Author Topic: Frugaler looking for Frugalista? Tips?  (Read 7695 times)

Kansaslover5

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Frugaler looking for Frugalista? Tips?
« on: July 03, 2014, 12:31:29 AM »
I'm a 37-year-old male beginning Mustachian. How do I find like-minded women for a relationship? As many of you likely are, I aspire to be somewhat minimalist as well. I have no idea how to find women who share those same values. Any advice here? Thanks!
« Last Edit: July 03, 2014, 04:18:07 AM by marketboss76 »

T-Rex

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Re: Frugaler looking for Frugalista? Tips?
« Reply #1 on: July 03, 2014, 02:45:26 AM »
Hm... they may be in the library, reading the D.I.Y. books.

Phil_Moore

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Re: Frugaler looking for Frugalista? Tips?
« Reply #2 on: July 03, 2014, 02:59:46 AM »
No idea, if you find out let me know.

I'm just gutted I didn't go for Frugalist as a username, it was staring me right in the face...

little_owl

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Re: Frugaler looking for Frugalista? Tips?
« Reply #3 on: July 03, 2014, 03:30:04 AM »
I would suggest going where you think she might be:
Group outings with local charities or other land preservation groups - hikes, volunteering, kayaking.
Volunteer with a local shelter, ours does several events weekly where you get to "meet the pets" in the community - you'd be helping cute pets and meeting a ton of people.  We can't resist a man with a dog!
Go online.  Seriously.  I probably would not use "frugal" as bait in your posting, but would emphasize your low-key, people-centric lifestyle (versus flashy, item-centric lifestyle).
Meetups!
Go to classes - rock climbing classes, mountaineering classes, ice climbing classes - my H and I have done these and there are usually lots of dudes but a few cool women (usually single) every single time.  REI and other similar stores have classes, as do various outdoorsy clubs.

There are a ton of women looking for a financially stable, active partner so I wish you the best! (Also, isn't there a section on this forum for just that, too :). Put yourself out there and she will likely appear.  Have you enlisted the help of your friends and family?  "Hey, I am really looking for someone - let me know if you have any awesome single ladies in your circle."

Annf

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Re: Frugaler looking for Frugalista? Tips?
« Reply #4 on: July 03, 2014, 04:47:41 AM »
That is an excellent question!  I'm married, but if I were to start dating I would gauge it on the types of conversations a guy was interested in.  I would meet all kinds of people through things I enjoy doing, which is mostly outside activities. The dude that showed up with all the gear would likely be ruled out and if he started talking about all the new gadgets I'd run the other way. You know the type. So if a woman shows up for a bike ride I. Full make-up and hair she might not be a good match.

Do you have a group of friends you hang out with?  Meeting through friends is a great way to find a mate. Don't rule a woman out if she isn't frugal right now. She might be longing for a simpler life and doesn't know where to start. My husband and I were the opposite of frugal several years ago and now we certainly are.  I think you could get a good idea based on conversations though. And what her apartment/car (assuming they have a car)looks like. Almost all of the frugal/simple people I have met take really good care of what they have. They have pride, even if they drive a beater.

Theadyn

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Re: Frugaler looking for Frugalista? Tips?
« Reply #5 on: July 03, 2014, 06:23:22 AM »
Just some things I have noticed, single person myself:

Some men like to say they want a down to earth girl, yet they continually go after time and time again the one with the fake nails, high maintenance $100 a month hairstyle, the latest fashion and the newer car.  Then you see the 'why can't I find a decent girl' a few months later and lament over them just wanting your money.   Uhhh...  that pretty package doesn't come cheap, and she likes to maintain it and all the appearances it gives off, as well.

Some gals wish they could find the good guy, smart, funny, honest.  Yet, time and time again, they go after the pretty package that treat them like crap and then we hear the 'woe is me, why can't I find a nice guy?'.

