OK, so I have some updates to give:
Hubby has really stepped up in managing the immediate need, and had his Dad contact her and ask her what she needs right now. She's given varying reports in the past about the tax bill, but now it seems like it's closer to $8K, not $12K as originally reported. That being said, she's about $4K short, so another family member (the one who initiated contact with the rest of us), scrapped his gift card plan and chipped in, so we each contributed $1K. Aunt made some noises about not being able to pay it back for a while, and it was made clear that repayment is not expected, but that no further donations will be made.
Hubby is feeling a bit hurt at the moment, b/c he barely spoke to her, and she has not returned any of his calls over the weekend, but has spoken to the other family members, several of whom have informed her that he did the organizing, fronted all the money, etc, so we could overnight one check and get the tax bill paid before penalties accrue. (Things like this bug me, b/c it feels like she only makes contact when there is a need, and then breaks communication. My sister in law feels exactly the same way, they only hear from her when there is a need.)
We saw two of the families over the weekend, and they have already reimbursed us for their share. The third has mailed a check, so we'll be "even" hopefully by the end of the year.
Over the weekend, I've heard varying stories, she may be giving different accounts of what happened, or maybe she is getting dementia and her recall isn't great, I just don't know. Part of the money was being saved to cover the daughter's funeral expenses, and she was keeping it in the house so it wouldn't affect the daughter's Medicaid eligibility. As for the property taxes, she was storing the money in the bank, and pulled some of it out to make a partial payment in cash, but they only accept payments during a certain time frame, so they refused the payment. She then tossed the funds in an envelope, and put it in her nightstand. Another recount discussed the safe, but she had left the safe unlocked.
The boys next door stole cash, all the coins in the collection, and ammunition, not clear if they stole any guns too, or if she recalls everything. I think she's going to have a few months of looking for stuff, not finding it, and realizing at that point that it was something else attributable to the robbery. When the police went next door, they found one specific coin she was able to describe, and she had scrawled something on the envelope with the tax money in it, and the cops found the envelope with some money in it, not sure how much, but from what I understand, the police won't be returning the money to her anyway, since there is no way to prove that it was her money. The police also found the ammunition in their possession. The value of everything they found was enough to push the charges up to a higher level, they are looking at 7 years if convicted. Looks like her friend, their mother, is not able to come up with bail money, so they are sitting in jail, with relatively low bond amounts. What really sucks is that all the neighbors have experienced petty theft over the years, and they all attributed the thefts to these boys, and the aunt was aware of this. So yes, this whole thing was totally preventable, but it happened, it is what it is.
She did contact her insurance company immediately after, but she has no receipts, no video documentation to show the hard items that were stolen, and they won't reimburse cash. They offered to pay her $500 on the claim, which is what her deductible is, so in other words, nothing.
I've suggested that in light of some of these revelations, what she likely needs more than cash, is some sound legal advice. It won't be suggested by us; we've told my father in law, who is closest to her, to broach the subject once things calm down. The idea that she was keeping cash in the house to help cover her daughter's funeral so her Medicaid wouldn't be affected is a perfect example of just not understanding the system - those funds should have been directed to an account at the funeral home of choice, to pre-pay her expenses.
Someone asked about the issue with her son and how it relates to money. I tend to write novels, which is why I didn't elaborate, but in hindsight, it is very relevant and may give some additional "color" into why this current event was so frustrating to learn about. The son is on his second marriage. Wife has two kids from a previous relationship, and one from this current marriage, which is a long, successful marriage. The aunt only considers this one child as her grandchild. Grandchild is a smart girl. At least a decade ago, she had the opportunity to go on a school trip to DC, but her parents could not afford the trip, so the aunt approached many of us - this is where the original "deep pockets" comment came from. We all contributed some money to support this educational trip. When the girl returned from the trip, she did the proper thing and sent us all thank you's, some pictures, etc. What we didn't know at the time is that they had raised more than what they needed for the trip, and the girl's mom opted to use the excess to purchase necessities for all her children. Our aunt strongly objected to that use of the funds, partially b/c it was helping two kids that were not part of her family, and partially b/c she felt the money should be saved for future trips the girl might take. I can see the aunt's point, but we made the donation without any stipulations (seriously, who even thinks about that), so it was something we shrugged off. Unfortunately, this caused a huge rift that exists to this day. Even when uncle died, we had to run interference so that the son and his wife were able to attend the viewing to say their goodbyes. The son has made some attempts to see his mom over the years, but his wife caught on and told him to choose his wife or his mother, so this is where they stand. I have no doubt that they have been made aware of the current situation, as the granddaughter does maintain a relationship with her grandmother, and it's sad that even under these circumstances, no one is willing to break the impasse. My father in law will be reaching out the estranged son and make a plea that he try to fix things, maybe this time cooler heads will prevail.
Oh, and while I have no doubt that the aunt has a strong attachment to the house, her main reason for holding onto the house is b/c she wants to someday leave it to this granddaughter. It does sound like she realizes she needs to sell and move into something more manageable, she mentioned that she could move to AZ and "live like a queen", but she feels stuck until her daughter passes on.
I'm hopeful she will deposit the check into a bank account, and write a check to the tax assessor. Fingers crossed.