Author Topic: Feeling nervous about kids  (Read 7367 times)

mulescent

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Feeling nervous about kids
« on: November 06, 2015, 06:06:47 PM »
Hi,

I'm writing to express my anxiety about having kids and money, and hopefully hear some constructive discussion/advice/etc.  I'm 36 and have finally hit my Mustachian stride.  I save about 70% of my income, and have a rapidly growing stache.  My partner is not quite as frugal, saving ~50%.  In any case, we're doing great and FI will come in 5-7 years.

We're contemplating having kids and I've realized it will put off the FI dream by at least a decade. In my HCOL city, daycare costs ~2k/mo.  So, after saving for college I figure 2.5k/mo/kid is what will be needed.  Those seem like irreducible expenses.  On the optional side, we could make our current house work (2B/1Ba, 900 sqft) with one young kid. With two or with an older kid it seems like it would be tough.

If we could just wait 3 or 4 years, the journey to FI would be mostly complete and a kid wouldn't change things too much.  Now, though, it would make FI a distant dream.  For biology reasons and because of my partner whose clock is ticking, waiting that many years isn't an option.  I'm bummed because I can't figure out a way out, and I'm starting to realize it's just a choice between a kid and delaying FI.

Any thoughts?


Jack

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Re: Feeling nervous about kids
« Reply #1 on: November 06, 2015, 06:30:35 PM »
I'm in a somewhat-LCOL city and would able to save more than 50% of my household income even if my wife were a stay-at-home-mom (which is probably what we'll end up doing when we have kids, unless she can do freelance work from home).

I'd be interested in people's opinions about how much other, non-daycare kid expenses cost.

TheDudeReturns

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Re: Feeling nervous about kids
« Reply #2 on: November 06, 2015, 06:31:55 PM »
Ummmm, one of you just needs to stay home with the kid(s). I really don't understand people who pay childcare costs unless they are both making super money and it's better for both to keep working and outsource the child rearing to child farms staffed by poorly-educated peons. (Wait, why even have kids if you are going to do this?) To pay $2k a month is $24k a year, so easily that is $30k pre-tax or more down the drain.

And my god, what is with people saving for college. College is a complete scam. $500 a month x 12 x 18 = $100k+. If your kid can't go to school for free or essentially free, it's not worth going. And for the love of god, if you are going to save, don't use one of those crummy college savings vehicles that generate almost no returns.

mozar

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Re: Feeling nervous about kids
« Reply #3 on: November 06, 2015, 06:34:35 PM »
I'm assuming the 36 year old is the one who wants to carry? Can they freeze their eggs?
It's not necessary to save for your kids college. But some people want to. That's up you to you.

How many years will your kid be in day care? Do you have parental leave/ short term disability? Have you researched in your area to see if there are any daycare's that are cheaper? I live in an HCOL area too but there is a daycare nearby that is 14k. And if I could finagle it somehow, there is a co-op after 2 years old that is 9k but you have to volunteer once a week.
You could wait till 40 to try to conceive (if its you we're talking about) but fertility treatments will probably end up costing the same as day care. In my worst case scenarios a child delays FIRE 2-3 years at most, so I don't know what math makes FI with a child a distant dream.

Dee18

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Re: Feeling nervous about kids
« Reply #4 on: November 06, 2015, 06:35:08 PM »
The main way to keep costs low with kids is to avoid things like thinking you need more than 900 square feet.  Here is a fun blog showing life with 3 growing boys in <700 sq feet: http://www.assortmentblog.com
Your house will be big enough...just don't succumb to thinking you need all sorts of classes for young children, fancy strollers, birthday parties before they are 5, etc.  You don't mention enough about finances for any specific advice.  Do kids cost money?  Yes, but as you noted the main cost in the  early years is daycare if both parents are working.
« Last Edit: November 07, 2015, 09:11:47 AM by Dee18 »

okits

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Re: Feeling nervous about kids
« Reply #5 on: November 06, 2015, 09:47:35 PM »
It sounds like you are considering children, not that you really, really want them (and it sounds like the uncertainty is yours, your partner's clock is ticking.)  Since you can afford offspring, you're really wondering if they're worth the cost involved.  Do not have children until you can answer, wholeheartedly, "yes, 100% worth it and then some."  Children can be very demanding in every way, so I advise against having them unless you can commit entirely to the sacrifices needed, without regret or resentment.

