Author Topic: For those who say  (Read 11396 times)

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For those who say
« on: October 07, 2014, 10:55:10 AM »
It is sad or Really? to posts like "what  to do when retired?" I am curious if there are some factors that lead one to understand the question while others are saying Are you kidding?

So, for those that have that reaction:

 - Are you already FIRE?

 - Age?

 - Married (or essentially)?

 - Kids?  If so, ages.

 - Live in big city or no?  Live in top 10 or top 20 of the areas listed here:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Metropolitan_Statistical_Areas

 - Have office job for most of career?

It certainly has to do with the ability or time to develop hobbies and interests.  My sister is in mid-30s, is single and an elementary school teacher and has a very active life (has the free time and the personality).  I want my own kids to have active lives as adults.....just curious in general.  But, might highlight the trade-offs people have made.

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #1 on: October 07, 2014, 01:48:38 PM »
- Are you already FIRE?

Nope

- Age?

36

- Married (or essentially)?

Nope

- Kids?  If so, ages.

Nope (and never going to)

- Live in big city or no?  Live in top 10 or top 20 of the areas listed here:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Metropolitan_Statistical_Areas

Yep, but a cheap one (Houston)

- Have office job for most of career?

Yep.

For me it's the mindset that my job is just that...a job. It's not to entertain me, or keep me occupied, or fulfill my social needs, or whatever. Yes, it happens to provide those things, but I'm not dependent on it for those things.  I have friends outside of work.  My work actually interferes with the activities I want to do (draw, garden, crossword puzzles, reading, travel, cook, etc.).

It's something I'm forced into because I need the money. 

I usually end up thinking that "it's sad" someone thinks the way you mentioned because it means their job literally is their life.
 

mozar

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #2 on: October 07, 2014, 08:07:53 PM »
I think its understandable to reply with disbelief on an early retirement forum.

SailAway

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #3 on: October 07, 2014, 08:16:40 PM »
I think its understandable to reply with disbelief on an early retirement forum.
This exactly.

Zikoris

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #4 on: October 07, 2014, 08:59:26 PM »
 - Are you already FIRE?

- Age?

28

- Married (or essentially)?

Essentially.

- Kids?  If so, ages.

No, not going to either.

- Live in big city or no? 

Yes, Vancouver.

- Have office job for most of career?

Yes, office clerk.

As for "ability and time to develop interests" - if you've planned your life in a way that you are totally unable to pursue interests outside of work, you've made some big mistakes somewhere along the line. I think lack of imagination is a much bigger issue though.

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #5 on: October 07, 2014, 10:02:49 PM »
this is my point.  The ones who say it is sad are those that, from what I can tell, either made FIRE a goal early on or have no financial obligations other than their own costs. 

They are not part of the larger group that has chosen to have a family.

I do not consider the viewpoints of single, no kids people with regard to having free time.  For them to tell me I should have been cultivating hobbies and they are "sad" to hear I am not quite certain what to do in retirement is absurd.  It is apples and oranges. 

If you are single and have no children, fine for you.  That choice has allowed you to have much free time and choose how to use it.  For many on this forum, that is not the case.  One could argue that the sad part is that you will not have any relatives to keep you company when you are older.  It is a trade-off, but don't call it "sad" if it isn't what you have chosen.

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #6 on: October 07, 2014, 10:28:08 PM »
OK.  Sorry to have interjected my own situation.  I'd really just like to know/understand if there are key factors to easily adjust to ER.  Add any that you like.  You can tell by my questions the factors I think have significance.

Zikoris

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #7 on: October 07, 2014, 10:56:10 PM »
Uh... there are lots of people who have kids and remain interesting people with hobbies. Two examples: My dad retired at the beginning of this year and I have a hard time even getting him on the phone these days because he's so busy with projects, sports, activities, and travel. My grandma passed away about a year and a half ago, but she spent her entire retirement incredibly busy with volunteering, teaching pottery classes, and being involved in just a huge variety of things.

If you have nothing that you'd rather do than work, why bother going to the trouble of amassing wealth and retiring early at all?

