few thoughts here as a woman who has seriously and unashamedly considered finances in new relationships. :

  • this is your responsibility to evaluate and make a decision. But the SOLUTION is her responsibility. Which she doesnít seem to be taking on.
  • the student loan debt was a bad choice sat decision. Keeping it while not working 2 jobs or something to chip away at it is an ongoing bad decision.
  • the ultimatum is childish
  • if sheís been dumped before for it, there is likely more going on. Bc most people donít dump for just the money factor.
  • I drive a used pathfinder with all the options bc I like it and often have half a Boy Scout troop with me. And I make multiples of what she does. And even I still consider that a clown car for me.

SimpleCycle

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #75 on: August 23, 2018, 02:58:31 PM »
No one can tell you what to do, obviously.  So instead, you'll get my philosophy of marriage.

Basically to me the point of a marriage it to create something greater together than you would be able to achieve on your own.  Often this involves marrying someone who is not 100% like you.  It also means marrying someone who is enough like you that you are both headed in the same direction and are reasonably certain that you will enjoy a similar path throughout the rest of your lives.  Reasonably, that means marrying someone who shares your core values and supports your aspirations.  You may not know now how it's all going to play out, but you are sure you're going to get somewhere happy and awesome because you are together.

Did you feel that way before you knew about her student loans?  How much does the realization of the student loans change that?  Obviously the trade offs are different because you want to FIRE.  My value system says not everything is about money and FIRE, but you have to decide how you draw those boundaries yourself.

WranglerBowman

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #76 on: August 23, 2018, 02:59:35 PM »
If I were you, and not in a rush to get married yourself, I would evaluate the rate at which she's been paying her loans off since she started working, is it improving/getting better, is she truly committed to sacrificing lifestyle/spending to pay down loans?  If you love her I would wait, maybe a year or more, to see how she's doing paying down the student loans and just being financially fit in general.  If she truly loves you I would expect she would be willing to do the same on nearly an open ended timeline.  If you truly believe she's being honest, changed her spendy habits, means well, and has good fiscal work ethics after a given time frame, which she doesn't know, then I would take the plunge.

If I was in the same position it would be hard for me see past big debt BUT if everything else was great in the relationship I would also be willing to accept and see past the debt(s) knowing you're both on the same page financially NOW and it was a mistake she made in the past.  Sadly it really does come down to placing a value on a person but that could also be my ENTJ programming and I'm sure the Feelings crowd will scoff at this.

ETBen

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #77 on: August 23, 2018, 03:01:31 PM »
No one can tell you what to do, obviously.  So instead, you'll get my philosophy of marriage.

Basically to me the point of a marriage it to create something greater together than you would be able to achieve on your own.  Often this involves marrying someone who is not 100% like you.  It also means marrying someone who is enough like you that you are both headed in the same direction and are reasonably certain that you will enjoy a similar path throughout the rest of your lives.  Reasonably, that means marrying someone who shares your core values and supports your aspirations.  You may not know now how it's all going to play out, but you are sure you're going to get somewhere happy and awesome because you are together.

Did you feel that way before you knew about her student loans?  How much does the realization of the student loans change that?  Obviously the trade offs are different because you want to FIRE.  My value system says not everything is about money and FIRE, but you have to decide how you draw those boundaries yourself.

This is really good. Bc if you donít have something bigger holding you together (not just common interests) when things inevitably get tough, then itís too easy to blame, fight, or walk away. I think people get into trouble when they share interests and believe in marriage, but there isnít something else binding them. Purpose, I suppose.

sol

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #78 on: August 23, 2018, 03:06:49 PM »
I probably couldn't marry someone who would lie to me for so long, about something so big.  Girl has integrity issues, and so I would have trust issues.

DreamFIRE

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #79 on: August 23, 2018, 03:07:48 PM »

I think this is something that is going to bother the OP for many years if he stays in this relationship.

It might be time to get out why the gettin's good.  Trade in on a new model, kick the tires, hope you don't run into the same problem.