Ummmm, one of you just needs to stay home with the kid(s). I really don't understand people who pay childcare costs unless they are both making super money and it's better for both to keep working and outsource the child rearing to child farms staffed by poorly-educated peons. (Wait, why even have kids if you are going to do this?) To pay $2k a month is $24k a year, so easily that is $30k pre-tax or more down the drain.

My daughter attends a centre where all the staff have either a college diploma or university degree in early childhood education, and are registered with a regulatory body.  Not all daycare is the bleak scenario described above, and while you may outsource some child care, it is certainly not outsourcing of the actual parenting or rearing of your children.

Fruglette

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Re: Feeling nervous about kids
« Reply #6 on: November 07, 2015, 07:30:00 AM »
I'm glad that you're being thoughtful about kids - whether you want them and what impact they will have on your life goals and finances.  Certainly you can raise kids in more or less space, and with more or less "accountrements," but it is unavoidable that they will have a huge impact on your life and your lifestyle.

What I can't tell from your post is whether - separate from the financial impact - raising kids is appealing to you?  For some people, it's a central storyline for meaning in life, and they can think of nothing better in terms of how to spend their retirement than with their adult kids and grandchildren.  For others, it feels like a burden and a distraction from what's most important to them - whether that's career, FI, hobbies, travel, doing their part to improve society, etc.  It does sound like your partner is more in the first camp, and you may be in the second.

That's really tough, and the decision is complicated by the fact that I do think it's hard to fully understand and weigh the emotional side of having children until you have them - both for worse (stress, self-doubt, anger, boredom) and for better (joy, pride, amusement, friendship).  I have always thought of myself as a pretty even-keeled midwesterner.  Becoming a mom broadened the bandwidth of my emotional reactions by about 3x in each direction - I can instantly become more furious that I'd ever known, and burst into tears of joy faster than I'd ever done.  And simply by seeing one of my kids be either unexpectedly mean or unprompted-ly kind to their sibling.

Plus, everyone has different years that they find most challenging or most fun with their kids.  The infant/early toddler years are super high-maintenance and low sleep.  I found the 12-20 month window the toughest with each of my kids - all they want to do is move, and they have no sense of danger or interest in sitting still to give you a break. Now that my three are 16, 13 and 9 I feel like we've been living quite a while in "golden years" where they are funny, fascinating, increasingly capable, wonderful travel companions, and teach me something new almost every day.

My husband has 3 brothers.  All four of them knew they wanted kids.  One of the wives has not been able to get pregnant, and is now 44, so they are really mourning that loss (and still thinking about adoption).  The other two wives were quite unsure they wanted kids at all.  One because she didn't feel she'd be a great mother, and she knew her husband would not be willing to make the sacrifices in their careers that were needed to raise kids (they both had very high powered 24/7 travel-all-week jobs) even though HE'S the one who wanted kids.  The other because she loves her career and she didn't want to scale back herself.  In both cases, the discussion/conflict about whether to have kids went on for more than 5 years.  And in both cases they decided to have them.

In the first case, the wife was initially right - dad still was away all week in London, etc.  But nonetheless she said he was right and it was the best decision she made.  She died of breast cancer when the girls were 3 and 7, and dad quit and has been home full time with them since (they are doing well, and live down the road from us).  In the second case, the wife absolutely adores and dotes on her firstborn (she is pregnant with #2 now), but I think she finds motherhood more stressful than she expected it to be, at least at this stage.  So it's a bit more mixed for her.