Spartana

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #8 on: October 08, 2014, 12:11:00 AM »
I don't think I've ever said "that's sad"  but more that I don't personally understand how someone doesn't have any idea what they would do in their lives if they quit. Even people with no money and never any hope to ever retire still seem to have other ambitions and desires and ideas of what they would do if they were free that aren't expensive. So it more just sort of baffles me.  I completely get why some people who are FI want to keep working - they enjoy their jobs and it doesn't interfere with the other things in life they want to do. I can even understand not having enough interests in non-work related things to want to give up their full time job.  They apparently feel that they have enough free time from their jobs to allow them to spend time with friends and family (kids, spouse, parents,  pets), having hobbies and activities, and whatever else they enjoy. But for some of us (myself)  I had a lot of interests that were time consuming that I could not do because I had a very time consuming job, as well as wanted to spend more time with family, friends, BF, and pets. So even a beloved job DID greatly impact my free time and meant I was constantly squeezed on all fronts. 

ETA: While I don't have kids, I would think that if I did then attaining FIRE would be an even bigger goal for me so that I could spend more time with them - as well as my spouse.  So if someone asks "what would you do if you quit your job" the answer "spend more time with family" seems like a pretty good reply of how you'd spend your time. 
« Last Edit: October 08, 2014, 12:38:49 AM by Spartana »

Eric

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #9 on: October 08, 2014, 12:14:17 AM »
this is my point.  The ones who say it is sad are those that, from what I can tell, either made FIRE a goal early on or have no financial obligations other than their own costs. 

They are not part of the larger group that has chosen to have a family.

I do not consider the viewpoints of single, no kids people with regard to having free time.  For them to tell me I should have been cultivating hobbies and they are "sad" to hear I am not quite certain what to do in retirement is absurd.  It is apples and oranges. 

I'm sorry, what's your point?  That having kids means you don't have any outside interests?  I'm going to guess that many parents here think that's kind of crazy and possibly offensive.  My friends with kids certainly aren't this boring.

If you are single and have no children, fine for you.  That choice has allowed you to have much free time and choose how to use it.  For many on this forum, that is not the case.  One could argue that the sad part is that you will not have any relatives to keep you company when you are older.  It is a trade-off, but don't call it "sad" if it isn't what you have chosen.

I'm already sad thinking about how I might have to hang out with someone who is not related to me when I'm older.  Can you even imagine?  I guess maybe it's not too late to have those kids I don't want.  I'm sure they'll be grateful to be raised by a parent whose only interest in them is having someone to keep me company when I'm older.  Plus, I'll avoid that horrifying task of talking to people that aren't related to me.

Spartana

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #10 on: October 08, 2014, 12:34:20 AM »
 

If you are single and have no children, fine for you.  That choice has allowed you to have much free time and choose how to use it.
Don't assume that everyone who is single (or divorced) without kids has had a large amount of free time from their jobs. Many of us have had jobs that require huge time sacrifices with no to little free time off, often gone for long periods of time, etc... While I agree 100% that it would be harder to attain FI with a traditional one-income earner family with kids, I don't think that means you would have no idea what you'd want to do if you were no longer working. Even if a person - single and childless or married with kids -  doesn't have time to cultivate interests outside their work and family life, that doesn't mean they don't have any desires to do other things if they retired and did have the time. This is what people mean when they say "that's sad". Not that people didn't cultivate interests during their working lives except for work (and I would argue that your kids and your spouse and the things you do with them ARE interests), but that, if given the free time to do so, they can't think of anything else they would even want to do. 

ETA: Also don't forget that single people still have to do all the same stuff as married people do. They have to work, pay bills, shop, commute, clean house, cook meals, mow the lawn, trim the bushes, fix the leaky faucet,  pay the mortgage and taxes, the utilities, take care of parents, fix the car, etc... and they do that all alone - both physically time-wise and financially. I've been married and I've been single,  and married makes taking care of things time wise and money wise much much easier. Now kids - those adorably cute little time and money sucks  - are a different story :-)!
« Last Edit: October 08, 2014, 01:26:23 AM by Spartana »

RapmasterD

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For those who say
« Reply #11 on: October 08, 2014, 01:42:48 AM »
Invariably, anytime someone replies with 'that's sad,' they're projecting their own fears and insecurities. It rarely has much to do with the person they're addressing. EX: Several years ago I took a one year break from drinking. I visited my in laws over Xmas. My father in law, a daily drinker, handed me a tumbler of scotch. I declined and told him I'm taking a break. He said...,,'That's sad.'

