Getting invited to a HS graduation party, after the event occurred.

[clarkfan1979]

Today, on May 27th, I received an invitation to a HS graduation party from my wife's extended family. The party was on May 21st and the post-mark on the envelope says that it was mailed on May 23rd. I asked my wife, why we received an invitation, after the event occurred. She politely said because they want us to send the HS grad a graduation gift of money. I don't really have a problem with a graduation announcement, with the expectation of a gift. However, getting an invite to the party, after the fact, was either careless or the parents didn't want us to be there. Either way, the invitation rubbed me the wrong way. Anyone have any experience with this on either end? I'm probably also slightly venting. 

[Dicey]

I agree with the money grab theory.

[former player]

I can understand the venting.  I'd be very tempted to write back saying "congratulations to [kid] on graduating high school, so sorry we got the invitation too late to attend the party, isn't the post awful these days?  Anyway, didn't want you to think we were being rude by not replying to your kind invitation."  And no money.

[LaineyAZ]

I can understand the venting.  I'd be very tempted to write back saying "congratulations to [kid] on graduating high school, so sorry we got the invitation too late to attend the party, isn't the post awful these days?  Anyway, didn't want you to think we were being rude by not replying to your kind invitation."  And no money.

Agree with this.  Are people going to send late invitations to their weddings now for the same reason?  Like, Hi relative/friend, we didn't care to really see you in person but we'd love to get some cash from you.   Sheesh. 

[cool7hand]

Don't take it personally. Whoever did this has some issues that you obviously don't have.

[Catbert]

Your wife is right, they want money but didn't want you to attend the party.  I'd be irritated too, but it's your wife's family.  Does she want to send money? 

It would have been much better for them to get graduation announcements and avoid the whole you're-not-invited-to-the-party issue. 

[SunnyDays]

That's really uncouth.  At best, I would send a card only, but I'd be more likely to just ignore the whole thing.

[charis]

I've never received an invite mailed after the event. That you think it was intentional is astounding to me.  Like beyond rude. Are these folks likely to do this, or could there be another explanation like it was returned or lost in the mail and resent? Idk, it's hard to believe people act like this.

*To clarify, I meant the senders were rude.

[MayDay]

Don't get me wrong, it's probably just a gift grab. But I also could be a USPS issue, or parents could have given kid a stack to mail and they forgot and found them later and just threw them in the mail. I'd give the benefit of the doubt but not send a gift and be on the lookout for reoccurrences.

[Dicey]

I can understand the venting.  I'd be very tempted to write back saying "congratulations to [kid] on graduating high school, so sorry we got the invitation too late to attend the party, isn't the post awful these days?  Anyway, didn't want you to think we were being rude by not replying to your kind invitation."  And no money.

Winner winner chicken dinner!

[sonofsven]

Send a gift certificate to Borders Books.

[Dicey]

I think this is the right place to ask this question. We just received a graduation announcement yesterday for my niece. Tucked inside is an invitation to the outdoor graduation party, which we plan to attend. Question: what's a good amount of $$ to give? When I graduated HS in the Stone Ages, I remember receiving a couple of $100 gifts. A handy inflation calculator says that would be $500 now, gulp. Yeah, I don't think so. She is an only child, so it's a one-off gift. Well, at least until she graduates from college...

For context, we are fatFIRE, but frugality got us there, lol.

[SunnyDays]

I think this is the right place to ask this question. We just received a graduation announcement yesterday for my niece. Tucked inside is an invitation to the outdoor graduation party, which we plan to attend. Question: what's a good amount of $$ to give? When I graduated HS in the Stone Ages, I remember receiving a couple of $100 gifts. A handy inflation calculator says that would be $500 now, gulp. Yeah, I don't think so. She is an only child, so it's a one-off gift. Well, at least until she graduates from college...

For context, we are fatFIRE, but frugality got us there, lol.

If you aren't particularly close to her, I would think $100 would be sufficient.  If you are close, or if she will be having huge student loans or the family is not very well off, then more might be in order. 