And for anyone trolling, this advice would apply to any partner, irrespective of gender.  "Debt" is certainly not gender specific.  It just means that you should do your due diligence up front to prevent yourself from getting into the same mess.


Dude...on the first page you mention getting a "better replacement." And here you double down with the words "new model" and the used car metaphor "kick the tires."

WTF? Your comments strongly suggest that you've had serious issues with women, only value them as you would a used car, and/or have a terrible sense of humor. Pleeeeease tell us that you're being sarcastic (you're not doing it well) or STFU with the misogyny.

I updated my previous post, which you might want to review before attacking me based on your own incorrect and vastly wrong assumptions.

STFU is right.  If you don't like my advice, feel free to ignore it, especially when you are reading something into it that was never stated.  It looks like various people in this thread agree with my advice to move on.
« Last Edit: August 23, 2018, 03:14:48 PM by DreamFIRE »

nessness

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #80 on: August 23, 2018, 03:11:06 PM »
With a $600k net worth at 30, you are presumably a fairly high earner, so I think you need to look at this debt in the context of your whole future together. Does she want to stay home with the kids? Do you want her to? Do you want to delay kids until FIRE? How will the debt affect these goals? If she continues making $60k (plus inflation) the rest of her career, will you resent her for it? Does she want to leave the nonprofit world in pursuit of a higher salary, or does she feel fulfilled by her work? And so on. If your answers to these questions aren't compatible with each other's, or if you can't imagine a future with her at all, I think it's time to cut your losses.

Jrr85

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #81 on: August 23, 2018, 03:14:49 PM »
Can you measure your love in a dollar value?
I would happily pay $100,000 to be with you forever, but $200,000, sorry my dear, I just don't love you that much

Regarding hiding it, it had to come up at some point, and she obviously wasn't going to put it on her dating profile.  She told you BEFORE you got engaged, that's doing the right thing.

Ever watch how I met your mother?
Get a comically large bottle of champagne.

If she's come around to FI and is no longer a spender, it seems like after you get married you should be able to pay it off entirely in ~3 years on just her salary alone, assuming promotions and yada yada.
If she was net worth of zero, but you knew she would be earning zero while being educated or job hunting for the next 3 years, would you dump her? Probably not, so it's not about the money.

We can't help with "other issues", whatever those may be. (Unless you post them, that is)
If she was still a spendypants, it would be a different story
As is, nobody comes without baggage and past mistakes, hers just happens to be a large financial one

Onece you get married, a lof of fixed costs cutting in half will help immensely.  (I'm assuming you're not already living together))
If you had your FI plan for yourself based on your single salary, getting married isn't going to drag you two down, it just won't be a huge boost, at least for the first 3 years.  You already have that much to throw at it, meaning you're at least halfway to my fire goals.  You hint you make more than her, indicating to me you could still comfortably fire in another few years
Were you planning to fire in the next 2 years?

I wouldn't be considering 10 years in the nonprofit sector just to avoid 2 years of paying it off

Tldr/my$.02
She told you before you got engaged, and the dollar value itself shouldn't be a deal breaker
Refinance as low as possible & get married (whichever order is best)
She pays it off ASAP
You are set back whatever her salary for 3 years would have been.  I would happily make that trade if the alternative was to lose my wife.

That would require about 123% of her pretax salary going to loan payments. 

If you assume that he suddenly pays for all her expenses and she pays approximately 10% in federal and state income taxes plus SS tax, it'd be about 4.75 years. 

That's not insurmountable but that is a very big long term impact . 

Bee21

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #82 on: August 23, 2018, 03:23:51 PM »
Hiding this for 2 years of dating is a huge red flag. That would bother me too and if you decide to stay together it will always create trust issues.

