I was in an accident in 2012. I was in a car I loved, and it was totaled. Both kids were in the car, we were hit in the front quarter driver's side and spun around through traffic. I was emotionally rattled hard. Like, really hard. Lots of emotional shake-ups, panic attacks, lots of obsessive replaying of the accident. I kept thinking, "I could have killed my kids, I could have killed my kids." It was paralysing. And everyone kept saying, "Well, the important thing is, everyone was ok." and I just kept thinking, "I don't feel ok."
I started moving out of that place when a friend of mine saw my car and said, "Wow, that was a really hard hit. I bet you are sore. Are you ok?" Suddenly I didn't feel so nuts. It was like, this stuff can really rock us, even if we are physically fine. So, yeah, sometimes it get's to us beyond what the actual consequences warrant. You're not alone in that. My advice is to be ok that it's *not* ok. When your brain is in that loop, I found the thinking about the fact that you *could* have died but didn't somehow wasn't comforting at all. So my advice is to allow whatever your feelings are - however irrational they might be - and define them. Write them down, maybe. Like "I am ashamed that I was careless," or whatever it is for you. And then after you define your feelings very specifically, forgive yourself and move on. This might take awhile. It did for me.
Oh and the money? Fuck it. It's just money. You'll have lots of it in your life. You're a mustachian.
Good luck.