Trick is to look beyond the outer packages, in most instances.  I agree with above poster that look around in activities that interests you.  Maybe online dating with filling in of profile that alludes to your goals to weed out the undesirables. 

Ideas (tongue in cheeky, beware! lol):   Hit the grocery store on the last day of a sale or the day of the good meat prices and strike up a conversation.  Or the local thrift store or garage sales.  The ones carrying stuff on their bike instead of in their car.  At the park or nearby nature type areas that are free would be good.  If you find a dumpster diver that isn't homeless you're golden.  And for sure your friends would know of that 'one girl' that isn't like the other fake ones, you never know, they might just be spot on.   Best of luck!

ragesinggoddess

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Re: Frugaler looking for Frugalista? Tips?
« Reply #6 on: July 03, 2014, 06:25:04 AM »
Join the Peace Corps! That's how I knew my guy wouldn't care much about the finer things. On the other hand, it also means neither of us care much about large salaries either...

rubybeth

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Re: Frugaler looking for Frugalista? Tips?
« Reply #7 on: July 03, 2014, 07:40:09 AM »
You're in Colorado? I don't imagine it would be too difficult to find a skiing or biking class or event or other outdoorsy type cause (fun run for charity?) to meet some potential friends or lady love. For online pursuits, list things that women who are high maintenance or used to spending a lot of money probably aren't into: camping, reading, biking, cooking, walking your dog, etc.

garion

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Re: Frugaler looking for Frugalista? Tips?
« Reply #8 on: July 03, 2014, 07:50:14 AM »
I second not worrying about how frugal a girl is right now. My fiancé and I have gotten a lot more frugal now that we're planning our future than we were when we were young and single... HOWEVER we both already had values/priorities that lend themselves to frugality... community, friends, fitness, outdoors, cooking, reading, etc. We just had to cut back on some things.

FIence!

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Re: Frugaler looking for Frugalista? Tips?
« Reply #9 on: July 03, 2014, 08:01:16 AM »
I'm going to second online dating, you can write up a profile that is really specific about what you are looking for. As someone else mentioned, worry more your base values aligning than finding someone who already makes her own laundry detergent... you can find a frugalista in her nascent state and then when your lives are more intertwined she will probably naturally become full-on mustachian.

Just write your profile in a way that outlines fun-sounding ways you enjoy being frugal (i.e. "I like riding my bike--no fossil fuel dependency or big car payment here! Let's get together and go for a pedal!" or "If you think campfires and home cooked meals are more romantic than a long wait for a table at the trendy new place, let's meet!"). Someone who expects you to pick her up in an Escalade will be all like "Uhhhh, no!" upon reading those lines.

Chuck

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Re: Frugaler looking for Frugalista? Tips?
« Reply #10 on: July 03, 2014, 08:06:33 AM »
I am also throwing in for online dating, but with a major caveat: Don't go looking for frugal mates, and certainly don't disqualify someone in the dating phase if they seem spendthrift.

It's important to remember that this is a learned behavior- a skill, not a personality trait. My fiance was incredibly spending when we first started going out. Now she is very much on board with me in this whole frugal thing (it helps that I'm not exactly an elite mustacian... yet).

Find someone that fits with you, then start talking about going to the money gym.

Snow White

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Re: Frugaler looking for Frugalista? Tips?
« Reply #11 on: July 03, 2014, 09:53:48 AM »
I met hubby doing volunteer work on a cause near and dear to my heart; natural habitat preservation and maintenance.  I've long been a proponent to my single girlfriends of getting on with their lives doing things they are passionate about and any potential partners met doing that are at least compatible in that one area.

On line dating has worked for a couple of friends and I like some of the suggestions made by previous posters in being clear about who you are and who you are not. I'd refer to be a "Mustashian" and any woman who knows who that is gets bonus points!