Zikoris

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #12 on: October 08, 2014, 08:07:56 AM »
Invariably, anytime someone replies with 'that's sad,' they're projecting their own fears and insecurities. It rarely has much to do with the person they're addressing. EX: Several years ago I took a one year break from drinking. I visited my in laws over Xmas. My father in law, a daily drinker, handed me a tumbler of scotch. I declined and told him I'm taking a break. He said...,,'That's sad.'

Not sure if that's applicable here though - the conversation is more "I can't think of what I'd do with all the time I'd have if I was retired, since I have no hobbies or interests" "That's sad that you have nothing outside of work - there are so many possibilities."

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #13 on: October 08, 2014, 08:47:12 AM »
I have many outside interests and hobbies I'd like to cultivate.  But, I think having kids (young kids)  makes it relatively hard to do so, especially if you are still working.  Their interests are not the same. 

Just trying to see if those that find it easy to spend time on their hobbies basically a)  have less family obligations and b) live in interesting places that make it easy to do so.

RE spartana's last post.  I agree - there is a difference b/n not having time to work on hobbies/interests and having no interests.  The latter is clearly in worse shape (and sad), but many of the "what to do" posts I expect are people who have interests, but it has been so long since they've been able to spend time on them that, upon RE, it is a shock.  The 6 month transition period is probably normal.

Eric - should have been more specific.....rather than "keep you company" I should have said "take care of you".  Your 80 year old friend, while witty and good at bridge, won't change your diaper.

The point of my post was to see if those that say "that's sad" have less time obligations.

Zikoris

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #14 on: October 08, 2014, 08:55:46 AM »
Quote
Eric - should have been more specific.....rather than "keep you company" I should have said "take care of you".  Your 80 year old friend, while witty and good at bridge, won't change your diaper.

Realistically, how many kids even do this these days? I bet if you asked around a nursing home, 99% of the residents have kids (many who dumped them there and never visit). Not much of a guarantee really.

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #15 on: October 08, 2014, 09:05:23 AM »
Quote
Eric - should have been more specific.....rather than "keep you company" I should have said "take care of you".  Your 80 year old friend, while witty and good at bridge, won't change your diaper.

Realistically, how many kids even do this these days? I bet if you asked around a nursing home, 99% of the residents have kids (many who dumped them there and never visit). Not much of a guarantee really.

Agreed, Zikoris. Seriously, how many 60 year old "kids" are changing their 80 year old parents diapers? Good grief...  I always marvel at how some people with kids can't wrap their heads around how damn good life can be WITHOUT KIDS.


Spartana

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #16 on: October 08, 2014, 09:09:12 AM »


The point of my post was to see if those that say "that's sad" have less time obligations.
OK I understand better now. I think that is probably not the case. I know people who have never had the time to cultivate any interests outside their jobs, or even have time for family, because their jobs were pretty all-encompassing (and all us ex-military people probably understand this completely) yet who have wonderful ideas and plans for how they would spend their future once they are free, Many may be burning to be free just so they can do those things. I wouldn't consider them sad at all even if they had no life outside of work. However, I've also known people who do have lots of free time outside of work. Many are married with kids and work a traditional 9 to 5 kind of gig. Many often have a SAH spouse to handle the majority of the home and child care so the worker bee (and family) have more free time from chores. Yet they have no interests outside of work at all even though they may have much more free time than a single childless person does.  I still wouldn't consider them sad myself, but I probably would if they said to me that they would never have any interests outside of work even if they could retire - and so probably wouldn't retire because of that reason alone.

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #17 on: October 08, 2014, 09:18:06 AM »
Jon Snow - agree.  That is why I tell my sis (34, single, no kids) to not worry about it.  I love 'em, but if you already have an active lifestyle they can be quite the damper.  No need to have kids.  I liked MMM's post on "you are allowed to have just one".

RE nursing home.  My father-in-law's cost about 90k per year......Parkinson's and then alzheimer's.  For three years.  Mother-in-law could afford it, but many cannot....at least for quality care.  But, the diaper comment was an exaggeration in response to Eric's post.  Point was it is good to have family watch out for you in your later years.  If you are good to your kids, I bet they would visit as much as feasible.