I gave $50 to the neighbour kid last year who I knew a bit when younger but just had passing pleasantries with more lately.  If you can afford it and want to, a little more is always appreciated than the bare minimum or just a card.

[Gronnie]

Wow, I usually give $20 for these types of things.

[charis]

$100 for graduation to someone you aren't close to? What?

[Dicey]

People, she's family and we're going to her party.

[charis]

People, she's family and we're going to her party.

Sorry if it was unclear but I was not referring to your post. But $100 graduation gifts are not common in my neck of the woods. I would pretty surprised if my children received that much from a family member unless it was a grandparent.

[Sandi_k]

People, she's family and we're going to her party.

We did $250 for my oldest niece last year, and she was thrilled.

Oh, and I also set up Coverdell accounts for them a decade ago. They each have $12k plus in them now, for my brother's three kids.

We've always been close, even though they live across the country now. :(

[Paper Chaser]

I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, rather than assuming they're trying to use me. So with that in mind, if that happened to me I'd probably just assume that they wanted to share the achievement like an announcement and leave it at that. No response necessary.

[Bee21]

Just rude. I would just send them well wishes and no money or gifts. And move on.

[reeshau]

I think this is the right place to ask this question. We just received a graduation announcement yesterday for my niece. Tucked inside is an invitation to the outdoor graduation party, which we plan to attend. Question: what's a good amount of $$ to give? When I graduated HS in the Stone Ages, I remember receiving a couple of $100 gifts. A handy inflation calculator says that would be $500 now, gulp. Yeah, I don't think so. She is an only child, so it's a one-off gift. Well, at least until she graduates from college...

For context, we are fatFIRE, but frugality got us there, lol.

For us, education is a big deal.  And it only happens once (or twice, or three times for grad school) vs. birthdays and Christmas every year.  So we go big.

Do you know what she's doing after graduation?  If she is headed to college, and she will be moving away from home, then she'll need every buck she can get.

Maybe split your gift 50% just to her, and 50% earmarked to open or contribute to a Roth IRA, with a note: Don't know what that is?  We'd be happy to sit down with you and show you how that has helped us give you this big gift!

[Friar]

Forgive my naivety of US customs, but isn't graduating high school a pretty normal achievement?

Why are gifts expected for, in my view, an achievement that is the bare minimum of necessary education?

When I finished secondary school in the UK we had a communal party for the whole class and I don't recall anyone receiving gifts from family members as a "well done". Let alone a personal party for each pupil with extended family and friends invited and gifts expected.

[charis]

Forgive my naivety of US customs, but isn't graduating high school a pretty normal achievement?

Why are gifts expected for, in my view, an achievement that is the bare minimum of necessary education?

When I finished secondary school in the UK we had a communal party for the whole class and I don't recall anyone receiving gifts from family members as a "well done". Let alone a personal party for each pupil with extended family and friends invited and gifts expected.

It's common in my area to host grad parties, but it's more of an excuse for the students to party and say goodbye to their classmates before leaving for college. I don't recall getting many gifts or money, particularly from family. So didn't even know this was a big expectation.

[GreenSheep]

Forgive my naivety of US customs, but isn't graduating high school a pretty normal achievement?

Why are gifts expected for, in my view, an achievement that is the bare minimum of necessary education?

When I finished secondary school in the UK we had a communal party for the whole class and I don't recall anyone receiving gifts from family members as a "well done". Let alone a personal party for each pupil with extended family and friends invited and gifts expected.

Funny, I was just discussing this with someone the other day. I grew up in the US, and I didn't have a graduation party. Neither did anyone I knew. Dinner with my parents and sibling, yes, and a small gift or two from my parents. But none of the insanity that seems to happen now. One of my friends had our whole friend group over one afternoon that summer so we could all say our goodbyes before leaving for college, but there were no gifts, and it wasn't considered a party.