Ditto on the comments about high maintenance gals.  Most model look-a-likes spend a lot of money and time to get that look. Know that for the most part, having pretty arm candy is costly. We can't all be naturally beautiful and polished. ;)

I acknowledge what some posters said about spendy partners evolving and changing with you but I would be anxious about that. I dated a few guys with big cars and expensive toys and knew almost immediately that they were not a good fit (for me). Could they have changed? Sure but it seemed then and now a gamble I wouldn't take.

LLCoolDave

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Re: Frugaler looking for Frugalista? Tips?
« Reply #12 on: July 03, 2014, 12:06:49 PM »
When looking at the online dating profiles, keep an eye out for teachers. Very often they live below their means and are good down to earth women.

hexdexorex

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Re: Frugaler looking for Frugalista? Tips?
« Reply #13 on: July 03, 2014, 12:36:18 PM »
Grad students as well...

Kansaslover5

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Re: Frugaler looking for Frugalista? Tips?
« Reply #14 on: July 03, 2014, 11:58:25 PM »
So many incredible ideas and original thoughts here! Thanks so much everyone. Very helpful.

darkadams00

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Re: Frugaler looking for Frugalista? Tips?
« Reply #15 on: July 04, 2014, 12:25:11 AM »
Married for a long time here, but with sons in college, we do have interesting conversations. One son = social, outgoing, dynamic, other son = introvert, sometimes a goof when he's trying to be more social around new people.

The common trait they share with respect to meeting new girls -- spend time at places where you're naturally doing things with others, not just sitting around talking and drinking/eating. Chatting up a random stranger in a bookstore/library/coffee shop/thrift shop can seem bothersome, maybe even creepy, if the other person is more introverted (but at least you will have found that out about her, I guess). Talking to a friend of a friend or to an Internet date still leaves the onus on you to make conversation for the sake of conversation. Volunteering for charities, non-profits, churches, community groups puts you side-by-side with other people who are expected to talk to you to get tasks done. Groups who meet to do active things, e.g. bike rides, intro to skiing/climbing/hiking, etc. are great for the same reason. Then the social part is more natural. If you feel a connection, you can continue the activity and continue socializing with your new acquaitance(s). If no connection, continue the activity and look around for other interesting people.

sandyvanburen

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Re: Frugaler looking for Frugalista? Tips?
« Reply #16 on: July 04, 2014, 01:53:23 AM »
I probably would not use "frugal" as bait in your posting

Why not? Would have worked on me!!

The Mobile Mustachian

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Re: Frugaler looking for Frugalista? Tips?
« Reply #17 on: July 04, 2014, 08:04:17 AM »
I was just lucky. A friend of mine introduced us. She is thrifty and an Italian beauty.

If I were doing it all over again, I've noticed that there are a lot of interesting and attractive Mustachian-style single women who rock climb at our local club. The singles ministry at church has some winners, but some definite minefields as well.

Rebecca Stapler

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Re: Frugaler looking for Frugalista? Tips?
« Reply #18 on: July 04, 2014, 08:29:07 AM »
Lots of great suggestions here, but I would like to add one more... I used to get on the commuter train wearing headphones and listening to my iPod. But I discovered that taking them off made me open to conversations and more approachable. I didn't meet any dates on the train, but I had some nice conversations that wouldn't have happened otherwise. The more you open yourself up to those opportunities, the more chances you have to meet people to date :)

I love the suggestion of doing things that are people-focused instead of item-focused. Going to the park or library often, participating in groups that you enjoy -- like biking, climbing, hiking, etc. Pay attention to when it's "ladies' night," at the local rock gym, etc., too ;)

mm1970

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Re: Frugaler looking for Frugalista? Tips?
« Reply #19 on: July 04, 2014, 09:00:31 AM »
Just some things I have noticed, single person myself:

Some men like to say they want a down to earth girl, yet they continually go after time and time again the one with the fake nails, high maintenance $100 a month hairstyle, the latest fashion and the newer car.  Then you see the 'why can't I find a decent girl' a few months later and lament over them just wanting your money.   Uhhh...  that pretty package doesn't come cheap, and she likes to maintain it and all the appearances it gives off, as well.

