Spouse and I raised our daughter while juggling our active-duty careers.
I think you're gonna be fine. You'll have interminable periods of boring parenting interspersed with short periods of intense
panic job-related stress, but in the long term everything will work out. You've probably heard this ad nauseum, but your biggest priority is making sure that you have reliable backup & contingency childcare-- both for the midwatch and for the "emergent deployment for six months starting next Tuesday" problems. That was always our biggest
fear concern, and eventually we had to deal with it.
It would be worth your time to do some hypothetical contingency planning for the unrefuseable offer: an unaccompanied hardship tour or a transfer that you just can't accept. (Despite the cliché "That's why they're called 'orders'".) Have a financial plan for the possibility that one of you may decide to leave active duty for the Reserves/Guard, even the IRR or civilian life. This will greatly reduce the stress when this problem crops up, and it always seems to crop up. When it happened to my spouse, we were able to step back from the negotiations and look at the big lifestyle/financial picture. If this happened to you tomorrow, you may decide that it's better to leave active duty and pay back the $140K. It's only money. It is still an option.
Before I dig into the details, let me pass on that I've heard financial stories from dozens of military over the years. Every time we've discussed the specific changes that they should consider making, their first response is "Yeah, but--" If that's your reflex then you need to stifle that comment and re-think your life. The overall theme here is to stop agonizing over the dollars and start discussing your lifestyle. You need to decide what parts of your life are so important to you, have so much value to you, that you're willing to slave away for that number of hours per month to continue having the privilege. Then the two of you don't have to dispute the choices-- you just have to volunteer to provide the labor.
Digging into the details:
- Desire to “earn” 9/11 GI Bill-requires that I stay in for total of 8 years. (already 3 years into my contract) so that I can pass it on to the kiddo
- hubby will pass his GI bill on to the second kiddo
Personally I think you're sacrificing your lives for the sake of college funding. How will you feel if your kids decide that they're "not ready" for college or want to major in International Relations or Art History? How will you feel if they do ROTC or, even worse, a service academy? (Hey, it happened to us.) They also have many other funding choices for their degrees. Your degrees may quench your thirst for knowledge, and they will make you highly employable as civilians. If you're not comfortable with a college plan of State U or letting the kids earn their own scholarships, then instead of sticking with the GI Bill consider the possibility of working a few years after the military (or a few more years of part time). I think it's much better than grimly clenching your jaws for another five years of active duty to pay for someone else's college.
Here's more on that perspective from a friend:
http://paycheck-chronicles.military.com/2012/01/20/dont-transfer-your-gi-bill-to-your-kids/- 2 cars for commuting since we have differing schedules, both paid off
o 85 mustang, 03 sentra
Transportation
Insurance 180.00
Repairs 400.00
If you haven't already done so then I recommend you drop the collision/comprehensive. I'd be tempted to drop the towing & roadside assistance, too. Carry the minimum state requirements plus liability. While your kids are living with you, you'd probably want to carry UM/UIM in case a driver injures one of your kids to the point that they require lifetime care. If necessary, add umbrella liability to cover your gross worth (not net but gross). You'll need this protection for today's litigious society in case something awful happens with your dogs or horses.
Drive the cars into the ground. If you're paying nearly $4800/year to keep those vehicles running then you need at least one new vehicle. But I understand if that's a vehicle replacement fund.
Speaking of insurance-- if either you or your spouse pass away, does the survivor have enough to pay the childcare expenses to raise the kids? Would the survivor want to stay on active duty or take a humanitarian discharge? SGLI is not always enough, and 10-20 years of term life insurance is cheap at your age. Over the years I've lost far too many of my shipmates and then had to help their families try to confront this problem.
-Pets (a HUGE expense and sticking point with the hubby)
-2 dogs, both rescued. I run on a regular basis with them at dawn/dusk. I want to keep them since it is better than running alone. Hubby and I do not want to rehome them.
-2 horses, hubby and I met riding horses, and both enjoy it. We’ve thought about getting rid of one, both neither of us can agree on which one.
Health
Veterinarians/pet medicines 130.00
I think you have two choices: keep all four animals or give away/sell all four animals. I can't offer any more help on that aspect. However now you have to figure out how to align your spending with your values-- including umbrella liability insurance and pet insurance (both liability & health) with appropriate deductibles. The question becomes whether they're worth the number of hours that you're going to have to work each month to enjoy their company.
How big is your place? Could you board more horses for income?
I spent three years as treasurer of our local dressage society, which had over 100 members. Nearly all of them were women. I cannot recall a single one of them who was retired-- all of them were working to pay for horses & tack. I guess they felt it was worth it.
Cellular telephone 140.00
If you think you can afford to keep your cell phones then you're in the wrong
bar forum. If you really need them for work (doubtful) then let the command(s) pay for them. If you need them to coordinate your lives (doubtful) then buy a $20 pay-as-you-go at Wal-Mart and buy minutes once in a while. ($15 every three months, or emergency use only.) You can do it through advance planning. Spouse and I juggled careers & parenting for over 20 years without cell phones. You can too. If you're still skeptical then take the 30-day cell-free challenge and see how you feel. Mike from LiveTheNewEconomy.com also posts here and may have more cell phone advice for you.
Personal
Gifts 100.00
Again, you're going to have to align your gift-giving with your values. Many families have managed to jump off the gift-giving merry-go-round. Your kid(s) have several more years at the age where they'll be happier with cardboard boxes cut out as houses or other imaginary toys. We did Goodwill & garage sales for eight years until my brother-in-law corrupted his only niece with a visit to Toys 'R' Us.
Other resources: if you're not already reading these then you might want to take a look at the Facebook group "Association of Dual Military Couples" (
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Association-of-Dual-Military-Couples-ADMC/117567518323623?fref=pb) and "MANning the Homefront" (
https://www.facebook.com/MANningtheHomefront?fref=pb). Chris Pape's "Macho Spouse" is also worth a look (
http://malemilspouse.com/male-military-spouse/page/how-will-sequestration-affect-your-military-family/175/). Yeah, the last two are more oriented toward your spouse than to you, but if you can overlook the testosterone poisoning then the advice is applicable to both genders. Besides, guys could generally pick up more of the slack on parenting and home care. I strongly recommend signing up for Kate's "Paycheck Chronicles" RSS feed as well. She has good advice about raising kids on a military paycheck with a deployed spouse. I also have another hundred or so links on the sidebar of my blog.
Again, none of this is easy but it's achievable. Consider the example of this E-5 family and their insurance disaster:
http://the-military-guide.com/2012/08/15/guest-post-wednesday-financial-independence-on-an-e-5-paycheck/Search the blog or scroll through the archives here:
http://the-military-guide.com/post-titles-by-month/