Yes, high school is so common that it would be a huge topic of discussion if someone did NOT graduate. There's nothing impressive about graduating from high school unless you had some very large and unusual hurdles. But people here are even starting to have kindergarten graduations! The whole thing is silly, I think.

[reeshau]

Forgive my naivety of US customs, but isn't graduating high school a pretty normal achievement?

Why are gifts expected for, in my view, an achievement that is the bare minimum of necessary education?

When I finished secondary school in the UK we had a communal party for the whole class and I don't recall anyone receiving gifts from family members as a "well done". Let alone a personal party for each pupil with extended family and friends invited and gifts expected.

In some ways, it's the rite of passage to adulthood.

Also fairly unique to the US, those students that are college-bound face a six-figure cost to reach the next milestone.  So, it's good to help them out with that, or at least give them a feeling of some help.

Stepping back from the kid, graduations and weddings are reasons for families to meet in the summer, roughly opposite in the year to Christmas.  So, whether large gifts are involved, family gatherings have occurred for a long time.

And yes I remember saying goodbye to my high school friends.  While we did see each other over the summer, many (including me) were heading to far-flung places and would drift apart.

[jrhampt]

I like to make a statement that choosing to graduate high school is a very valuable decision and back that up with an immediate reward (it should be the default for most of us here, but you can't take it for granted that everyone outside of this fairly privileged group will finish high school).  My sister adopted a sibling group, and the oldest dropped out of high school.  When the second graduated high school, I believe he was either the first or one of a very few to finish high school in his birth family (including extended family).  So I gave him $250, and the other siblings took note.  I'll continue this with the rest of my nieces and nephews.  Not everyone graduates high school, and if they continue their education, it's expensive.  Not everyone's family can pay for college, either.  I certainly don't think anyone is obligated to give people gifts for graduation, but I felt like I wanted to say with my wallet that it was valuable, and I can afford to give to family especially.

edited to add that in the OPs situation I don't think I would give since it seems the invitation was an afterthought and/or a money grab.

[economista]

Exactly jrhampt. While I think the graduation rate should be 100% in the US, it is far from it. I think once you hit middle class or higher you probably have a 100% graduation rate but there are a lot of people who still don't graduate. Assuming that everyone does is definitely coming from a place of privilege.

https://www.usnews.com/education/best-high-schools/articles/see-high-school-graduation-rates-by-state#:~:text=The%20average%20graduation%20rate%20among,reported%20by%2017%2C857%20ranked%20schools.

My mom didn't graduate high school but she did get her GED. My younger brother didn't graduate high school and he has not gotten his GED. It also isn't always the default to move on after high school either. I was the first in my extended family to go to college and out of my immediate family I'm still the first to graduate (I have some younger cousins who have graduated now).

[DutchGirl]

Today, on May 27th, I received an invitation to a HS graduation party from my wife's extended family. The party was on May 21st and the post-mark on the envelope says that it was mailed on May 23rd. I asked my wife, why we received an invitation, after the event occurred. She politely said because they want us to send the HS grad a graduation gift of money. I don't really have a problem with a graduation announcement, with the expectation of a gift. However, getting an invite to the party, after the fact, was either careless or the parents didn't want us to be there. Either way, the invitation rubbed me the wrong way. Anyone have any experience with this on either end? I'm probably also slightly venting.

In return for an invite to a party that's already over I'd send a gift card that's already expired.

[Cannot Wait!]

And add in a lottery ticket that's already been called.  Lol
Just kidding...I'd take the high ground - the view is nicer and the air is fresher.

[Weisass]

I'd be irritated too, but it's your wife's family.  Does she want to send money? 

This right here. It feels good to snark, and this is the right place for that. But let your wife decide how to respond, or at least take her lead.

[Cassie]

Love the gift card that’s already expired idea:)).

[FiveSigmas]

Send a gift certificate to Borders Books.

I LOL'ed.

[charis]

Send a gift certificate to Borders Books.

I LOL'ed.

I prefer Walden Books, if you still need ideas.