Author Topic: Etiquette in borrowing a man's truck (someone damaged my truck)  (Read 3894 times)

FIRE47

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*before I take a face punch it's a compact truck that I bought used and is 9 years old and held it's value really well, it also only moves about 3-5k miles a year

So here's the deal - the individual in question borrows my truck about 3-4 times a year. Knowing their driving habits if it was an expensive/new or delicate vehicle I would never let them borrow it as they are very hard on equipment. They never leave any extra gas in the tank (sometimes it is left on empty) and often it comes back mysteriously with hundreds more miles on it than would be expected based on the story about what they needed my truck for in the first place.

Anyways this time the truck came back f*cked. They made no mention of this to me and about 5 minutes down the road after taking it back it was obvious something was badly wrong. There is now something wrong with the suspension and possibly the brakes and or a ball joint. There were no issues with the truck before and it is low mileage for it's age. I'm also worried there is something wrong with the 4x4 system which they had no reason to use but likely slammed it in at full speed.

The issue is this is a close family member but I'm likely staring down thousands in repairs at this point... besides never lending them the truck again is there anything else anyone would do?

Retire-Canada

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Re: Etiquette in borrowing a man's truck (someone damaged my truck)
« Reply #1 on: July 27, 2017, 10:02:58 AM »
You can try and get them to pay for the repairs, but it doesn't sound like the kind of person that will take responsibility for their actions and it's not something you can prove so you are likely on the hook for the damage. Why you would keep lending stuff to that guy is beyond me.

czr

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Re: Etiquette in borrowing a man's truck (someone damaged my truck)
« Reply #2 on: July 27, 2017, 12:22:42 PM »
Man up and gently confront them on your thoughts (gas, extra miles, damage) or face built in resentment whenever you see them.  Sounds like a big communication issue. Maybe, they just don't know how you feel and don't take social cues very well. If you confront them and things do not go well then you can just ignore that person and slowly phase them out of your life. It is your choice to keep them in your life and to act on how you feel inside. What you are asking (someone being respectful of your shared belongings) is not unreasonable.

And I thought you were asking for reprieve from the face punches for not manning up but instead something about the beater pickup truck? That was not even an issue. Anyways, practice the conversation in your mind and out loud to yourself and watch this for motivation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10DQeSk1LaY

Ann

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Re: Etiquette in borrowing a man's truck (someone damaged my truck)
« Reply #3 on: July 27, 2017, 12:31:27 PM »
I'm really sorry.  That sucks.  I don't think there will be a satisfying solution.  I doubt you could get them to help with repairs.

What I might do is to tell the borrower that you're trying to get your truck fixed but it would "really help" if you new what was wrong -- then ask if there was anything that could have happened while it was being borrowed?  You might get a vague answer.  It would be somewhat satisfying to me if I heard an awkward confession -- but it might really irritate me if they just flat-out lied.

Your instincts are probably right.  Never lend anything to that relative again.  And probably would be a good idea to set boundaries in the future to other people to whom you lend things.  It is not unreasonable to ask "just fill the tank up before you return it!".  You may think it would be common courtesy, but don't assume this.  And that way you have a solid excuse not to lend it to that person in the first place.  "I'm sorry, you didn't meet the criterion I set last time, no deal."
« Last Edit: July 27, 2017, 03:56:36 PM by Ann »

CrashnBurn

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Re: Etiquette in borrowing a man's truck (someone damaged my truck)
« Reply #4 on: July 27, 2017, 12:35:32 PM »
Man up and gently confront them on your thoughts (gas, extra miles, damage) or face built in resentment whenever you see them.  Sounds like a big communication issue. Maybe, they just don't know how you feel and don't take social cues very well. If you confront them and things do not go well then you can just ignore that person and slowly phase them out of your life. It is your choice to keep them in your life and to act on how you feel inside. What you are asking (someone being respectful of your shared belongings) is not unreasonable.

And I thought you were asking for reprieve from the face punches for not manning up but instead something about the beater pickup truck? That was not even an issue. Anyways, practice the conversation in your mind and out loud to yourself and watch this for motivation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10DQeSk1LaY

Most excellent video.

shotgunwilly

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Re: Etiquette in borrowing a man's truck (someone damaged my truck)
« Reply #5 on: July 27, 2017, 01:09:21 PM »
I'm not sure what you're looking for asking a forum about this.  There's really only two things you can do...

1. Man up, call them and say "Hey, you fucked my truck up." (Note: this is only how I would word it, you may choose your own stern words.)  And see what they say. If they're worth a shit they will offer to fix it, but more than likely they are a shitty person for doing something to it and returning it to you without being honest, and they will not pay for it.

2. Forget about it.

Either choice, do not lend them shit in the future.