What are her plans? Is she waiting for somebody to rescue her or she has an actionable and detailed plan to pay it off herself? Is she proactive? Is she educating herself financially or waiting for you to sort this out? Are there other spending issues?  Planning babies at this stage is scary.




tyrannostache

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #83 on: August 23, 2018, 04:12:36 PM »
OP casually mentioned "other issues".  Maybe those are "she leaves dirty dishes in the sink and towels on the floor". Maybe those are "she's addicted to opioids and won't stop cheating on me"

Hard for us to speculate, all relationships have "issues", some breakup worthy, some not

There's also the element of cold feet

I've never known anybody that went through the engagement/marriage process without a lot of stress and panic and thoughts of "OMG I'm making a huge mistake but I'm already committed"

Other issues
:) pretty accurate. Nothing as major as this. Cleanliness is part of it, I was raised by a very tidy woman and have perhaps higher expectations/preferences of cleanliness than most (like not having visible dirt, no dirty dishes on counter/sink, no dirty clothes on floor/around house). It is much easier to keep and have things stay clean on my own than it is with her. But on the flip side she provides many things like the delicious dinners she cooks when she make the kitchen into a Pollock painting (obvious exaggeration).
The one other issue that really bothers me is that she has persistently difficult time achieving what would be defined as a healthy weight. To be honest this currently probably bothers more from an appearance standpoint but I also worry about long term health and activity capability (particularly after giving birth which frequently makes things much more difficult for women from what I have seen/been told).

I gotta say, I think you're overthinking this. Aside from the debt, you're nitpicking about her weight and about a mismatch in tidiness. It sounds like you're talking yourself out of wanting to be together. Why is that? Only you can answer whether those issues are "cold feet" or part of a more fundamental incompatibility. 

Let's hear about the other side. Why do you want to be with her? Aside from the debt, would you want to be together? Do you think you can get back to a place of trusting her completely after this discovery?

Honestly, if you really wanted to be with her, I think you could take debt like that in stride. If the deception and all of these other things have disrupted the relationship so much that you don't think you can commit to each other for good, then why go on?

Do you want to spend the rest of your life with her?
Do you think you make each other better?
Do you think you make an awesome team?
Do you want to wake up with her for decades and decades?
Do you want to be sitting across a table from her every day when you're old and grey and the kids have grown up?

If the answer to any of these questions is no, then you know what you have to do.

Jon Bon

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #84 on: August 23, 2018, 04:19:02 PM »
Hiding this for 2 years of dating is a huge red flag. That would bother me too and if you decide to stay together it will always create trust issues.

What are her plans? Is she waiting for somebody to rescue her or she has an actionable and detailed plan to pay it off herself? Is she proactive? Is she educating herself financially or waiting for you to sort this out? Are there other spending issues?  Planning babies at this stage is scary.

If you are gonna post it helps to read the posts that came before you guys! (not picking on you specifically Bee)

He knew she had approximately six figures but did not know the exact amounts.

This is true if the shoe was on the other foot is it not?  " I knew he was well off but I did not know his net worth was 4,569,179.56" You dont share that right away you know?





FINate

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #85 on: August 23, 2018, 04:22:34 PM »
That's a reasonable thought process but what can this woman do moving forward?  Is she forever condemned to be single since she is expected to have '211k loan debt' tattooed on her forehead?

I don't think anyone is saying she can never marry. But at the same time, OP should not be shamed for taking both the debt and the failure to disclose said debt into consideration. Yes, this may include walking away and there's nothing wrong with that. Two years is a relatively small amount of time when you consider a lifetime of marriage.

The choices we make impact our lives going forward. I'm sorry that she got herself into a financial pickle, it really sucks. But no one, including OP, is obliged to overlook that reality. Every person gets to choose the values that are important for evaluating a potential life partner, which could include finances, criminal history, or any number of variables. Carrying a huge debt does limit the pool of potential partners, which the GF has already experienced first hand. Only OP can decide if the debt (and failure to be forthcoming about it) rise to the level of that importance. If he chooses to walk away there's nothing wrong with that.
« Last Edit: August 23, 2018, 04:24:56 PM by FINate »

MilesTeg

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #86 on: August 23, 2018, 04:25:53 PM »
Hiding this for 2 years of dating is a huge red flag. That would bother me too and if you decide to stay together it will always create trust issues.

What are her plans? Is she waiting for somebody to rescue her or she has an actionable and detailed plan to pay it off herself? Is she proactive? Is she educating herself financially or waiting for you to sort this out? Are there other spending issues?  Planning babies at this stage is scary.