Chrissy

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #18 on: October 08, 2014, 09:32:54 AM »
My parents were the primary caregivers for 3 of their parents.  They never changed a single adult diaper.  They also had kids, a mortgage with an interest rate that would make most people have a heart attack today, and student loan debt for two Masters degrees.  My father changed careers when we were in elementary school, and spent 4 years unemployed/going to school.  I think that's when they got really Mustachian.  They would've been 40 years old.  They both worked full-time the entire time for middle-class wages and benefits in a small town in the Midwest.  They spent their minimal inheritances sending my sister and I to college (no student loans for us!).

And yet, somehow, my mother retired at age 55, pretty early for her peers and given the late start.  My father could've done the same, but he was having too much fun with his second career.  He's retired 8 years later, when the joy got sucked out of the job.  They both exercise, my mother can paint and sew, they volunteer (politics and charities), are active in their HOA and church, take classes, travel... and they've always done these things.  They probably had a decade when they let their hobbies slide, but once my sister and I were 10-12, I remember my folks had their own schedules.

Personal development and FIRE are attainable with children, but you need imagination, patience, and commitment. 

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #19 on: October 08, 2014, 09:42:46 AM »
On a different forum you can find many folks (mostly women) pining away, depressed, not knowing what to do with themselves after their last child leaves home. The empty nest syndrome.   It can be sad.

On the other hand,  I have many friends that get tremendous satisfaction from spending lots of time with their grandchildren.   It is not all they do, but it is a significant part of their lives.

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #20 on: October 08, 2014, 09:50:00 AM »
I certainly don't need biological offspring to enjoy kids. My passel of nieces and nephews pretty much view me as a god - the "cool Uncle" who is good at video games and sports - and most importantly, I've never had to discipline them, and this makes me somehow different in their eyes - but once the kids start acting up ( and eventually, they always do), I simply unload them back to their parents, and I walk away whistling a happy tune.

I intend to maintain this relationship with all these kids, and if I have to nurture things a bit by spoiling them with extra awesome Christmas and birthday gifts, then so be it. I don't intend to be alone in my old age.

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #21 on: October 08, 2014, 11:14:01 AM »
Not sure what this means in this little experiment, but while I don't post "Really?" reactions to "what to do when you retire" questions, I certainly do think it.  And I am married and I have kids.  I just personally think that paid work is a very small part of what makes a life, and having to do it on someone else's terms kinda sucks sometimes.  And I have a really great and flexible boss, but I still have to do things when other people say to do them.  Retirement doesn't completely escape this, but it cuts it down a good bit.

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #22 on: October 08, 2014, 11:38:58 AM »
I certainly don't need biological offspring to enjoy kids. My passel of nieces and nephews pretty much view me as a god - the "cool Uncle" who is good at video games and sports - and most importantly, I've never had to discipline them, and this makes me somehow different in their eyes - but once the kids start acting up ( and eventually, they always do), I simply unload them back to their parents, and I walk away whistling a happy tune.

I intend to maintain this relationship with all these kids, and if I have to nurture things a bit by spoiling them with extra awesome Christmas and birthday gifts, then so be it. I don't intend to be alone in my old age.

Good spot to be in.  My sister (the mid-30s, single, no kids) is known to our kids as "Aunt Fun".  She IS fun.  Good to have her.  I had an "Aunt Fun".....didn't call her that, but.......Those kids will remember all you do for them.  It's a win-win-win for you, the parents, and your nieces/nephews.

crazyworld

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #23 on: October 08, 2014, 11:49:32 AM »
Random thoughts while reading this thread:
Married, 1 child, both of us work: I have hobbies & interests, so does he.  But kids need a lot of time. A lot.  That does lead to some sliding.  I don't buy for a second the idea that single people are busy too. We had our child 8 years after marriage, so we were child free for a long time.  We thought were oh-so-busy!!  Wrong.  Nothing on earth is more busy than working + having a young child at home.  Obviously this situation resolves itself eventually.  But it also makes me well understand the empty nester syndrome that some experience.