Lady SA

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Re: Etiquette in borrowing a man's truck (someone damaged my truck)
« Reply #6 on: July 27, 2017, 01:28:09 PM »
So here's the deal - the individual in question borrows my truck about 3-4 times a year. Knowing their driving habits if it was an expensive/new or delicate vehicle I would never let them borrow it as they are very hard on equipment. They never leave any extra gas in the tank (sometimes it is left on empty) and often it comes back mysteriously with hundreds more miles on it than would be expected based on the story about what they needed my truck for in the first place.

No face punches for having a small work truck. But definitely face punches for knowing the above and still lending said truck to said irresponsible relative multiple times. I don't want to beat up on you too much, but sounds like you have poor boundaries and were getting walked all over and taken advantage of, and you knew it, but didn't do anything to stop it or minimize the damage. Why?

You can't go back and change the past, you can only change how you react in the future. 100% never lend ANYTHING to this relative again. they have shown how careless they are with your items. I'd also carefully examine your tendency to allow people to take advantage of you and make sure you don't have other people in your life who might be less overt versions of your relative. You may consider not lending out any items to anyone for the next 6 months and see if any relationships deteriorate once people can't use you for free stuff.

Based on your description, I think you would be hard pressed to get this relative to help out with repairs, but damned if I wouldn't call them out anyway and shame them (with facts) for being such a douche nozzle and at least try to get some reimbursement from them. Something along the lines of "Hey Relative, when you returned the truck there was pretty major engine damage, suspension damage, and brake damage that needs $XXXX in repairs. When I loaned it to you on X date, the suspension and brakes were fine and the engine was running smoothly. I'm pretty upset about having my property broken. I expect an apology and reimbursement for the damage. Thanks for understanding."
« Last Edit: July 27, 2017, 01:32:57 PM by Lady SA »

omachi

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Re: Etiquette in borrowing a man's truck (someone damaged my truck)
« Reply #7 on: July 27, 2017, 02:32:18 PM »
Who the hell doesn't put gas in a borrowed truck after using it? Who the hell then lends the truck to that sort of person a second time? Or third time if you're being  overly generous.

I'd ask them to fix it, but I assume they won't. Consider it a relatively cheap lesson about not lending your things to people that don't respect them or you.

lbmustache

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Re: Etiquette in borrowing a man's truck (someone damaged my truck)
« Reply #8 on: July 27, 2017, 02:54:25 PM »
So here's the deal - the individual in question borrows my truck about 3-4 times a year. Knowing their driving habits if it was an expensive/new or delicate vehicle I would never let them borrow it as they are very hard on equipment. They never leave any extra gas in the tank (sometimes it is left on empty) and often it comes back mysteriously with hundreds more miles on it than would be expected based on the story about what they needed my truck for in the first place.

No face punches for having a small work truck. But definitely face punches for knowing the above and still lending said truck to said irresponsible relative multiple times. I don't want to beat up on you too much, but sounds like you have poor boundaries and were getting walked all over and taken advantage of, and you knew it, but didn't do anything to stop it or minimize the damage. Why?

Absolutely agree with this. OP, either you confront the relative, or you let it go and let it be an expensive lesson learned.

Catbert

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Re: Etiquette in borrowing a man's truck (someone damaged my truck)
« Reply #9 on: July 27, 2017, 02:59:30 PM »
You definitely need to say something to them even if it's just asking "what happened".  As a close family member they will ask again to borrow the truck (or something else you no longer want to loan them).  When you say "no"* it helps to be able to make reference to the previous incident:  "After that problem with the transmission I don't loan the truck any more."

*Yes, I know that "no" is a complete sentence.  However, for a close family member many of us feel awkward leaving it at that.

moof

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Re: Etiquette in borrowing a man's truck (someone damaged my truck)
« Reply #10 on: July 27, 2017, 03:53:57 PM »
I learned the hard way not to lend money to family.  I guess trucks are in the same category.

Forget previous issues, concentrate on the current issue.  Be confrontational.  In the future never lend out anything you don't mind being destroyed or not getting back, especially to this individual.

Reynolds531

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Re: Etiquette in borrowing a man's truck (someone damaged my truck)
« Reply #11 on: July 27, 2017, 04:31:36 PM »
Thanks for the reminder to never lend out my truck.

Drifterrider

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Re: Etiquette in borrowing a man's truck (someone damaged my truck)
« Reply #12 on: July 31, 2017, 11:41:54 AM »
Etiquette for borrowing a man's truck, motorcycle, wife or girlfriend.

Never ask.  Never lend.  Be very careful when "borrowing".


Drifterrider

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Re: Etiquette in borrowing a man's truck (someone damaged my truck)
« Reply #13 on: August 02, 2017, 05:24:29 AM »
Etiquette for borrowing a man's truck, motorcycle, wife or girlfriend.