If you are gonna post it helps to read the posts that came before you guys! (not picking on you specifically Bee)

He knew she had approximately six figures but did not know the exact amounts.

This is true if the shoe was on the other foot is it not?  " I knew he was well off but I did not know his net worth was 4,569,179.56" You dont share that right away you know?

Yep, you can tell the people who actually read the post, and related discussion, and the people who stopped after reading the subject line.

Jrr85

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #87 on: August 23, 2018, 04:30:33 PM »
Hiding this for 2 years of dating is a huge red flag. That would bother me too and if you decide to stay together it will always create trust issues.

What are her plans? Is she waiting for somebody to rescue her or she has an actionable and detailed plan to pay it off herself? Is she proactive? Is she educating herself financially or waiting for you to sort this out? Are there other spending issues?  Planning babies at this stage is scary.

She's thirty.  Do you just think it's scary that people would want babies enough to plan for them?  Cause I'd say planning for babies at the time your fertility starts to decline is probably the right time to get serious about managing your life in a way that will allow you to have babies?  Maybe even a little late although if she's typical she has four or five more years before it starts to decline rapidly.




ixtap

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #88 on: August 23, 2018, 04:36:27 PM »
Hiding this for 2 years of dating is a huge red flag. That would bother me too and if you decide to stay together it will always create trust issues.

What are her plans? Is she waiting for somebody to rescue her or she has an actionable and detailed plan to pay it off herself? Is she proactive? Is she educating herself financially or waiting for you to sort this out? Are there other spending issues?  Planning babies at this stage is scary.

If you are gonna post it helps to read the posts that came before you guys! (not picking on you specifically Bee)

He knew she had approximately six figures but did not know the exact amounts.

This is true if the shoe was on the other foot is it not?  " I knew he was well off but I did not know his net worth was 4,569,179.56" You dont share that right away you know?

Yep, you can tell the people who actually read the post, and related discussion, and the people who stopped after reading the subject line.

You mean the post where the OP expressly refers to her as hiding the amount?

Jon Bon

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #89 on: August 23, 2018, 05:01:19 PM »
Hiding this for 2 years of dating is a huge red flag. That would bother me too and if you decide to stay together it will always create trust issues.

What are her plans? Is she waiting for somebody to rescue her or she has an actionable and detailed plan to pay it off herself? Is she proactive? Is she educating herself financially or waiting for you to sort this out? Are there other spending issues?  Planning babies at this stage is scary.

If you are gonna post it helps to read the posts that came before you guys! (not picking on you specifically Bee)

He knew she had approximately six figures but did not know the exact amounts.

This is true if the shoe was on the other foot is it not?  " I knew he was well off but I did not know his net worth was 4,569,179.56" You dont share that right away you know?

Yep, you can tell the people who actually read the post, and related discussion, and the people who stopped after reading the subject line.

You mean the post where the OP expressly refers to her as hiding the amount?

He knew she had loans. Posts #1 and #49

Do give access to your mortgage balances, car loan etc after a first date? Hiding the amount <> not disclosing the exact amount.

If she hid the entire student loan (which does not sound to be the case) walk away, absolutely 100%. 

I've been in this situation. My partner had loans, I knew they were there, but it was not my place to know exactly what/where/interest rate etc until we got to the place where the OP currently is.  Sounds like the GF was up front with the OP as much as she needed to be. We all have baggage, it does not need to come out right away.


ixtap

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #90 on: August 23, 2018, 05:21:42 PM »
Hiding this for 2 years of dating is a huge red flag. That would bother me too and if you decide to stay together it will always create trust issues.

What are her plans? Is she waiting for somebody to rescue her or she has an actionable and detailed plan to pay it off herself? Is she proactive? Is she educating herself financially or waiting for you to sort this out? Are there other spending issues?  Planning babies at this stage is scary.

If you are gonna post it helps to read the posts that came before you guys! (not picking on you specifically Bee)

He knew she had approximately six figures but did not know the exact amounts.

