I'm an only child of a single parent who is in her mid-seventies. My mother sold her house several years ago and got a chunk of money from the sale. The idea was that she would use her profit to buy a place in cash, and live on her social security income. I think she has between 140-150k from the sale, which has been sitting in a bank account.
After the sale she rented a house in a location several states away that she has come to dislike. She rented it never having been to the area before and not knowing anyone there. (fwiw I agree with her that it's not the right place for her, but I also thought it was a bad idea to move there sight unseen in the first place.) In the years since, she has changed her mind at least 9 times about where exactly she wants to move. She's also been looking at houses that are about 1.5-2x over budget, and large in terms of square footage and property size. For example, she will sometimes send me listings that are for 2500+ square-foot fixer-uppers on 10+ acres that are a not-insignificant drive from the nearest services, and they are listed at 200k or more. I just keep saying the same things in response: it's very nice but that looks like too much house for you, that's over your budget, that looks expensive to maintain, that looks like it's too isolated, etc. etc.
Here's my question:
She has now told me that she is considering a reverse mortgage to purchase and wants to talk to me about this after she gets details from a bank in a couple of days. I don't know what to think, but my instinct is that this is a very bad idea. What are the pitfalls? What's considered a high fee? Is this just a scam that will transfer all of her equity to a bank? If she wants to move or sell, will this make that impossible? What happens if she gets sick and needs to go into assisted living--will the bank just take the house? Are there any reliable sources online that talk about reverse mortgage pros and cons?
I feel weird putting this out on the interwebs because it's not about my money or choices, but I'm worried and not sure what to think or do and I feel helpless. It's difficult for me to separate my emotions from this --and from the money-related baggage in our relationship-- and make sure I give her advice that will be helpful and something she will actually take seriously...
As background: my mother has a history of living beyond her means and has no retirement savings that I'm aware of. She is also very stubborn and admits that she will not compromise on what she wants. She gets dissatisfied with places quickly and has moved every 1-5 years (often interstate) as long as I can remember. She is still in relatively good health but is starting to have some chronic problems that sometimes limit her willingness to leave the house, and I don't think she's planned for end-of-life care at all. She refuses to consider moving into a condo--she wants to get a house of her own, with enough space for her hobbies, and enough money left over to get furnishings she wants and buy a new car. (Although I think I did manage to dissuade her from getting a pool.) I live in an LCOL Midwest area where that scenario is possible on her budget but she will not consider moving near me since she wants to be on the East Coast. I may have to move in as soon as a year so admittedly I haven't tried to persuade her as hard as I could. She continues to lobby me to move near wherever she is, but my job doesn't allow for me to choose where I live--I work in a specialized field where vacancies are rare, and I have to go wherever the job is.
Anyhow, thanks for reading, and for any advice/wisdom/support you can share.