All this is to say that there isn't a right answer, but talking about what is appealing or scary or worrying for each of you will help.  And thinking about what meaning FI, kids, life, retirement has for each of you.  What's the ideal for how you'll spend your FI time when it does arrive?  How does parenting - or not - fit into that picture for each of you?

Good luck! 


Yankuba

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Re: Feeling nervous about kids
« Reply #7 on: November 07, 2015, 09:01:56 AM »
It's important that whatever you decide you must both be on the same page.

Kids are great but they are expensive and risky (e.g. special needs). And they temporarily take over your entire life - especially if you live far from family/help.

use2betrix

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Re: Feeling nervous about kids
« Reply #8 on: November 07, 2015, 10:55:21 AM »
if you've saved as much as you have and have a savings rate as high as you do, and you're unsure about kids due to the cost, I wouldn't have them. You can obviously easily afford them, and if something as petty as money and a few more years of work is making you unsure, that's not a good sign. Most soon-to-be parents would love to be in your position.

cerberusss

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Re: Feeling nervous about kids
« Reply #9 on: November 07, 2015, 11:04:44 AM »
For me, money related dilemmas became a distant second after my daughter was born. Lack of sleep, energy and a relationship under heavy stress cause that.

Really, you have nothing to worry about money-wise.

I know the above might read as sarcastic, but it's meant rather as realistic.

FrugalFan

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Re: Feeling nervous about kids
« Reply #10 on: November 07, 2015, 11:37:25 AM »
Obviously this is something you and your partner need to decide for yourselves, but I think you are way overestimating the cost and the influence on the timing to FI. Daycare costs exclude parental leaves and when the kids start school. I can't see this increasing your time to FI by a decade. And read what MMM has to say about college savings. Unless you are making a fortune, I don't think you should expect to fully fund a college education (they may not want to go, they may get scholarships, they could possibly go to another country where it is more affordable, they may get part time jobs to help pay, etc).

mulescent

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Re: Feeling nervous about kids
« Reply #11 on: November 07, 2015, 03:42:00 PM »
Thanks for all the replies.  I can see I'm painting myself into a bit of a box with the house thing.  We can always move later if we really have to.  As many of you pointed out, we can probably get by just fine in the place we have now.  So, thanks for the reinforcement!

I can also see that I'm probably worst-casing the associated expenses.  Daycare costs will be high initially but will fall with time.  Paying for college is something I'm pretty set on doing.  If we save the money and the kid doesn't need it, well, that's just more money saved.  However, I want to budget for this explicitly rather than counting those savings as part of my own stache.

Kids are such a funny thing.  I'm definitely "on the fence," and I get varying advice on this.  Some say "don't do it unless you're sure," while other say "you can never be sure, so if you think you want to do it, do."  Adding further confusion, many friends have had them by this point and their attitudes ranged from "I was totally sure" to some version of "oops/my partner is sure but I'm not/etc."  Strangely, their ability to handle kids and the amount of joy/satisfaction they derive from the experience doesn't seem particularly well correlated with their attitudes beforehand.

Fruglette, I think you really captured what I'm feeling.  I know that I can't really predict how I'll respond to having a kid.  I mean, I like spending time with others' kids, enjoy taking care of people/things/etc and am generally a warm person.  I'm also questioning what the loss of autonomy and pressure on my career/relationship will be like.  In the end, I guess I just have to make a choice and see how it turns out!

mulescent

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Re: Feeling nervous about kids
« Reply #12 on: November 07, 2015, 03:49:36 PM »
Ummmm, one of you just needs to stay home with the kid(s). I really don't understand people who pay childcare costs unless they are both making super money and it's better for both to keep working and outsource the child rearing to child farms staffed by poorly-educated peons. (Wait, why even have kids if you are going to do this?) To pay $2k a month is $24k a year, so easily that is $30k pre-tax or more down the drain.