Some gals wish they could find the good guy, smart, funny, honest.  Yet, time and time again, they go after the pretty package that treat them like crap and then we hear the 'woe is me, why can't I find a nice guy?'.

Trick is to look beyond the outer packages, in most instances.  I agree with above poster that look around in activities that interests you.  Maybe online dating with filling in of profile that alludes to your goals to weed out the undesirables. 

Ideas (tongue in cheeky, beware! lol):   Hit the grocery store on the last day of a sale or the day of the good meat prices and strike up a conversation.  Or the local thrift store or garage sales.  The ones carrying stuff on their bike instead of in their car.  At the park or nearby nature type areas that are free would be good.  If you find a dumpster diver that isn't homeless you're golden.  And for sure your friends would know of that 'one girl' that isn't like the other fake ones, you never know, they might just be spot on.   Best of luck!
There is definitely truth to this.  I've seen it with my neighbor.

Anyway... at your age, it might be harder.  I don't really know.  I met my frugal husband when we were poor Navy kids out of college.  A lot of people meet their spouses in grad school.

At 37, I'd find interests that are frugal. Biking?  Maybe gardening.  See if there's a "time bank" group in your area.  Lots of frugal people in ours.

Glenstache

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Re: Frugaler looking for Frugalista? Tips?
« Reply #20 on: July 04, 2014, 11:10:15 AM »
I was looking for someone level headed, and that came along with a good sense for money management- better than me in many ways at the time we met. Many of these characteristics tend to group together. There are plenty of great potential significant others out there who have the predisposition to being mustachian or semi-mustachian, but the concept and benefits just aren't on their radar right now. Maybe not first date material, but a comfort with talking about financial matters like having a car payment, or having a rainy day fund, can be indicators.

The MMM user survey showed a strong bias in respondents to those in the science and engineering fields. If doing the online thing, you might try looking for those types of interests. They may not be mustachioed now, but if they are someone you are a good match with, they will probably be inclined in a similar direction anyways... and might end up teaching you a thing or two!


Exflyboy

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Re: Frugaler looking for Frugalista? Tips?
« Reply #21 on: July 04, 2014, 04:39:00 PM »
Just some things I have noticed, single person myself:

Some men like to say they want a down to earth girl, yet they continually go after time and time again the one with the fake nails, high maintenance $100 a month hairstyle, the latest fashion and the newer car.  Then you see the 'why can't I find a decent girl' a few months later and lament over them just wanting your money.   Uhhh...  that pretty package doesn't come cheap, and she likes to maintain it and all the appearances it gives off, as well.

Some gals wish they could find the good guy, smart, funny, honest.  Yet, time and time again, they go after the pretty package that treat them like crap and then we hear the 'woe is me, why can't I find a nice guy?'.

Trick is to look beyond the outer packages, in most instances.  I agree with above poster that look around in activities that interests you.  Maybe online dating with filling in of profile that alludes to your goals to weed out the undesirables. 

Ideas (tongue in cheeky, beware! lol):   Hit the grocery store on the last day of a sale or the day of the good meat prices and strike up a conversation.  Or the local thrift store or garage sales.  The ones carrying stuff on their bike instead of in their car.  At the park or nearby nature type areas that are free would be good.  If you find a dumpster diver that isn't homeless you're golden.  And for sure your friends would know of that 'one girl' that isn't like the other fake ones, you never know, they might just be spot on.   Best of luck!

Bingo.. I could not have said this better myself.

Thankfully I got way past all of this nonsense before I was 30..:)

So much less drama (and cheaper)....:)

Frank

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Re: Frugaler looking for Frugalista? Tips?
« Reply #22 on: July 04, 2014, 10:48:45 PM »
Women over 30 don't get much attention on dating websites, so that's a great place for you.

My boyfriend is an environmentalist, that's a good gateway into extreme frugality.  I met him at a folk dance.