This is true if the shoe was on the other foot is it not?  " I knew he was well off but I did not know his net worth was 4,569,179.56" You dont share that right away you know?

Yep, you can tell the people who actually read the post, and related discussion, and the people who stopped after reading the subject line.

You mean the post where the OP expressly refers to her as hiding the amount?

He knew she had loans. Posts #1 and #49

Do give access to your mortgage balances, car loan etc after a first date? Hiding the amount <> not disclosing the exact amount.

If she hid the entire student loan (which does not sound to be the case) walk away, absolutely 100%. 

I've been in this situation. My partner had loans, I knew they were there, but it was not my place to know exactly what/where/interest rate etc until we got to the place where the OP currently is.  Sounds like the GF was up front with the OP as much as she needed to be. We all have baggage, it does not need to come out right away.

However you and I feel that dating should go, the OP feels like this has been hidden from him, as stated in the OP and later when they say that they could have sworn she said $100k. That perspective is going to impact their relationship.

Do I think they should break up? Not enough information. Have they been talking about the future for six months, planning buying a house and what kind of wedding, honeymoon and annual vacations they would take and when they would FIRE and she just now got up the nerve to share this? In that case, there are still general trust and communication issues to be addressed. If she laid this out as part of the discussion around the OP making it financially possible for her to sell her car and get an ebike, it would be much more encouraging.

thesis

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #91 on: August 23, 2018, 06:00:17 PM »
"I've been cheating on you with other men for the past two years, but I was really afraid to tell you the truth because I've been dumped before for this behavior as was afraid you might dump me, too. I really do love you!"

If you'd be ok with her telling you this hypothetical quote, then you can just about handle anything ;)

Finances can wreck your life. Finances can wreck your future kids' lives. DO NOT TAKE THIS LIGHTLY. However, the fact that you have ~600k in net worth is great (since you said the 200k was 1/3 your net worth). Nobody wants a huge chunk of their stash eliminated, but hey, you could pick yourself up from that. What you really want to know if whether she stayed with you for two years because she knew you were loaded or not. That's what I would want to know! And for starters, I'd definitely have her start taking drastic steps to pay it down. She did at least tell you the truth now, but she does have integrity issues, be clear on that

SunnyDays

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #92 on: August 23, 2018, 06:54:04 PM »
So, she did not tell you the full scale of her debt and you acknowledge that you're bothered by her weight and household cleanliness.  My questions would be 1) are you more bothered by the latter 2 things now that you know about the debt?  2) has she shown any ability/desire to deal with the latter two issues?  i.e. does she know or care that they bother you and try to improve them?  There's a world of difference between trying, but just being a naturally messy or disorganized person and being completely unaware/uninterested in the environment she creates.  Similarly, has she been overweight all/most of her life in spite of decent exercise and eating habits, or is she lazy and uncaring about her diet?  If it's the latter scenarios and she's neglected to disclose her full debt on top of that, it paints a different picture than if it's the former scenarios and she was afraid to tell you the full amount of her debt.  And even regardless of which way it is, if you don't want to spend your life with a messy, overweight, indebted person, that is your decision to make.  That is what dating is for - to get to know the other person.  Add in her desire to have kids soon, in spite of her massive debt, and you know that her weight and the messiness of the home environment will likely only increase.  Plus, you will see more of your salary/savings go towards raising said kids and possibly taking on some/most/all of her debt as well.  Only you can say if this trade-off is worth it to you, because marriage is not just about emotions but practicalities as well.  Hopefully, this is a lifelong partnership, so take the time to really think it through and don't be pushed into a hasty decision by a false deadline.  Remember that not everyone CAN have kids even if they want them and you don't know that you won't be those people, so don't let that push you into a decision you're not ready to make.

iris lily

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #93 on: August 23, 2018, 07:02:17 PM »
OP casually mentioned "other issues".  Maybe those are "she leaves dirty dishes in the sink and towels on the floor". Maybe those are "she's addicted to opioids and won't stop cheating on me"

Hard for us to speculate, all relationships have "issues", some breakup worthy, some not