Maybe it's because I'm not a parent, but I really don't get this perspective.  The economic argument doesn't hold water for us (we each make substantially more than the cost of daycare in our city).  Why can't parenting be a good and life-enhancing choice even if daycare is part of the plan?

Quote
And my god, what is with people saving for college. College is a complete scam. $500 a month x 12 x 18 = $100k+. If your kid can't go to school for free or essentially free, it's not worth going. And for the love of god, if you are going to save, don't use one of those crummy college savings vehicles that generate almost no returns.

Here, I'll go further and say that I strongly disagree with you.  Even if education were just about the money, college pays for itself many times over in the average person's life.  However, I feel that education is a worthy end in itself, in addition to bettering one's future prospects.  I do agree that, like pretty much every other sector of the financial services industry, some of the products available for college savings are designed to enrich the people selling the service at the expense of the saver.  I will definitely avoid those!

TomTX

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Re: Feeling nervous about kids
« Reply #13 on: November 08, 2015, 05:27:28 PM »
Daycare costs drop dramatically when the kid is in kindergarden ;)

elaine amj

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Re: Feeling nervous about kids
« Reply #14 on: November 09, 2015, 11:24:58 AM »
I'm curious - why is the cost of daycare centres so absolute? I personally couldn't pay the price of a daycare centre - it's crazy. Also, I just don't like the institutional feel of it. I know they're great - but still, there are realities when caring for a larger number of children. When I went back to work, I found home daycares a much homier, friendlier (and wayyyy cheaper) option. Because I stayed home most of the time, I only had to do that for limited periods. We eventually transitioned to a part-time babysitter who was very affordable because she wasn't licensed/qualified/whatever. She was just a warm, loving older woman who was all I needed to watch my kids for a few hours. As they got older, this transitioned into a teen babysitter who lived around the corner.

La Bibliotecaria Feroz

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Re: Feeling nervous about kids
« Reply #15 on: November 09, 2015, 12:55:44 PM »
Maybe it's because I'm not a parent, but I really don't get this perspective.  The economic argument doesn't hold water for us (we each make substantially more than the cost of daycare in our city).  Why can't parenting be a good and life-enhancing choice even if daycare is part of the plan?

It can be! There are like 9321 different ways to arrange your life and work with kids. If someone wants to stay home, great. Go for it. Personally, I enjoy working part-time and homemaking the rest of the time; my best friend from high school went back to work full-time 6 weeks after her kid was born and never looked back. She's her, I'm me :-).

Good luck with the decision--it's a tough one.

catccc

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Re: Feeling nervous about kids
« Reply #16 on: November 09, 2015, 01:25:55 PM »
I know a family of 4 with two teen boys that lives in 600 sqft.  We did fine with a baby in 399 sqft.  Living in smaller quarters can be done.

College savings-some of us see this as a requirement, and for others it is quite optional.  It's okay if you decide it is optional for you.  My parents saved nothing for me for college, but I still graduated debt free in 2003.  (Combination of working, sometimes up to 3 jobs at a time, and negotiating scholarships.)

If a SAHM is even a remote option for you, consider any other cost savings you'd have if one of you didn't work.  For us, the incremental tax burden takes a bite out of DH's potential earnings, as does the cost of childcare.  Whether he works full time and we pay for care, or he works part time and is home with kids during the day, turns out to be a wash, and that's with the full time work paying nearly double what the part time work pays.

dcozad999

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Re: Feeling nervous about kids
« Reply #17 on: November 09, 2015, 02:13:45 PM »
I kick in $50 per paycheck for my kid's 529 plan. I also kick in $100-$200 plus whatever grandma gives on birthdays and Christmas. Been doing it for less than 3 years and already $5k in there (he's 4 now). Probably won't fully fund his education but it should be a decent chunk to start him out if he needs it.

Kid #2 gets here in June so I will immediately start his/hers with the same amount.

AgentCooper

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Re: Feeling nervous about kids
« Reply #18 on: November 09, 2015, 03:13:56 PM »
I'm not a "kid person," sort of like I'm not a "dog person."  I just always thought Id have no kids.  Now I have 4!  My wife always wanted kids, came from a big family.

