Oops - realized that although I rambled on about my marriage above, I may not have answered all your specific questions; let's give it another, more organized, go.
(1) What was the haircut to your NW? How are you doing on the road to recovery? What specific challenges and successes can you share? Since assets were split 50:50, my main "haircut" was being downgraded from 50% of the pension to about 30%. Also the loss of lifestyle that comes from going from a two-income family to one income, although I mostly compensated for that by taking my equity from our expensive although modest house in a rich neighborhood, and buying a larger nicer house in a much more blue-collar neighborhood 45 mins away. I don't miss the pretentious, gossipy "friends" we had in the old neighborhood. Also, since I no longer have to deal with my ex's occasional financial splurges, I am doing ok on my income, as I can control expenses.
(2) For those who have indefinite spousal support, have you ever consider going back to court to challenge? I am the receiver of alimony, ours is not indefinite, should have been 12 years (half the length of the marriage) but he bargained it down to 10 (I got something in return, and figured, since he would be retiring at about 10 years, he could always get it reduced at that time based on his reduced income). It's my understanding that if your income goes down, you can get it modified? Bear in mind, when you think of your alimony, that what you pay is deductible to you. I'm sure my ex is peeved when he thinks about what he pays me, but in reality, he gets a 50% reduction because of his tax rate, and what it actually costs him is less than the cost of rent and groceries for one kid in college - I think after 24 faithful devoted years on my part, and his infidelities, he owes me at least that.
(3) Thoughts on second marriage? As mentioned above, boyfriend really wants to marry. Besides a prenup, though, I have other financial considerations. I have to first assess whether I would receive more social security by filing for ex-spouse benefits based on my ex's high income, or whether my own earnings by that time will be sufficient to earn me a higher SS payment? Also, my boyfriend has very little SS work history, so would we come out ahead by being married and him collecting spousal support off of me, or by staying unmarried and me collecting spousal support off of my ex? Also, if I died, I would want to provide for BF, but not at the expense of my kids. My ex is remarried to a much younger woman and I have no idea what his will is like, whether he would leave anything to the kids or not. I would probably put my house in a trust, BF could live there but ultimately it would belong to my kids. (BF has no kids so that simplifies things somewhat). BF does not bring much savings to the table (long story) but is 8 years younger and is likely to work and make a reasonable income for the next 15 years or more; my goal is to make sure he saves enough of that to provide for his expenses in retirement, short of housing costs.
(4) Owning vs renting. I bought a home large enough to accommodate my aging mother and any children who might come home to roost - currently have 2 of my three kids living with me as well as my mom, so this was a good move. If I had put all the money into investments instead of the house, a 4-5% withdrawal rate would NOT cover the rent on a similar property, so I am happy with owning right now. I may downsize in later years when these needs are no longer present, or may rent out some bedrooms for extra income. My house has a small yard and even that seems like a lot of work - luckily the younger, big strong boyfriend likes to work on it for me :) If I didn't have all these people in my family, I could see being happy with a rental, but would worry about inflation eventually pricing me out of it.