It sounds to me that either your current location or current employer may be hindering things.
I think the best path may be to try to get a job in IT (look anywhere in the country), and then slowly move up to more and more software engineering (if that is where your interests lie). It is a very natural path with generally a lower bar for entry. Lots of companies will even pay to relocate you. But of course, without experience and/or being fresh out of college it will be much harder, but not impossible !
Personally I don't think that going back for a MS in comp science is terrible idea. In fact, I think it could give you the fresh start you are looking for. You are absolutely right that comp sci is a gold rush right now, anything tech in fact. But of course, most of the gold is in Silicon Valley and Seattle. You need to be willing to relocate.
How much $ and how long for you to get a MS (sorry if you posted above)? I read the you may not be able to take out loans ... not sure how best to handle that. Others will have ideas. But I think you need to somehow find a way to make this work. It is certainly possible to dive into this field without any formal training, but it is difficult. You would need to somehow demonstrate the quality of your work and have public, documented experience (repositories on GitHub + high level contributions, compete in kaggle-type competitions, have documented contractor work etc).
After a MS, I think you could start to apply all across the country. You would be viewed as an entry level, fresh grad candidate without needing to have previous work experience. You can also start looking for internships. Many are paid, but of course, most are generally only open to current students, BS, MS or PHD level. If you can start the MS, you can then go down the internship route. Its a great IN to a company, most are more than willing to hire the interns after graduating assuming good performance / feedback. Think of it as a paid 3-month long interview.
If you can relocate to a HCOL area with a fresh MS, I think you could be making 70K+, in IT. 100K+ if you can get in as entry level software engineer/ data scientist. New grads from top schools (MIT, Stanford) are making 200K+ in FANG level companies (facebook, apple, netflix, google). But these are top of line students, who know the field extremely well. Check out
https://leetcode.com for common programming interview questions. These are normal for the higher paid SWE (software engineer) positions. Practicing here is never a bad thing! And check this (
https://www.levels.fyi/?compare=Facebook,Amazon,Google&track=Software%20Engineer) for levels and salaries at tech companies. Keep in mind the competition at these companies is intense, but a few years of practice and dedication and anyone can be there.
best of luck - will follow this.