Hi everyone!
So here's the deal: My girlfriend (31) and I (28) are thinking about getting married. She is a US-Citizen and I am a German citizen. I would eventually move to the US for her and we've already lived to together before for like 1 1/2 years while I was working in the US for my current employer. She is not very mustachian but I already turned her around quite a little bit.
I already had the talk with her that I am looking into retiring quite early, and of course would also like her to retire alongside me. She is making big changes in her life to save more, but she will never be naturally frugal like I am - which I’m totally fine with because she is awesome the way she is already.
Here's the income perspective (all converted in USD):
Her:
Gross Pay 45k p.a.
Me:
Gross Pay 110k p.a.
Here’s the current savings perspective(all in USD)
Her:
Total incl. 401(k) 10k p.a.
Me:
Total incl. 401(k) 60k p.a.
Here’s the Asset/Debt Perspective:
Her Assets(only financials ;-) ):
House value: 130k
Car value: 5k
401(k) value: 17k
Cash: 5k
Her Total Assets: 157k
Her Debt:
Mortgage: 115k
Her Net Worth: 44k
My Assets:
Pensions (all kinds): 59k
(excl. mandatory state pension, which is like Social Security and I don’t account for in net worth)
Stocks: 345k
Cash: 45k
My Debts:
None
My Net Worth: ~450k
I put a lot of work and effort into saving enough to retire very early. I’ve been working since I left high school and have been able to get a great job already.
I will be giving up some of this with moving to the US - but I'm okay with that, since I already have some money saved up and it's not too long until I'm FIRE.
Now, I am currently informing myself what marriage laws in the US look like, as I like to know what I sign up for in life. It is stated that in general, there’s three types of property in a marriage: separate property, joined property, divisional property. Now the main focus for me is the separate property and joined property. The North Carolina law stated that the net assets that the spouses have prior to marriage remain separate property unless it is converted into joined property. Everything that is earned (except for returns from separate property) during the marriage is joined property.
Now, that is pretty straight forward and cool with me. My question is: Do I have to make something like a document that states all these assets in detail prior to marriage and let her sign this (and vice versa me for her property?) or how is this being reconciled in case of a divorce?
Same goes with inheritances. According to NC law it should also be separate property, even if the inheritance is given after the date of marriage. We will probably both inherit some money (me some more than her, I’d say).
Even if I feel that we are awesome together, you never know what’s going to happen. I would regret not giving this the necessary due diligence. I would most likely strongly dislike for my pre-marriage savings to be given to her in a case of divorce, as well as paying a high alimony because of my already saved property.
So here is what I would like to do: I’d like to do a ‘pre-nupt light’ where we both list our current assets and the other party signs and acknowledges, that this money remains separate property and will be managed by the two parties separately. Every other financial asset besides inheritances will become joined property. Plus I would like to put down in the agreement that North Carolina law will be applicable in case of a divorce, no matter what state the divorce will be filed in (just to make sure because I read that there are a lot of different jurisdictions in different states in this topic).
What do you guys think?
Am I just being rude / greedy or just too afraid of this? I haven’t talked to her about this yet, because I’m not sure how she will react. She knows that retiring early is one of my life goals, and I think she would be okay with this. I think it would be okay to do this, since the ‘pre-nupt light’ mostly states things that are also stated in NC law. Do you guys think that this ‘pre-nupt light’ is even necessary? As I admire this forum and the people and consider you thinking equally as I do, I would really appreciate your thoughts on this one.
Thanks in advance!