Author Topic: Finding a lost identity, or reestablishing a new one  (Read 15405 times)

mistymoney

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Re: Finding a lost identity, or reestablishing a new one
« Reply #150 on: December 14, 2020, 08:42:39 AM »
Yeah I still don't know what the deal is.  My bullshit detector is still going off, but I don't know what I can do about it when the other people involved don't want to help the situation. 

Like I said in the original post, he seems genuine, like he genuinely wants to be with my sister and involved with my family, and there is seemingly nothing for him to gain.  He's hanging around and helping a lot around the house, and will be taking lead on building the wheelchair ramp my mother is going to need.  My father is supplying the $ for lumber, but mystery man is supplying all the other hardware and cement from his own pocket to complete the project.

it could be that the aunt was a kidnapper, as mentioned before. And he can't do anything because has no real names, etc.

what happened with the dna?

Villanelle

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Re: Finding a lost identity, or reestablishing a new one
« Reply #151 on: December 14, 2020, 10:27:13 AM »
I'm not offended by iris lily's bluntness. 

No progress.

My sister is also suspicious, but she has 2 infants at home and is somewhat preoccupied.

My mom had a stroke and is not doing very great, even though she's back home now.  Still mostly paralyzed in her right side.  My dad is old and losing his mind, and none of us think he can do an adequate job caring for my mom.  My other sister (the one engage to the mystery man, also the one with a teenage daughter) is living with mom and dad and taking care of mom.  She seems disinterested in pursuing the truth.  The mystery man has been around and is helping.  He helped install a lot of necessary handles and handrails throughout the house and modifications in the shower and bathroom to accommodate my mom.  He also works as an independent contractor and has submitted plans for a wheelchair ramp to the city already, and is going to do the building of the ramp once the plans are approved.

As for a more detailed update: The family member involved with this guy doesn't seem interested in my help, or me questioning anything, so I am just keeping the peace and not pushing the issue.  I am still suspicious, but not actively doing anything about it.  I only saw this guy a couple of times and only for a few minutes since this thread was last active, and the timing didn't seem right to launch into an interrogation.  I also saw him for a weekend in September when he and I constructed the wheelchair ramp for my mother, but we were working our asses off and it also didn't seem like the right time.   We cut down our visits to family greatly after that, and haven't visited them at all since October, so all our communication is over the phone or zoom.

Even though I am exceptionally skeptical about this guy, I agree with your course of action.  (Not that you asked! lol)  Pushing what it's been made fairly clear your assitance/interference isn't welcome isn't going to make anything better and will only alienate your family member and her SO.  Sometimes, we have to let people make what we feel are mistakes.  I hope we are all wrong about him, or that if there is something fishy, it's benign and doesn't harm your family member.  All you can do is just be there for her both now, and after if goes south, if it does. 

frugalnacho

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Re: Finding a lost identity, or reestablishing a new one
« Reply #152 on: December 14, 2020, 11:45:32 AM »
At this point I haven't heard or seen any fishy stuff, outside of the stuff I've posted about.  Not having an ID etc is fishy, but I mean specifically towards my family.  No one has been conned, or hurt as far as I can tell.  He seems to be making my sister happy.  He's helped a bunch around the house, installing flooring, installing handicapable accessories, and building a large wheelchair ramp for my mother.  Like I said when I started the thread, the whole missing identity is weird and suspicious, but otherwise he acts like a genuinely decent person.   

Poundwise

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Re: Finding a lost identity, or reestablishing a new one
« Reply #153 on: December 14, 2020, 12:09:44 PM »
Only read the opening post, but he could try contacting an organization like Voteriders.org.  They specialize  in helping difficult cases get ID, and they've probably seen it all as you can see by reading some of the stories.  https://www.voteriders.org/?s=voter+id+story

ysette9

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Re: Finding a lost identity, or reestablishing a new one
« Reply #154 on: December 14, 2020, 02:05:26 PM »
I'm not offended by iris lily's bluntness. 

No progress.

My sister is also suspicious, but she has 2 infants at home and is somewhat preoccupied.

My mom had a stroke and is not doing very great, even though she's back home now.  Still mostly paralyzed in her right side.  My dad is old and losing his mind, and none of us think he can do an adequate job caring for my mom.  My other sister (the one engage to the mystery man, also the one with a teenage daughter) is living with mom and dad and taking care of mom.  She seems disinterested in pursuing the truth.  The mystery man has been around and is helping.  He helped install a lot of necessary handles and handrails throughout the house and modifications in the shower and bathroom to accommodate my mom.  He also works as an independent contractor and has submitted plans for a wheelchair ramp to the city already, and is going to do the building of the ramp once the plans are approved.

As for a more detailed update: The family member involved with this guy doesn't seem interested in my help, or me questioning anything, so I am just keeping the peace and not pushing the issue.  I am still suspicious, but not actively doing anything about it.  I only saw this guy a couple of times and only for a few minutes since this thread was last active, and the timing didn't seem right to launch into an interrogation.  I also saw him for a weekend in September when he and I constructed the wheelchair ramp for my mother, but we were working our asses off and it also didn't seem like the right time.   We cut down our visits to family greatly after that, and haven't visited them at all since October, so all our communication is over the phone or zoom.