Old age - no guaranty of course that your kids will give a hoot about you. But watching my parents and in-laws as they are aging - they are leaning on us more with each passing year, more so the last 2-3.  This even when they live in a very social country with still strong extended family ties.  I would prefer not to be this old, to be honest. Unless by some miracle I am a spry 80 year old, with my brain and body functioning well, and know a few people who still want to hang out with an old geezer.  Old age is humbling, like nothing else is.

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #24 on: October 08, 2014, 12:48:35 PM »
  I don't buy for a second the idea that single people are busy too. 
I don't think anyone said that a working  single "childless" person is busy when compared to a working single person with kids, or working married couple with kids. No question kids add a lot more work and expense to the household. From my point of view and personal experience the "busyness" level is mainly dependent on your job/s and how you live (house vs an apt, long commutes, aging parents, one spouse a SAH, etc..)  I imagine a childless married couple with one SAH spouse would be the least busy, a single working parent to be the most. When I hubby and I divorced my home-related work load doubled since everything we split was now done by me alone. The amount of free time I had compared to the amount I had when married decreased considerably. Also many of us single childless people were probably single and childless because we had very time intensive jobs. I spent a good part of my life at sea many months out of the year and with a heavy work load even when in port. Other's here - married and single, with and without kids - have done the same and it doesn't  leave you much free time to engage in hobbies or activities.
« Last Edit: October 08, 2014, 12:54:01 PM by Spartana »

RapmasterD

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #25 on: October 08, 2014, 12:58:53 PM »
Invariably, anytime someone replies with 'that's sad,' they're projecting their own fears and insecurities. It rarely has much to do with the person they're addressing. EX: Several years ago I took a one year break from drinking. I visited my in laws over Xmas. My father in law, a daily drinker, handed me a tumbler of scotch. I declined and told him I'm taking a break. He said...,,'That's sad.'

Not sure if that's applicable here though - the conversation is more "I can't think of what I'd do with all the time I'd have if I was retired, since I have no hobbies or interests" "That's sad that you have nothing outside of work - there are so many possibilities."

Yeah, I here you. Look, I can be a pretty abrasive person. But IMHO, someone saying "That's sad" to another person is one of the more cruel and judgmental things that...one can say. I'm sure it's just me, but I really try and avoid that expression at all times because I don't know what benefit that imparts on the other person...other than making them feel worse about themselves.

oinkette

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #26 on: October 08, 2014, 02:16:51 PM »
They are not part of the larger group that has chosen to have a family.

I do not consider the viewpoints of single, no kids people with regard to having free time.  For them to tell me I should have been cultivating hobbies and they are "sad" to hear I am not quite certain what to do in retirement is absurd.  It is apples and oranges. 

If you are single and have no children, fine for you.  That choice has allowed you to have much free time and choose how to use it.  For many on this forum, that is not the case.  One could argue that the sad part is that you will not have any relatives to keep you company when you are older.  It is a trade-off, but don't call it "sad" if it isn't what you have chosen.

I would think having a family would make you more inclined to want to FIRE so you could spend time with them. Yes, it may be harder (mostly with kids) and take longer.  Many of the Early Retired blogs I read are from family men (MMM, 1500 Days, Reitre by 40, Root of Good, Brave New Life).

And even with a family you can cultivate hobbies.  YOu are using your family as an excuse.  Don't. 

Also, no one said it was "sad" that you have a family.  It's sad that you don't know what to do in retirement...like maybe spend more time with your family.

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #27 on: October 08, 2014, 02:27:23 PM »
  I don't buy for a second the idea that single people are busy too.

Wow, some very defensive parents in this thread. I'm sure you meant to add a comparison there at the end.  I have no doubt that I'm insanely "non-busy" compared to my friends who are parents. But I'm not sitting around playing video games all day. Everyone can be busy.

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #28 on: October 08, 2014, 03:00:20 PM »
I have kids, am relatively young, have a bunch of interesting hobbies, a demanding job and interested in ER.

Does that help the discussion?

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #29 on: October 08, 2014, 03:04:44 PM »
  I don't buy for a second the idea that single people are busy too. 
I don't think anyone said that a working  single "childless" person is busy when compared to a working single person with kids, or working married couple with kids.
That's offensive and a horrible overgeneralizion. Some people are busier than others. Some have kids, some don't. It's not a competition.

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #30 on: October 08, 2014, 03:39:37 PM »
It is sad or Really? to posts like "what  to do when retired?" I am curious if there are some factors that lead one to understand the question while others are saying Are you kidding?

