How to legally take over someone's finances

[rulesofacquisition]

MIL wants DH to "handle her money". I will preface this by saying this will most likely not happen, as she will not agree to what he feels is necessary.

Is there a way for her to voluntarily make herself unable to keep making new debt and have no direct access to her social security? I assume not, and having it happen involuntarily would involve her being declared incompetent. Her psychiatrist just filled out a form for DMV saying she is OK to keep her driver's license, so that seems unlikely as well.

DH is supposed to talk to her this week. It would be nice to be able to tell her what she wants isn't legally possible. At least DH has gotten better at dealing with her, it's not easy.

[secondcor521]

Not that I know of.

Your DH could get a power of attorney for your MIL, but all that means is that he can legally act on financial matters on her behalf.  That would be in addition to her acting financially on her own.  So with a POA he could file for SS for her *and* she could file for SS for her.  With a POA he could open a credit card in her name, and she could open a credit card in her name.

The closest thing I can think of is to go to the applicable local court and have her declared mentally incompetent with your husband as her guardian or conservator, which I think acts like a POA but may be more broad or more limited.  If you go this route, I would *guess* that you would be able to go around "cleaning up" after your MIL because mentally incompetent adults cannot enter contracts.  So in this scenario your MIL could open a credit card then your husband could shut it down.  I don't know how this would work in the case of SS.

It would probably be a good idea to talk with a local elder law attorney rather than SGOTI.

[Sibley]

It takes a LOT for a court to declare someone incompetent. Laziness doesn't cut it. With POA, your DH could do everything for her, but she'd still be able to do things.

[rockeTree]

Freezing her credit and letting you keep the unlock codes could slow down new debt a lot; there are lots of protections to keep your grubby paws off her SS though unless she’s really limited in her capacity.


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[secondcor521]

Freezing her credit and letting you keep the unlock codes could slow down new debt a lot; there are lots of protections to keep your grubby paws off her SS though unless she’s really limited in her capacity.


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Emphasis added.

I took the OP's comments on Social Security that the MIL wanted her son to protect her from herself, not to protect her from him and OP.

[rockeTree]

Oh I know! Sorry I was being flippant- SSI treats everyone as if they might be grubbing. It protects some elders from abuse but makes OPs task harder. Apologies if that didn’t come across.


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[secondcor521]

No worries...I usually read things too literally.  Cheers!

[Villanelle]

It seems like you could get a POA and then just transfer her money out of her account as soon as her SSI is deposited.  Do you think she could let that happen, or is so so irresponsible that she'd try to sneak in and grab the money first? 

Id just be very careful to make sure it doesn't look like you are actually taking her money.  Send it to a separate account and pay all her bills from that account, and perhaps also have something written up explaining the situation (signed by both of you), just in case.

You could also ask her to hand over her ATM card and checks.  (Or perhaps get her a new card for a new account into which you transfer a monthly fun-money allowance, so she isn't without cash.)

None of this is fool proof, is she really wants to get her hands on everything, but it would make it more difficult for her to do something impulsively, and easier for you to find out quickly if she does. 

[slappy]

You can become a rep payee on her SS. I think she would have to approve it though.

[rulesofacquisition]

It takes a LOT for a court to declare someone incompetent. Laziness doesn't cut it. With POA, your DH could do everything for her, but she'd still be able to do things.

You hit the nail on the head. And she has knowingly overdrawn her account for a cheesesteak, so there really is no good answer here, but the comments have confirmed what I suspected. I really should start a journel, poor DH's family is a disaster, he must have been left on the doorstep.

[Sibley]

It takes a LOT for a court to declare someone incompetent. Laziness doesn't cut it. With POA, your DH could do everything for her, but she'd still be able to do things.

You hit the nail on the head. And she has knowingly overdrawn her account for a cheesesteak, so there really is no good answer here, but the comments have confirmed what I suspected. I really should start a journel, poor DH's family is a disaster, he must have been left on the doorstep.

Honestly, as much as it hurts, sometimes the only thing you can do is watch them crash and burn.

[TrMama]

DH has been able to functionally "manage MILs money", although it's not perfect. It obviously required her consent (both initially and ongoing) and continued cooperation. If these are lacking from your MIL, then I'd probably advise not getting involved. You certainly don't want to be in a position where she initially consents, and then changes her mind and accuses you of stealing.

[skeptic]

It seems possible in practice as long as she isn't completely fighting you.

(1) Get a POA from her
(2) Freeze her credit (with her written consent) and keep the unlock codes
(3) Change passwords on asset accounts (with her written consent) and keep them to yourself
(4) Manage the money! Perhaps create another bank account that she does have access to, with a debit card that won't allow overdrawing, and you can send her some "pocket money" whenever desired. And otherwise handle all the money. If she can't be trusted to go grocery shopping within her budget, perhaps you can order the food delivered, etc, or just shop for her.

I am not a lawyer. Caveat conservator.

[BFGirl]

If all she gets are government benefits, becoming rep payee might be a way to go.  If she has other assets/income, she could create an irrevocable trust with DH as the trustee and herself as the beneficiary.  You should talk to a lawyer if she wants to do any kind of planning.  Nothing in this post is meant to constitute legal advice.