Even though I am exceptionally skeptical about this guy, I agree with your course of action.  (Not that you asked! lol)  Pushing what it's been made fairly clear your assitance/interference isn't welcome isn't going to make anything better and will only alienate your family member and her SO.  Sometimes, we have to let people make what we feel are mistakes.  I hope we are all wrong about him, or that if there is something fishy, it's benign and doesn't harm your family member.  All you can do is just be there for her both now, and after if goes south, if it does.
I was born without a nursing bone in my body so you couldn’t pay me all the money in the world to help care for my aging and declining outlaws. If he is genuinely and unselfishly helping in a difficult situation then I can see why the sister wants to let sleeping dogs lie. Keep an eye on things to make sure it doesn’t appear he is taking advantage of anyone, and then thank your lucky stars that someone seemingly nice seems to want to stick around the family.

FIREeh?

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Re: Finding a lost identity, or reestablishing a new one
« Reply #155 on: December 14, 2020, 02:22:19 PM »
What about at the next pizza night mentioning someone gifted you 23andMe for the holidays, and how excited you are to take it? Ask if any of them have done it. Next week or so, update on the progress. Another week, share the results. Gather the family around time look at second cousins etc. It’s an admittedly passive aggressive but hopefully effective way to make a point.

ysette9

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Re: Finding a lost identity, or reestablishing a new one
« Reply #156 on: December 14, 2020, 04:21:20 PM »
What about at the next pizza night mentioning someone gifted you 23andMe for the holidays, and how excited you are to take it? Ask if any of them have done it. Next week or so, update on the progress. Another week, share the results. Gather the family around time look at second cousins etc. It’s an admittedly passive aggressive but hopefully effective way to make a point.
Given the OP has already asked about this and expressed his/her opinion and the family has already declined to pursue, my concern is that this would come off wrong.

ChpBstrd

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Re: Finding a lost identity, or reestablishing a new one
« Reply #157 on: December 14, 2020, 04:32:16 PM »
I have a nightmare/ fantasy about being sent to prison and escaping Shawshank-style or in the laundry or under a vehicle, etc.

The part that always befuddles me is what to do next. Sure, the first 4-6 months are about scavenging food, keeping out of sight, and adding distance between yourself and the prison. But what do you do in the long term, after they’ve stopped actively looking for you?

Without a new identity, you’re living as a panhandler, squatter, dumpster-diver, and/or scrap can collector until a routine health issue or particularly cold winter leaves you dead on the street. Prison is arguably a better life because it offers a warm bed, food, and a toilet. There is no returning to family and friends, no way to rent or buy a home, no way to get a job, etc.

One’s only option would be to ingratiate oneself with generous people and buy time to figure out the next step. That next step probably involves taking on someone else’s identity - a similar-looking dead person perhaps, if you could prevent issuance of a death certificate and access their passwords.

yachi

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Re: Finding a lost identity, or reestablishing a new one
« Reply #158 on: December 15, 2020, 06:30:32 AM »
I have a nightmare/ fantasy about being sent to prison and escaping Shawshank-style or in the laundry or under a vehicle, etc.

The part that always befuddles me is what to do next. Sure, the first 4-6 months are about scavenging food, keeping out of sight, and adding distance between yourself and the prison. But what do you do in the long term, after they’ve stopped actively looking for you?

Without a new identity, you’re living as a panhandler, squatter, dumpster-diver, and/or scrap can collector until a routine health issue or particularly cold winter leaves you dead on the street. Prison is arguably a better life because it offers a warm bed, food, and a toilet. There is no returning to family and friends, no way to rent or buy a home, no way to get a job, etc.

One’s only option would be to ingratiate oneself with generous people and buy time to figure out the next step. That next step probably involves taking on someone else’s identity - a similar-looking dead person perhaps, if you could prevent issuance of a death certificate and access their passwords.

You can still work, it just has to be for cash so your opportunities are severely reduced and you'll have much lower job security.  Figure any types of jobs an undocumented immigrant might have.  There are stories of people who have done it successfully.  This is one I recall relatively recently:
https://people.com/crime/bobby-love-humans-of-new-york-escaped-convict-turns-life-around/


formerlydivorcedmom

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Re: Finding a lost identity, or reestablishing a new one
« Reply #159 on: December 16, 2020, 01:01:23 PM »
A decade ago a family member was catfished by someone.  I provided documented proof that the things the catfisher told her were not true.  She stopped speaking to me for 6 months...and eventually ditched the catfisher.  You're seeing the same inclination with your sister.  She either already knows his story, or she doesn't want to know.

If you get curious, the Social Security Death Index is online and searchable. https://www.deathindexes.com/ssdi.html It lists any deaths reported to the Social Security Administration - so if anyone was getting death benefits, the parents' names would be listed.