For me, it came down to picturing growing old together, being the age of great-grandfathers and great-grandmothers, yet having no children or grandchildren to come to visit us, ever.  An empty, silent home.  No one coming home for Christmas.  No grandkids.  No Sunday dinners at our house. 

What really jolted me was picturing my wife in her final years of life, an old gray-haired woman in a rocking chair, and anticipating her looking back on her life with regret the regret that she never had even one kid, and therefore that she never fulfilled the purpose for which she was created.  (I'm sure some will argue that point, that we are created to have kids - but bear with me). Kids grant us some odd form of immortality, in that what I am teaching my sons and daughters will carry on through the future generations in ways I can't imagine.  Our kids are now our purpose in life, and in raising them right we are fulfilling that purpose.  We're already looking forward to grandkids.  Im glad we had our kids, even though they are a challenge for me every single day.  I cant imagine life without them.

For the financial issue - if you have a place to live and a good paycheck and career path, I think that's all that is required.  Sure, it might delay FI a bit.  But finding ways to save money as a family, and raising your own mini-mustache, will be part of the fun.
« Last Edit: November 09, 2015, 03:16:06 PM by AgentCooper »

mskyle

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Re: Feeling nervous about kids
« Reply #19 on: November 09, 2015, 03:30:39 PM »
I'm curious - why is the cost of daycare centres so absolute? I personally couldn't pay the price of a daycare centre - it's crazy. Also, I just don't like the institutional feel of it. I know they're great - but still, there are realities when caring for a larger number of children. When I went back to work, I found home daycares a much homier, friendlier (and wayyyy cheaper) option. Because I stayed home most of the time, I only had to do that for limited periods. We eventually transitioned to a part-time babysitter who was very affordable because she wasn't licensed/qualified/whatever. She was just a warm, loving older woman who was all I needed to watch my kids for a few hours. As they got older, this transitioned into a teen babysitter who lived around the corner.

I don't have kids, but going by the experiences of friends and family with kids in a variety of childcare arrangements, from SAHP to home daycare to nanny to daycare center, the big advantage of the daycare center is flexibility. If you have your kid in a home daycare (or have a nanny), and the provider goes on vacation or gets sick (or her kids get sick or her mom gets sick or her father-in-law dies or whatever - any of those things that happen to make you have to take time off work), you have to find alternate care. It can work out OK if you yourself have a flexible job or if you have family/friends in the area who can step up on occasion, but it's really difficult if you and most of your friends/family work full-time.

Anyway, to the OP: I'm 37 and have basically decided against having kids for almost-entirely non-financial reasons. I will retire early-ish, and I hope I'll get to spend lots of time with nieces and nephews and grand-nieces and grand-nephews and little cousins and honorary grandchildren. But I don't really want to have my own kids anymore.

Meggslynn

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Re: Feeling nervous about kids
« Reply #20 on: November 09, 2015, 09:56:46 PM »
It sounds like you are considering children, not that you really, really want them (and it sounds like the uncertainty is yours, your partner's clock is ticking.)  Since you can afford offspring, you're really wondering if they're worth the cost involved.  Do not have children until you can answer, wholeheartedly, "yes, 100% worth it and then some."  Children can be very demanding in every way, so I advise against having them unless you can commit entirely to the sacrifices needed, without regret or resentment.

Ummmm, one of you just needs to stay home with the kid(s). I really don't understand people who pay childcare costs unless they are both making super money and it's better for both to keep working and outsource the child rearing to child farms staffed by poorly-educated peons. (Wait, why even have kids if you are going to do this?) To pay $2k a month is $24k a year, so easily that is $30k pre-tax or more down the drain.

My daughter attends a centre where all the staff have either a college diploma or university degree in early childhood education, and are registered with a regulatory body.  Not all daycare is the bleak scenario described above, and while you may outsource some child care, it is certainly not outsourcing of the actual parenting or rearing of your children.