There's also the element of cold feet

I've never known anybody that went through the engagement/marriage process without a lot of stress and panic and thoughts of "OMG I'm making a huge mistake but I'm already committed"

Other issues
:) pretty accurate. Nothing as major as this. Cleanliness is part of it, I was raised by a very tidy woman and have perhaps higher expectations/preferences of cleanliness than most (like not having visible dirt, no dirty dishes on counter/sink, no dirty clothes on floor/around house). It is much easier to keep and have things stay clean on my own than it is with her. But on the flip side she provides many things like the delicious dinners she cooks when she make the kitchen into a Pollock painting (obvious exaggeration).
The one other issue that really bothers me is that she has persistently difficult time achieving what would be defined as a healthy weight. To be honest this currently probably bothers more from an appearance standpoint but I also worry about long term health and activity capability (particularly after giving birth which frequently makes things much more difficult for women from what I have seen/been told).
Here is my gut reaction: cut her loose, as much for her own good as for your own good. This isnt a match.

PizzaSteve

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #94 on: August 23, 2018, 07:31:30 PM »
Dont have much to add on the relationship front.  Everyone loves differently and only you can decide if she is your partner for life.  If so, $200k in debt is jointly manageble and you are a team.

That said, it is a common practice in cases of wealth inequality to agree to a prenuptual contract, which specifies the financial terms of a breakup.  It would be fine idea (and if she really loves you she should agree) to confirm you will keep the assets you bring to the relationship and not owe her income should you part. She should agree to deduct any debt you help eliminate from any future separation agreement in writing (should you turn out to not be life partners). 

Balking at this type of contract might be a sign she is partly attracted to your wealth and you can act accordingly.  (note: i chose to not ask for a prenup despite having significantly more assets, but had no trust issues and GF had already made non financial sacrifices for our mutual benefit...I had no worries about jointly paying off her much smaller student debts).
« Last Edit: August 23, 2018, 07:33:31 PM by PizzaSteve »

sol

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #95 on: August 23, 2018, 07:34:33 PM »
what can this woman do moving forward?  Is she forever condemned to be single since she is expected to have '211k loan debt' tattooed on her forehead?

What she can do moving forward is get her fucking life together.  No one should still have over $200k of student loan debt at age 30 unless they're like a doctor or a lawyer.  What did she do, take out loans for living expenses?  For ten consecutive years of sorority life?  That's not a normal college expense amount for someone who hasn't made multiple catastrophic life decisions.

She's not condemned to be single forever, but she's probably condemned to be single until she's a little more worthy of having a partner.  If her life is truly as much of a mess as it appears to be, she might need to spend some time working on that before casting out into the dating world.

Let's look at it another way.  What if this were a food problem instead of a money problem?  Say she weighed 800 pounds and was bedridden, and had been that way since she was 22.  You can accept this situation as-is, if you love her, but would you honestly believe her if she said it was just a one time mistake, and she was just about to change her entire lifestyle any minute now?  Or would you assume her future looks a lot like her past?  Yes, it's theoretically possible to go from 800 pounds to 150 pounds in the next four years, but it requires a complete lifestyle overhaul and the inertia you need to overcome is enormous.  That's exactly what this woman needs, a complete lifestyle overhaul.  In my experience, people who have these sorts of severe problems and claim to want to fix it are secretly smuggling moonpies into bed every night.  I would have significant doubts that she's genuine about her path to financial freedom, given her history of digging herself such a hole.

If you want to support that transition, I think the two of you need to go full mustache.  She devotes 90% of her income to debt, you devote 90% of yours to savings, and the two of you live off of the remaining 10% of your combined income, probably in a truly crappy apartment while walking to work every day.  If she could commit to that, and stick with it until she's free, I'd happily support her in her journey.  But chances are she'd just start sneaking out for $7 lattes and late night amazon binges, because that kind of spending addiction doesn't usually go cold turkey.

MishMash

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #96 on: August 23, 2018, 08:06:07 PM »
I am going to give this to you from your girlfriends perspective, because, I WAS your girlfriend (slightly less debt though).  I met DH in grad school.  I was a poor college student with "six figures in debt" He was a more successful guy going back for degree completion (joined the military early in his life, 2 years older). 