Never ask.  Never lend.  Be very careful when "borrowing".
I wonder if the etiquette for borrowing a woman's truck or motorcycle is different? If I smile sweetly they seem to bring back my things in better-than-before condition ;-).. Not sure if that would work with a husband or boyfriend though haha.

Seriously if I was OP I'd just refuse to let them borrow anything unless they treated it well and brought it back in great condition.along with a six pack of beer.

Not really.  No man shall ever ask to borrow a woman's motorcycle or he looses his man card (married couples exempted).  A woman might be able to borrow a man's motorcycle if she has proven she knows how to ride or if she has a better motorcycle :)

the_fixer

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Re: Etiquette in borrowing a man's truck (someone damaged my truck)
« Reply #14 on: August 02, 2017, 06:49:50 AM »
When I borrow something I return in in better shape than it was given to me. I expect the same but I have found that not everyone in the world shares my same values.

You know the person better than we do but from what I am reading I doubt they would admit to whatever the damage was and doubt they would fix it. Some people are totally oblivious and lack the upbringing or little thing inside their head that tells them what the proper thing to do is and confronting them will not make them change that. 

In this case I would just use it as an excuse for the future and when they ask to borrow it I would simply respond that the truck is getting old and having issues and you do not feel comfortable lending it due to the state of the truck.

Stupid POS truck always breaking down and I am not fixing it anymore so it can just sit there :)

 

Fishindude

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Re: Etiquette in borrowing a man's truck (someone damaged my truck)
« Reply #15 on: August 02, 2017, 07:13:02 AM »
I'm not sure what you're looking for asking a forum about this.  There's really only two things you can do...

1. Man up, call them and say "Hey, you fucked my truck up." (Note: this is only how I would word it, you may choose your own stern words.)  And see what they say. If they're worth a shit they will offer to fix it, but more than likely they are a shitty person for doing something to it and returning it to you without being honest, and they will not pay for it.

2. Forget about it.

Either choice, do not lend them shit in the future.

This is how I would handle it also.

I've got a real nice gas powered log splitter that people seem to want to borrow.   
One guy borrowed it and I told him to just put it back in the barn clean like it was when he borrowed it and change the oil for me.   He returned it and there were a couple quarts of oil sitting on it.   Hell, buying the oil is easy, changing it takes a few minutes time.  Too lazy to change the oil I guess?   
Another guy borrowed it and called me because the pull rope mechanism broke.   I told him to get it fixed.  He bought the parts then returned the splitter with a bill for roughly $100 in hand acting like I should reimburse him the money?   Explained to him that I didn't break it, he did.
Neither of these guys will borrow anything from me again.

If I borrowed a truck, I would bring it back washed with a full tank of gas.  If I damaged anything I would pay to get it professionally repaired.
Borrowed a backhoe once to tear down an old shed and broke the big curved back glass window.  That was a $400 out of pocket oops.









Snow

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Re: Etiquette in borrowing a man's truck (someone damaged my truck)
« Reply #16 on: August 02, 2017, 07:19:10 AM »
I would have to echo everyone else with the "don't borrow this person stuff in the future.". A stern word with the person would have been in order a long time ago.

I grew up with a couple of very simple rules:

1. Don't lend money you need yourself (especially if you need it back by a certain time).

2. Don't lend others stuff you can't afford to lose (economic or sentimental value both applies).

Sibley

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Re: Etiquette in borrowing a man's truck (someone damaged my truck)
« Reply #17 on: August 02, 2017, 09:06:23 AM »
I have recently borrowed a friend's wagon, garden claw, and pressure washer. I have returned the wagon in better condition (I cleaned it). I still have the other 2 items, but I am storing them responsibly, using them correctly, and when I do return them I will ensure that they're clean and in good order.

Your relative is inconsiderate. They do not deserve to borrow ANYTHING from you in the future, regardless of it's value.

GreenSheep

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Re: Etiquette in borrowing a man's truck (someone damaged my truck)
« Reply #18 on: August 02, 2017, 11:29:00 AM »
These stories are why I just don't lend anything to anyone, ever, anymore.

With very rare exceptions, I always had to ask for my stuff back, often several times. It got to the point where I'd write a reminder on my calendar to myself to ask for X back after it had been gone for what seemed a reasonable period of time. Then when I got it back, it may or may not have been in the condition in which I lent it. Certainly never in better condition.

It's just not worth the hassle. I've repaired or replaced things occasionally when something I borrowed broke, and the one time I borrowed a car, I returned it freshly cleaned and with a full tank of gas. Apparently some of you behave the same way, but it seems that our type is rare, unfortunately.

And if that's how people treat someone else's stuff, they're probably not maintaining their own stuff very well, either. I sure as hell don't want to borrow it and be the one holding the hot potato when it has an expensive breakdown. So, sadly, I've stopped borrowing, too, in most cases.