AMEN.

gooki

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Re: Feeling nervous about kids
« Reply #21 on: November 10, 2015, 12:50:38 AM »
There is no perfect time to have kids.

When you do go for it, jump in and hang on for the ride. It'll be tough, you'll second guess many of your decisions, you'll cry, and you'll laugh, you'll have nights of little to no sleep. But know this, it will be the best thing you will ever do in your life.

PS, I was much like you, no burning desire to have kids, 5 years out from FI. My eldest child is now five, I'm still five years away from FI, and I have no regrets. Outside of childcare I budget $50 per child per week. And the biggest expenses for us have been the loss of one income, followed by upgrading house. All other expenses have been insignificant.
« Last Edit: November 10, 2015, 12:59:23 AM by gooki »

Cressida

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Re: Feeling nervous about kids
« Reply #22 on: November 10, 2015, 01:27:40 AM »
For me, it came down to picturing growing old together, being the age of great-grandfathers and great-grandmothers, yet having no children or grandchildren to come to visit us, ever.  An empty, silent home.  No one coming home for Christmas.  No grandkids.  No Sunday dinners at our house. 

Even if you have children and grandchildren, they might not visit you, for numerous reasons. Having kids out of a desire to be entertained in your old age is wrongheaded. They might not like you, you might not like them.

wenchsenior

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Re: Feeling nervous about kids
« Reply #23 on: November 10, 2015, 08:25:22 AM »
For me, it came down to picturing growing old together, being the age of great-grandfathers and great-grandmothers, yet having no children or grandchildren to come to visit us, ever.  An empty, silent home.  No one coming home for Christmas.  No grandkids.  No Sunday dinners at our house. 

Even if you have children and grandchildren, they might not visit you, for numerous reasons. Having kids out of a desire to be entertained in your old age is wrongheaded. They might not like you, you might not like them.

Even if the generations like each other and wish they could see each other more, it just isn't that common. I think people tend to forget that just as they are aging and want to be visited, is right around the time the kids and grandkids will be neck deep in the busiest parts of their own lives. Or they might not have the financial flexibility to travel more than once every few years. It's somewhat assumable that you'll get visitors if most of the family stays local, but really, how good are the odds of that happening? I would never assume you'll be surrounded by family in old age. Or at least, that's my experience with tons and tons of white-collar professional friends and co workers. Families are scattered all over the country. If the older generation is willing to uproot and move to follow one/some of the younger, it might work out; however, I'd estimate that has only happened in about a quarter of the people I know.

Could be different in more of the blue-collar professions, with which I have less experience.

AgentCooper

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Re: Feeling nervous about kids
« Reply #24 on: November 10, 2015, 11:08:53 AM »
Even if you have children and grandchildren, they might not visit you, for numerous reasons. Having kids out of a desire to be entertained in your old age is wrongheaded. They might not like you, you might not like them.
True dat!  To clarify, I don't mean it as a form of entertainment exactly.  I mean it as what my experience of family has been.  In my area (Deep Southern US), when people grow up and move away from home, it is sometimes to the house next door.  Sometimes they go to college and move off, then come back somewhere very close to their childhood home in their 30s or 40s (that's what I did).

In some other countries, having multiple generations under one roof, or a group of houses built together, is the norm.  Grandparents contribute to childrearing, while the children in turn help keep the grandparents mentally and physically active.   They have awesome communal suppers with 20 people, and kids running around everywhere playing.  Nobody is watching TV, everybody is just hanging out after doing chores, drinking coffee, being together.  I see that as something desirable, and people aren't having kids to be entertained or just because they want them, but because building a family is a life goal and purpose, and the best part of life.

We're hoping to raise kids in a way that once they are adults, being geographically and emotionally close to us will be at least a desirable option for them, but we'll see how it goes.