I told him on our second date I had six figures in student loans (not an exact number). He didn't really seem to care.  The relationship progressed for about 2 years when it came do or die time, I was graduating, he was deploying, marriage was in the talks.  We had a "coming to Jesus" I told him my total loans, he told me his total net worth and offered to pay my loans off.

I. said. no.

We came up with a plan TOGETHER to pay my loans off.  This consisted of me staying in a HOLE of an apartment while he was deployed for 15 months, where I slept on a Craigslist futon and used my yard sale pots to cook (which i still own, Revere Ware for the win).  Every spare dime of my salary went to 1. ER fund and 2. Loan repayment.  In fairness he did pay my internet bill and give me his spare computer because I refused to pay for either because it wasn't in my budget. 

I worked 3 jobs those 15 months and paid off 60% of the debt, and saved a decent ER fund that I put into our downpayment on our first house to prove I was "all in".

He came home and paid off the other 40% of the debt as a birthday present to me (yea I know, lucky).   He proposed 2 months later, and we were married very shortly after that.  Fast forward another 3 years and I was WAY out earning him.  We still lived like college kids and saved every dime of my salary.  We did that for another 10 years, and I've handled all the finances and investments in that time.  I quit a really bad situation a year and a half ago.  He still works.  The difference is, we have more than what most on this board would consider FIREABLE, and why is this?

Because we BOTH decided exactly what future we wanted for ourselves and together paved a path forward, one that we both agreed on from day 2.


magnet18

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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #97 on: August 23, 2018, 08:08:31 PM »
OP casually mentioned "other issues".  Maybe those are "she leaves dirty dishes in the sink and towels on the floor". Maybe those are "she's addicted to opioids and won't stop cheating on me"

Hard for us to speculate, all relationships have "issues", some breakup worthy, some not

There's also the element of cold feet

I've never known anybody that went through the engagement/marriage process without a lot of stress and panic and thoughts of "OMG I'm making a huge mistake but I'm already committed"

Other issues
:) pretty accurate. Nothing as major as this. Cleanliness is part of it, I was raised by a very tidy woman and have perhaps higher expectations/preferences of cleanliness than most (like not having visible dirt, no dirty dishes on counter/sink, no dirty clothes on floor/around house). It is much easier to keep and have things stay clean on my own than it is with her. But on the flip side she provides many things like the delicious dinners she cooks when she make the kitchen into a Pollock painting (obvious exaggeration).
The one other issue that really bothers me is that she has persistently difficult time achieving what would be defined as a healthy weight. To be honest this currently probably bothers more from an appearance standpoint but I also worry about long term health and activity capability (particularly after giving birth which frequently makes things much more difficult for women from what I have seen/been told).

Wife had issues with weight, it was one of my biggest reservations
About 4 months after getting married, she crossed the threshold, i leveld with her using the O word, and she withdrew for a couple days, but after that she got serious and lost 50 lbs and has kept it off for years since.  Foods that are the least calorie dense are best.  Spaghetti squash was pretty much every dinner for 4 months straight

Tough honesty was the key, just my experience

Regarding cleanliness, you're on your own there, LOL

Duke03

  • Bristles
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Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #98 on: August 23, 2018, 08:08:58 PM »
RUN!!!!!


Dude are you sure you're not dating my cousin?  She has six figures worth of student loans and gave up an 90k a yr job to work part time.  Her thinking was why waste her time and money because eventually she will get married and her husband will take care of her and pay her debts.  These where her exact words.  Funny thing is she's 36 and still single.... 




magnet18

  • Stubble
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  • Posts: 231
Re: Discovered dear GF has $211,000 in student loans
« Reply #99 on: August 23, 2018, 08:27:01 PM »
Call me old fashioned, but IMO, a prenup is an exit plan from the relationship, which therefore means you're not fully committed, or you worry your spouse to be isn't fully committed

IMHO, if you feel you need a prenup, you just shouldn't be getting married in the first place