I say that it's sad. My dad took an early retirement buyout at age 52 from his high-powered career.

He really enjoyed retirement - dove headlong into his hobbies, traveled, golfed... and then died suddenly at age 54. He had 5 kids.

It's sad because people shouldn't wait to enjoy life. What a waste to be bored.

crazyworld

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #31 on: October 08, 2014, 05:59:26 PM »
Clarifying my "single people are not that busy" comment. Clarification 1, i really mean child-free. Single with a child has to be hardest job of all.
Second, having lived both ways, my realization was, you can be terrifically busy before children, but it is somwhat in your control. With kids, there is a whole another layer of work that is really non-negotiable. I was busy because I stayed late at work, worked out a lot, went out on the weekends, the home was mostly clean with two adults only. With kids, work still looms, and if anything, i am now more senior, with more responsibility, the house is messier, there is homework/shower/bedtime/storytime/activities/playdates and so on.
Carry on 😊

crazyworld

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #32 on: October 08, 2014, 06:08:29 PM »
It is sad or Really? to posts like "what  to do when retired?" I am curious if there are some factors that lead one to understand the question while others are saying Are you kidding?

I say that it's sad. My dad took an early retirement buyout at age 52 from his high-powered career.

He really enjoyed retirement - dove headlong into his hobbies, traveled, golfed... and then died suddenly at age 54. He had 5 kids.

It's sad because people shouldn't wait to enjoy life. What a waste to be bored.
I totally get what you say. But otoh there are 2 people in my family, who took early retirements, and are still alive, decades later. Some of us skeptical ones are trying to sort out what we are going to be doing decades into RE. I have a child and decade 1 will be fine. And then?
Must say though, just even talking about it and reading through these threads is turning me around a bit.

MsRichLife

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #33 on: October 08, 2014, 06:23:56 PM »
I'm 37, Married with a toddler. We are FI. Hubby is part time SAHD, part time RE. I'm working full-time.

I've know for a long time that I've wanted to be FIRE... BUT I did have to think hard about what I'd actually do with my time when I was no longer working.

It wasn't lack of imagination. It wasn't because I was boring. It was because for the first two years of my son's life, I was completely consumed by work (sole breadwinner), being a Mum and holding my s*&t together while supporting a depressed spouse through injury and loss of a job. There was no time or headspace for anything else.

Now that I'm able to come up for air I realise that I have so many things I want to do. But....I did have to take some time to think about what they were.

Instead of judging people and calling them sad or boring for asking about life post-FIRE, it's great when people try and help them with the mental transition they are clearly struggling with. This community is so great on the analytical, financial side of things. It would be great to get more support for the emotional, mental side of the FIRE transition.
 

Spartana

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #34 on: October 08, 2014, 09:28:31 PM »
  I don't buy for a second the idea that single people are busy too. 
I don't think anyone said that a working  single "childless" person is busy when compared to a working single person with kids, or working married couple with kids.
That's offensive and a horrible overgeneralizion. Some people are busier than others. Some have kids, some don't. It's not a competition.
Sorry - I didn't mean to be offensive (and didn't think I was). I was just disagreeing with CrazyWorld (and Retired?)  about her/his comment that singles were less busy then married people and there for have more time to engage in non-work interests. I don't believe that's the case. From my experience it all depends on a persons individual circumstances, job, obligations, etc... not their marital status or even family status.

Dicey

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #35 on: October 08, 2014, 10:34:09 PM »
Okay, I'll admit it: I have no idea what the hell OP is talking about. Luckily, since I'm FIRE, it's nice that I don't have to care or worry that I don't.

Caoineag

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #36 on: October 09, 2014, 06:38:37 AM »
It is sad or Really? to posts like "what  to do when retired?" I am curious if there are some factors that lead one to understand the question while others are saying Are you kidding?

So, for those that have that reaction:

 - Are you already FIRE?

 - Age?

 - Married (or essentially)?

 - Kids?  If so, ages.

 - Live in big city or no?  Live in top 10 or top 20 of the areas listed here:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Metropolitan_Statistical_Areas

 - Have office job for most of career?

