Thank you all for your replies. You don't know how much it means to me.
Update. I just got fired today. Stress took a toll on me. I have made several mistakes in the documentation. Thankfully I managed to straighten everything up and I'm not in any kind of debt. (Which paradoxically makes me richer than most of my friends).
Could you get work as a tour guide, museum docent, that sort of thing?
I checked. It doesn't pay very well at the moment. It used to. And it takes some time to start making money. First, you need to put money into courses and permits. Right now I cannot afford that (wedding). But thank you very much for the suggestion. It's good to have options.
Poland is in EU so your wife would have access to health insurance in Norway.
My fiancee has a rare disease and the only two places in UE that take care of similar conditions are in Poland and eastern Germany. Besides she earns very well here and only speaks Polish and German. To move anywhere except for Germany, she would have to pass remission(2 years) and learn English. That would be very selfish from my side.
Chances of finding a work remotely for a foreign company while living in Poland are very slim in my mind. You need to be a professional with experience. Get experience first, network and then it will be much easier to find something.
I've checked better offers for newbie programmers in Norway. Technically I could start very soon but to be on the safe side I've decided that I need to master the basics first and work for a polish company for at least 3 years. (In case of remote work I might get fined if I fail at a deadline or make a mistake. That would be a loss instead of gain.) I've consulted that well enough, even found a mentor (my cousin, who is a very successful developer and manager. Although he wouldn't hire me due to obvious reasons, he offered to guide me).
I wonder how much of your mental health is tied to this dilemma of what to do for a job, and unnecessarily so... is there any way to shift your thinking and not make it such a big decision? My husband is this way, but much less these days than he used to be. He put so much worth into what he "does" for a living and I think it is hugely to his detriment.
I like what I do, it is fine and it suits me... but I don't rely on my job itself to provide much happiness for me. My family, friends, and hobbies fill that role. Sure, I get a boost from a job well done, but my job isn't my life and that's the way I like it.
I've also put a lot of pressure on my results at work. I define myself by it. For example, when I was tutoring I got a lot of high from my pupils' results. I didn't tire at all. When I was closing the deals in my parent's company I could sleep in the office to get up early and push forward feeling fresh.
I know I need more diversification. I shouldn't put everything on one card- work. Either I do well and get high or I'm worthless when I do not close a deal. That is not the way to go.
I'm trying to get back to exercise and meditation. It's getting better, only now am I able to see my progress. I try to enjoy little things like a walk in a park or a cup of a nice tea.
I'm getting back to fireshow (dancing with fire). It used to bring me some nice money besides being a satisfying hobby.
Now I need to get hooked on any kind of job for next few months until I'm able to move forward.
and there's no perfect job that will magically make you want to work for years. Every job is going to have drawbacks, patches of boredom, infuriating colleagues, etc. I think you have to figure out how you can strengthen yourself, mentally and emotionally as well as physically, so as to be able better to withstand such difficulties and endure working for more than 6 months. Maybe counseling, maybe meditation/prayer, maybe physiotherapy, maybe exercise, maybe some combination. I wish you the best of luck, and congratulations on your upcoming marriage!
Thank you. I'm still looking for ways to harden myself, or just get better. Now I know that for now, I cannot go overboard with extremely stressful professions. I need to take it easy... for now.