Id go the route of saying that if you are going to continue to have the title and pay of X, level, that you want your responsibilities reduced to that level, but you are no longer comfortable working outside your pay and title limits. Your supervisor (or his) may push back and tell you that isn't acceptable, and this is your new job description so you *will* perform it. But it may be worth a try.
It sounds like you are otherwise comfortable and aren't interested in pursing leaving, so it may come to a point where you just have to accept this, because unless you reconsider that, you are giving up your only real bargaining chip.
I like that wording. I think I'm going to push for a temporary reduction in responsibilities to match my current title limits while ALSO looking externally for a different job. Perhaps the squeeze from no longer getting (necessary) work done on 3 out of 4 teams would be enough to light a fire under their asses, but if not, I would hopefully have another offer waiting in the wings. I think that is the smartest move.
To be clear, I'm pretty sure a lot of the problem is stemming from my immediate boss' lack of complete understanding of what my job actually is. He knows what my job family does, and so asks me to do things, but doesn't realize that these duties are at a higher level than I technically am. I put together a document that clearly lays out the differences between my super basic, no frills entry-level duties versus the higher level duties and it is quite a jump and I'm obviously up in that level. I think if I send him this document, along with the examples of how I am currently (and for the past year) performing in the higher level, and then hit him with the "After putting together this document and seeing everything laid out, I am no longer comfortable working outside the limits of my existing pay and title. We will need to discuss temporarily cutting responsibilities down to entry-level until the promotion comes through" might really put him in a bind... and the easiest, cheapest solution is to simply promote me :)
There's quite likely a level of sexism going on here. (If you are going to be leaving in three years' time anyway, in order to have babies, do management know that? (If anyone in the organisation knows it, then assume management knows it.)) If this is the first time you have come across sexism in this form, then coming up against the unreasoning illogicality and nastiness of it is quite likely what is causing you to feel so discombobulated.
I'm assuming you don't have a trades union that can go to bat for you? This is one of the situations in which they can be very useful. If you are the only one in your category not promoted, and the majority of those who have been promoted are men, then there is a possible discrimination case to pursue. A Fortune 50 company would not welcome adverse attentions from a trades union on a clear case of discrimination. Raising the issue yourself with HR is less likely to succeed, but if you find the right person in HR it might work.
You could ask your immediate, nice boss to set up a meeting with the nasty decision-making boss which you both attend. It might not get you the raise but it would get you good information on the dynamics between the two of them and on company policy.
I know you don't want to leave, but if you are proposing to leave in 3 years' time in any case to have babies, you might find that having more than one firm on your pre-baby resume will help in getting back into the workforce. And it would not be you letting your teams down if you left because you have been discriminated against: it is the company that let them down by not behaving in a way which enabled you to stay.
Thank you for your advice, its very helpful. No, no one at work knows about my schemes to leave. Literally only my DH knows. Not even my parents or inlaws or best friends know our plans to FIRE, they all think we are regular schmucks planning to work until 65. We are pretty private people and are paranoid about counting our chickens before they hatch.
I'll consider asking for a meeting between my manager and his superior. This superior guy is new as of last month and runs the whole division, but hasn't been relocated onsite yet. My manager is a little concerned because this guy is an unknown. He could be a hardass stickler, or he could be chill and willing to work with us easily on this, no one knows. The last superior was a real jerk and we are all glad he is gone.
My original plan for this whole leaving in 3 years went something like this:
I get promoted soon, and continue like this until 2020. At that point we are essentially FI and I can play hardball if I want because we won't need my salary anymore. I request a full 12 month sabbatical after birth, and if they say yes, fine, but no, then I'm leaving entirely. If they let me take the sabbatical, then I would be willing to return at half-time (and leading only a single team, not 4) and half-salary for a few years. This would require them to hire at least one other person to do the rest of the job I currently do. I would tell them about the sabbatical with ~4 months of notice, so they have enough time to find a replacement for both the 12 months and then half-time going forward (or complete replacement if I end up leaving), and I would be willing to help train them in.
I figured that my plan to ask for sabbaticals and half-time would work better at a place I have a proven track-record.
My question was more what others are doing that got the promotion. In a lot of work environments, perception matters as much if not more than results and if others are working more hours they could be viewed as "hard working" despite getting equal or less done. Old school mentality but you have to play the game at times.
Bosses can sometimes encourage you to do things that are against your own self interest. I'd also argue your boss isn't very effective if he/she has not gotten you a promotion that the majority of the company received so I would be skeptical of their advice going forward as what they are doing isn't working too well.
That is a good point. From my point of view, the others that got promotions just had managers who pushed harder for a promotion, and had more receptive leadership. I have the bad luck of having neither of those things.
It is the norm at our company to leave when you are done with work. My manager sometimes leaves at 3pm (not often, but sometimes), others on my team come and go as they please, etc. I'm not super familiar with the exact work schedules of others in my cohort, but if I'm being honest the work we do is really not that difficult and does not take that much time, so I expect that at least a few of them also leave early like I do. I should also mention that when I reference my cohort, I'm not talking like hundreds of people, its only 10 or so of us who are all in the same job family and all started with the same experience/job level at the same time.
I also think you are right, if I take off my rose colored glasses, my boss is great day-to-day, but in the larger scheme of things he isn't pulling out all the stops to take care of me. I don't think it is malice or intentional on his part, I think he is just not super comfortable with those parts of management and doesn't really know how to approach it, and like I said above, it may not be crystal clear to him just how far above my current paygrade I am performing--he may be under the impression that this is generally par for the course and not out of the ordinary.
But that isn't a good excuse, because it is affecting me in a bad way. And I think I have been too complacent and agreeable for the last year which hasn't helped me at all, because he has gotten comfortable and things are humming along great right now. There isn't anything to shake things up and force a change.
I think when I hit him between the eyes with the document that clearly shows just how much difference there is between entry level and my current performance, and the request to temporarily cut my responsibilities down (while also recognizing that I have already consistently proven myself so a promotion should still be no issue come at least next year), a slight panic may ensue. And in the meantime, I'll keep my eyes peeled and send out a few resumes to see if another offer pops up.
Really, even though it would be quite the kick in the teeth and really annoying to see others higher up the chain when I should be there, if I'm honest the galling thing is more putting forth all this effort and delivering value across multiple teams with no tangible reward. Its the feeling of being taken advantage of and then blown off (even if unintentionally). Its this performing outside of my paygrade with no complaints that is really putting me in a (self-inflicted) precarious spot, and I'd be happier as long as my responsibilities clearly match my job description -- whether that means a promotion or staying at entry level, but then at least the expectations are clear and there isn't this confusion or murkiness anymore. Either way sounds like a win-win: either my pay stays the same (and $80k isn't anything to sneeze at) and I get less work, or my work stays the same and I get more money.
Make yourself a “flight risk” by coming to your manager with another offer. Job hunt, find something better, and bring it back to your boss. If they don’t promote you, then you already have something else lined up. Win/win.
Dusting off the resume this weekend :) I'm just annoyed that my manager can't figure out how to do this based on my own merit and I have to jump through ridiculous hoops to get paid what I'm owed. Maybe some other company in the area can competently pay employees properly.