Has anyone else here dealt with harsh criticism from family for trying to do the right thing?
My in-laws are great people but their philosophy is to not save, since you're not guaranteed tomorrow. Enjoy your money now. Of course, we'd all like to buy whatever we want all the time, but as a young family of 5 living on one modest income, it should be apparent to them that we cannot live that lifestyle. We are very close to my in-laws, both geographically and emotionally, and their influence on my husband it great. For example, both his parents and his brother just went out and bought new-ish SUVs with money borrowed from a family friend. This makes me see black, greasy dollar signs, but it makes my husband look at our paid-for, decade-old sedan and think "junky".
As the money manager for our household, I feel like I've done a pretty damn good job of righting our ship (we lived close to them when we first got married and knew nothing about money and believed them when they said that we needed to lease a new car, buy a home with no savings and $0, and have babies young even if that meant doing it on the state's dime). However, this past weekend, I felt like I was attacked when they all called me cheap because we're contributing 200/month to my husband's 401k. Now, according to everything I've read and researched about money management, this is minimal. We're working on paying off debt (we're about 35k in debt between student loans, paying off the aforementioned car, and some credit card debt), and all calculators say we're about 10 years behind in retirement savings, but when someone you love and respect accuses you of squirreling away money at the expense of your children (apparently I don't spend enough on them and am a cold, uncaring wife for not letting my husband spend recklessly), it is hard to hear.
Thankfully, my husband is on the same page with me, but I feel trapped now. I worry that everything I do is being thought of as cheap, instead of frugal. I used to be proud of all the ways I've figured out how to save money over the past 5 years (when we lived out of state and by my family, who is very frugal and have no mortgage and some retirement savings to show for it, even when they made less than half of what my inlaws do). I know this shouldn't bother me, and if it weren't family, it wouldn't. We're spending Christmas with them, and I know every dollar that I do or do not spend will be scrutinized. Does anyone have any tips on how to deal with this family pressure? I've never been ganged up on before for trying to do what is right!