GorgeousSteak

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Re: Feeling nervous about kids
« Reply #25 on: November 10, 2015, 01:28:05 PM »
Alot of solid advice here.  I have a 3 and 1 YO, me and my wife always wanted kids, and we were in good shape financially, not FI but probably kind of in a similar situation to you, so we just did it.  I will say what I thought it was going to be like is totally different than how it ended up being for me.  It has been really challenging at times, but also extremely rewarding, and in the end hard for me to imagine whatever financial cost it ends up not being worth it.  The time they eat up is a far greater "cost" imo, at least early in life.  I have given up or severely cut back most of my hobbies, and instead, I hang out with my kids.  It turns out this isn't such a bad trade for me, but ymmv.
« Last Edit: November 10, 2015, 01:58:42 PM by ApatheticSteak »

MandalayVA

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Re: Feeling nervous about kids
« Reply #26 on: November 10, 2015, 01:45:41 PM »
For me, it came down to picturing growing old together, being the age of great-grandfathers and great-grandmothers, yet having no children or grandchildren to come to visit us, ever.  An empty, silent home.  No one coming home for Christmas.  No grandkids.  No Sunday dinners at our house. 

Even if you have children and grandchildren, they might not visit you, for numerous reasons. Having kids out of a desire to be entertained in your old age is wrongheaded. They might not like you, you might not like them.

That reminds me of a time in my younger years when I was asked "but don't you want to give your father and father-in-law another grandchild?"  My answer to that was "Between them they've got eight they're ignoring now."  :D

Bob W

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Re: Feeling nervous about kids
« Reply #27 on: November 10, 2015, 02:58:00 PM »
$2,000 a month daycare?   Wow,  really just wow!   Ours runs $320 for infants around here. 

Without knowing your exact income, expenses etc. it is a tough equation.

Anymore numbers you would like to share?

As Dave Ramsey often says there often isn't always just two options.

A third option would be a stay at home mom/business dealy.   There are lots of ways to skin that.   Financial blogs for parents seem to be popular.   My guess is that a decent blog on your adventure could earn 1K a month within year 1 and 2K by year 2.

So 24 K a year for daycare plus 3K for food,  medical care,  misc  and we are at 27K.  So basically 33K in income just to cover baby.  Then there is the car,  clothes and misc work expenses of 5K.  So around 40K is break even perhaps. 

Yeah,  it's complicated.  Do they lover their job?  Is there a career path?  So many variables.   

As a father of 4 who basically stayed at home with my son for 3 years a little while back,   I think it was worth it.  Of course I will be working until at least age 62 if I live that long.    The reality is that life isn't that interesting and I don't feel I'm missing something by working longer that if I didn't have the my son.   

To tell the truth he is worth all the time and money in the world.   

Whoops that reminds me,  I gotta run an pick him up from school and practice multiplication tables on the way home.

kurtnyc

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Re: Feeling nervous about kids
« Reply #28 on: November 10, 2015, 03:50:36 PM »
For me, money related dilemmas became a distant second after my daughter was born. Lack of sleep, energy and a relationship under heavy stress cause that.

My wife and I recently were part of a webinar for artists parents, they revealed a study I think is relevant. When pre-child couples were asked about their greatest worries regarding having kids, it topped out with 'money' and 'time' being equal. when couples with kids were asked it was only 'time' that showed up as a concern. No one can really advise such a personal decision, but I think that's the key, for most people it's personal decision not a financial one, the biggest challenges don't relate to money. I say this as someone who spends a lot of daycare, until NYC universal pre-K kicks in!



tomorrowsomewherenew

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Re: Feeling nervous about kids
« Reply #29 on: November 10, 2015, 04:43:03 PM »
I would ask that you strongly consider the possibility of adopting a child. There are so many great kids out there that need someone to provide a family. There is no reason you *have* to have a biological child. Some people are worried they won't love an adopted child as much as their own, but having had an adopted sibling, I really don't think that is true.

Often times, older kids will never get adopted because most people want to adopt an infant. It is so sad.