Author Topic: Family!  (Read 2977 times)

frugledoc

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Family!
« on: December 25, 2015, 01:43:16 PM »
Just opened a christmas present from my dad. Fortunately waited till I got home because I would have likely over reacted at the time.

2 books
- Stop thinking start living
- How to stop worrying and start living.

There is not much background to this other than my parents are YOLO types and my wife and I prefer to chill out with each other and our young daughter.  I guess I could write a lot more on the issue but don't really feel like it.

Just wanted to vent a bit because it is a bit disappointing to be doing very well in life but being seen as somebody that would need books like this by my parents.

I'm just going to discretely leave the books in their house when I go visit next weekend and not say anything.

lizzzi

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Re: Family!
« Reply #1 on: December 25, 2015, 01:50:07 PM »
No, no, no. Just thank your parents politely, using pleasant but non-committal phrases that no one could possibly object to..."Oh, thank you so much for the books...It will be nice to settle in in the evening and have something to read."  Or whatever. Then donate them, of course...the next time the library is collecting books or whatever.

Nothing to be gained through the holidays by copping an attitude or being churlish. Of course they are thoughtless and irritating books....just let it go...rise above it...do the right thing yourself, even though your parents didn't.

frugledoc

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Re: Family!
« Reply #2 on: December 25, 2015, 01:59:20 PM »
No, no, no. Just thank your parents politely, using pleasant but non-committal phrases that no one could possibly object to..."Oh, thank you so much for the books...It will be nice to settle in in the evening and have something to read."  Or whatever. Then donate them, of course...the next time the library is collecting books or whatever.

Nothing to be gained through the holidays by copping an attitude or being churlish. Of course they are thoughtless and irritating books....just let it go...rise above it...do the right thing yourself, even though your parents didn't.

yes you are right.  I do prefer the rise above it strategy.

Letj

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Re: Family!
« Reply #3 on: December 25, 2015, 02:21:24 PM »
Just opened a christmas present from my dad. Fortunately waited till I got home because I would have likely over reacted at the time.

2 books
- Stop thinking start living
- How to stop worrying and start living.

There is not much background to this other than my parents are YOLO types and my wife and I prefer to chill out with each other and our young daughter.  I guess I could write a lot more on the issue but don't really feel like it.

Just wanted to vent a bit because it is a bit disappointing to be doing very well in life but being seen as somebody that would need books like this by my parents.

I'm just going to discretely leave the books in their house when I go visit next weekend and not say anything.

That would not be nice. Your parents are well meaning. They just see life differently for you and somehow feel that you are missing out on some of the joys of life. Just accept it as a different perspective and respect them. Returning the book would be rather unkind and quite frankly downright rude.

okits

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Re: Family!
« Reply #4 on: December 25, 2015, 02:29:24 PM »
I return new, unwanted books to the big chain bookstore I shop at for store credit, so I can get something I really want.  Surely you can do this in the U.S.?

If you're not asking your parents for any kind of assistance, their approval or disapproval of you doesn't matter.  Since it is not forthcoming, anyway, you will be happier if you stop wanting approval from them.  You are doing great and that is its own reward.

deborah

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Re: Family!
« Reply #5 on: December 25, 2015, 02:32:39 PM »
Look at it this way. They spent some effort thinking about what you needed, and then spent some more effort getting the books. It's not like they gave you all their old clothes, or something like that.

DeltaBond

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Re: Family!
« Reply #6 on: December 25, 2015, 02:48:48 PM »
I don't really have good reactions to people trying to push their perspectives on me.

Years ago I started exercising and eating healthier, and trying very very hard to curb my strong sweet tooth.  I stopped keeping cakes and little debbies in my home.  My mom started visiting almost weekly and bringing full sized grocery store cakes over every single time.  At first I'd be angry and succumb to temptation, then get pissed at her, and dozens of times I tried asking her  not to bring them.  She didn't stop.  A friend of mine suggested that RIGHT after she leaves, take the cake directly to the outside garbage can and forget about it.  I gave it a shot, and the stress vanished.  15 years later she's still doing it, and I still immediately dump it in the trash.  Only now I tell her that I throw them away if she asks how they were, and that's that.  Its her choice to continue pushing something on me that I don't want, and fail every time, only wasting her money. 

So it is insulting for someone to waste an entire gift on you during a season of kindness, with a statement that you are living your life wrong... your feelings are valid.  I would, too, donate those books so you don't have to look at them and be reminded anymore, however, my twist on that plan is that if they asked me about them, I would be kind but honest - "I didn't keep them, they aren't really my genre of book to sit down and read, so hopefully someone at Goodwill can get something out of them."... its not like someone giving you a YOLO magazine or something, its giving you something that would take up hours of your life opening your mind to a lifestyle that doesn't suit you.  That's a gift that keeps on stabbing, in my opinion, but I'm big on not pushing my ideas and beliefs on to other people.
« Last Edit: December 25, 2015, 03:29:34 PM by DeltaBond »

terran

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Re: Family!
« Reply #7 on: December 25, 2015, 03:54:11 PM »