We have been happily on an early retirement path for a couple of years now. We are 31 now and will be able to stop saving for retirement in our early 40s which will allow us to choose from many different paths at that point -- travel, major pay cut to work for community organizations, part time work, some combination of the above. We could probably retire outright around 45 if everything goes as planned and we live frugally.
Our motivation for this is 1) we don't love work, and 2) we love freedom. This is one of many reasons we are most likely not having kids. All I really want to do is hike and bike and read and cook and spend time with my husband and try to limit life's complications.
Unfortunately limiting life's complications isn't always possible.
We found out yesterday that my FIL has a major drinking problem when he got into a minor fender bender on a short road trip and blew a .22. This has been very difficult (and the worst Christmas ever) because we had literally no idea he had a problem. It's come as a huge shock and surprise.
Obviously the first priority is getting him some help. Because this happened on a road trip there's a lot we don't know yet and the details are trickling in. I don't know if he needs detox, rehab, or just meetings. A lot will be happening in the next few days as we try to figure this stuff out. I believe he is open to getting help and he already went to a meeting this morning.
The other complication to this is that he is the caretaker for my MIL, who suffered a severe traumatic brain injury 4 years ago when she was hit by a car. She (luckily & amazingly) has no ADL limitations but she does have iADL limitations, mostly revolving around her judgment, and she is unable to drive ever again. Dealing with that situation is clearly what lead to the drinking problem.
I know I am getting ahead of myself here. We only just found out about this and I am still shaking with adrenaline as more and more details come out. It's awful and terrifying. He is my husband's father and we trusted him and now we can't trust him. It's like neither of my in laws can be trusted as adults anymore, which in some ways is part of life but not usually at such a young age, not in a sudden traumatic way like this.
And even though I know I'm getting ahead of myself I can't help thinking about the financial implications of this.
I have been a little worried about my FIL's finances since my MIL's accident, which involved a lot of very expensive care for a long time. He was always very private about their finances even as we pushed for details and we never really got the full story. He has made a good income for a long time but he also sent 3 kids to college and lives in a high COL area and I assume their retirement is OK but I really don't know. My parents tell me enough about their finances that I know they are OK but he does not (to either his children or me). I know that my parents also have long term care insurance. I do not know (and sort of doubt) that my in laws do.
He did recently reference in a casual joking way that he was taking money out of their retirement account to pay for an expensive vacation this summer. It was a little alarming to us but he's always had very good judgment and is not reckless and its their money so we didn't say anything. Now that we understand how much he's been drinking and clearly has no judgment and is extremely reckless, I don't know what to think. We are both a little worried that they are somehow broke but that is based on very little evidence.
I am worried about the costs of treatment, but he does have insurance, and I think we can get through these immediate effects even if my in laws can't afford it. We are light on cash like many mustachians but have 10K in an emergency fund that we can give most of (maybe 7-8k?). We could probably also give $500 a month without affecting our early retirement track - we give $300/month to charity so we could just stop those contributions and give to the family instead, if that money is somehow needed. There's also the legal costs, which will probably be more than rehab -- I'm thinking around 15K? But I don't really know. However my FIL is part of a large family, all of whom seem to be in very solid financial positions so I think that a lot of money can come from his siblings, if money is needed.
My even bigger fear is the longterm effects of this. Will he even be able to continue working? He is their sole income earner since my MIL is now disabled -- she does get disability but I don't think it is very much. They live in a fairly upscale condo, but I would hate for them to have to move, because they are in one of those walkable communities which is perfect for my MIL who cannot drive. (And, my FIL could also lose his license for a year because of this DUI, although my understanding is a lawyer can likely prevent that for a first offense - which is something I personally disagree with and if the option is there I will push for him to get a breathalyzer on his car.)
And what if he cannot be my MIL's caretaker anymore? I don't think that is a likely outcome right now, but I don't know. I guess I am more worried about this if he succeeds in killing himself, like it seems he was trying to do with that level of drinking. I don't know what we will do with her then. I don't think she can live alone. She could possibly live in some sort of group home but is there money for that?
I am so afraid this will end with us having to take her in or pay for her care somewhere. One of the reasons I want early retirement and no kids is so as to not be sandwiched btwn two generations plus working full time - I see people go through this at work and it seems so so awful - but I wasn't envisioning taking in my MIL. More like, I'll spend two days a week visiting my parents or in laws or whoever needs it. But now will my options be caring for my MIL or working to pay for her to live somewhere?
I know that some people on this board probably think what is the point of money if you can't help family, and maybe we are (I am) just selfish. In fact I know that I am selfish. But this isn't really what I signed up for. And I don't want to scrimp and save and work hard through this decade just to devote my next decade to my in laws. I just don't. And they are still fairly young -- it could be 30 years of my MIL needing care.
If we continue on this path it would put us in the best position to help out of everyone, but that is not what I want from my life. I want travel and exploring and being outside and being FREE. But this looks less and less likely. So now I am thinking -- maybe we save less now. Maybe we pull back on retirement and put more money into the travel fund so we can travel more NOW. (We do already travel a pretty good amount but if we redirected our savings to the travel fund we could travel a crazy amount.) We can't really work less now, but depending on how this all shakes out, maybe we can never work less. (But also like, how can we travel while the family is in such crisis and there is ongoing financial strain.)
The trauma of my MIL's TBI was one of those horrific experiences that changed my entire life outlook. It used to seem like life was mostly good and then suddenly it seemed life was mostly bad. I think this has a lot to do with why we are on the early retirement path and leaning towards no kids.
And now there's another crisis. I just don't know how we are going to get through something like this again. I don't know how to do it.