It certainly has to do with the ability or time to develop hobbies and interests.  My sister is in mid-30s, is single and an elementary school teacher and has a very active life (has the free time and the personality).  I want my own kids to have active lives as adults.....just curious in general.  But, might highlight the trade-offs people have made.

First, I am not cruel enough to tell another person "that's sad" or "really" though I am nasty enough to think it.

Not yet fired, 33, married, no kids, Denver is #21 so just outside your top but still plenty to do, paralegal so definitely an office  job.

I don't have enough energy to keep up with my own life, having children might just kill me or force one of us to be a stay at home (no plans for kids though we have other reasons why).

Even though I have little free time now, I have a very good imagination so I know I could occupy my time and enjoy doing so. I suspect that once I FIRE, I still will have a hard time having enough time to do everything but I will enjoy trying.

Cpa Cat

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #37 on: October 09, 2014, 07:08:48 AM »
I totally get what you say. But otoh there are 2 people in my family, who took early retirements, and are still alive, decades later. Some of us skeptical ones are trying to sort out what we are going to be doing decades into RE. I have a child and decade 1 will be fine. And then?
Must say though, just even talking about it and reading through these threads is turning me around a bit.

I think you've fallen into the trap that a lot of parents fall into - your world revolves around your child and you can't really picture what's going to happen when he/she grows up. But you weren't born with a kid. At one time, you filled (depending on when you had your child), at least two decades of your life. You laughed and played and learned. There were all sorts of things you looked forward to, and other things that you wished you could participate in.

While I'm sure you were happy to have your child, I'm guessing it wasn't because you were just so damned bored with life before he/she was born.

I'm of the opinion that parents in your situation should be looking around at things they can enjoy with their children that they will also enjoy without their child. I'm guessing there's some shared interest there somewhere (assuming your child isn't so young as to be only interested in eating stuff off the floor!) - art, sports, hiking/nature, gardening, animals, music, plays, cooking, video games...

Take the queues from your child and learn to have fun again. Learn what it's like to be interested in the world around you. Your child hasn't forgotten these things yet.

retired?

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #38 on: October 09, 2014, 08:50:42 AM »
I totally get what you say. But otoh there are 2 people in my family, who took early retirements, and are still alive, decades later. Some of us skeptical ones are trying to sort out what we are going to be doing decades into RE. I have a child and decade 1 will be fine. And then?
Must say though, just even talking about it and reading through these threads is turning me around a bit.

I think you've fallen into the trap that a lot of parents fall into - your world revolves around your child and you can't really picture what's going to happen when he/she grows up. But you weren't born with a kid. At one time, you filled (depending on when you had your child), at least two decades of your life. You laughed and played and learned. There were all sorts of things you looked forward to, and other things that you wished you could participate in.

While I'm sure you were happy to have your child, I'm guessing it wasn't because you were just so damned bored with life before he/she was born.

I'm of the opinion that parents in your situation should be looking around at things they can enjoy with their children that they will also enjoy without their child. I'm guessing there's some shared interest there somewhere (assuming your child isn't so young as to be only interested in eating stuff off the floor!) - art, sports, hiking/nature, gardening, animals, music, plays, cooking, video games...

Take the queues from your child and learn to have fun again. Learn what it's like to be interested in the world around you. Your child hasn't forgotten these things yet.


Thanks for the good tip.  I was able to get both my son and wife interested in tennis (good for the long haul).  Need to find more common interests....or introduce kids to more of mine.  I fit into your description.  When doing stuff with kids, it has mostly been "what do they think is fun".  As they get older, it should be easier.  For some, they are simply too young.

Cpa Cat

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Re: For those who say
« Reply #39 on: October 09, 2014, 09:18:39 AM »
Need to find more common interests....or introduce kids to more of mine. 

Definitely. After all, it's part of your job as a parent to broaden your kids' horizons. Plus, kids often have fun just being included with you.

All three of my brothers loved caddying for my Dad, even though not one of them ended up being golfers. My Dad was having fun, so they had fun - not to mention the one-on-one Dad+Boy quality time.

I enjoyed going to art galleries with my Dad. I'm not an artist or particular admirer of art, but he had interesting things to say about the artists and it was fun to spend time with him.

My Mom was a big fan of outdoor festivals of all kinds. Not one of them involved something we were previously interested in - but they often sparked interests.