TL;DR I work in a high stress, high pay, moderately unfulfilling role in an industry that is in the shitter right now. I’m early in my career (~3 years) but approximately halfway to FI. I was laid off early this year and moved to a different city soon after for a new job. I hate it here and want to move home where house, SO, Family, and friends remain, but that would result in an unstable financial situation for me and SO and could compromise FI plans. What would you do?
The background I liked my major in college, have been feeling unfulfilled working in the real world with little data, lots of pressure, constant disorganization and fire drills, and high pressure energetic A types. I always joke I’m a scientist, not an engineer – I want to understand prior to execution. I was feeling pretty unhappy with my prior job but had been performing well and was being recognized for that. Layoffs came down day after year end performance review that was glowing and had some talk of a big bonus. Learned later my direct boss wasn’t even informed of the layoffs, and the manager above fought like hell for me. Line on a spreadsheet, lesson 1 learned. Wasn’t sure if I’d stay in industry. Planned to take time off to think. But colleagues rallied for me (which meant a lot to me), and I had recruiters swarming me next day. Got caught up in dealing with that and essentially acquiesced to staying in current industry. Said I was willing to wait to stay in current city but was terrified I wouldn’t find something. First job that came along seemed to have a lot of positives for career growth and mentorship, and even though I knew I didn’t want to move, I told myself I could do anything for a little while and took it. Took less than a month to find something, and after accepting got some good leads for opportunities in home city, but felt pressure that I’d already accepted an offer to fully vet them. Lesson 2 learned.
The current job Job is interesting and has somewhat renewed my passion for my work, however my boss is a terrible micro-manager and I noticed the only days I enjoy work are days when that person is not in the office. It is a great opportunity
(for long term career growth into a high powered position but I'm not planning on being around long enough for that to matter), but it isn’t the right environment for me and it’s impacting my emotional state. I knew going in that I was relocating to a more conservative city, but I didn’t think much of it. I look around and see a figurative foreign country of people with really strange priorities to an extreme I've never seen before, showy consumerism to the MAX is the standard here. The office culture is stifling and repressive, autocratic (talk about stupid work rules, my lunch hour is fixed). Some of it has to be due to conservative city, some of it is management. Recurring meetings are scheduled outside office hours to squeeze some extra time out of us – I work in a demanding field, and know I rarely get to work a standard 40 hr week, so the need to build in extra hours in the week seems on purpose with the intention of taking advantage, to me. Comments have been made (not to me) about getting people cheap and working them hard, so it’s definitely the MO around here. I’ve also been seeing some things that give me pause on a moral note here – treatment of others, abuse of power (think 1960’s type office environment – personal errands, treatment that people are servants or personal secretaries…including one specific thing that I’m pretty sure is actually illegal on a small scale – no sexual harassment though so at least there’s that). I’ve been pretty exempt from what I’ve seen, it’s a bully mentality though - it wouldn’t work with me so they don’t try. I’m an outspoken person and would like to tell everyone to go to hell and that I think they’re all horrible people, but of course there are a number of reasons why that is a bad idea; but being in a situation I can’t stand up for what is right is a compromise that is killing me.
The Complications SO doesn’t have a stable full time job. He is in same industry but graduated with an advanced degree (career switch) at the bottom of the market and has only been able to find contract work. They love him, and keep keeping him on for new projects - he’s made theme a TON of money - but they make no promises about it being permanent. Due to on-off nature of work is getting paid ~65% of full time, and he recently described his feelings of that situation as akin to being a “mistress” – good enough to keep around but not enough to commit to. His odds of finding full time work in our city of choice (or any for that matter) is less than mine at this point. I have been looking, but no luck yet.
I get paid a lot of money to do what I do. It’s not harder or more valuable than other things, but it is a market rate. I feel guilty for taking advantage of that to fund my pursuit of FI, but I remind myself that I did really like this at one time, and that in the right situation I would like this again.
I own a house. It is a small and mustachian house in a great area that I bought last summer when our rent was getting bumped and we couldn’t find a reasonable apartment in the city that we were willing to pay for. It doesn’t hit all the metrics, but it is an anchor of home for me. Should be able to rent it out for ~$1000/month more than mortgage payment, which was the plan when I took the job out of state and the SO would join me – before I realized that I don’t want to stay in the new city. Have been Airbnb-ing second room to help with expenses while SO still lives there. If I quit and his contract work dries up, we could keep things afloat for a while, but it is a big risk in my mind.
You hear stories of people all the time, making the tough decision, putting it all on the line and making a change. But, I have made a lot of sacrifices of myself to get to the position I’m in, and it’s hard for me to consider effectively throwing it all away to quit without a job lined up just to be able to go home. But then again, it’s getting ever harder for me to stay here. I sound like a whiney millennial. I know life is hard. I also know that I’m making myself miserable. I know that 3 years is not a long time to keep plugging along, but I also know that the thought of another week seems like a lifetime these days. Not to be dramatic, but I think all this negativity is going to manifest as cancer in my body one of these days. What would you do?
These are the options as SO and I have discussed (he is pushing for option 2 or 3 and has committed to doing whatever it takes to support us in the meantime but I'm not comfortable sacrificing him in lieu of myself). There are more options and I’d love to hear what the collective thinks:
- Option 1) Tough it out with current job and keep looking for a new job in home city. This could take a LONG time given current industry environment, and it’s harder to be keyed into networking and personal relationship heavy environment from long distance.
- Option 2) Quit. Move home, pursue other interests (would like to get a certification that would allow me to pursuer a different career after FI…would likely not make a living wage), and keep my fingers on the pulse and ears open for new opportunities to rejoin current industry. Be prepared to wait for a LONG time.
- Option 3) Quit. Leave industry entirely and be prepared to have a much longer trek to FI.
- Option 4) Commit to being here and in this job for a year (so I’m not constantly thinking about moving home). Hopefully industry has recovered some by then and then proceed with either Option 1 or Option 2. Or Option 3.
- Option 5) Commit to being here for the remainder of journey to FI. That timeframe would allow SO move out and take first industry job, stick it out until he’s marketable for second job (he plans to work after we hit FI for a little while) and we relocate home. Continue wasting enormous amounts of money to fly home on weekends regularly in the interim.
PS: On a positive note, I’ve been biking to work daily in new city. Quite a feat given new city is bike unfriendly to say the least.